How to say "I don't want your stupid gift" without sounding ungrateful - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#31 of 42 Old 12-22-2007, 11:39 PM
 
HelloKitty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Next door to the possums
Posts: 11,874
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustVanessa View Post
The gift exchange policy in my step father's family is pure brilliance so I will share it. All the adults names go in the hat and you draw one. The $$ limit is $40. Everyone puts a sticky on Grandma's fridge that has a small list of things you would want in that price range, the person who draws your name gets the sticky. Every adult donates $20 to the kids fund. The money is then split evenly among the children and given to the parents so the parents can buy a gift from the family. Alot of times my parents used it to buy a big gift.....one year we got a trampoline.
I think this is a genius idea. Then the person buying for you knows exactly what to buy, not too much money is being spent and your kids don't end up with 30 crappy $5 toys.
this is a fabulous plan!

we've done away with adult giving, just too expensive and too much of a hassle. we buy for the kids and that's it. everyone is much happier this way.

Great for nature studies! http://www.pleinairkids.com
Plein Air Kids - Handmade wooden art boxes for Budding Artists.
HelloKitty is offline  
#32 of 42 Old 12-22-2007, 11:47 PM
 
JamesMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Is a PROUD Iowan (finally...)
Posts: 8,157
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This is why I love my Tell it like it is wonderfully outspoken (AKA bi***y) aunt. About 5 years ago she stood up at Thanksgiving and said "HEY! Adults." *look* "Who here is sick of getting candles, cheap tool sets, shirts that don't fit, ugly prints and bath sets year after year?" *tentativly raise hands* "Me too. How about from now on we declare Christmas about the KIDS and stop drawing names for the adults?" wide spread agreement

And it's been like that ever since. and it was happily painless

Renae wife to J :, Mama to 4.5y/o J-bird and 2y/o A : and E coming in late Dec/Early Jan. My husband had a living donor kidney transplant! :
JamesMama is offline  
#33 of 42 Old 12-23-2007, 02:32 AM
 
2 in August's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,467
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We do a $5 white elephant gift exchange thing. Whoever hosts the party decides the exact rules for it. The aunts usually get all the little kids (thier grandkids and sister's grandkids) presents. It's ton of fun and cheap. It's funny that some presents keep coming back year after year (like the foot massager). We're recycling the backgammon set we got last year. Nobody cares, lots of time you get a really good present too. We used to have all the adults draw names and spend $20 and trade lists and all, but even that was too much.
2 in August is offline  
#34 of 42 Old 12-23-2007, 03:10 AM
 
mightymoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Mass. Confusion
Posts: 10,940
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by merrick View Post
We do "Dirty Santa" in my family for the adults on my dad's side of the family. Everyone one brings a gift marked male or female. They go into a pile and everyone draws numbers. When it's your turn you take from the pile or you can "steal" a gift from someone else. It's always a lot of fun. Maybe you can suggest that?
I looked up the rules for this and I like this version much better than the other kind (what is it called) where each person opens a gift then chooses if they want to swap, since it seems like it would keep everyone involved longer.

Mightymoo - Mom to DD (6) and DS (4)
mightymoo is offline  
#35 of 42 Old 12-23-2007, 03:39 AM
 
Hera's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: boca del infierno
Posts: 3,409
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I absolutely adore and love going to Holiday Market (a very high-quality crafter's market that happens in my area) and picking out thoughtful, not necessarily expensive, handmade gifts for people. If that doesn't fit with somebody, I go to an independent bookstore, or give them cookies or something like that.

BUT I feel really sad when people give me obligatory presents. Giftcards to places I never shop, clothes I'd never wear, random kitchen gadgets... we finally told the in-laws that we were really sick of the whole gift obligation thing and they were relieved! We've tried to say it before, but it hasn't sunk in. This conversation was so recent that it's too late for this year, but it feels so good!

Except that I really like picking out gifts for people, and would like to continue doing it. I just want everybody to have my taste! Sigh...
Hera is offline  
#36 of 42 Old 12-23-2007, 12:28 PM
 
smudge's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 1,078
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
In my family we usually draw names. However, in DH's family there is DH, his bro, his mom and dad, granny, aunt/uncle, cuz/wife 2kids, and another cuz with 2 kids. When I joined his family 7yrs ago they bought something for everyone at Christmas and also at Birthdays. Finally 3 yrs ago I couldn't take it anymore and I told DH I was cutting his family off. Anyone over age 18 no longer gets gifts from us for either birthday or Christmas. That has made my life easier- DH is no help in the gift choosing dept.
HOWEVER- Everyone else still buys stuff and so I come home from the DH family Christmas with a huge load of crap for Charity. It's enough to give me a huge headache....
smudge is offline  
#37 of 42 Old 12-23-2007, 12:31 PM
 
bullfrog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: on a log in the lake
Posts: 2,010
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Krystal323 View Post
well in this case, i don't think *ungrateful* is really an applicable term.

"oh, gee, I'm so *grateful* for the 72 pieces of useless dollar-store cr@p I got that wasted everyone's hard-earned money and will shortly get crammed into the already-overflowing landfill!"

why be grateful for that??
That's exactly my point - who would be grateful for that junk? She is not grateful.
bullfrog is offline  
#38 of 42 Old 12-23-2007, 01:04 PM
 
granolalight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: deep in the heart of Texas
Posts: 1,418
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by JamesMama View Post
This is why I love my Tell it like it is wonderfully outspoken (AKA bi***y) aunt. About 5 years ago she stood up at Thanksgiving and said "HEY! Adults." *look* "Who here is sick of getting candles, cheap tool sets, shirts that don't fit, ugly prints and bath sets year after year?" *tentativly raise hands* "Me too. How about from now on we declare Christmas about the KIDS and stop drawing names for the adults?" wide spread agreement

And it's been like that ever since. and it was happily painless

Doing my best every day with DH , DD (11) , and DS (4)

granolalight is offline  
#39 of 42 Old 12-24-2007, 04:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
Sage_SS's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West Coast, BC
Posts: 2,788
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by bullfrog View Post
That's exactly my point - who would be grateful for that junk? She is not grateful.
I don't believe I'm being ungrateful. I'm thankful that they wanted to get me something, that way they feel good about the giving AND they cared to think about me at all.

A bacon fat mat is just that. Its an extremely absorbant piece of washable fabric that is supposed to be used to transfer hot bacon onto to get rid of some of the grease. But honestly, it is a good idea, but it got put into the back of our never-ending plastics drawer and it just doesn't pop into our heads when we're making bacon.

I think I'm going to suggest that gift list, names in hat, money for kids idea that was suggested at my family dinner on Christmas Day. What a cool idea!
Sage_SS is offline  
#40 of 42 Old 12-24-2007, 04:29 AM
 
JessicaS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 43,829
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My mom's side of the family does Dirty Santa and my sisters and I draw names.

Not all those who wander are lost 
JessicaS is offline  
#41 of 42 Old 12-24-2007, 04:39 AM
 
SumnerRain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Olympia, WA
Posts: 2,139
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
What we started doing is each kid gets one cousin, so I get to shop for 3 nieces & nephews, not 5. We have a $20 kid limit and a $15 family limit, so I will get gift cards, CDs, games, etc. And then for the family I get something like a DVD, family game, or nice picture frame. I still spend $20 on each of my parents, usually in the form of Home Depot gift card for my mom, and a birdhouse or wind chime for my mom. This year I spent $25 on each and got them the Mel Brooks DVD box set from Amazon.com for them to enjoy together.

I would suggest maybe suggesting next year that you have each family draw one other family from a hat and give one large family gift with a $50 limit or something for a family activity like season passes to your favorite Zoo, museum or amusement park or whatever. Maybe this will encourage giving with the purpose of encouraging family time. When my sister suggested taking names from a hat to have less kids to shop for, it was a relief because it really took a burden off of me to have to get gifts for everyone. Next year when I have 4 kids of my own and my other sisters have 3 and 2 I may not like the idea as much...LOL

Heather: Mama to my amazing boys A-14.5, C-13, & M-5.5, and my sweet girl S-2.5 and introducing our little surprise Liam Michael, born 12/28!
SumnerRain is offline  
#42 of 42 Old 12-24-2007, 05:31 AM
 
Greensleeves's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,670
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
[
Greensleeves is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off