Do you still give a gift if you don't go to a birthday party? - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-14-2008, 04:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We were all invited to my sons classmates birthday party. We decided not to go and RSVP'ed that we wouldn't be going. I didn't bother to send a gift anyway. Now I'm not sure if I should have or only give a gift if we attended the event.

When I'm invited to a wedding I alway send a gift even if I can't go so that is why I'm confused about the situation.
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Old 08-14-2008, 04:20 PM
 
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I've never given a birthday present if I didn't go to the party. As kids anyway. When you get to be an adult and not everyone has birthday parties the line is a little blurry. But as a kid? No, I wouldn't even think twice about not giving a present.
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Old 08-14-2008, 04:44 PM
 
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..... No, I wouldn't even think twice about not giving a present.
Me too.

Kim , mom to Amanda (16):, William (13), and Annie (5)
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Old 08-14-2008, 04:45 PM
 
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If we were close to the child, yes. If it's just an acquaintance, no.
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Old 08-14-2008, 04:45 PM
 
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We were all invited to my sons classmates birthday party. We decided not to go and RSVP'ed that we wouldn't be going. I didn't bother to send a gift anyway. Now I'm not sure if I should have or only give a gift if we attended the event.
We do.

But we feel free not to in general. Often times, we can't make parties but we always try to, according to our finances, send a gift to honor and celebrate the occasion...even if we are late.
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Old 08-14-2008, 04:47 PM
 
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If we were close to the child, yes. If it's just an acquaintance, no.
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Old 08-14-2008, 04:48 PM
 
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We do if we are close to the person. If it is just an acquaintance, nope.
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Old 08-14-2008, 04:48 PM
 
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ONLY if I would normally give that person a present, generally close family and friends.
for example, to a kids bday party from class we arent really close to? NO.
My sister, even though something kept me from her party, yes.

CPST
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Old 08-14-2008, 04:49 PM
 
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We do if we are close to the person. If it is just an acquaintance, nope.
This is what we always do.
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Old 08-14-2008, 05:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well I babysat this child the entire school year. We were invited to a couple of their cookouts but we don't really socialize so I'd say they were acquaintences.

Thanks for the replies.
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Old 08-14-2008, 05:17 PM
 
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Do you WANT to give the child a gift? If so, do it. The party is just that...a party. But gifts are free and from the heart whether you go to a party or not.

There have been times when we haven't been invited to a party/wedding for one reason or another and we've still given a gift. Its something we've wanted to do so we've done it.

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Old 08-14-2008, 05:20 PM
 
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Only if it's a very good friend or a family member, and more so if it's a milestone birthday. We have missed first birthdays of family friends for example, and gave a gift. For a random kid from school, I wouldn't buy a gift.

Julie - Mom to Elizabeth (Libby) age 6, Penelope (Penny) age 5, Elliott age 29 months, and Oscar who is 1 year old!
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Old 08-14-2008, 05:21 PM
 
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If we were close to the child, yes. If it's just an acquaintance, no.
Yep, us too.

Half-marathon running Mommy to 3 spunky girls and 1 sweet boy. Spending my days and nights where my kids need me most- at home with them!!

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Old 08-14-2008, 05:33 PM
 
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IMO, children tend to get too many gifts anyway, just from the attendees at a typical party. I've never expected a gift from somebody who couldn't make it to the party and I've never given one to a child's classmate if we couldn't attend.

However, sometimes relatives give birthday gifts no matter what, and would so so even if there is no birthday party for the child that year (or it's a small party and the relative isn't invited.) I could see sending my neice and nephew birthday gifts even if I'm not invited to the party, for example, but I wouldn't do that for a random friend.

However, if we RSVP yes, then something comes up at the last minute (such as a sick child) and we can't make it when the hosts are already expecting us, purchased food counting on us attending ,etc, I'll still give the gift.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 13(homeschooled)
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Old 08-14-2008, 06:10 PM
 
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I only do it if it is someone close to me or if I rspv'd yes then had to bail out after confirming.

Recent situation:

DD was invited to one of my long time friends little girls birthday party. I bought her a present about two weeks before the party. Then my MIL died the day before so I canceled the day of the party. I am still planning on dropping off her present.

Good thing I bought books because if it was clothing I would probably have to take it back. By the time we finally get together again I am sure it will be close to her DD's second birthday!
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Old 08-14-2008, 07:36 PM
 
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If we RSVP no, than I don't usually give a gift
If we RSVP'd yes and didn't go because of illness or something than yes I give the gift next time I see them.
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Old 08-14-2008, 07:46 PM
 
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Originally Posted by avivaelona View Post
If we RSVP no, than I don't usually give a gift
If we RSVP'd yes and didn't go because of illness or something than yes I give the gift next time I see them.
This is what we do.
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Old 08-14-2008, 10:14 PM
 
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Only for a close relative or friend who we would give a gift to even if there wasn't a party.

For a child's classmate I wouldn't do a gift if we didn't go to the party- maybe send a card but I think even that is optional.

Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)

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Old 08-14-2008, 10:23 PM
 
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I usually do.
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Old 08-14-2008, 10:27 PM
 
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If it's a relative, definitely. If it's a kid we know well, probably. But just a random kid from school, probably not. Although I was tempted once. Dd loves those stupid pizza lunchables and every once in awhile I buy one for her. So, the one day she goes to school thrilled with her treat, one of those deluxe ones with the juice box and everything A girl in her class stole it. Long story short, I wasn't happy with the way it was handled by the kid's parents or the school.

A couple weeks later dd got an invite to the girl's party. I so badly wanted to send our regrets with a gift...six or seven lunchables beautifully wrapped
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Old 08-14-2008, 11:34 PM
 
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Technically speaking a gift is always optional, one way or the other. One is free to give gifts on b-days (or any occasion) whether or not there is a party, whether or not they attend the party, whatever. One can choose to not give a gift whether or not there is a party, whether or not they attend the party, whatever. A gift is not the admission price to a party. A gift is smething one gives from the bottom of ones heart.

That said, in modern American culture, one brings a gift only if planning to attend the party, or if the child is a close relative or friend. A card is nice though.

Timmy's Mommy WARNINGyslexic typing with help of preschooler, beware of typos
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Old 08-15-2008, 12:03 AM
 
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It would completely depend on the relationship with the birthday person. In this case, no I would not have sent a gift. A very close friend, I would have. I would do the same thing with a wedding. Casual acquaintance I would not give a gift to.

~*Heather*~
Wife to J 9/00 Mama to K 12/05
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Old 08-15-2008, 01:01 AM
 
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I only send gifts when not attending the party if my dd is really close to the other kid ("best" friend) or if I know the mom and kids quite well and am in friendly terms with them.
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Old 08-15-2008, 10:19 AM
 
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I only send gifts when not attending the party if my dd is really close to the other kid ("best" friend) or if I know the mom and kids quite well and am in friendly terms with them.
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Old 08-15-2008, 11:21 AM
 
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If we were close to the child, yes. If it's just an acquaintance, no.
this is what we do as well

Barbara:  an always learning SAHM of Ilana (11) and Aiden (8) living in Belgium with my amazing husband.

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