What do you think about "girls' night out"? - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-26-2008, 01:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So, I have never really done this before. In the past (pre-kid days) DH and I always just hung out together with a group of friends. Now, however, I am a SAHM with 2 small children and I find myself occasionally being invited to "girls night out" type stuff, where husbands are obviously not welcome.

Do you think it's rude to exclude the hubbies like that? Is it sexist? Why do people do it?

My poor DH always gets mildly offended when this happens. I can't say I blame him. If DH were a woman, I could probably bring him (her) along, no problem. I don't like to be exclusionary towards him, but I do want to go hang out with my friends. I just wish he could, too. Plus he could be my designated driver.

I don't know, the whole phenomenon seems weird to me, while at the same time I participate in it and I have to admit, part of me *does* kind of enjoy the time on my own. :
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Old 03-26-2008, 01:14 AM
 
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I do it from time to time. My DH doesn't mind and is happy to give me some time to myself. I think for us it is a matter of us taking turns having some time to ourselves (he has monthly meetings with his local homebrew club on his own as well) since we don't get out together much.
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Old 03-26-2008, 01:16 AM
 
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I like an occassional girls night out. And DH doesn't mind - he gets a whole night of playing WoW for a sort of guys night in, lol.

We also go out as a couple with other couple friends.

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Old 03-26-2008, 01:19 AM
 
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It's not for me because I generally prefer the company of guys but I see nothing wrong with it. I would have no problem with being excluded if dh wanted to have a guy's night either.
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Old 03-26-2008, 01:22 AM
 
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Do you think it's rude to exclude the hubbies like that? Is it sexist? Why do people do it?

My poor DH always gets mildly offended when this happens. I can't say I blame him.
No, I don't think it's rude. No, I don't think it's sexist. I do it because I enjoy time with my girlfriends. It recharges my spirit. I'd be ticked if my dh had a problem with me spending time with my girlfriends. I encourage him to have guys' nights out. I think he needs time to just chill and hang out with his friends the same and I do.
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Old 03-26-2008, 01:35 AM
 
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A friend implored another couple and us to get babysitters and join her with drinks and dancing for her birthday. Both of our DH's elected to stay home with the kids

The other mom and I are very done with this sort of thing, but it was OK for one night in an unmentionable number of years. The girls have gotten together from time to time for scrabble and before babies we had a bunko group.

I think it's important to have the option for these social interactions from time to time without the kids, and yes even without your partner - as long as you do plenty of things with your family and partner. I also think it should be balanced for your partner to have opportunities to socialize without the family, too.

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Old 03-26-2008, 01:43 AM
 
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our playgroup has Mom's only night out once a month....and a Cuisine night once a month that is a couples thing. I love it, these are ladies that I'm close too, I don't feel as comfortable letting my hair down with their husbands there because their husbands are not my close friends. We do things like hang out in a hottub together etc.

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Old 03-26-2008, 01:52 AM
 
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2 times per year, my old camp friends get together for a girls weekend...it's usually the casino and a few spa treatments...I also do a quarterly girls night out with the ladies from work...DH LOVES the idea. I get some 'me' time which makes me a better mom and wife and he gets a night or weekend alone with DD. Granted, I didn't do this when DD was an infant or still BFing of course, but we started when she weaned.

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Old 03-26-2008, 02:00 AM
 
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I could not handle being with a group of women for anything for any length of time. I'd much rather endure a social situation with DH in tow and it be a mixed gathering of both sexes and many age groups.

-The Hermit (i.e. take my post for what it's worth )

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Old 03-26-2008, 02:01 AM
 
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I'd love it. I wish I had the opportunity. I don't think it is rude because I'm generally not into the typical guy stuff that my female friends dh/dp talk about and the men typically don't care to participate in conversations about what the women want to talk about (at least in my circle of friends). I wouldn't have a problem with my dh going out for a guys only night as long is it didn't involve something I don't approve of (nor would I partake in something he wouldn't approve of).

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Old 03-26-2008, 02:16 AM
 
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I go in phases wherein I socialize A LOT and at one point, I was doing a monthly or bi-montly Moms Night Out. It was a blast!

But what I most like to do is have friends (male, female, families...) over to my place, make a nice meal and have a bottle (or two!) of wine and chat the night away.
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Old 03-26-2008, 02:21 AM
 
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I love my girls nights' out! But then again, my dh is in a band, so he spends a lot of time with "the guys", so it's really even. We both enjoy our time spent together, but socially, even though we have the same circle of friends, we are very different. I prefer very social situations were as he prefers to stay in with a few friends. Both of us have learned to respect one another's needs, and it works very well for us, although I do we think we both want to spend more social time together sometimes.

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Old 03-26-2008, 02:38 AM
 
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we do GNO, but partners/husbands are welcome to stop in if they want, they just might not enjoy the activity/conversation . we've done paint your own pottery, cupcake bar, coffee, chocolate bar, and regular bar. it's always fun
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Old 03-26-2008, 03:07 AM
 
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I miss my Mom's Night Out crowd! We moved last summer and it's just too far to drive for an evening out. But I would go every month otherwise. My dh knows that an evening out with friends is a sanity saver for me. My dh has a group of friends that are spread across our state. They like to get together for overnights at a cabin on a lake.
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Old 03-26-2008, 03:13 AM
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personally, i think that men and women need to be together with just men or just women for a time. i feel that it's important for them.

i also feel it's important to be in mixed and diverse company as well.

i have no qualms with GNO, but have never really done it myself. ii'm pregnant with my first, so that may change if i need more scheduling.

often, as well, dad is doing kid-duty, so which is why the moms get a break together. and vice-versa.
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Old 03-26-2008, 03:17 AM
 
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My circle of friends does moms' day or night off whenever we can, and both my husband and I think it's perfectly reasonable. My husband goes out regularly without me too. It's fine!

Michele, mom of DD 5/01, DD 11/03, and DS 11/06

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Old 03-26-2008, 03:23 AM
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I love girls night out.
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Old 03-26-2008, 03:34 AM
 
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I think going out with girl friends is fine you want. I think guys going out with guy friends is fine. I think girls and guys going out is fine. Whatever people want to do.

As long as one partner isn't always stuck at home or something then it's all good.

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Old 03-26-2008, 03:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I think going out with girl friends is fine you want. I think guys going out with guy friends is fine. I think girls and guys going out is fine. Whatever people want to do. .
I think this is what bothers me about it - that someone is explicitly excluded. I can't bring my DH if I want to.
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Old 03-26-2008, 04:19 AM
 
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My friends and I go out twice a month and we love it! My husband is very supportive of it. If someone brought their husband, it would completely ruin it.

It's only sexist if the men aren't allowed these outlets, too. I encourage my husband to go out with his friends, too. As much as I like mixed couple get-togethers, I love nights out with just my female friends. It's a different dynamic, different conversations, different bonding.

If you don't want to do this away from your Dh, then maybe you should set up some couples nights. My parents used to do that. I think that would be fun, but I wouldn't give up my women's nights out.
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Old 03-26-2008, 04:32 AM
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We do Girls Night Out and I love it! I feel that we need to get out of the house to recharge without our kids/spouse and there are a few MDC mamas I go out with. The reason it happens to be girls night out is because the people I know now (moved when DD was an infant) are SAHMs. We have playdates during the day and know eachother with the kids well. I don't really want to go let my hair down with the husbands because I just don't know them that well. My group in the city I used to live included men and I would go out with them if I was there.

DH stays home with DD because we don't have a sitter and really he is just as happy. I come home relaxed which means good things for our intimate life. In fact last time I walked in the door to a naked DD who said, "Mommy, I just peed on your yoga mat." Did I get mad? No. I laughed. DH wants me to go out every week instead of once every few months.

Oh, and I just wouldn't feel comfortable talking about sex in front of the DHs which is what we (I) like to talk about.
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Old 03-26-2008, 04:44 AM
 
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I love going out with just my girls. We laugh obnoxiously over dinner and talk, talk, talk.....and talk some more. I need it, and my dh encourages me to do it too. I also encourage my dh to go out with his friends too. My dh is a surfer so he does one long morning session a weekend which usually ends up in breakfast with his friends. He also has some Poker buddies, and some VW buddies he hangs with and talks VWs with.

BUT, most importantly, we also have time together as a family regularly, time as just a couple together, and we have started going out with other couples. This isn't all in one month, but it all works out and we both feel refreshed after a night out without each other and the kids and there is no resentment between us.

Oh, and another bonus of my girl's night out is that dh gets some special alone time with the kids without momma!! They love to pack up into our bed with popcorn and watch movies and other fun stuff. Dh falls asleep with them and cuddles with them which they all love. My little ones have discovered that momma is a much better momma after a night out alone AND that daddy IS capable of doing everything momma usually does. My 3 year old nurses to sleep still, but is VERY happy to cuddle up with daddy to go to sleep, no complaints out of anyone in our house!

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Old 03-26-2008, 04:47 AM
 
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Why do people do it?
So moms can get together without the children, basically. I'm in a playgroup where we have some mom's nights out, dad's nights out, parent and child activities, even whole family activities. About the only thing we don't have is date night, but people are welcome to work out a babysitting co-op with other members.

Honestly, for me it is a time to go and talk with other women and go to a restaurant or bar or movie where my husband would never go.

Husbands aren't specifically excluded from our MNO, as far as I can tell. But many people couldn't afford both to go out to eat and to hire a babysitter, or else they don't know any babysitters. That is pretty much our situation.
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Old 03-26-2008, 04:47 AM
 
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I've done a few girl's nights, we've also met for brunch complete with Mimosas, as well as meditation/yoga gatherings. I think it is important to stay connected with close friends, and reconnecting after you've felt like an isolated SAHM is the most spiritually and emotionally recharging experience, IMO.
As for whether it is sexist, or if I have a problem with the exclusion of DH...well, let's just say if DH were to be included, I am sure he would opt to hang with the kids! He's just not a big Mimosa drinkin' kinda man, yk?

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Old 03-26-2008, 04:49 AM
 
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I think this is what bothers me about it - that someone is explicitly excluded. I can't bring my DH if I want to.
Maybe people are just jealous. You know, that you have a DH that actually wants to come (mine would rather drive a spike through his head, or so he tells me) or that you have a babysitter and can't only go out when the other parent can watch the child.

Honestly, the last Mother's Night Out I went to, I think a dad came along.
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Old 03-26-2008, 05:52 AM
 
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I do a girl's night once a month or so. We go to one of our houses and watch movies. We all bring some kind of snack - sometimes with a theme but most often not. We watch 2 movies and just enjoy some time without the kids and hubbies. Dh usually works that night (does security at a club as a second job on weekends) so dd13 watches her brother. The kids enjoy it because I usually get them some chips and pop and they veg out in front of the gamecube all night

I make sure to that dh gets his 'guy time' in with his friends too. Plus my girlfriends and I are trying to get a couples movie night together...schedules just aren't co-operating though.

I don't think it is wrong or sexist as long as your dh gets the same opportunity to have a night out with the guys as well.
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Old 03-26-2008, 06:58 AM
 
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I think this is what bothers me about it - that someone is explicitly excluded. I can't bring my DH if I want to.
I couldn't imagine having friends where this would be the case. In my circle of friends partners are able to come out whenever they want but rarely do cause going out for dinner just isn't worth the sitter so those nights it's usually just women and one or two halves of a couple gay couples. If it's to see a show then there'll usually be a few partners coming along cause music is way cooler and worth the sitter.
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Old 03-26-2008, 09:58 AM
 
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I like to get together with my girlfriends without husbands now and then. It's usually an afternoon thing. If we can do it without kids that's even better but that's very unusual.

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Old 03-26-2008, 10:06 AM
 
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My playgroup has mno 1-3x a month. I love it! We also have yearly mom's cruise. Dads arent really invited to either thing cause it's meant to be female bonding time sans kids. If dads want to go out too those couple are welcome to host events that include them. This rarely happens though since the dad is usually providing the childcare during mno.

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Old 03-26-2008, 10:06 AM
 
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I've never had a girl's night out while I've been with my husband, because we moved often and I never have any friends and I'm shy. We do 99% of our outings as a family. I let dh go out with his cousin, whom he is close with and they go to drink beer in a nearby bar / lounge or Hard Rock - to let him get a little peace. If I had friends perhaps I would do something like that.

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