My landlady spanked my toddler!!! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 05:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't even know what else to say. I don't know what to do either. I want to move out of here asap, but it seems impossible to get out of a lease here (British Columbia).
What would you do??
Here's the story:
We were out in the yard (which is ours according to the lease) and the woman who lives downstairs (the landlady) decided to come out and clean up some yard waste. Ds1 who is 2.5 yo, was going to walk in the pile of yard waste and she was saying "no, no, no" (she doesn't speak english), I think she was worried about his bare feet. So he took her hand and tried to pull her to the door to her apartment because her 5yo grandson was down there. Anyway, as he was pulling her she said "no!" and spanked him! I ran over and picked him up and brought him inside, grabbed my 5mo off the blanket and took him inside and shut the door. She came to the door to gesture that she was going inside her apt. but I waved her away as I was calling dp. Ds1 is fine, she didn't hit him hard, but that is beside the point.
The thing is I think this has been brewing, ds1 is spirited and a 2yo who doesn't always listen. He is also pretty physical and always wants to wrestle with the grandson, who is not into that. Plus I'm always chasing him away from their apt. because they leave the doors open. So one day they called him a naughty boy, which pissed me off, because he's just being curious and 2.
I could go on, but I won't, I just needed to vent.
A

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#2 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 05:51 PM
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OMG. I would have spanked her! Are you going to press charges? If she had done that to another adult she would be arrested! WTF?!?
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#3 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 05:51 PM
 
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I'm not even going to tell you what I would've done.

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#4 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 05:52 PM
 
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call the police and file a report. seriously.

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#5 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 05:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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call the police and file a report. seriously.
is it too late? this happened yesterday...

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#6 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 05:54 PM
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I doubt its too late. Call them, they'll tell you if its too late. mama
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#7 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 05:54 PM
 
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call the police and file a report. seriously.
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#8 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 05:55 PM
 
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call the police and file a report. seriously.
: This really IS a big deal. If she had hit you instead of your toddler, what would you have done?

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#9 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 05:55 PM
 
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I'd call too. Sheesh what does she think she is anyway? you can't just go around hitting peoples kids. :
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#10 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 06:00 PM
 
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I'm afraid I would be in jail right now!
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#11 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 06:08 PM
 
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: omg i would be livid if anyone took a hand to dd.

not that i'm excusing her actions AT ALL...but is it a cultural thing? you mentioned that there is a language difference. is there anyone around that could translate a letter for you so that landlady knows never to touch your ds again?
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#12 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 06:08 PM
 
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That's really awful:

But I have to ask, where were you when you were watching this all transpire? I think I would have been out there keeping my child from walking through the yard waste (presumably, she was putting it in a pile to dispose of it??). She had no right to hit your son, but it seems like you watched this whole scene--ds walking to the pile, landlady saying "no," him pulling her toward her house--and you didn't do anything.

She was really wrong, but I think the situation could have been averted. Especially if you think this has been brewing.

ETA: I agree about the language/possible cultural differences. Perhaps this is something you need to talk to her about (maybe with the help of a translator).
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#13 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 06:12 PM
 
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If she hit you then you would call the police right? Then call and report what happend to your son today or tomorrow.

Call the resedential tenencay board as well!! Tell them what happened and see what they say. Maybe you can get out of the lease early b/c you are afraid she may hit your son again.

Isn't spanking children illegal in BC?

Where in BC are you? That's where I'm from and I do still have a friend there who has apartments for rent. She is in Victoria.
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#14 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 06:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That's really awful:

But I have to ask, where were you when you were watching this all transpire? I think I would have been out there keeping my child from walking through the yard waste (presumably, she was putting it in a pile to dispose of it??). She had no right to hit your son, but it seems like you watched this whole scene--ds walking to the pile, landlady saying "no," him pulling her toward her house--and you didn't do anything.

She was really wrong, but I think the situation could have been averted. Especially if you think this has been brewing.

ETA: I agree about the language/possible cultural differences. Perhaps this is something you need to talk to her about (maybe with the help of a translator).
Well, I was attending to my 5mo and frankly, stopping him from checking out a pile of yard waste is low on my list of priorities . I rent the back yard with the apt and she really isn't supposed to be doing anything back there, I've just never made an issue of it. And he's two, Im sure she could have gotten out of his grasp without hitting him and without my help. geesh.

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#15 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 06:24 PM
 
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I would have went off on her right then and there. You have to let her know that it was not acceptable, and that she is never to scold, touch, or call ds names ever again. If she does anything except apologize, call the police. Your ds does not deserve to be around someone who dislikes him so much. It's unhealthy.

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#16 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 06:30 PM
 
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And he's two, Im sure she could have gotten out of his grasp without hitting him and without my help. geesh.
Well, I totally get that and you're right, but given that she seems to have a bad attitude about your ds already, I would have at least called out, "Hey, ds, can you <insert redirection of your choice>," so that landlady knew you were at least aware of the situation.
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#17 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 06:34 PM
 
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Well, I totally get that and you're right, but given that she seems to have a bad attitude about your ds already, I would have at least called out, "Hey, ds, can you <insert redirection of your choice>," so that landlady knew you were at least aware of the situation.
Ditto. That's what I was thinking as well. Even tending to a 5 m/o, I would have looked up and said something to my DS. Granted, 2 y/o's don't always listen of course, then I would have been prepared to take baby with me while walking over to get toddler. Just knowing he grabbed her hand irks me out.. but that's the germaphobe in me and the parent that dislikes my kids bothering other adults (I know, get over it, but I can't).

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: omg i would be livid if anyone took a hand to dd.

not that i'm excusing her actions AT ALL...but is it a cultural thing? you mentioned that there is a language difference. is there anyone around that could translate a letter for you so that landlady knows never to touch your ds again?
I was thinking of the cultural thing as well. Not an excuse, of course. But that's what I thought when you mentioned the language barrier.
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#18 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 06:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, I totally get that and you're right, but given that she seems to have a bad attitude about your ds already, I would have at least called out, "Hey, ds, can you <insert redirection of your choice>," so that landlady knew you were at least aware of the situation.
I should point out that i don't think she dislikes ds and trust me i hover around like a maniac trying to redirect whenever we're all in the same vicinity (we're having discipline issues right now anyway and we just moved across the country away from fam and friends). I have to be physical about redirection, because he does not respond to verbal redirection. And that can be tough with a baby. I don't even think she is likely aware that she can't do that. I believe it is cultural, but it doesn't change that it happened or that I think she probably feels that I let him away with too much. And I could have yelled something out, I don't even remember.

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#19 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 06:47 PM
 
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I should point out that i don't think she dislikes ds and trust me i hover around like a maniac trying to redirect whenever we're all in the same vicinity (we're having discipline issues right now anyway and we just moved across the country away from fam and friends). I have to be physical about redirection, because he does not respond to verbal redirection. And that can be tough with a baby. I don't even think she is likely aware that she can't do that. I believe it is cultural, but it doesn't change that it happened or that I think she probably feels that I let him away with too much. And I could have yelled something out, I don't even remember.
That is hard. 2 yr olds are tough enough, even without big upheavals like moving. Is there anything in your contract about her coming into your yard?
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#20 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 06:58 PM
 
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The landlady hitting your child is grounds enough for ending the lease.
If you reported it to the police, then you have a paper trail of why you want to terminate the lease.

There's no way would I put up with someone spanking/hitting my child. I don't care what their 'excuse' may be.

You're the mom and your child's protector. If I were in that situation, there's no way would I be quiet about it.

I know that moving is hectic. I recently moved. But, I'd move again if I were in a situation like yours.

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#21 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 06:59 PM
 
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Just for the record, it's illegal to hit a child under the age of three or over the age of twelve in Canada. Why its legal to spank 3-12 year olds I'm not sure.
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#22 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 07:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That is hard. 2 yr olds are tough enough, even without big upheavals like moving. Is there anything in your contract about her coming into your yard?
I think so...honestly, I've never been a stickler about that kind of thing. I guess I should check that out.
Where we were before, we always had the neighbour kids in and out of the back yard and vice versa, so I am not used to these kinds of boundaries and neither is ds. That's why it's been so difficult to teach him not to go into their space, especially when the doors are open all the time. He just wants to be with the kids. Certainly nothing that deserves a spanking (not that anything does)

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#23 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 07:21 PM
 
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It's my understanding that it's actually quite easy to break a lease here. The landlord can only make you keep paying rent if they were unable to find a new tenant to move in, and if you gave 30 days' notice, that's highly unlikely. Well, that's in the Lower Mainland anyway - I don't know where you are.

As for the spanking, I would definitely have said something immediately. "Please do not hit my child ever again." would probably suffice. I assume she doesn't realize that it is not okay with you or she wouldn't have done it in front of you. Not that I am saying it was ok, just that maybe it can be resolved without having to resort to moving or calling the police, unless that's what you want.

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#24 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 07:54 PM
 
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Cultural or not, this lady cannot go around hitting other peoples' kids. Period. If she doesn't know the law or how inappropriate it is, she will learn if you file a police report. You should file a police report, I realize you had your 5 month old with you so it was hard to react at the time, but if I were you I would do something now.

Whether you were watching your ds's every move or not is irrelevant, you were in your backyard and you had your 5 month old. If she is bothered by your ds's behavior she should have kept her ass inside.

Sorry this happened to your ds. I would have lost my mind on her...
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#25 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 08:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It's my understanding that it's actually quite easy to break a lease here. The landlord can only make you keep paying rent if they were unable to find a new tenant to move in, and if you gave 30 days' notice, that's highly unlikely. Well, that's in the Lower Mainland anyway - I don't know where you are.

As for the spanking, I would definitely have said something immediately. "Please do not hit my child ever again." would probably suffice. I assume she doesn't realize that it is not okay with you or she wouldn't have done it in front of you. Not that I am saying it was ok, just that maybe it can be resolved without having to resort to moving or calling the police, unless that's what you want.
I am in the lower mainland, and tbh we do want to move out of this town, so I think we will just do that. You know, she's not a bad person, we're just not a good match.

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#26 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 09:04 PM
 
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I don't even know what else to say. I don't know what to do either. I want to move out of here asap, but it seems impossible to get out of a lease here (British Columbia).
What would you do??
Here's the story:
We were out in the yard (which is ours according to the lease) and the woman who lives downstairs (the landlady) decided to come out and clean up some yard waste. Ds1 who is 2.5 yo, was going to walk in the pile of yard waste and she was saying "no, no, no" (she doesn't speak english), I think she was worried about his bare feet. So he took her hand and tried to pull her to the door to her apartment because her 5yo grandson was down there. Anyway, as he was pulling her she said "no!" and spanked him! I ran over and picked him up and brought him inside, grabbed my 5mo off the blanket and took him inside and shut the door. She came to the door to gesture that she was going inside her apt. but I waved her away as I was calling dp. Ds1 is fine, she didn't hit him hard, but that is beside the point.
The thing is I think this has been brewing, ds1 is spirited and a 2yo who doesn't always listen. He is also pretty physical and always wants to wrestle with the grandson, who is not into that. Plus I'm always chasing him away from their apt. because they leave the doors open. So one day they called him a naughty boy, which pissed me off, because he's just being curious and 2.
I could go on, but I won't, I just needed to vent.
A
I'm not saying that spanking your son was the right thing to do, but if I was the landlady, had a job to do, and had someone's unsupervised two year old under foot, I would be frustrated too.

I think calling the police on her is too rash. I think you should just tell her not to touch your son and if you don't want her in the yard, offer to do the yard work yourself.
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#27 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 09:10 PM
 
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I believe that NO is one of the only universal words. I would have looked at the landlady and said NO- NO don't hit my son.

You need to contact some one regarding tenants rights and regulations. If they cannot help you get out of your lease with out paying an arm and a leg, then they need to help you AND the landlords understand the LAWS regarding entering a tenant space unauthorized. A landlord cannot come into your rented space without notice, or permission.

I also would call the police, knowing that hitting a child under 3 is a violation of Canadian law. I would tell the police officer that you want to file a report because this is just another issue that you have had with them, and that you are NOW trying to break the lease because you don't feel safe in your own home. I wouldn't wait, and I wouldn't back down.

I also don't like her pulling DC toward her living quarters. I find that fishy, I don't care if her DGS(dear grand son?) was there.

As to the comments that you weren't watching your DC, I find that that kind of comments aren't helpful. OK, sure maybe you could have done more. Hindsight is always 20/20. Continue to be the mom that you are, and take good care of your spirited children, and have my tired sympathy for how fun a spirited 2 yr old can be!

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#28 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 09:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm not saying that spanking your son was the right thing to do, but if I was the landlady, had a job to do, and had someone's unsupervised two year old under foot, I would be frustrated too.

I think calling the police on her is too rash. I think you should just tell her not to touch your son and if you don't want her in the yard, offer to do the yard work yourself.
Okay, he wasn't unsupervised! Good grief, does a person need to be right on top of a kid for him to be supervised?? I mean this all happened in a matter of 30sec or so and maybe 15ft away from me. It's not like I was inside watching tv while my toddler was running wild and getting in everyone's way. He ran over, went to walk on the big pile of grass and sticks, she said no, he grabbed her hand to pull her to the house and she spanked him.
I'm not superwoman, I can only do one thing at a time and if toddlers and their behavior frustrate you (general you) then don't rent to young families. Or keep your doors shut and stay out of our yard.

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#29 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 09:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I believe that NO is one of the only universal words. I would have looked at the landlady and said NO- NO don't hit my son.

You need to contact some one regarding tenants rights and regulations. If they cannot help you get out of your lease with out paying an arm and a leg, then they need to help you AND the landlords understand the LAWS regarding entering a tenant space unauthorized. A landlord cannot come into your rented space without notice, or permission.

I also would call the police, knowing that hitting a child under 3 is a violation of Canadian law. I would tell the police officer that you want to file a report because this is just another issue that you have had with them, and that you are NOW trying to break the lease because you don't feel safe in your own home. I wouldn't wait, and I wouldn't back down.

I also don't like her pulling DC toward her living quarters. I find that fishy, I don't care if her DGS(dear grand son?) was there.

As to the comments that you weren't watching your DC, I find that that kind of comments aren't helpful. OK, sure maybe you could have done more. Hindsight is always 20/20. Continue to be the mom that you are, and take good care of your spirited children, and have my tired sympathy for how fun a spirited 2 yr old can be!
No, he was pulling her hand. He isn't fully verbal yet, so he sometimes takes your hand to guide you to what he wants, which was to find the gs.

And to everyone who said I should have just said no, you're right. I was just so shocked, all I could do was get the kids inside.

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#30 of 75 Old 09-25-2007, 09:35 PM
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I also don't like her pulling DC toward her living quarters. I find that fishy, I don't care if her DGS(dear grand son?) was there.
The landlady wasn't pulling the child toward the door. The child walks in the landlady's house uninvited and apparently unwelcome.

Don't call the police. Where is the GD for this lady. I agree with the poster who mentioned that the poor landlady is probably frustrated. Even if she wasn't supposed to be in the back - your child still consistently (according to the op) walks into her house and tackles her grandson!

I'm for taking the entire situation into account and not rashly calling the police.....

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