when a friend hits on your husband... - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 49 Old 03-05-2008, 06:13 PM
 
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Originally Posted by hotwings640 View Post
... but a friend hitting on him is also her saying she would be ok with him doing that to me, and that is just messed up.
Exactly.
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#32 of 49 Old 03-05-2008, 07:35 PM
 
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she obviously doesn't respect you or your marriage. STAY AWAY!
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#33 of 49 Old 03-05-2008, 09:43 PM
 
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I wouldn't say anything to her about it, but I sure as heck wouldn't still be friends with her or invite her into my home.
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#34 of 49 Old 03-05-2008, 10:21 PM
 
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someone who did something like that would get the big freeze from me.
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#35 of 49 Old 03-05-2008, 10:47 PM
 
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Originally Posted by almadianna View Post
when a friend hits on your husband...

they arent your friend.
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#36 of 49 Old 03-05-2008, 11:14 PM
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...
having gone through getting a divorce as a mama---it plays weird things with your mind. You do crave attention from men cuz you feel so shattered, broken, wasted. its all the stereotypes about single moms, like you are "used up" these things go through your mind. Its terrible! She might be forgetting her boundaries cuz she is so desparate for some kind of affirmation that she is normal? not that flirting is the way to go---but its more understandable than just trying to sleep with someones husband. which is wrong no matter how you slice it. And no i have never flirted with a married person , period. So i cant really fully put myself in her shoes.

anyway i hope you figure it out! sounds sad. but i am glad your DH was so up front.
That's definitely an interesting perspective, and not one I'd have considered. I would hesitate to assume that is what was motivating her, but I think it's definitely worth talking to her about it (if you enjoy her friendship otherwise) rather than just cutting her off altogether. If this is just one more in a long series of insults though, maybe it's just the final straw.
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#37 of 49 Old 03-05-2008, 11:17 PM
 
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Yep. I would just stop answering her calls/emails/etc. and I bet she'll know why.

Your partner's actions show that he is very committed to you--you are lucky to have such an honest relationship and he clearly has no interest in this "friend" of yours.
I agree- I'd just ignore her and yes you do have a great husband.

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#38 of 49 Old 03-05-2008, 11:26 PM
 
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RUN from her!!!
Yep. Friends don't try to sleep with friends' partners.
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#39 of 49 Old 03-05-2008, 11:56 PM
 
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What would it hurt to be upfront with her about it?

"My husband said you were flirting with him on x date. It really hurt my feelings. I thought we were friends and I feel like you were betraying me."

See how she responds and if you like the answer. It's a more adult thing to do than either let it simmer in the back of your mind while you pretend everything's cool or to cut her out of your life with no explanation. Take the high road.
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#40 of 49 Old 03-05-2008, 11:58 PM
 
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And another thing.
She was trying to get your dh to flirt back with her.....she would do that behind your back and be fine with that situation. You now know what she's willing to do to you. I'd be D.O.N.E.
F' her. If you take the sympathetic route, it's just a ticking time bomb. Be smart and cut her off.
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#41 of 49 Old 03-06-2008, 01:00 AM
 
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I've soooo BTDT . I hate when "friends" do that. I think your husband handled it right though.
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#42 of 49 Old 03-06-2008, 01:16 AM
 
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Maybe it's just me but I see a perfect opportunity for a 3some

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#43 of 49 Old 03-06-2008, 01:26 AM
 
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Maybe it's just me but I see a perfect opportunity for a 3some
up:
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#44 of 49 Old 03-06-2008, 01:59 AM
 
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Maybe it's just me but I see a perfect opportunity for a 3some
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#45 of 49 Old 03-06-2008, 02:53 AM
 
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Originally Posted by srain View Post
What would it hurt to be upfront with her about it?

"My husband said you were flirting with him on x date. It really hurt my feelings. I thought we were friends and I feel like you were betraying me."

See how she responds and if you like the answer. It's a more adult thing to do than either let it simmer in the back of your mind while you pretend everything's cool or to cut her out of your life with no explanation. Take the high road.

:
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#46 of 49 Old 03-06-2008, 04:52 AM
 
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Originally Posted by jillkuster View Post
And another thing.
She was trying to get your dh to flirt back with her.....she would do that behind your back and be fine with that situation. You now know what she's willing to do to you. I'd be D.O.N.E.
F' her. If you take the sympathetic route, it's just a ticking time bomb. Be smart and cut her off.
I was trying to think of how to put my thoughts on this matter into words in a coherent fashion but my brains are scrambled at the moment. jillkuster just took the words straight out of my brain

Even though your husband didn't take her up on it, what else will she do?
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#47 of 49 Old 03-06-2008, 10:12 AM
 
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I'd be interested in knowing exactly what she said/did to your dh. There are all different types of being flirty. I had a boyfriend once who was flirty by nature but not in a way that he actually suggested to others that he meant action. (hope that makes sense).
I'm super sensitive and couldn't handle if someone flirted with my husband/partner. I had it happen before. A friend of mine flirted with my boyfriend at the time. She told me that she was just goofing around. Well, when that bf and I broke up, she pretty much POUNCED. Which means she was NOT goofing around when she flirted with him before.

I would definitely confront your friend and get her version of what happened. If you still feel uncomfortable (follow your gut), tell her that you can't be friends anymore.

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#48 of 49 Old 03-06-2008, 12:08 PM
 
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One woman told me, in front of several people, "Oh you don't have to worry about me, I would never, blah blah blah" To which I replied, "Sweetheart, if I had to trust you, I wouldn't be married to him."
I LOVE this. I'll have to save it up for future use. I'm convinced people look at my DH then look at me and think "WTF he is doing with HER?" Hey, they didn't know him 25 years ago, either. He was no sow's ear, but a lot of women missed their opportunity then and he's not likely to forget that I didn't.

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Originally Posted by srain View Post
What would it hurt to be upfront with her about it?

"My husband said you were flirting with him on x date. It really hurt my feelings. I thought we were friends and I feel like you were betraying me."

See how she responds and if you like the answer. It's a more adult thing to do than either let it simmer in the back of your mind while you pretend everything's cool or to cut her out of your life with no explanation. Take the high road.
This is what I would like to think I would do.

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Originally Posted by Sharlla View Post
Maybe it's just me but I see a perfect opportunity for a 3some
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#49 of 49 Old 03-06-2008, 12:40 PM
 
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he told her that he would never do anything to hurt his wife or family....
If it was bad enough that your Dh had to actually turn her down, so to speak, then it's gone too far for friendship. She crossed a line and now she has to stay on the other side.: :ignore
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