A boy tried to hold DD's hand! - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 19 Old 07-23-2008, 05:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Omigod. DD came home from camp and said that a boy, Gabriel, tried to hold her hand yesterday. Well, he grabbed her hand and then when she gave him the 'what the heck are you doing' look he tried to pretend it was an accident.

She's only 9!!! WTF!?! Is this normal? I haven't mentioned it to DH, I think he would flip.

I asked her if she wanted him to hold her hand or not, and she said she wasn't sure. So I coached her with ways to politely say she didn't want him to.

But holy carp! I thought this stuff would start much, much later. I really don't think she's at the 'liking boys' stage yet, but who knows.

To top it off, I'm pretty sure I know which boy it was because when I dropped her off this morning they both kind of avoided looking at each other... and wow is he ever cute! I would have been in 7th heaven if a cute boy named Gabriel had tried to hold my hand. Well, maybe not at 9. But at 11, for sure. Please tell me she's too young to like boys. Please?

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#2 of 19 Old 07-23-2008, 05:56 PM
 
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I dunno, my eight year old likes boys...because they own all the good video games

I think I had my first boyfriend at 11 or so. Seems to me that if she liked boys she would have held the cute ones hand
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#3 of 19 Old 07-23-2008, 06:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by maliceinwonderland View Post
I dunno, my eight year old likes boys...because they own all the good video games
Yes, that's normally why DD hangs out with boys... But she doesn't hold their freaking hands!!! Her daycamp is for ages 9 to 12. I'm thinking this boy might be a little bit older than she is. Good Lord.

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#4 of 19 Old 07-23-2008, 06:32 PM
 
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Amethyst had her first kiss at about 4!!!! When we would get to her preschool early and see dance time, all the little boys would be waiting around her to dance with her, while everyone else danced alone.

I am scared for what the future holds!!

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#5 of 19 Old 07-23-2008, 08:04 PM
 
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I dunno, I think I was only nine or maybe ten when I held hands (with the minister's son, no less! ) in the back seat of my aunt's car - and trying to hide the fact, which I don't think we were doing well b/c I remember that she kept glancing in the rearview mirror and smirking.

A few years later, I was holding hands with his brother on a hayride.

I was such a little Sunday School hussy! :

Every baptized Christian is, or should be, someone with an actual (disturbing) experience, ... a close encounter, with God; someone who, as a result, becomes a disturbing presence to others. - Fr. Anthony J. Gittins, A Presence That Disturbs
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#6 of 19 Old 07-23-2008, 08:32 PM
 
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I don't think that would phase me much. My dd1 is 12 now, and has had lots of boys call, and I heard of one or two that were possibly sweet on her. She has a lot of friends who are boys. I don't know if she's held hands, but it wouldn't upset me.

All three of my girls had preschool "boyfriends". Dd1's was Cooper; dd2's was Sam; dd3's was Cody. I had a "boyfriend" from kindergarten through 5th grade; we rode our banana seat bikes behind the school, held hands, and kissed once in a while in line at the lunchroom. The high school kids used to laugh at us. His parents live ten minutes from me now.

I think my dp would freak too - but I don't think it is a big deal. Might have taken you a bit by surprise if you weren't expecting it.
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#7 of 19 Old 07-23-2008, 09:13 PM
 
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My DS's daycare teacher informed me this morning that DS and some of the girls were playing spin the bottle. I was like "no, no, he's only 5, I can't deal with this!". I talked to him about it today, and basically, they spin the bottle and kiss whoever it lands on on the cheek, and that means girls kiss boys, boys kiss boys, girls kiss girls, whatever. But still, I so wasn't ready to be talking about girls with him at 5! He told me that he wanted to know how to find a girlfriend, because he would need one when he grows up to be a father.

Not sure what my point is, or what advice I have to offer, just sympathy! Maybe we were interested in boys at this age, and in some ways, at least she's young enough to want to talk to you about it! If I can give him some good information now, maybe he'll remember it when he's a teenager!
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#8 of 19 Old 07-23-2008, 09:17 PM
 
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It's different for every kid, but it's not uncommon for it to start at that age.

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#9 of 19 Old 07-23-2008, 09:22 PM
 
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it's just a puppy crush, I wouldn't sweat it. my sil was our neighbour's first crush when they were in first grade

I've seen lots of kids do stuff like this, and so long as it doesn't get sexual or too emotional, it's just a puppy love crush.
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#10 of 19 Old 07-23-2008, 09:23 PM
 
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I had my first "boyfriend" when I was 12, so I guess it's possible.

All we did was hold hands.
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#11 of 19 Old 07-23-2008, 09:29 PM
 
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I know how you're feeling. My oldest daughter is 8, and there's a boy she's known since kindergarten who is special to her, and he really likes her as well. It can be a challenge to watch them being twitterpated and know when to let her experience those feelings, and when to gently remind her of what's appropriate for her age.
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#12 of 19 Old 07-23-2008, 09:33 PM
 
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I had my first "boyfriend" when I was 12, so I guess it's possible.

All we did was hold hands.
He wasn't my first boyfriend but he was my "first" at 12. I'd say it's time to talk!
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#13 of 19 Old 07-23-2008, 09:40 PM
 
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You would have really flipped had you been my Mom.. I came home from FIRST GRADE one day and asked my Mom, "Why did Ron kiss me while we were waiting for the bus?"

Yep, he just laid one on me (on my lips) in front of everyone. I pushed him away and just didn't know what to say at that point (I had yet to lose the filter on my mouth apparently).

Ron and I later dated when we were 16 or so for a very short period of time. Him and I are still friends though.
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#14 of 19 Old 07-24-2008, 02:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I guess I wasn't sure whether this is just innocent kid stuff or if it means she's developing an interest in boys. Although I guess there's a spectrum there, it's not necessarily one or the other kwim?

On closer examination, the boy in question is actually a bit younger than DD. I think it's more innocent. Not that I think it would get beyond holding hands, but I wasn't sure if kids start saying they are boyfriend and girlfriend at age 9... they didn't when I was a kid.

The tricky part is that DD says that she doesn't want to hold this boy's hand, but thinks it would be rude not to. I'm trying to explain to her that it's better to be clear about what you're comfortable/uncomfortable with.

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#15 of 19 Old 07-24-2008, 02:12 PM
 
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I had a bf in nursery school, engaged to someone else in kindergarten, got kissed in a closet in second grade...dont worry! I may sound like I was a slut, but I grew up to be a prude!


and at that age, as bf/gf they barely speak!
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#16 of 19 Old 07-24-2008, 02:26 PM
 
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She's 9. I'm surprised it's taken this long. Boys trying to hold the hands of girls generally starts around 2 years old, in my experience.

Cuz, um...boys tend to like girls. I don't know. I think it's biological.

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#17 of 19 Old 07-24-2008, 02:41 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Laggie View Post
I guess I wasn't sure whether this is just innocent kid stuff or if it means she's developing an interest in boys. Although I guess there's a spectrum there, it's not necessarily one or the other kwim?

On closer examination, the boy in question is actually a bit younger than DD. I think it's more innocent. Not that I think it would get beyond holding hands, but I wasn't sure if kids start saying they are boyfriend and girlfriend at age 9... they didn't when I was a kid.

The tricky part is that DD says that she doesn't want to hold this boy's hand, but thinks it would be rude not to. I'm trying to explain to her that it's better to be clear about what you're comfortable/uncomfortable with.
yes, see-that's what I'd be concerned about, too. As some say, some girls may have a tendency to not want to hurt someone's feelings-I'd also not want my dds to acquiesce to something because of that.
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#18 of 19 Old 07-24-2008, 02:54 PM
 
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Liking boys can mean a lot of different things. My sister was boy crazy in kindergarten - I'm talking chasing them around them and trying to kiss them. I wasn't interested until my hormones started kicking in at about 11 or 12...but my closest friends were almost all boys.

In any case, it sounds more like the boy liked her than the other way around, yk?

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#19 of 19 Old 07-24-2008, 02:58 PM
 
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Yes. DS was first engaged when he was 4. She was an older woman. They held hands all day, selected flower girls, made up invitations, and then the next day it was all over.

Since then he's had about 4 other girlfriends. He's only 5. And now they tell me about the whole spin the bottle episode *sigh*.

But honestly, as I said before, it's great that she's young enough to talk to you about this, and you've got this chance to tell her all the things you're thinking--about not doing what makes you uncomfortable, about nice ways to turn someone down, etc.
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