Another naighbor thread....(but please read).. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 05-26-2008, 11:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We live in a townhome and have pretty cool naighbors all around us. We have one couple at the end unit who we talk to pretty frequently. I would say we are aquaintances. The dad has his daughter on weekends. The daughter is 6 years old, and a really nice girl. She loves playing with my DD, (who is 2, by the way.). They have played now a few times while we have all been outside. They also have a dog who is full grown and about 10lbs. She is a perfect playmate for our pup who will be about that size full grown. They play really well together. We all usually end up in their 'yard'. They are on the side that the road is a dead end. So there is no worry about traffic. They have plenty of extra grass space that we don't have. The girls play soccer together and the pups run and play.

A couple of times the girl has come over to ask if DD can come out and play. Both times DD has been sleeping. I was kinda happy because I haven't decided my plan of action yet. I am all for her getting to play with this girl, and my pup getting some socialization as well. I even LOVE our naighbors (the girls dad and step mom). We recently had a convo where he told me they also co-slept, breastfed, and the like when his DD was young. She also has a peanut allergy just like my DD, so I know that all their food is pre-read and safe for my DD (a big concern of mine).

Today my naighbor said his DD wanted to play with mine (after we had been out talking for a while). I told him I was on my way to the gym. He said he would watch her for me while the girls played if I was comfurtable with that. I told him we would go work out, but that when I got back I would send my DD down to play while I cleaned and got dinner ready. He agreed inthusiastically.

So I did have them play for less then an hour today down there while I was home. Windows open. They were less then 20 feet, and both parents were there and watching the kids.

Here are my questions.

1) Is DD too young (2 years) to 'play at the naighbors house'?
) If so, Is it rude to assume (in this case he offered, but even so) that the
naighbors will watch my kid and dog for short periods of time?

I did offer for them to play down at my house, but we don't have ANY yard. I said they could play up in DD's room any time they wanted. I just can't sit over there socializing EVERY time they want to play. (and realistically, I don't allways WANT to). I like my naigbors, but I also don't want to be there 24/7. YKWIM?

Any advice would be highly apreciated.

P.S: This may have been better suited in another forum, but I thought I would get quick, honest, answers from ladies that have all ages of DC's here.

Happily unmarried to DP guitar.gifParenting: DD (March '06) energy.gifwaterbirth.jpg, DS (August '10) fly-by-nursing1.giffamilybed1.gifhomebirth.jpg, and our furry kids dog2.gifGuiney Pig, dog2.gifPo the POlice, and cat.gifMrs. Puff. Loving WAHM life in the Mortgage Bizz with DP.

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#2 of 11 Old 05-26-2008, 11:48 PM
 
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imo, yes, dd would be too young to play at the neighbor's house (without you being there). as far as assuming he'll watch her and your pup, are you speaking of like when you have to go in and put the laundry in the dryer or something? or like a trip to the store? in either case, i'd ask, and above all, be extremely comfortable with this person watching your dd. if you are at ease with him and what have you, then i don't see a problem in asking him to watch her for a few minutes here and there, but i'd never just "assume" he would in any sense of the word, nor would i leave her to be supervised by him without my presence if it were for more than 15 or 20 minutes. it could possibly build resentment of some sort or make him feel like there's an unequal "friendship" or something like that.
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#3 of 11 Old 05-27-2008, 12:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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liss_420 I am talking more about the kids playing outside while we are both home. I wouln't expect or ask this guy to babysit (even if he offered). The situation is more that they are outside ALL.THE.TIME. and I know the kids are being supervised. But I am not sure how much responsibility that puts on him. Also, even though his kid is asking to play, I don't know if HE wants company (meaning ME sitting over there chatting his ear off). I also don't want there to be an unneven friendship (like you mentioned). But it is a tough situation since it is more resonable that they play in his yard. I almost feel bad saying 'no' when he is insistant that it is okay. YKWIM? I don't want to hurt his feelings by saying no. ???

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#4 of 11 Old 05-27-2008, 12:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Come on ladies. I know you got some opinions on this for me. Don't make me cross post.

Happily unmarried to DP guitar.gifParenting: DD (March '06) energy.gifwaterbirth.jpg, DS (August '10) fly-by-nursing1.giffamilybed1.gifhomebirth.jpg, and our furry kids dog2.gifGuiney Pig, dog2.gifPo the POlice, and cat.gifMrs. Puff. Loving WAHM life in the Mortgage Bizz with DP.

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#5 of 11 Old 05-27-2008, 12:39 AM
 
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I really think that is the kind of thing that you have to be there and get a feeling for. Your dd is a bit young, but if you end up developing a really close friendship with them and trust them, I think it is ok. I have a 5 year old dd, and she would love to play with a 2 year old neighbor and help take care of a two year old, but really I think you need to feel out the situation. It is the kind of thing that could be really nice for everyone, or not. Sorry that isn't very helpful.
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#6 of 11 Old 05-27-2008, 12:44 AM
 
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Hmmmm....my ds is 2.5 and I wouldn't let him go anywhere without me. Not that he would want to though. I guess if it were someone I really trusted and ds just loved I might think about it. It seems to early for me though, but I'm kind of like that. Just go with your gut!

Jessica, wife to Mark, homeschooling mama to Micah (2006), Noah (2009), Owen (2012) and another on the way this August (20014)
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#7 of 11 Old 05-27-2008, 01:39 AM
 
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I have a six year old neighbor girl that plays regularly with my 4 yo dd. She always wants my 2 yo ds to come over as well (her mother also asks). I've let him go over twice without me. Once when I was really, really sick and the other time was when I needed to go do some b-day shopping (maybe an hour both times?). They do also play at my house but her house has a lot of cool stuff so spend much time over there.

For me, a 2 yo is a huge responsibility (at least mine is) and I wouldn't feel comfortable with my ds going without my supervision.

I definitely think it is a fine line to walk and only you can know what is the right answer in your situation....
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#8 of 11 Old 05-27-2008, 02:36 AM
 
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My younger child is 4 now. I just now am letting her go play in the neighbors' yards while all the kids in the neighborhood are out. No way at age 2 would I let her go out without ME watching her. Dh and I spent a lot of time trailing our kids around the neighborhood for the first 3 years. And to be honest, I'm a little uncomfortable with dd playing out of my sight - I only do it when her brother (7) is also out and I check on her every 15-20 minutes. (Ds I let go longer.)

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#9 of 11 Old 05-27-2008, 02:51 AM
 
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My kids didn't start going to friend's houses without me til they were around 6. They have to be able to call me if they need help (that's my criteria/comfort level). 2, IMO, is far too young.

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#10 of 11 Old 05-27-2008, 12:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanx all for the responses. You all pretty much confirmed what I was thinking allready. I deffinately know 2 is too young to be unserpervised. I guess I was more wondering what the naighbor ediquet is in a situation like this. Like I said, I don't want my naighbor having to watch DD, but I also don't want him to feel like he has to entertain ME.

I think my plan of action will be to be upfront with him, and let him know if I am there that I will watch the kids and he can get stuff done. No need to entertain me. I will also offer for them to play at my house often.

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#11 of 11 Old 05-27-2008, 12:21 PM
 
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I think 2 is kind of young to go play without a parent but if you really trust the neighbor to supervise then maybe it is fine. I would get to know them better personally before I left a 2 year old alone with them.

I would not allow both your child and your dog over without you.

I would not assume anything. Ask the neighbor directly.

Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)

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