Who "owns" photos of your children? The ones that you took - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 19 Old 03-29-2008, 10:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Today DH decided to frame some photos of DD as a baby, and she declared they were "hers," she didn't want them on display, and therefore we couldn't frame and display them no matter how much we like them.

DH came up with an argument that the photo actually belongs to the parents, because when we took it, it was per our consent. So we have the right to display if we wish so.

Now, I choose my battles so after DD's adamant protests, I'd certainly not display the photos, if that bothered her so much. DH, on the other hand, is a bit stuck on the fact that the photo is technically his, and thinks it is improper of DD to demand the photo not being on display.

The episode made me realise how much we often take for granted--taking photos of our babies and children, displaying them, sharing them with friends, all without their consent. I'd be pretty upset if DH wanted to frame a photo of me that I didn't like or simply didn't want to be displayed, even if I "consented" to the photo being taken.

So, who owns them? And if the children do, how come we post them all over the place (sometimes )
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#2 of 19 Old 03-29-2008, 10:17 PM
 
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I don't think this is so much a matter of ownership as respect. If someone took a photo of me and I requested that they not display it, I would expect that request to be honored. If someone made that request of me, I would honor it as well.

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#3 of 19 Old 03-29-2008, 10:21 PM
 
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My personal opinion is that it would be highly disrespectful to display a photo of someone against their will.

You may 'own' the actual photo, but it is an image of a person. A person who has voiced that she doesn't want it to be displayed. I would be very uncomfortable taking the power of this choice away from a child (or an adult).

We get to make choices for babies before they express an opinion- we get to pick their clothes, hair style, etc etc.

But I can't imagine my baby saying that he doesn't want to, say, wear the purple shorties and me saying "too bad, I made them, I own them".

You know?
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#4 of 19 Old 03-29-2008, 10:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by annettemarie View Post
I don't think this is so much a matter of ownership as respect. If someone took a photo of me and I requested that they not display it, I would expect that request to be honored. If someone made that request of me, I would honor it as well.
true, but a newborn baby, or a 1 year old, or even a 3, 5, 6 year old, might not be even aware that his or her photos are being displayed, especially if posted on-line. so do we assume that they would want the photos displayed, then? or even taken?
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#5 of 19 Old 03-29-2008, 10:24 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moodymaximus View Post
true, but a newborn baby, or a 1 year old, or even a 3, year old, might not be even aware that his or her photos are being displayed or posted on-line. so do we assume that they would want the photos displayed, then?
In the absence of them saying no, and assuming that the photos are in good taste, I personally think that's fine.

ETA: But if, when they grew older, they didn't want them displayed any more, I would try to respect that. Or at least attempt to negotiate a solution we all could like with.

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#6 of 19 Old 03-29-2008, 10:32 PM
 
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My dd went through a similar phase at about that age. She did not want her photos displayed on our computer (wallpaper), or sent to family.

I respected her wishes about the computer, but I explained to her that we were sending pictures to family. Our families lived 1000 miles away, and sharing pictures was very important to me, dh, and the recipients. We took the pictures specifically for sharing. We did involve her in choosing the pictures to be sent, but sending no pictures was not an option.

I can see saying something similar about baby pictures. Others will have a different pov....but for me and my family, it is important that members learn to "give" a little for the team ("the whole family wants to enjoy the pictures, so lets work together to choose 5 to display").
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#7 of 19 Old 03-29-2008, 10:34 PM
 
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As a photographer, I have my clients sign model releases. Anyone under 18 gets signed for by a parent. This lets me use the images on my website, blog, portfolio, etc. Copyright is mine since I took it.

So I'd say you have the copyright and its technically yours but I would not show an image against someone's will.

Granted sometimes DS throws a bit fit WHEN I take his picture but he likes them up once he sees them! LOL

Desiree

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#8 of 19 Old 03-29-2008, 10:35 PM
 
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its something ithink about everytime i upload photos on myspace. i agree that it boils down to respect. but maybe she would be comfortable displaying the photo in her room? or maybe in your room? some less public area of the house.

ultimately it being a picture of her if she's against displaying it i think that has to be respected.
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#9 of 19 Old 03-29-2008, 10:41 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by annettemarie View Post
I don't think this is so much a matter of ownership as respect. If someone took a photo of me and I requested that they not display it, I would expect that request to be honored. If someone made that request of me, I would honor it as well.
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#10 of 19 Old 03-29-2008, 11:01 PM
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Tough call.

Out of respect, sure the picture should not be displayed.

But sorry, in the end, those pictures are part of the family's and not any single person.
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#11 of 19 Old 03-29-2008, 11:08 PM
 
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Legally? The copyright owner is the person who took the picture... however, if they're using it for a commercial (or in some cases non-commercial but public) purpose, they frequently need a release to use the image of the person appearing in the photo.

But, in terms of family harmony... if she doesn't want baby pictures of herself displayed, I wouldn't step on that. It could really set up some nasty self-esteem and privacy issues later I'd think. If you say "ok" now and put the pictures away, a year from now she probably won't mind at all, and might even like it... but if he insists on putting up the pictures over her protests, she'll be constantly reminded that her dad didn't give her the RIGHT to decide what happened with (the image of) her own body... and I wouldn't be comfortable with supporting that.
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#12 of 19 Old 03-30-2008, 01:27 AM
 
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As parents of babies, we get to make choices for them. When they get old enough to have preferences, it's just common courtesy to listen to those requests. Not necessarily to do everything the child wants, but to take their desires into consideration.

Certainly there may be some need for compromise, but in general I wouldn't display photos of a child if that child objected to their display.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
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#13 of 19 Old 03-30-2008, 02:46 AM
 
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I understand your daughter's POV on this one! I'm cagey about having my photo taken, and/or having photos displayed--largely because I'm staggeringly unphotogenic and find it rather embarrassing to look at them! I had an argument recently with my mother when she was asked to do an article about the family for a homeschooling magazine, complete with family photo on the front cover. Having been involved with the magazine before, I didn't want to appear in the photo (I didn't mind being mentioned obliquely in the article, as I realised it would make Mum's task rather difficult if I refused). It took forever to convince her that no, I really did not want my picture splashed around on the cover; that I really did not want my picture splashed around on the cover; that yes, I would be very angry if I saw my picture on the cover; that no, she could not use one of the family photos from my wedding (containing me!) on the cover... etc, etc. Talk about selective deafness! In the end, she respected my wishes--grudgingly. I would have been livid if she hadn't, regardless of who 'owned' the photo.

So while your daughter's request may appear somewhat churlish and/or unreasonable (as mine certainly did to Mum!), I think honouring her wishes is important, and the right thing to do. Out of curiosity, any clues as to why she doesn't want the photos displayed? They're not naked/bath photos, perchance? Does she think she was a cute baby? I ask because I actually *like* most of my baby photos--I only get self-conscious about the more recent ones.

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#14 of 19 Old 03-30-2008, 07:43 AM
 
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She's 5.5? Must be that age, my 6 yo is doing the same thing. For some reason she's mortified that someone might find out she was once a baby. I've respected her wishes on not showing them to anyone (I'm not organized enough to consider actually framing any) but I do persist in taking new ones.
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#15 of 19 Old 03-30-2008, 08:50 AM
 
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I think the person who took the picture "owns" them but I don't think that means they can ignore the feelings of the child in the picture.
It is very disrespectful to display pictures once you have been told that the subject doesn't wish to be displayed.
If my dd said that I would try to find something that would make us both happy- maybe have her choose a different picture or see if she'll agree to a private display (bedroom instead of living room). If she was adamant about it then I would drop it. I don't think it is worth upsetting your child's feelings over.

Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)

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#16 of 19 Old 03-30-2008, 10:53 AM
 
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I don't know I have weird feelings about this. I quite like photography (determined to become a photographer one day, love my macro bugs and flowers so this issue isn't really going to be a problem for me)...... Anyway..... while the photo is technically someone elses, I think the person in the photo should have some rights as to whether it is displayed because it is their image. I absolutely hate the thought of having my photos shown to all and sundry so why should disregard those feelings in others.

I am always being complained at by members of my family for not sharing photos enough but to be honest, it gives me the creeps to think of my daughters being shown to all sorts of folks that I don't know. I take photos of the kids mainly for the memories (and also because I love eyes).

So, I guess whoever owns the photo should respect the other person enough to not display the photo if they are not happy witth it???
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#17 of 19 Old 03-30-2008, 11:01 AM
 
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What about when a child doesn't want their picture taken... ever? That's my niece, until recently. Once they're taken, she's fine with showing them to whoever wants to see them, but when someone has a camera, she used to either run and hide, intentionally ruin the picture or sometimes get outright nasty, yelling or hitting the person taking the picture. Now, I know alot of people will say if she doesn't want the picture taken, her wishes should be taken into consideration. But what if you have a child like my niece who, if she had her way, her Mother would not have a single picture of her from ages 2 to age 6?

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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#18 of 19 Old 03-30-2008, 01:02 PM
 
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Parents/taker owns the pictures but owner ship doesn't give you a free ride. You have to respect the people involved in the pictures. I think your dh would be better served by having your dd pick the pictures he can show off. I think it is a "phase" she is going through.
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#19 of 19 Old 03-30-2008, 01:21 PM
 
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Interesting. I would probably respect her wishes at the moment. I expect these feelings will pass eventually. I never thought about the "ownership" issue between parent and child, but we did have to ask my BIL to remove 50 pics of our kids posted to his flickr page (with no privacy restrictions) without our consent or knowledge.

Diane, SAHM to DD (June 05) and DS (April 07).
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