***FEBRUARY***Pregnancy After Loss (PAL) Mamas Chat - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 65 Old 02-01-2011, 10:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Good morning ladies...Here's our shiny new chat thread for February

 

For anyone new who wants to join, this is a chat thread for mamas who have experienced prior pregnancy or infant loss and want a safe place to discuss our hopes and fears and dreams about our pregnancies.

 

goodvibes.gifSticky vibes to all!!!


~Erica~ Married to the love of my life ~ Mama to Nickolas jog.gif6/14/09 and Alexander 8/4/11 and Aiden brokenheart.gifgone too soon at 14 weeks~    
 
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#2 of 65 Old 02-01-2011, 12:58 PM
 
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Hi, ladies, I've been lurking but I wanted to say hi and introduce myself.  I'm expecting baby #3 mid August.  I have a 3 yr old ds and 2 yr old dd who are very excited for a new addition to our family...I had a mc at almost 7 weeks in October and it really shook my resolve.  I used to be very much a "trust birth, trust my body" sort of gal but it's a struggle now.  PAL is hard.

 

But I'm 12 weeks now and we heard our peanut's hb (178!) at 9 weeks on the doppler.  I was supposed to have another appt yesterday that was cancelled due to weather and I was really upset.  I just want someone to tell me everything's ok!  Rescheduled for tomorrow, fingers crossed everything's ok.  I hope I gain back my confidence as my pregnancy continues.


Loving mama to ds C (6/07) and dd N (11/08). Joyously welcomed our rainbow1284.gif, dd2 A (8/11).

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#3 of 65 Old 02-01-2011, 01:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi Babydoll and glad you're joining us (although not glad for the reason why).  Yes, PAL is quite difficult.  I've already seen/heard the baby's heartbeat three times and I STILL don't feel confident that it's all going to be ok.  Although I do feel much less anxiety on a day to day basis knowing that we've at least have some confirmation that the babe is alive and well.  I still struggle to not go out a buy a doppler just to be able to check on the heartbeat whenever I freak out. 

 

Hugs, mama! Good luck tomorrow!


~Erica~ Married to the love of my life ~ Mama to Nickolas jog.gif6/14/09 and Alexander 8/4/11 and Aiden brokenheart.gifgone too soon at 14 weeks~    
 
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#4 of 65 Old 02-01-2011, 02:05 PM
 
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Subbing


Ima to Mizz.Jonas- 14, Isman- 12,Javsar- 9, Nani Gweesa- 4 and Baby Micah born into the Universe sleeping at full term Oct. 19th 2008 and Partner to Abba ~ belly.gif8/2011  Grateful to be Dead  broc1.gif
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#5 of 65 Old 02-02-2011, 07:01 AM
 
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I have my first ultrasound scheduled for Friday, and I am beyond nervous about it.  My miscarriage started right after the ultrasound.  gloomy.gif


-Shannon, momma to H reading.gif 8/03, N heartbeat.gif 9/06, & P homebirth.jpg 8/11, missing S brokenheart.gif born at 11 wks 1/09 

 


 
   

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#6 of 65 Old 02-02-2011, 09:07 AM
 
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I accidentally  cross-posted in the September DDC somehow, but here's the latest: So my midwife called yesterday morning to talk about the ultrasound i had a week ago. She didn't get it til now, because the video was being shown to every radiologist in town. The ultrasound showed one very healthy baby, due August 28th, AND there is something else in my uterus, & it's moving. Noone can give me any answers, noone will say what it is. Thursday (asap) I'm being sent to a neonatologist specialist, who is said to be very home-birth friendly. I totally i have no idea what to think. Among the possibilities are: another baby, partially re-absorbed twin, or a rare tumor. Anyone ever have anything similar happen to them or any thoughts?

i can't wrap my head around the fact that it's moving! like, if it was a twin & was moving, wouldn't there be a heartbeat, or some shape that would give them a CLUE? one of my fears is that this is a partially re-absorbed twin. that feels like another loss to me. to be completely honest, the idea of twins has been stuck in my head from the beginning of this pregnancy, kinda like "if God allowed us to  lose one, maybe He'll give us two this time." but as soon as we saw on the ultrasound the one baby, i put it out of my head, although i was a little suprised & disappointed. my other fear is that this is a molar pregnancy. Tomorrow cant get here fast enough!


Mohawk Mamma is wife to viking hardcore hottie husband, mommy to amazing 3 year old daughter & Molly angel.gif(11/24/10), & new baby EDD 8/28/11

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#7 of 65 Old 02-02-2011, 09:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Shannon:  I wish you luck, mama.  I completely understand your fears and I wish you peace getting through the next few days.  Keep us updated after your ultrasound.

 

AFM:  Today is a bad day.  It is the EDD of the baby that I lost last summer.  Not only that, it is my mom's birthday, so at some point today I'm going to have to put on my game face and pretend all is fine when I see her to wish her happy birthday.  Leading up to this, I really believed that I would be ok today.  I feel like I did a lot of very healing grieving over the last several months and that I am in a better place.  But then last night I had two horrible nightmares.  One was very strange, but really not related to pregnancy at all.  The other was, of course, a miscarriage dream.  In the dream I had to pee so I went to the toilet and when I wiped, there was blood.  Then I realized that there was blood streaming out of me. Then I had the sudden urge to push and the baby came out.  It was so tiny, but it seems like it was about the gestational age of the baby I'm currently carrying, not the one that died.  Also, I was able to determine that it was a girl, while I have had a gut feeling that the baby I lost was a boy.  Bottom line is, I believe that the dream was about losing THIS baby, not the one I already lost...which is a horrible feeling to be having at any time, but so much worse on this day of all days.  The worst part of the dream that really made it more like a horror movie than a dream is that I put the baby on a plate that also contained my husband's dinner and when I gave it to him, he ATE the top half of the baby!!! WTH?!?!?  My mind is truly warped right now.  I swear, I'm crying just typing this out because it was so horrifying.  When I woke up this morning my bladder was so full I felt like I was going to wet the bed, but I was terrified to use the toilet for fear that my dream would come true.  It took me like 10 minutes to convince myself that I had to get out of bed and just go to the damn bathroom!  Of course there was no blood and I'm still pregnant and everything is as it should be, but I'm totally freaked out today.  I really don't know how I'm going to get through the day.  I have an appointment with my HB midwife on the 11th and one with my OB on the 14th, so I know I'll be able to have a doppler heartbeat check soon.  I just need to find a way to get through the next week and a half without having a full on panic attack.


~Erica~ Married to the love of my life ~ Mama to Nickolas jog.gif6/14/09 and Alexander 8/4/11 and Aiden brokenheart.gifgone too soon at 14 weeks~    
 
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#8 of 65 Old 02-02-2011, 09:26 AM
 
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Wow Erica, that's terrible. I'm sorry you had to experience a dream like that. I am sure it is just due to your fears, and that it doesn't actually mean something is wrong or that something is going to go wrong. I hope the time flies by until your next appt.

 

Mowhawk- I have never heard anything like that. How crazy! Please keep us updated.

 

AFM- I have my OB appt on Friday, crossing my fingers/toes/anything crossable for a strong HB. We saw a strong HB on u/s at 7 weeks but it didn't reassure me at all. I am almost 12 weeks and we lost Landen at 15 (after hearing the HB via Doppler, and seeing him on u/s at 12w3d), so for my own peace of mind I feel like I need to get to 16 weeks and then I will be ok. Which I know is ridiculous, because anything could still go wrong at any time, but I feel like a huge weight will be lifted off my shoulders in just 4.5 more weeks.

 

I am so glad this group is here!


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#9 of 65 Old 02-02-2011, 01:56 PM
 
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Erika, good luck at your appt!  Are you having an u/s?  Is your dr pretty understanding about your anxiety?

 

Erica,  what awful dreams!  I'm so sorry, mama!  I know those ones must really shake you.  hug2.gifon your lost baby's edd.  

 

Mohawk, gosh that must be so nervewracking for you!  I hope you get some answers soon.  I actually know a woman that something similar had happened to her...She was pregnant with her first and in the beginning, they thought it was twins.  Then they realized it was more along the lines of both a molar pregnancy and a healthy pregnancy (I think).  The non viable 'baby' actually began to cause problems for the healthy little one.  When she was about 24 weeks, she flew to TX for surgery to save her baby.  It went well and little girl was delivered vaginally at 40ish weeks.  Let us know what you find out.  Also, I know this sort of thing is NOT common...please let me know if you'd like to get in touch with my friend.  I can ask her if she'd like to share her situation with you.

 

Some cheery news for me today!  Mw's appt went great.  Baby was moving like crazy, steady hb at 155.  I needed that so much and I think my mw knew that bc she did it right away.  We've made it to 12 1/2 weeks.  Just a few more weeks and I'll be reassured with daily movement.  Already feeling steady bumps and thumps but not consistently enough for me.


Loving mama to ds C (6/07) and dd N (11/08). Joyously welcomed our rainbow1284.gif, dd2 A (8/11).

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#10 of 65 Old 02-02-2011, 02:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Mohawk:  I've been in such a funk today that I totally glossed over your post from this morning.  I'm sorry I just ignored your situation!  That must be an awful feeling to not know what's going on in your uterus.  I, too, know someone who's wife was pregnant with twins...one normal and healthy and the other a mole.  The mole did cause some problems and she ended up delivering the healthy baby quite premature.  But, the good news is that the baby developed perfectly in the NICU and is a happy and healthy toddler today.  I really hope you get some answers soon and you'll be in my thoughts.


~Erica~ Married to the love of my life ~ Mama to Nickolas jog.gif6/14/09 and Alexander 8/4/11 and Aiden brokenheart.gifgone too soon at 14 weeks~    
 
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#11 of 65 Old 02-02-2011, 05:10 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Babydoll1285 View Post

Erika, good luck at your appt!  Are you having an u/s?  Is your dr pretty understanding about your anxiety?

 

Erica,  what awful dreams!  I'm so sorry, mama!  I know those ones must really shake you.  hug2.gifon your lost baby's edd.  

 

Mohawk, gosh that must be so nervewracking for you!  I hope you get some answers soon.  I actually know a woman that something similar had happened to her...She was pregnant with her first and in the beginning, they thought it was twins.  Then they realized it was more along the lines of both a molar pregnancy and a healthy pregnancy (I think).  The non viable 'baby' actually began to cause problems for the healthy little one.  When she was about 24 weeks, she flew to TX for surgery to save her baby.  It went well and little girl was delivered vaginally at 40ish weeks.  Let us know what you find out.  Also, I know this sort of thing is NOT common...please let me know if you'd like to get in touch with my friend.  I can ask her if she'd like to share her situation with you.

 

Some cheery news for me today!  Mw's appt went great.  Baby was moving like crazy, steady hb at 155.  I needed that so much and I think my mw knew that bc she did it right away.  We've made it to 12 1/2 weeks.  Just a few more weeks and I'll be reassured with daily movement.  Already feeling steady bumps and thumps but not consistently enough for me.

 

&

Quote:

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Mohawk:  I've been in such a funk today that I totally glossed over your post from this morning.  I'm sorry I just ignored your situation!  That must be an awful feeling to not know what's going on in your uterus.  I, too, know someone who's wife was pregnant with twins...one normal and healthy and the other a mole.  The mole did cause some problems and she ended up delivering the healthy baby quite premature.  But, the good news is that the baby developed perfectly in the NICU and is a happy and healthy toddler today.  I really hope you get some answers soon and you'll be in my thoughts.

thanks ladies. do either of you know if a "mole" moves? this is all so crazy, especially the fact that everyone's baffled. & whatever this is must be really rare, makes me think "WHY am i going through this, on top of PAL?". there's no use in going over the "what-if"s, so i'm just trying to stay sane. DH is not much help, his stupid little man brain thinks "no point in worrying, we dont know what to worry about", & he told me as much. that left me feeling pretty lonely last night, but before bed we were able to talk & i told him about my fears, then he was supportive. i'll keep you all posted.


 


Mohawk Mamma is wife to viking hardcore hottie husband, mommy to amazing 3 year old daughter & Molly angel.gif(11/24/10), & new baby EDD 8/28/11

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#12 of 65 Old 02-02-2011, 07:16 PM
 
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Mohawk- I had a complete molar pregnancy in 2008. When they did my ultrasound it was obvious what it was. I have read about partial (which is what it would be if there is a healthy baby in there too) and it sounds like they are similar. I would not think moles would move since they are tumors. I hope it turns out to be nothing for you!

Lisa ~ Wife to Stephen caffix.gif (5/23/04) ~ Mama to Lincoln Barneswave.gif (10/10/07), Gabriel Normanbabyf.gif(12/8/09)  and Ella Louisette baby.gif(8/14/2011)~ CMP angel.gif (12/8/08 at 8.6 weeks).

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#13 of 65 Old 02-03-2011, 05:56 AM
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Mohawk- sending love and light. How difficult it is just not knowing- I find that more worrisome than actually knowing what is going on. I hope they can give you some answers asap.

Erica- those nightmares are horrible. I have similar dreams and they just seem so real it takes a while to shake them off. Lost baby due dates are hard. My first m/c my dd was dec 22nd. Though I am now able to thinknfondly of the little one I lost that is now watching over me and my family, those first couple of years were rough. Trying to put on my game face and celebrate Christmas while missing my baby was tough.

I have a Doppler and decided to dig it out the other day for some reassurance. I was about 14 weeks. I tried for 15 minutes to find the heartbeat and couldn't. Of course I'm freaking out but trying to remember it has always been hard for me to find the hb early on. I finally found it and heard it for a good 45 seconds (I always worry about using the Doppler too long and at that point it had already been 15 min) and then shut it off. I felt confident that I had heard it, but as soon as I shut it off I began doubting myself again. I have an appt on Monday and have kind of set that in my mind as we'll start telling people we're pregnant after that appt so I pray the baby is growing well.

Dh is interviewing for a new job which would be HUGE for our growing family, so we both have been more focused on that than the pregnancy but are hoping if all goes well we'll be able to announce the new job and the new baby together. Anyone who wants to send out positive get the job, healthy baby vibes, we'd greatly appreciate it.
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#14 of 65 Old 02-03-2011, 07:36 AM
 
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Mohawk: What a totally nerve-wracking situation!  I am really eager to hear your update and hope that the news is good, or at least not bad.

 

Erica: What a dream.  Especially the bit about your husband eating it.  Eesh.  I had a dream this morning that I was at some appointment and my placenta was "too small" (strangely, it was 13 oz, which I'm sure would be HUGE at this stage) and I was going to have to go in for another ultrasound where I would probably find out that the baby was dead.  Ugh.


Sarah, mother to Eloïse (5/2005), Lucas (3/2008) and Ilias (7/2011), and due with #4 (March 1, 2014)

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#15 of 65 Old 02-03-2011, 08:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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goodvibes.gifGood vibes all around coming your way, pjs!

Quote:
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Dh is interviewing for a new job which would be HUGE for our growing family, so we both have been more focused on that than the pregnancy but are hoping if all goes well we'll be able to announce the new job and the new baby together. Anyone who wants to send out positive get the job, healthy baby vibes, we'd greatly appreciate it.


Thanks everyone for listening to my crazy rant about my insane dreams.  I'm doing a lot better today.  Once I got past the first part of yesterday without my dream coming true, I started to relax a little.  I even managed to go to my mom's birthday dinner and had a little fun.  I'm now waiting to find out if I'm going to win an ebay auction for a doppler, otherwise, I plan to rent one for a few months.  I hope that helps me to have some peace of mind.  I just hope I can find enough self-restraint to not use it EVERY day.


~Erica~ Married to the love of my life ~ Mama to Nickolas jog.gif6/14/09 and Alexander 8/4/11 and Aiden brokenheart.gifgone too soon at 14 weeks~    
 
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#16 of 65 Old 02-03-2011, 11:19 AM
 
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Babydoll- I'm not having an u/s tomorrow, just a regular check up. I don't have another u/s scheduled until 3/21 when i will be having a Level 2.


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#17 of 65 Old 02-03-2011, 12:49 PM
 
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Today is my first day on here and I already feel like I belong.

 

Babydoll, my appointment also got iced out on Wednesday but they can not fit me in til Wed. 2/9. I will be 14weeks on that day and really disapointed they couldn't fit me in sooner. I will be having an us though and my first one that hasn't been internal.

 

Erica I misscaried my first baby on June 17,2010, at 9 wks. The week before I got to hear the heartbeat. The EDD was Jan.21 of this year. My cousin gave birth to her 2nd baby 4 days later and I had to be happier than a clam, which I was for her, but sad for me. A few days later I had a nightmare I was bleeding tons, luckily I got up and there was no blood.

 

As bad as this sounds it is comforting to know I am not the only one going through this.

 

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#18 of 65 Old 02-03-2011, 02:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi jotilley.  Welcome to MDC and to our little group.  I can't even imagine how awful it must feel to have a cousin give birth right around the EDD of a baby you lost.  Big hugs to you, mama, for getting through it for her sake.  How are you doing now that a couple of weeks have passed? 

 

Babydoll:  Congrats on the great heartbeat!  Wonderful news!!


~Erica~ Married to the love of my life ~ Mama to Nickolas jog.gif6/14/09 and Alexander 8/4/11 and Aiden brokenheart.gifgone too soon at 14 weeks~    
 
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#19 of 65 Old 02-03-2011, 04:13 PM
 
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I am doing great just a little jumpy and every single pain I get which is expected. I was looking forward to my doctorst appt. on wed but with it being cancled I have to look forward to Feb.9.  My cousins original due date was 1/23/2011, so I was preparing myself since October for her to have her baby on my EDD. One of my friends will go into labor any day now, so I keep myself busy with her. Due to ice in dallas, I have been off work for 3 days so when its time to buy everything for baby I know what I want. lol

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#20 of 65 Old 02-04-2011, 06:34 AM
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Mohawk- any news? Praying that you got some answers and everything is ok.
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#21 of 65 Old 02-04-2011, 09:38 AM
 
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UPDATE:

There is only one, healthy & vigorous baby. The "abnormality" that the small-town ultrasound technicians & radiologists saw is actually nothing more than a tiny pocket of blood on my placenta (blood, placenta, thus it appears to be moving). It's essentially like a blood blister. It will dissolve on it's own & is absolutely no cause for concern. I am very thankful for everyone's support & that the baby is healthy. However, I am more than a little frustrated that they portrayed a serious, even life threatening condition to my midwife, when in fact they really just had no clue what they were seeing. Thanks for all the good thoughts, mammas!


Mohawk Mamma is wife to viking hardcore hottie husband, mommy to amazing 3 year old daughter & Molly angel.gif(11/24/10), & new baby EDD 8/28/11

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#22 of 65 Old 02-04-2011, 09:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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YAY!!!!!  thumb.gif

 

 

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UPDATE:

There is only one, healthy & vigorous baby. The "abnormality" that the small-town ultrasound technicians & radiologists saw is actually nothing more than a tiny pocket of blood on my placenta (blood, placenta, thus it appears to be moving). It's essentially like a blood blister. It will dissolve on it's own & is absolutely no cause for concern. I am very thankful for everyone's support & that the baby is healthy. However, I am more than a little frustrated that they portrayed a serious, even life threatening condition to my midwife, when in fact they really just had no clue what they were seeing. Thanks for all the good thoughts, mammas!




~Erica~ Married to the love of my life ~ Mama to Nickolas jog.gif6/14/09 and Alexander 8/4/11 and Aiden brokenheart.gifgone too soon at 14 weeks~    
 
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#23 of 65 Old 02-04-2011, 10:41 AM
 
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Quote:
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UPDATE:

There is only one, healthy & vigorous baby. The "abnormality" that the small-town ultrasound technicians & radiologists saw is actually nothing more than a tiny pocket of blood on my placenta (blood, placenta, thus it appears to be moving). It's essentially like a blood blister. It will dissolve on it's own & is absolutely no cause for concern. I am very thankful for everyone's support & that the baby is healthy. However, I am more than a little frustrated that they portrayed a serious, even life threatening condition to my midwife, when in fact they really just had no clue what they were seeing. Thanks for all the good thoughts, mammas!


I'm so glad it's okay!

And so appalled that they don't know better than to act like that! You downplay everything until you know. You glare at them for me and have someone give you a hug from all of us! :)


Becky

Married to Dusty
Mama to Charlie - born August 15th.

Waiting on number two, due March 17!

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#24 of 65 Old 02-04-2011, 11:50 AM
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What a relief!

As for the u/s tech and radiologists, could they be any more incompetent?!
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#25 of 65 Old 02-04-2011, 12:06 PM
 
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That is awesome news mohawk, I am sorry there scared you over nothing.

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#26 of 65 Old 02-04-2011, 12:13 PM
 
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Great news! I'm happy everything is ok and I'm so sorry you had to go through that!hug2.gif

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#27 of 65 Old 02-04-2011, 02:24 PM
 
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Mohawk, that's so great!!!  I'm sorry you had all that stress.  I'm sure you are incredibly relieved to know you have one very healthy peanut!!! Shame on them for putting you through all of that.


Loving mama to ds C (6/07) and dd N (11/08). Joyously welcomed our rainbow1284.gif, dd2 A (8/11).

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#28 of 65 Old 02-04-2011, 03:11 PM
 
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Mohawk - so glad the followup went well and so sorry you had to go through the stress.

 

Erica - I am sorry about the the dream as well. I have had some funky dreams, a couple where I was bleeding and they just ruin my day.


Sarah
Mommy to three girls DD 6, DD 3.5,DD 8/2011 & new babe 3/2013, 2 angel.gif's 1/2008 and 8/2010

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#29 of 65 Old 02-04-2011, 05:39 PM
 
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So. I FINALLY had my appt today after weeks of worry. The dr couldn't find the baby's heart beat for a good few mins. DF and I were staring at each other with a look of "Seriously? AGAIN?" on our faces, I was trying not to panic. Then FINALLY! A heartbeat of 170. Baby was hiding waaaaay down on my lower left side. Man, what a relief. I about had a heart attack. The minute or two he was searching seemed like forever. At least now I can rest knowing that I am just one of the lucky ones with a pretty much symptomless pregnancy.

 

My dr was kind of pushing me to have the quad screen done bc of our explained 2nd trimester loss last pregnancy.. so I gave in and said ok. That will be toward the end of next week, it will be nice to have a little extra reassurance.

 

They also requested to see me in 3 weeks instead of 4. I assume it is because I will be 15 weeks and we lost the last pregnancy at 15 weeks. I am glad they are staying on top of things and are understanding of my anxiety/worry.


erika w/ds geek.gif(10.5), ddhearts.gif(8.5), dss sleepytime.gif(3.5)
Missing angel2.gif9/1/10 @ 15 weeks, and angel.gif2/14/11 @ 13 weeks
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#30 of 65 Old 02-04-2011, 05:43 PM
 
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Mohawk- SO glad everything is normal but shame on them for worrying you like that!


erika w/ds geek.gif(10.5), ddhearts.gif(8.5), dss sleepytime.gif(3.5)
Missing angel2.gif9/1/10 @ 15 weeks, and angel.gif2/14/11 @ 13 weeks
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