If you don't like people to talk to your kids... - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#61 of 82 Old 07-02-2008, 09:32 PM
 
becoming's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 11,886
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The only situation I can think of when I don't like strangers talking to my kids is when people continually ask my 2.5-year-old DD question after question, trying to get her to talk to them. She is painfully shy around strangers, and if someone keeps on trying to get her to talk, she will eventually start crying. That's what I hate.
becoming is offline  
#62 of 82 Old 07-02-2008, 10:22 PM
 
onlyzombiecat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Northeast Kansas
Posts: 7,383
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Dd is 8.
I would prefer strangers to speak to me if I am there about a problem with my dd unless it is truly an emergency situation or she were physically hurting someone. I wouldn't swear or get hostile but I'd be annoyed if some stranger was harassing her over something minor that I am (possibly) fine with. If I'm not there I wouldn't mind if they addressed dd politely.

If it is someone we know I'd prefer they speak nicely to dd or talk to me in private if they have an issue. I don't like people we know talking in front of children like they aren't there.

If they are just conversing nicely then I don't mind people talking to dd. Dd won't like it much and probably won't respond though.

If dd is upset I really do not appreciate strange people trying to talk to her and cheer her up.

Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)

onlyzombiecat is offline  
#63 of 82 Old 07-02-2008, 10:59 PM
 
SarahGuinn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 1,123
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The assumption I also see on this thread is that the parent in question is always there. That's not nearly always the case when I have the chance to tell a child to stop doing whatever it is they are doing that is going to end in pain or tears or sometimes, the police.
SarahGuinn is offline  
#64 of 82 Old 07-02-2008, 11:20 PM
 
Tradd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,160
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by wytchywoman View Post
Well, as a mother of a SN kid, there are times when a stranger approaching my youngest and speaking to him would probably set him off. granted if he was in one of those moods, I doubt we would be attending a coffee klatch that day, but you never know.
Once again, just because a kid "looks normal" doesn't mean that there isn't something going on. Unless you know the family well and are good friends with them, then there is no way of knowing what is going on with the kid. I've learned through my own experiences that it's best to trust that the parent has a reason for things like this and it isn't necessarily my business to know what that reason is. I just have to trust that the parent is acting in the best interest of that child.
Things is, the kids were NOT special needs. And it was two or three siblings sitting together. The kids kinda had a cowed look about them - they looked like they wanted to interact with the other kids, but that wasn't even allowed. The parents just didn't want adults speaking to their kids, but other kids as well. That's what was really weird about it.

lady.gif
Tradd is offline  
#65 of 82 Old 07-03-2008, 12:25 AM
 
wytchywoman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: The Room of Requirement
Posts: 3,031
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tradd View Post
Things is, the kids were NOT special needs. And it was two or three siblings sitting together. The kids kinda had a cowed look about them - they looked like they wanted to interact with the other kids, but that wasn't even allowed. The parents just didn't want adults speaking to their kids, but other kids as well. That's what was really weird about it.

How do you know? Are you close friends with the family? Do you, with 100% certainty, know that these kids don't have any issues that would make socializing difficult for them?
I do think it's weird that a parent would want to isolate an otherwise healthy kid. But once again, unless you are really close to the family, you don't really know the reasoning behind why they made the choice that they did, KWIM?

M : proud mama to B (16) : and G (8) and : x 2 :
wytchywoman is offline  
#66 of 82 Old 07-03-2008, 12:27 AM
 
*~Member~*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,828
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't mind at all. My girls are 4 and 2 and LOVE chatting while holding my hand or in the cart at the store. Freja a few times has made little friends who pull up beside us in carts. And she usually chats up elderly people in the store
*~Member~* is offline  
#67 of 82 Old 07-03-2008, 01:00 AM
 
2 in August's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,467
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It's not that I mind people talking to my kids. I actually talk to kids I don't know too.

It's what is said or how people act toward them. There was a odd older man that tried to talk to my dd, while acting like he was going to touch her when she was a toddler. She is really shy and buried her head in my chest and he had the nerve to say something about how she was rude to him. On the other hand, a different older man came up to us in a grocery store and she was in the cart and had bare feet and he asked if he could just touch her foot because that was what he missed most about having babies around. I told him yes and he cooed at her in the sweetest grandpa-ish way for a second or two told her she was the sweetest girl he'd seen since his own grandkids and thanked me for sharing her with him.

Two older men, both talking to and trying to touch my kid. But two totally different interactions.
2 in August is offline  
#68 of 82 Old 07-03-2008, 01:12 AM
 
lerlerler's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: southern california
Posts: 1,628
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If my DD is doing something YOU don't approve of but isn't harming others? Look for me.. I'm the one watching... Think before you speak, Climbing UP the slide (when no one is trying to slide down), or whatever. leave it be. If you don't see me? please know that "could result in a skinned knee" isn't really reason to reprimand (people have done this WHILE I was watching) "she's your Daughter? Honey don't climb that"

Worse yet, PLEASE DON'T walk up to my DD and say (and I am close enough to have heard this exchange) "you NEED to share that ball you brought... here throw it to Abby, No, SHARE!! " and then start clapping like a freakin' seal "GOOD GIRL!!"

I didn't step in because DD handled it well...

But if she is haming someone? be my village if you don't see me...
lerlerler is offline  
#69 of 82 Old 07-03-2008, 01:17 AM
 
YesandNo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,052
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
In the rare instances when I have to ask a kid to change his behavior, I do talk directly to the kid if he appears to be old enough to understand me.

An adult telling a kid "Please stop kicking the movie theater seat, it is hurting my back" is making a polite request to another individual. An adult telling that kid's parent "Please ask your kid to stop kicking me" is, in my view, making a negative judgment about that parent and being confrontational.

Quote:
Children that look at you as the only authority in their lives are going to have big problems if they are being schooled outside the home or when they begin working. There is a big problem with this in schools. If we want people to respect our children's person hood, they need to also recognize that there are other people around them with the same right all the time.
THANK YOU!! Very well put.

I do feel for the SN kids for whom speaking to a stranger can cause a big setback. I'd not thought of that aspect. How tough that must be. I'm not sure what to do about it, though. I really feel that in most instances, talking to the parent as if the child wasn't there or wasn't capable of understanding is insulting.
YesandNo is offline  
#70 of 82 Old 07-03-2008, 02:12 AM
 
mamamilkers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: In Seattle, but searching for home
Posts: 3,201
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
*
mamamilkers is offline  
#71 of 82 Old 07-03-2008, 02:27 AM
 
littleaugustbaby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Yes, we did!
Posts: 7,537
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by hakeber View Post
Of course I am highschool teacher, so my opinion is biased. Half of my days are spent telling other people's kids what to do.

I expect other people to talk directly to Benjamin about his behavior when it is annoying them (If I haven't spotted it first and corrected it myself). We live in a world with other people; when a kid infringes on another person's space or freedom by "just being a kid", they have the right to stand up for themselves, and frankly I think it does Benjmain no harm to find out that some people in the world will not be as patient and kind and gentle as mommy and daddy are.

Some people might even shout or call him names. I would be angry if they did that, but I wouldn't necessarily defend the behavior that resulted in the outburst against them. I would ask them not to abuse my son (or anyone for that matter) but I would never say he has the right to be as obnoxious as he likes until *I* decide it is out of line.

If someone else was angrily addressing my kid, and I came along after the fact to see my child being told off, I would probably assume my child deserved it until I discovered otherwise, then either way I would take it as a chance to discuss public behavior, I would say; "That is why we need to be careful around people we don't know to not infringe on their space or needs. I know it is scary to have grown ups yell, but it is also important to look at and listen to what is around you and pay attention to how you can be respectful of others."

I think talking to children, calmly, respectfully and firmly, or merely informing them of the fact that they have crossed a boundary is no problem for me. Usually I am mortified that I have not seen the problem first and corrected it myself. If someone felt they had to go over "my head", it is usually because I am not paying attention.

Now, if they raise a hand to my child or take something away from them that I have given them (as my mother did when we went on vacation to Disney World) or tie them to a chair with a jacket (as my mother once did on a tour boat , then yes I have a big problem with that. But talking? Nah. I did find it irritating when people would try to button Benjamin's coat at the park when he was in Argentina, and try to tell me he needed a hat (It was 50 degrees outside...he was fine!), and I hated the way people at the shops would just hand him candy to keep him quiet without even asking me...but talking about boundaries and making requests of consideration? Not a problem for me.

People communicate their needs in lots of ways, by wincing, by shifting in their seats, by sighing deeply...if my child is too engrossed in their play and I am too engrossed in my child, or my head to see that it is annoying someone, I have no qualms with someone else telling him to please stop. I would think it was patronizing to talk to me...He is three, he can understand two languages, and he's pretty sweet, so talking to me is like going over HIS head. I think he is old enough to be considered a viable part of the community, and treated like one. If he doesn't respond and I am still not intervening , then by all means come and talk to me (I will want to puke with shame when you find me, by the way.)

I guess it comes down to the fact that if I were annoying someone I'd expect them to talk to me, not my partner or my mother, so I guess I wonder why I should expect someone to always defer to me...sometimes it's faster, and safer for everyone involvedto just address the child directly, depending on how far away mommy is.
I agree with this, but only to an extent. My issue is when someone is getting after my DD for crossing a boundary that is nonexistent for us. The only example that really comes to mind (as it's the only one that's happened to us) is someone getting after DD for going up the slide at the playground. It's something that she's allowed to do, as long as she's not in anybody's way. We've been at the park on more than one occasion where another parent has told her not to go up the slide, which is really confusing for her, because it's something that she's always allowed to do. She can also be really shy, so someone, especially a stranger, approaching her and telling her not to do something makes her feel like she's done something wrong, and it really upsets her.

If it's a situation where she were hurting someone, and I wasn't close enough to intervene, then yes, I'd want someone to intervene. But I also would want that person to come and find me to deal with the situation. My DD is pretty good about following the rules. What I don't need is someone else deciding that she's not following their rules and chastising her for it. I think that there are some universal rules that are pretty much black and white - don't hit, don't shove, no name-calling, don't throw sand, share nicely...but then I think that there are some rules that individuals have to decide for themselves and their families, and it's that gray area that becomes a problem, and I don't want other parent to take it upon themselves and decide which of their rules that my child should follow, just as I wouldn't expect someone else's kids to follow some of my rules. In some cases, I think that it is more appropriate to deal with the parents.
littleaugustbaby is offline  
#72 of 82 Old 07-03-2008, 02:36 AM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 27,300
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by SarahGuinn View Post
I would not be liked apparently if I lived in your (universal anti) neighborhood because I will tell your children to stop doing something if it's obviously a bad choice and then if it was very dangerous I'd tell you about it. I wouldn't always tell you if it wasn't something important.
I'm confused by what you mean here. If it's important enough for you to speak to the child about it, why isn't it important enough to let the parents know?

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#73 of 82 Old 07-03-2008, 03:14 AM
 
Britishmum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: USA
Posts: 4,345
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
[QUOTE=Tradd;11608948]Things is, the kids were NOT special needs. /QUOTE]

But you really can have no idea at all about other children's special needs. None whatsoever.

Having spent hours last night undoing (or trying to) the damage that another well-meaning parent inflicted while 'correcting' my children, I can say that if you don't know the family, you have no idea. No idea at all.

I've spent many many hours dealing with the aftermath of people trying to raise my village for me, and I can say, it sucks. Just the words 'Inside voices!" are enough to send me for the hills. Especially when they are said in that so sweet sing songy sort of voice. Ugh.

That's the problem, your 'inside voice' may not be mine. And my child may have spent months reaching the stage of using a voice in public at all. I may be thrilled that he is finally confident enough to go on the slide. You may think that he should go up the steps, not up the slide. Or that he needs to do it more quietly, or whatever. Because you don't deal with what I deal with on a daily basis. Your norms are totally different to mine.

So, unless my child is physically hurting yours - and I don't agree that being noisy is aggressive and so qualifies as hurting yours - I really prefer that you leave him or her be. If there's a problem, speak to me. I won't be rude.

And it doesn't follow that if a child is being noisy, and in your opinion 'rude', the parent is going to be rude. It's totally unfair to talk of apples falling from trees in this contact. My kid might have growled at you or stamped her feet if you talked to her when she was younger, but I don't do that. I am actually able to have a conversation wiht an other adult without grimacing and stomping around. I did not 'teach' my child to have different needs to yours. Children do not only learn from example, they have any number of reasons for behaving as they do. And strangers should not presume to guess the reasons for a child's behavior.

If you have only ever parented a regular, standard kid, you have no idea what stress it can give a parent to have their child 'corrected' in public. It can ruin our day, our week, or even our month. I just don't think any of us should make assumptions about other children, and we should leave it to parents to decide what is appropriate and how to deal with our own children.
Britishmum is offline  
#74 of 82 Old 07-03-2008, 07:58 AM
 
Tradd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,160
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
[QUOTE=Britishmum;11610254]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tradd View Post
Things is, the kids were NOT special needs. /QUOTE]

But you really can have no idea at all about other children's special needs. None whatsoever.

Having spent hours last night undoing (or trying to) the damage that another well-meaning parent inflicted while 'correcting' my children, I can say that if you don't know the family, you have no idea. No idea at all.

I've spent many many hours dealing with the aftermath of people trying to raise my village for me, and I can say, it sucks. Just the words 'Inside voices!" are enough to send me for the hills. Especially when they are said in that so sweet sing songy sort of voice. Ugh.

That's the problem, your 'inside voice' may not be mine. And my child may have spent months reaching the stage of using a voice in public at all. I may be thrilled that he is finally confident enough to go on the slide. You may think that he should go up the steps, not up the slide. Or that he needs to do it more quietly, or whatever. Because you don't deal with what I deal with on a daily basis. Your norms are totally different to mine.

So, unless my child is physically hurting yours - and I don't agree that being noisy is aggressive and so qualifies as hurting yours - I really prefer that you leave him or her be. If there's a problem, speak to me. I won't be rude.

And it doesn't follow that if a child is being noisy, and in your opinion 'rude', the parent is going to be rude. It's totally unfair to talk of apples falling from trees in this contact. My kid might have growled at you or stamped her feet if you talked to her when she was younger, but I don't do that. I am actually able to have a conversation wiht an other adult without grimacing and stomping around. I did not 'teach' my child to have different needs to yours. Children do not only learn from example, they have any number of reasons for behaving as they do. And strangers should not presume to guess the reasons for a child's behavior.

If you have only ever parented a regular, standard kid, you have no idea what stress it can give a parent to have their child 'corrected' in public. It can ruin our day, our week, or even our month. I just don't think any of us should make assumptions about other children, and we should leave it to parents to decide what is appropriate and how to deal with our own children.
Please read my original post again. These were not people trying to "correct" someone else's children. These were other adults AND children simply saying hello to several children in a sibling group at a church coffee hour. The sibling group was sitting eating by themselves while their parents were chatting away with other adults. The parents did not want ANYONE, including other children, talking to their children. The children were not allowed to be play with the other kids who were gathered in a corner. I knew the family somewhat and had talked to the parents at church coffee hour. If you asked how the family was, how the children were doing in school, etc., there was NEVER any mention of special needs. The kids went to the Sunday school and, if there were any problems I wasn't aware of them. The parents were somewhat overprotective. As I said, I suspect it was the parents who had some issues. No one was trying to discipline their kids, simply saying hello.

lady.gif
Tradd is offline  
#75 of 82 Old 07-03-2008, 09:38 AM
 
the_lissa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 13,248
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by littleaugustbaby View Post
I agree with this, but only to an extent. My issue is when someone is getting after my DD for crossing a boundary that is nonexistent for us. The only example that really comes to mind (as it's the only one that's happened to us) is someone getting after DD for going up the slide at the playground. It's something that she's allowed to do, as long as she's not in anybody's way. We've been at the park on more than one occasion where another parent has told her not to go up the slide, which is really confusing for her, because it's something that she's always allowed to do. She can also be really shy, so someone, especially a stranger, approaching her and telling her not to do something makes her feel like she's done something wrong, and it really upsets her.

If it's a situation where she were hurting someone, and I wasn't close enough to intervene, then yes, I'd want someone to intervene. But I also would want that person to come and find me to deal with the situation. My DD is pretty good about following the rules. What I don't need is someone else deciding that she's not following their rules and chastising her for it. I think that there are some universal rules that are pretty much black and white - don't hit, don't shove, no name-calling, don't throw sand, share nicely...but then I think that there are some rules that individuals have to decide for themselves and their families, and it's that gray area that becomes a problem, and I don't want other parent to take it upon themselves and decide which of their rules that my child should follow, just as I wouldn't expect someone else's kids to follow some of my rules. In some cases, I think that it is more appropriate to deal with the parents.
I agree. I don't want anyone correcting my kids unless they are about to hurt someone or themselves.

Jam 7, Peanut Butter 5, and Bread 2.

the_lissa is offline  
#76 of 82 Old 07-03-2008, 10:07 AM
 
SarahGuinn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 1,123
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
I'm confused by what you mean here. If it's important enough for you to speak to the child about it, why isn't it important enough to let the parents know?
I'd never have time to do anything else if I had to drop what I was doing and find the neighborhood children's parents and tell them that they were screaming curse words or running through a neighbor's garden. But I will go tell you if your kid is climbing on a neighbor's roof after I tell his monkey butt to get down.
SarahGuinn is offline  
#77 of 82 Old 07-03-2008, 10:27 AM
 
fireant's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Turtle Bandits Unite (in MI!)
Posts: 9,239
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Now that I think about it, I have corrected an unknown-to-me little girl (maybe 4 or 5 years old). She had no adults near her and had come into the cafe with her sister that looked to be very close in age.

The little girl was really excited about my DD (at the time was 1.5 years old) and wanted to hold hands with her...which was fine. But then she started trying to pick up my DD and besides the fact that my DD wasn't ok with it, I was afraid she'd drop her (my kid was about 30 pounds).

I asked her several times not to try to pick her up but she wasn't complying because in her words, she wanted to see if she was able to pick her up. So I picked up my DD and walked away.
fireant is offline  
#78 of 82 Old 07-03-2008, 11:10 AM
 
dawningmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: North Carolina!
Posts: 4,615
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have no issue with people talking to my kids. I didn't even realize this way such a sticky issue! Perhaps it's regional or I'm obtuse but I don't really see this in my life. I talk to kids, correct kids, cheer on kids I don't know all the time. They are people in my world and I communicate with them. To not do so seems really odd to me.

The couple of times strangers have admonished my kids for doing something they know they are allowed by mama to do, they usually tell the person that "Oh, no, it's cool w/ my mom." When a stranger admonishes me for something, I explain that it's ok w/ me. I can't recall the last time someone corrected me in public---maybe when the kids were babies and someone would tell me to keep their feet covered or something. Well meaning advice or the kind of thing a grandmotherly person says to assert her place on the wisdom chain. Whatever. It's just not a big deal to me.

As my children got older, went to school, took classes, more and more and more people gave them rules that were out of my control. I think it's important that they have reasoning and communication skills to respond to rules they feel are unnecessary or unfair.

I'm a morning person.  We actually do exist.
dawningmama is offline  
#79 of 82 Old 07-03-2008, 02:00 PM
 
hottmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Ann Arbor, MI
Posts: 5,305
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have no issue with people speaking to or correcting my kids. I correct other neighborhood kids and do not feel like I need to tell their parents. I think most people share some common sense behavior guidelines and it would be, I think, rude and un-neighborly if someone refused to remind my kids of these if they happen to see something I don't.
hottmama is offline  
#80 of 82 Old 07-03-2008, 02:04 PM
 
Aquafina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,044
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
A pregnant lady at JC pennys told my LO 20m to be quite then put her finger up to her mouth and said shhhhhhhhh. Kinda bugged me I guess because we just want to protect our kids my LO has lungs and likes to use them when he sees women I think he knows we ladies make milk so it gets LO excited.
Aquafina is offline  
#81 of 82 Old 07-03-2008, 02:09 PM
 
Joyster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 1,604
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Strangers talk to my little guys all the time, and usually my 2 1/2 year old will gab right back.

I don't even really mind a person saying "I don't think you should be running here" or something along those lines if it is indeed inappropriate (like church or another crowded place where he could be hurt or hurt someone).

There was a situation the other day, DH, DS1 and MIL were walking in the park in front of me, DS2 and FIL. We started lagging, but were about 20 feet behind and a couple of ladies had started walking in between us all. Then DS1 started lagging and DH/MIL didn't really respond because we were there to "catch" him. One of the ladies said to DS1 "You better catch up with your daddy" and then called to DH who didn't hear her. I just called ahead "It's okay, I'm his mom, but thanks!" with a smile. She was looking out for my son and gently reminded him to stay with his family. I appreciated the effort, even though it wasn't needed.

There is however very fine line and it varies from parent to parent.

Don't trust anyone under 5! Mom to 3 boys under 5. Blogging to save my sanity.
Joyster is offline  
#82 of 82 Old 07-06-2008, 10:17 AM
 
hakeber's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Bogota, Colombia
Posts: 3,817
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by littleaugustbaby View Post
I agree with this, but only to an extent. My issue is when someone is getting after my DD for crossing a boundary that is nonexistent for us. The only example that really comes to mind (as it's the only one that's happened to us) is someone getting after DD for going up the slide at the playground. It's something that she's allowed to do, as long as she's not in anybody's way. We've been at the park on more than one occasion where another parent has told her not to go up the slide, which is really confusing for her, because it's something that she's always allowed to do. She can also be really shy, so someone, especially a stranger, approaching her and telling her not to do something makes her feel like she's done something wrong, and it really upsets her.

If it's a situation where she were hurting someone, and I wasn't close enough to intervene, then yes, I'd want someone to intervene. But I also would want that person to come and find me to deal with the situation. My DD is pretty good about following the rules. What I don't need is someone else deciding that she's not following their rules and chastising her for it. I think that there are some universal rules that are pretty much black and white - don't hit, don't shove, no name-calling, don't throw sand, share nicely...but then I think that there are some rules that individuals have to decide for themselves and their families, and it's that gray area that becomes a problem, and I don't want other parent to take it upon themselves and decide which of their rules that my child should follow, just as I wouldn't expect someone else's kids to follow some of my rules. In some cases, I think that it is more appropriate to deal with the parents.
I totally agree with that, when talking about arbitrary RULES, but when a child is annoying another person, be they an adult or a fellow child, when my child is not crossing boundaries of behavior but boundaries of space and freedom of another person, I think talking to the kid directly is not only appropriate but a valuable social lesson...yes, other people besides mummy and daddy DO have the right to ask you to modify your behavior to accommodate their rights, too.

I have not had a lot of experience with people trying to do rule enforcing with my kid, but then I have not been in the states much since he was born and only for three days now while he has been a toddler. Maybe Americans are pushier...lord knows my mom is!

Rebekah - mom to Ben 03/05 and Emily 01/10, a peace educator, and a veg*n and wife to Jamie.
hakeber is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off