I'm in trouble with the ILs... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 17 Old 11-18-2007, 03:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Why? Well, for no other reason than disagreeing with FIL that uncrustables were an appropriate meal choice for ANYONE, let alone my 13 month old DS. I'm such a jerk for not wanting my DS to grow up obese...and for helping him make healthy food choices from the get go.

YUP. I'm a big a-hole. If only my ILs had any inkling as to just how contrary I feel to most of their inane parenting suggestions...

Yesterday it was revealed unto the ILs that I *GASP* cloth diaper! OH NO! Worse than that, DS poops in the potty on a regular basis! How dare he poop in a potty when his 3.5 yr old cousin won't even consider it.

STILL breastfeeding? eeeeeewwww! "I couldn't even start. I tried once and it just didn't work."

Ugh. In her defense, MIL is actually relatively supportive of most of my AP decisions, or at least she does a good job of pretending that she is. It's my SILs, I think, who are the worst. I suppose it's guilt?

Have you found that AP dissenters seem to feel guilty? My SIL always says how "yeah, that would be good for DC..." but for whatever reason she's completely unable to consider it for herself and her children, though there are no obvious barriers to her doing so other than possibly being seen as strange. I think they just feel guilty. At least my non-AP friends will admit to that much. They think I'm an awesome Mama and say they are just too lazy to be an AP parent (which I find ironic, because AP parenting fits me so well because I'm lazy....)

ummm....

whatever. I'm so excited to have Thanksgiving at their house this year!

YIPPEE!
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#2 of 17 Old 11-18-2007, 03:47 PM
 
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I wouldn't even get into the "nobody should eat this way" conversation. Stick to "I dont' allow my child XYZ and if you want to spend time with your grandchild you have to respect my parenting decisions even if you don't agree with them."

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 13(homeschooled)
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#3 of 17 Old 11-18-2007, 03:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That was pretty much the conversation that I had... basically that in our house we try not to eat processed food, and that I was especially concerned with the childhood obesity rates in our country were connected with eating such high processed foods. And since DH and I are overweight and clearly prone to making bad food decisions, It helps not to allow DS to have that kind of food. It helps to keep all of us healthy. (and so far it really has! we've lost 40 lbs each since DS was born)

That's what hit a nerve. One of DH's nephews is MEGA obese. He wasn't there and neither were his parents, but I had hinted to the elephant in the room... that when it comes to childhood obesity and the fact that parents need to take more responsibility for what their children consume.

Everyone in that family is SO quick to blame my nephew for being obese. He's only 9. His mom should be helping him make better food choices... EVERYONE in that family should be helping him make better food choices instead of making a sport out of watching him put down so much food at a time.


Whew. I've got a lot of ranting to get out of my system before going back to their house on Thursday! I'm generally very good at keeping my opinions to myself and just letting them live their lives... But increasingly I have a hard time with it because their way of living is contrary to how I am raising my son and I can't tell my child one thing (for instance, about racism) and ignore it when it comes flying out of the mouths of my ILs every other second. For the bulk of our marriage I've been really good at keeping my mouth shut, but I feel I owe it to my son to not have that duality in his life.

ACK! I really need to shut it up now!

Thanks for listening, mamas!
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#4 of 17 Old 11-18-2007, 04:07 PM
 
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I think that there are a lot of people out there who know about AP and NFL and recognize that it is usually a better choice, but it IS harder (much of the time....cd, anyone? ) and so there is guilt. As in, "I SHOULD be doing x, but OMG I'm so tired NOW!"

And I also honestly believe that many think that things like uncrustables ARE a good choice. I mean, it's pb and j, and what's more wholesome than that? It's not that they are thinking, "Haha! HFCS, dyes, and processed crap! This is GREAT!" They TRULY believe this isn't that bad.

And I speak as someone who struggles to eat a better diet, make more AP choices, etc. So, I know the thought processes.
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#5 of 17 Old 11-18-2007, 05:16 PM
 
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Good luck on Thursday, we will be having a post Thanksgiving day with the ILs on Saturday . . . and more than once have I had to tell MIL that DS doesn't eat (or need) something that she wanted to feed him.
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#6 of 17 Old 11-18-2007, 05:47 PM
 
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To make yourself look "better" in their eyes, you can always tell them about this freak you met on the internet who still breastfeeds her 3.5 year old and nearly 2 year old. :

DS 6 DD 8
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#7 of 17 Old 11-18-2007, 06:16 PM
 
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: dh eats the uncrustables with his work lunch


but yes, not for a 13mth old.
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#8 of 17 Old 11-18-2007, 06:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Mrs. Jesus View Post
That was pretty much the conversation that I had... basically that in our house we try not to eat processed food, and that I was especially concerned with the childhood obesity rates in our country were connected with eating such high processed foods. And since DH and I are overweight and clearly prone to making bad food decisions, It helps not to allow DS to have that kind of food. It helps to keep all of us healthy. (and so far it really has! we've lost 40 lbs each since DS was born)
Next time, just say "I don't want him eating XYZ" without going into the reasons. Then they won't get all defensive or think you're judging the diets of their other grandchildren.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 13(homeschooled)
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#9 of 17 Old 11-18-2007, 06:22 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
Next time, just say "I don't want him eating XYZ" without going into the reasons. Then they won't get all defensive or think you're judging the diets of their other grandchildren.
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#10 of 17 Old 11-18-2007, 09:21 PM
 
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What is an uncrustable? I first thought that it was some weird, unusual version of shellfish but I don't think so. Do tell.
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#11 of 17 Old 11-18-2007, 09:28 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
Next time, just say "I don't want him eating XYZ" without going into the reasons. Then they won't get all defensive or think you're judging the diets of their other grandchildren.

:

clearly they are experiencing some cognitive dissonance, given that they have another grandchild that is having issues with weight management.

as hard as it may be to believe, some people are truly ignorant about health and nutrition. instead of trying to inform them, i would just give concrete guidelines regarding food for your child and stop there in terms of attemping to educate them. really, they don't want to know, and they really don't want to hear it from you.: and it's only going to aggravate you more.

i would keep statements short and related to you and your child only. it's the best way to deal with people like this.

and i hope that you enjoy your holiday.
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#12 of 17 Old 11-18-2007, 09:32 PM
 
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Originally Posted by cycle View Post
What is an uncrustable? I first thought that it was some weird, unusual version of shellfish but I don't think so. Do tell.
http://www.smuckers.com/fg/otg/uncrustables/default.asp
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#13 of 17 Old 11-18-2007, 09:57 PM
 
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Ugh, what is it w/ inlaws and forcing food on a baby?

FIL has actually told us that DD needs a peanut butter sandwich (7.5 months, BTW). When I told him 1)she has no teeth 2) she has maybe had solid food 5 times so far and needs breastmilk more than anything and 3) kiddos need to be much older to have PB in case of allergies, he replied "but it's OK if it's from grandpa! What happens with grandpa stays with grandpa!". Needless to say, he will not be babysitting anytime in the near future. Apparently he thinks that if her throat starts to swell and she goes into anaphylactic shock from an allergy he can hide it?
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#14 of 17 Old 11-19-2007, 12:41 PM
 
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I also had never heard of uncrustables before this thread.

I agree that AP stuff is easier. I think that there is a perception that it is harder, but who do you suppose came up with and perpetrated that perception
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#15 of 17 Old 11-19-2007, 01:00 PM
 
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Last night, my FIL was making his normal comments about his grandkids' eating at my SIL's house for her b-day. "Andrew says--'Can I have some pizza? Hey! Where's my pizza?'" I just ignore it when it's not my child. (Andrew's my nephew ) But when this baby comes, he'll be starting all over again. I think DD was two days old when he made a similar comment about food. He thinks it's funny, so I respond in kind; "Oh, don't worry, I'll eat some and my milk will taste like pizza for her." : : :

Well, it worked for me, anyway :

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#16 of 17 Old 11-19-2007, 01:03 PM
 
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I just don't understand how the Uncrustables work. Aren't they soggy after you microwave them? :
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#17 of 17 Old 11-19-2007, 01:04 PM
 
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Originally Posted by SharonAnne View Post
Last night, my FIL was making his normal comments about his grandkids' eating at my SIL's house for her b-day. "Andrew says--'Can I have some pizza? Hey! Where's my pizza?'" I just ignore it when it's not my child. (Andrew's my nephew ) But when this baby comes, he'll be starting all over again. I think DD was two days old when he made a similar comment about food. He thinks it's funny, so I respond in kind; "Oh, don't worry, I'll eat some and my milk will taste like pizza for her." : : :

Well, it worked for me, anyway :
!!! I LOVE it!!!
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