Are people inherently good? - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 19 Old 01-24-2008, 12:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Or do you think that most people need to be tested in a "wait and see" approach before you trust them?

Laura - Mom to ds (10) and dd (7) "Time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life." Brian Andreas.

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#2 of 19 Old 01-24-2008, 12:16 AM
 
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I tend to go with the "wait and see" approach when it comes to meeting new people/friends. I have a hard time opening up to people and I don't trust just anyone.
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#3 of 19 Old 01-24-2008, 12:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm asking because, while I wouldn't say that I'm particularily naive, I tend to think that most people are who they say they are.

Maybe I am naive.

Laura - Mom to ds (10) and dd (7) "Time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life." Brian Andreas.

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#4 of 19 Old 01-24-2008, 12:33 AM
 
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I'm very trusting with people. Even if they've done something bad. I have no idea where I got it from but my husband thinks I'm crazy with how trusting I am. I just believe that everyone has good in them, and everyone has bad. If they are around long enough I'm able to see the good and the bad.
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#5 of 19 Old 01-24-2008, 02:14 AM
 
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Originally Posted by bright-midnight View Post
I tend to go with the "wait and see" approach when it comes to meeting new people/friends. I have a hard time opening up to people and I don't trust just anyone.
this is me
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#6 of 19 Old 01-24-2008, 02:21 AM
 
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I think that people are inherently good, and that most people are who they say they are. I don't know that everyone is necessarily consciously trying to be a good person, because I don't think most people metacognize that much. I think there is usually some good to be found in any person, regardless of what bad things they have done.

All of those feelings are completely separate from my choice of when to trust other people. Trust is earned over time and is followed by openness, and trust is a separate concept from respecting someone as a person who is probably good.
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#7 of 19 Old 01-24-2008, 10:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Trust is earned over time and is followed by openness, and trust is a separate concept from respecting someone as a person who is probably good.
Thank you -- this is a good way of understanding it.

Laura - Mom to ds (10) and dd (7) "Time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life." Brian Andreas.

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#8 of 19 Old 01-24-2008, 10:32 AM
 
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Originally Posted by normajean View Post
I think that people are inherently good, and that most people are who they say they are. I don't know that everyone is necessarily consciously trying to be a good person, because I don't think most people metacognize that much. I think there is usually some good to be found in any person, regardless of what bad things they have done.

All of those feelings are completely separate from my choice of when to trust other people. Trust is earned over time and is followed by openness, and trust is a separate concept from respecting someone as a person who is probably good.
:

However, over the last couple of years I have come to believe that there are some people who are NOT inherently good.
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#9 of 19 Old 01-24-2008, 11:46 AM
 
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I think that behavior is determined by a mix of personality and behavior and that some upbringings mixed with a certain personality can bring about "evil."

I think there are sociopaths, people with something in their brains that makes them immune to feeling empathy, and that some of the people will do bad things, particularly if mixed with certain life events.

I believe that everyone has the capacity to do bad things, given a strong situation. I'm a big believer in the power of the situation.
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#10 of 19 Old 01-24-2008, 12:19 PM
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i think people are inherently good, but i take a wait and see approach to bringing a person into my intimate circle.
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#11 of 19 Old 01-24-2008, 12:24 PM
 
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I do think that most people are good. My issues with trust don't have anything to do with them being good/bad, though.
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#12 of 19 Old 01-24-2008, 01:56 PM
 
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I don't know as I think most people are inherently good, but I am willing to give people the benefit of the doubt in most cases.

I am also extreeeemly trusting . . . then again, I don't do secrets so I'll tell anyone anything they want to know about me.

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#13 of 19 Old 01-24-2008, 03:18 PM
 
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I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt...

I recently bought an ebay auction form someone with virtually no ebay feedback. :

Perpetually breastfeeding or pregnant ENFP mom to a lot of kids...wife to a midwestern nice guy...living in tropical paradise...pink cats and homebirths rock!

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#14 of 19 Old 01-24-2008, 03:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Jessy1019 View Post
I don't know as I think most people are inherently good, but I am willing to give people the benefit of the doubt in most cases.

I am also extreeeemly trusting . . . then again, I don't do secrets so I'll tell anyone anything they want to know about me.
That's me. I'm trying to be more cautious about starting new relationships though because I have a difficult time disentangling myself from those who are toxic. But I generally think that most people are inherently good and I trust almost everyone until they do something untrustworthy.
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#15 of 19 Old 01-24-2008, 04:16 PM
 
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I think people are neither. Their actions define who they are. Which means, they always have a choice to either do good or do bad. It comes down to their moral compass. Do they have honor, integrity, a value system, a moral compass? If so, chances are their actions will be good - regardless of the situation. If not, chances are, their actions will be bad. A lot of people fall somewhere in the middle, i.e. they have a moral compass but choose to ignore it in some situations, and thus choose to make bad choices.

And, of course, I'm speaking of mentally healthy people who can reason. I'm not speaking of people who have something "off" about their brain and go on killing sprees. Or raping sprees, etc.
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#16 of 19 Old 01-24-2008, 04:58 PM
 
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Yeah, I think that people are good. The media fear-mongers soo much its insane. Sure, theres bad people out there, but the vast, vast, vast majority are good, honest, caring and kind.

That said, I go with my instincts. If my instincts say that someones good, i go with that. If somebody wierds me out (and there are folks, mostly guys, who do), they don't generally get my trust... most of the time I haven't a clue wtf wierds me out about them, but something does. So I trust that, and therby don't trust them.

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#17 of 19 Old 01-24-2008, 07:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I really trust my instincts, too.

I do approach people from a trusting, until proven otherwise standpoint, however. I generally think people have mostly good intentions. (Unless it comes to anything with my dc's, and then it's a completely different scenario!)

Professionally, I work in a people industry as a recruiter, so I meet A LOT of people. Sometimes I get duped, but more often I can sift through things. My boss, however, approaches it from the other angle -- all people are highly suspect until they prove their worthiness. We've been having some philosophical differences on how to work with candidates and I've come down to he never wants to trust, and I always want to trust.

Laura - Mom to ds (10) and dd (7) "Time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life." Brian Andreas.

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#18 of 19 Old 01-24-2008, 07:20 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LauraLoo View Post
I'm asking because, while I wouldn't say that I'm particularily naive, I tend to think that most people are who they say they are.

Maybe I am naive.
I don't think people are inherently good or bad necessarily. But I would say "inherently self-preserving" or "inherently self-interested." I'm not a trusting person if that's what you're asking.

Single mom of 2 boys
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#19 of 19 Old 01-24-2008, 07:30 PM
 
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I try to think that everyone is coming from a good place. It's sort of one of my new resolutions, to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. If you say something mean to me, maybe you're having a bad day or something. That sort of thing.
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