Do you throw away other people's stuff? - Mothering Forums

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Old 05-18-2008, 03:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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DH decided to clean today (which is great, the house desperately needed it). I was cleaning too, but we were switching off parts of the apartment and taking care of the kids, and not really working in the same areas. He threw away something of mine, that I wanted. He's done it before. I don't get it. I would NEVER throw away something that wasn't mine, unless it was spoiled food or something like that.

Do you throw away your DP's stuff?
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Old 05-18-2008, 03:28 AM
 
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Not a chance; but we're both pretty good at respecting each other's boundries...I know others who think it's okay -- or who don't care if it isn't, I guess?
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Old 05-18-2008, 03:28 AM
 
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I have..........but we have a tendency to make sure the things we want to keep, kept in a safe place. We also ask but I can see how in the mist of cleaning accidents would happen.
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Old 05-18-2008, 03:30 AM
 
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I pile all of his crap onto a pile and tell him that if he donates everything in the pile, I'll do certain favors for him.LOL

No, I wouldn't just throw away his stuff.

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Old 05-18-2008, 03:31 AM
 
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No, neither of us do. If I find things I'm unsure if DH wants while I'm cleaning, I set it aside for him to deal with on his own, or at least tell me what he wants done with it.

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Old 05-18-2008, 03:33 AM
 
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I wouldn't. I'm super sensitive/paranoid about disturbing or doing the wrong thing with other people's stuff though.
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Old 05-18-2008, 03:35 AM
 
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Do it all the time. Doesn't make it right for your DH to do it to you though!

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Old 05-18-2008, 03:40 AM
 
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Have to admit that I've done that a couple times. I don't really know why, it really makes no sense. I'm a super space case. So we got DH his own desk and I don't ever touch anything on it!! I should add this lovely characteristic of mine to the untalent thread.

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Old 05-18-2008, 03:56 AM
 
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Not without asking first. And if I don't know what something is/who it belongs to, I definitely don't throw it away.
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Old 05-18-2008, 04:02 AM
 
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Nope. Well, fuzzy food in tupperware in the office fridge, after appropriate notice. I'd rather err on the side of keeping crap than throw out something.

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Old 05-18-2008, 04:12 AM
 
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maybe....:
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Old 05-18-2008, 04:37 AM
 
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I would NEVER throw something of DH's away w/out asking him 1st. I thik its just mean and disrespectful to do so. He has his things for a reason and even if I don't understand they are still his things.

He on the other hand tries to throw my things away all the time and we get in HUGE fights about it. He gets it from his mother though who wants to throw all my stuff away. She was just here a few weeks ago and tried to throw a LOT of my things away. She did succeed in throwing out about a $100 worth of frozen food and 12 bags of breastmilk (each with 4-6oz in them) I was devastated!

I never want anyone to feel like I felt when they threw all my things away. I was able to save all the stuff they threw out but it still hurt that they tried.
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Old 05-18-2008, 08:23 AM
 
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Yes, but I pretty much have to. MIL is a hoarder and dh heads in that direction if I don't keep on top of it. I do have a system though. The crap he brings home has a grace period; if it doesn't move in a certain amount of time I inform him that if it doesn't find a home it will go. If it STILL doesn't move from the original dump spot it goes to purgatory (attic or basement) for awhile. THEN if he doesn't notice it goes to goodwill.: As far as I know I've never thrown out anything he actually wanted though.
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Old 05-18-2008, 08:30 AM
 
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Not without asking.

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Old 05-18-2008, 08:54 AM
 
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No, I wouldn't do it to dh or to the kids.

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Old 05-18-2008, 08:54 AM
 
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Socks with holes . . . undershirts with yucky pits . . .that sort of thing, yes.

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Old 05-18-2008, 09:09 AM
 
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She threw away your breastmilk!!

I would have been hopping mad!

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Old 05-18-2008, 09:14 AM
 
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I throw out his disgusting heaps of used kleenex and expired coupons which he stacks on his dresser without asking.

yuck.

Other than that I will pile it and ask if it's ok to toss before getting rid of anything. This man will hoard anything so it's hard but I do give him the option.
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Old 05-18-2008, 09:20 AM
 
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Dh had a pair of aqua marine jeans that he never wanted to get rid of because they fit him well and they were calvin kleins. But they were from like 1991 and totally hideous, and he never actually wore them (I had refused to be seen in public with him if he did) I kept trying to donate them. Took me about 6 years to succeed in doing so, because he'd always go through the donate piles/bags before they left the house.

But, generally, we don't toss or get rid of things without asking the other about it first.
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Old 05-18-2008, 09:27 AM
 
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Nope. If its something I want to toss, I always always ask him first. He does the same.

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Old 05-18-2008, 10:05 AM
 
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Dh doesn't hold onto much so I don't have this problem. He sometimes accidentally throws away something of mine. My mom is the queen of throwing away things without asking!

She once threw out a bottle of ebm that I worked sooo hard to pump! She thought cause it sat out for an hour it had gone bad!!! I freaked out on her so bad (partially due to PP hormones) that I don't think she'll ever do anything like that again.

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Old 05-18-2008, 10:14 AM
 
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DH is a pack rat so yes I do. He never notices things are gone. Our garage is so packed full of his boxes of stuff we can't walk in it. He had six boxes of mail (junk mail!) he wanted to go through when we moved in together. After four years they were still in the garage so I threw them away. I keep anything that may be of sentimental value but he has weird stuff he saves. Like half of a fake bull horn. Bits of hardened broken clay. (He's a sculptor so he had a LOT of this) Broken glass bottles.
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Old 05-18-2008, 11:03 AM
 
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Yep. If I didn't throw away his old stained and holey shirts, he might wear them in public.

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Old 05-18-2008, 11:05 AM
 
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No, he has a drawer in the kitchen where I put all his meaningless junk that I want to throw away.
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Old 05-18-2008, 11:09 AM
 
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I have and I'd do it again, but I'm pretty well versed on "important" stuff vs. "it can go".
Only one issue in all these years because I donated a book he never planned on reading again.

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Old 05-18-2008, 12:08 PM
 
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My dh isn't a "stuff" kind of person, so he's got nothing to toss. I did however catch huge hell for tossing a computer box once. Apparently you are supposed to save them forever. Who knew?
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Old 05-18-2008, 01:55 PM
 
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THe only time i've thrown out other people's stuff is when it's my kids, under one of two situations:

1) the baby is too young to really know the difference

2) the child had received plenty of warning to clean up the stuff him or herself, and refused to do so, knowing full well that I would go in and clean and make decisions about what to keep or throw away if I didn't at least get the child's help during cleaning. Generally this is over the course of a few days- and the child finally tells me 'OK, you clean it up, I don't want to."

Generally, when decluttering the house, I'll put potential give-aways into a bag or box, and let other family members go through the stuff before actually giving things away. If they choose not to go through the stuff and I give away something they would have wanted to keep, that's not my problem.

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Old 05-18-2008, 02:11 PM
 
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We don't throw away each others stuff without permission.
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Old 05-18-2008, 02:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by North_Of_60 View Post
Yep. If I didn't throw away his old stained and holey shirts, he might wear them in public.
Yep my Dh is that way too.
I toss all the old and holey undies and socks and put the ragged shirts in the garage for rags.
I have to rip them up pretty bad first or he'll rescue them and wear them some more.
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Old 05-18-2008, 03:53 PM
 
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Just his socks with huge holes. My DH also isn't a stuff kind of person so it doesn't come up often. Sometimes I do throw out broken toys or birthday party stuff that has been around forever.

My DS cries when he sees me decluttering his stuff, so I've stopped doing it.
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