Spin-off: What kind of relationship do you think your kids will have with each other (and you) when they're all grown up? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 08-08-2008, 01:20 AM - Thread Starter
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Reading through the siblings thread, I found myself thinking about which of my children will be closest and how they will all feel about each other when they're grown. It's so sad to me that siblings grow apart and sometimes even lose contact with one another. I can't imagine my kids, who are such a huge part of each other's lives right now, coming to the point where they only talk a couple of times a year, or never. I was also thinking about which of my kids is most likely to take care of things when I get sick or die (hopefully as an oooold woman!) and which I will have really close relationships with after they're grown and gone (hopefully all three!).

Anyway, how do you think this is all going to play out for your family?
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#2 of 11 Old 08-08-2008, 01:29 AM - Thread Starter
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I think my two sons are going to be really close their whole lives. DS1 dotes on DS2 so much, thinks he can do no wrong. Their personalities are SO much alike, too.

I can see my DD just doing her own thing and pretty much leaving us all behind. She is so independent and not at all needy. I predict that, if any of them will move far away (God forbid), it will be her. That makes me sad to think about! I think she'll be more likely to stay in contact with little brother than older brother. She and DS1 butt heads so badly, despite my best efforts to foster closeness between them. I can't see them ever having a great relationship, honestly. They are so, so different. She and DS2 are different in the same ways, but she is like a little mama hen to DS2. They are also only 20 months apart, so they play much better together (she and DS1 are 4 years apart).

I'm not sure what I predict for DS2's life, but I can see my oldest sticking around here and being the one to help with all my affairs in the future. He is a homebody and also very, very close with my parents, who he would never want to leave behind.
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#3 of 11 Old 08-08-2008, 03:01 AM
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I think my siblings and I aren't closer because we were not raised in a close, affectionate family that did things together. We didn't have much in the way of family rituals, few family events. We were each absorbed in our own work and school.

I'm trying to change that with my family now. Homeschooling helps because that allows us to have a lot of time together, for one thing.

My kids are still very young so it's hard to guess how they'll be when grown up.

My oldest (7) is very independent-minded, strong-willed, and has lots of ideas of occupations she wants to have. She wants to be a rock star, an astronaut, a cartoonist, and several other things. I can see her striking out on her own as soon as she can. At the same time, she still wants me to be with her when she's falling asleep--more so than her 4 year old sister!--and that, along with other things, gives me hope that having started out our lives together so attached we'll never go very far out of touch.

My daughters (2.5 years apart) play well together a lot, but fight about something at least once a day too. My oldest daughter dotes on her little brother, takes good care of him, and rarely does anything he does bother her. She watched him be born here in our big bed, and cut his cord. My second daughter and my son (3 years apart), however, don't get along together as well. She taught him the exclamation, "Mine!" and just seems to be bothered by him more than see him as a playmate. That's changing though, as they get older.

Only time will tell! I will continue striving to foster strong connections! I'm looking forward to being close to all my children as adults. And hoping to get to enjoy grandchildren! [Where's that "how not to be an annoying MIL" thread? I need to save that to refer to in about 15 or 20 years.]

Michele, mom of DD 5/01, DD 11/03, and DS 11/06


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#4 of 11 Old 08-08-2008, 03:09 AM
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DD1 and I are waaaaay too much alike! I think that perhaps we will have a tumultuous relationship. Lots of arguments and lots of making up. We love on each other like no one else, and we fight like no one else, too! Lots of crying and lots of laughing.

DD2 is a mama's girl and I think we'll have a more relaxed and constant relationship. Perhaps we'll take each other for granted somewhere along the road, but I think we'll be alright.

It's a little too early to predict how they will be to each other. They are 4 and 2. But, really, DD2 does her own thing and for the most part leaves DD1 alone. DD2 can respect boundaries. They are very different people, though, and I expect that before long their interests will be entirely different. Perhaps it's better that way, without competition. Who knows?

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#5 of 11 Old 08-08-2008, 03:16 AM
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I think they'll be really close. We spend so much time as a family traveling, playing games, sports, going to events. We never miss anything that anyone else has going on, ever. We do it all as a family. DD and DS are only 16 months apart so they grew up w/ each other, no memories of being without the other. Sure, they fight and bicker, but they choose to be around each other for the most part. When we moved into our new house, they picked the 2 rooms (out of 4) farthest from DH and I but closest to each other and during weekends they sleep together in one room.

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#6 of 11 Old 08-08-2008, 08:32 AM
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My children are really close now. I suspect they will probably be very close when they are older, yet on two completely different worlds, much like my oldest brother and I are- I don't hear from him much, but when I do, we spend loads of time together and if he ever needed me for anything (and vise versa), I'd be there in a heartbeat, no matter what it was for. Interestingly enough, there's a 5 year age difference between me and my brother and a 5 year age difference between my son and my stepdaughter.

I suspect my son will always be a Mama's Boy, even when he's married and my little girl and I are alike in so many ways, it's scary- I suspect we will be quite close as well (though her situation is a little crazy, because at this point, she's being forced to choose between me and her Mother- hopefully that will change when she and her Mother grow up).

My son and my Hubby are very different- I'm not sure how they'll be together when my son is grown up, but I do know for a fact that my stepdaughter will continue to be a Daddy's Girl for the rest of her life. It's what she does.

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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#7 of 11 Old 08-08-2008, 08:53 AM
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I hope when my children are grown that they are as close with each other as they are now. I do see my dd as being the advernturous one. The one most likely to move across the country on a whim. I dee my ds staying in close contact with me all of his life.

I hope when they are grown that we have a reltionship where they feel free to talk to me about anything and do so. I fear that in reality they will think me crazy as a loon and avoid telling me things.

Kathy-Mom to Blake & Mikaela
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#8 of 11 Old 08-08-2008, 08:54 AM
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My kid is all grown up and she is awesome and we get along great. It's so much better than I ever thought it could be.
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#9 of 11 Old 08-08-2008, 09:05 AM
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Going by the rest of the family, I think they will be in contact, but not close. We do so much as a family together, unlike my family and dh's family so I hope that we break the cycle. They are young (almost 3 and 8 months) so its really too soon to tell. Right now they adore each other.

My parents rarely talk to their siblings. DH is not very close with his siblings, he does talk to the one weekly but the others only a few times a year. I have one brother. He is an adult (32 years old) but lives with my parents and acts like a teenager. He is quite self absorbed and doesn't really care about much other than his job and his friends, riding his quads, etc. I will go to my parents to visit once a month or so, and he does not talk to me for 5 minutes before going out or to bed or whatever. We get along just fine, he just has other priorities.
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#10 of 11 Old 08-08-2008, 10:02 AM
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My 4 yr old ds thinks he's going to marry his 2 yr old sister. He periodically refers to a future in which "Clara is my wife." About a year ago, I told him that brothers and sisters don't get married, and he cried. Now I just keep my mouth shut.
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#11 of 11 Old 08-08-2008, 12:13 PM
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