Coping with other children while pregnant - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 16 Old 02-07-2011, 09:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I was very lucky to have a ton of help during the first 12 weeks of my pregnancy, for a good chunk of it DH was on winter break from school and work and we where living with both my parents.  My mom became extremely helpfull when DH had to go back to school.  I think she kind of thought well you guys (ie DH) got yourselves into this mess you can deal with it when he was home from school but after she was super helpful. 

 

Now both my parents have moved to Europe for 10 months, DH back at school and work and I am feeling only slightly better but have to take care of DS a lot more.  I am also feeling more depressed than I was after having been very anxious, sick and throwing up for 2 months it is really starting to wear on me.  And if I don't get enough sleep which happens often with DS waking in the night and having to get up to eat. 

 

How do you all deal with it?  I just feel like everything is really unmanagable right now and was really hoping to feel better by now, I am 13 weeks and 3 days.  I just feel like I need help but don't really know how to get it.


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#2 of 16 Old 02-07-2011, 09:40 PM
 
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I hear you, this is so tough. I went through this with my third child. Do you have any room in your finances to hire someone (maybe a homeschooled teenager or an 18 year old) to help you for a few hours a day? I hired someone three hours a day for 3 days a week when I was pregnant with my third, and it really just gave me a bit of relief. She would take my son and daughter for walks, read to them, colour with them etc. while I napped.

 

Another idea--is there a retired person in your neighbourhood who might be interested in helping out of the goodness of their heart? Could you make a few posters and put them up in your neighbourhood?

 

Support is so important, and it can be so hard to find with the way our lives are structured. Let me know if you figure something out!

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#3 of 16 Old 02-08-2011, 04:56 AM
 
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A mother's helper is a great idea if you can swing it.  

 

I think we have a TON of threads on this subject, and I only say that b/c I really want you to realize you aren't alone!  I'm still struggling most days as well.

 

We've watched more TV than I care to admit, more movies than we ever have.  We are miserable b/c it's winter and we've been bombarded with snow storms this season, so I can't get DD outside.  I keep thinking if it were summer out, I could just go sit in the back yard with her while she plays, but that's just not an option!  I miss summer so badly - the ability to go for stroller walks, set up the kiddie pool and just let her flop around!  UGH!  It would be a piece of CAKE compared to trying to keep her busy inside with coloring, books, movies, puzzles, dollhouse, REPEAT.

 

Anyway, be gentle with yourself.  You aren't expected to do it all right now.  Just do what you can.  SOON hopefully we'll all start feeling better.  My baby hasn't gotten the msg about the fact that in the 2nd trimester, nausea is supposed to be GONE either!!  And DD woke up TWICE last night.  Add that to the 2 times I had to get up to pee, and I got very little sleep, too.

 

It sucks.  But this too shall pass.  hug.gif


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#4 of 16 Old 02-08-2011, 05:30 AM
 
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Yep, right there with you - no solutions, though.... Sometimes you just have to take it one minute at a time.

 

YDD still wakes at least 4 times a night to nurse - last night she was up 4 times before midnight crap.gif Add that to the 2 times ODD wanted a drink and to chat about her kitties, the 1 time DS had a nightmare and the 5 times I got up to pee... I'm not even sure my head hit the pillow.

 

Days like today are why the TV and cereal were invented. bag.gif


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#5 of 16 Old 02-08-2011, 05:56 AM
 
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Just get through it, that's what I've decided to do.  Toddlers have been surviving their mama's sick pregnancies forever.

 

My DH is never home because he plows snow and this has been the worst winter in 100 years or something.  I work full time nights, and I'm basically a zombie these days.  We watch too much TV, I can't stand the thought of vegetables right now so our diet sucks, the house is a wreck etc.  I've decided to stop resisiting a feeling bad about it (I try anyway), and know this will pass, I'll get off the couch and clean one of these days, the snow will stop and we'll go outside to play, and I'll feel like myself again.... one day. 

 

The moral of my complaining is, you're not alone!  Hang in there!  I think we are ALL struggling with not being the "perfect" mama right now!


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#6 of 16 Old 02-08-2011, 06:45 AM
 
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I've only just started to get energy back ... a few times I thought I was back to normal, but it only lasted 1/2 day or so.

 

My son has *thankfully* gotten pretty good at playing on his own. We've watched way too much TV, but he's learning about skiing & other winter sports(we mostly watch Universal Sports which is the Olympic type sports channel). DH has been great about taking DS to ski lessons on the weekend, which means they are gone for 6 hours or so, and I can rest.

 

If there is anyone at all you can get to help you out, use them! If you have friends who like to cook -- ask them to make double of their dinners for a few nights, and bring you a batch of food for your freezer -- then even if you don't feel like eating  you can feed your family the food you can't stand to cook. I trade research for food all the time -- I like to research, I have time to do it, and my friends mostly either hate it, or don't have time. So I get baking in trade for research services or interior design (I had a business, closed it recently b/c of the economy, but still do work for friends in a bartering sort of deal). If there is something you do have the energy or interest in -- trade with friends! If not, tell them them you'll return the favour in the fall & bring them some great soups or chili or something then.

 

If you have a YMCA near you, I know our local one has great kids programs every morning for 90 min, DS doesn't go now, b/c I have daycare kiddos here to watch & cant' take him, but he will be going in fall, right now he only goes Saturday mornings. It's  drop in program no registration, and his monthly membership is under 30$ - DH also takes him to swim lessons as part of that membership. If you've got access to anything like that use it! Even if all you do is drop him at the program and get a cup of tea and sit in the waiting area the whole time, it's 90 min you're not in charge & can take a break. (better if you can go home & rest!).

 

Also, around here, a lot of the indoor playgrounds let really little kids in free with a older paying child, so if you have a friend and the ages work out right, you can let them loose in there and sit and watch. First thing in the morning, we can usually go for 1-2 hours and it's no busy or full at all. That helps make up for the 'can't run in the park' energy they still have even if the snow is as deep as they are tall out there. I know that if I can let DS (and the day care kids) get their energy used on something, the day goes much better. An indoor climber, or small indoor trampoline can help with that too! Something he can do while you watch & don't have to actually do anything, b/c you dn't have the spare energy that he has.


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#7 of 16 Old 02-08-2011, 07:15 AM
 
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I just do what ever I have to do to get through the day and nights. This is #4 so I have an 8,4, and 1 year old. It is rough, the house is trashed, they watch way too much TV, food is what ever I can quickly feed them. DH is gone a lot and I while I have sitters, I can only use them when I work very part time. They will survive and not remember this in a while. hug2.gif


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#8 of 16 Old 02-08-2011, 09:16 AM
 
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Add me to this crew too :)  I have a 12, 7, almost 6, and 3 yo, but the the older kids are in school all day and the almost 6 yo is 3 days/week.  But my oldest is playing volleyball, which means traveling at least 30 min and up to 1.5 hours away 2 or 3 nights per week.  Plus we are calving so I am checking cows 3 or 4 times per day and feeding once/day.  So I totally get whipped out.  Our TV is usually rarely on, but I let #4 watch movies all yesterday morning while I slept.  My house is trashed and I have 6 laundry baskets of clean laundry sitting here.

 

I have already fallen back on what I only found the last month of my preg #4 - a house keeper.  It was a God send then and is already.  I have a neighbor gal come in and clean my bathrooms, all the floors and my kitchen counters once/week.  So worth the $$.

 

I big hug and understanding.


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#9 of 16 Old 02-08-2011, 09:19 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by J-Max View Post
...and I have 6 laundry baskets of clean laundry sitting here.

 



It's so easy to DO the wash, but so hard to fold it and put it away!!  I hear this!!

Beckily likes this.

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#10 of 16 Old 02-08-2011, 10:49 AM
 
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Can I join too.

 

I have an 8 month old, so fortunately he still has 2 naps a day and sleeps 12 hours at night. I couldn't survive if he didn't sleep so well. I'm in South Florida so we don't have winter to deal with, but I really don't have the energy for taking DS outside much. Once he is walking I'll take him out more so he can burn up energy. We don't have a TV, but DS does spend way too much time in his jumperoo or sitting on the floor playing by himself. I'm 11 weeks today, and I know that if I'm like DS's pregnancy I should start to feel less exhausted/nauseous in the next couple of weeks. I'm really praying that my energy comes back because I feel really bad for not stimulating DS as much as I should. (I've given up feeling guilty about unfinished housework, it'll get done when it gets done!)

 

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#11 of 16 Old 02-08-2011, 11:11 AM
 
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Can I join too.

I have an 8 month old, so fortunately he still has 2 naps a day and sleeps 12 hours at night. I couldn't survive if he didn't sleep so well. I'm in South Florida so we don't have winter to deal with, but I really don't have the energy for taking DS outside much. Once he is walking I'll take him out more so he can burn up energy. We don't have a TV, but DS does spend way too much time in his jumperoo or sitting on the floor playing by himself. I'm 11 weeks today, and I know that if I'm like DS's pregnancy I should start to feel less exhausted/nauseous in the next couple of weeks. I'm really praying that my energy comes back because I feel really bad for not stimulating DS as much as I should. (I've given up feeling guilty about unfinished housework, it'll get done when it gets done!)

grouphug.gif to all the other struggling Mammas.

This is me exactly (we even live in Florida). I know exactly the guilt you feel over not stimulating your LO enough.

One thing I'm also dealing with is jealousy from my husband. He is willing to help most of the time but I can tell he is upset sometimes. It's usually when ds wakes up early and I want to sleep a few more hours. Or sometimes when I nap I can tell he isn't thrilled. I know I am relying on him a ton but I really wish I could get some understanding from him.

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#12 of 16 Old 02-08-2011, 11:18 AM
 
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I can't complain about my DH. He is fantastic. Most mornings he is gone to work when DS wakes up, now that he is finally waking up later than 5am, but for a few weeks when I really couldn't drag myself out of bed that early DH would hang around long enough to feed DS and make me some breakfast before he left for work. He never complains about the lack of housework I do, and will even cook dinner if I'm too exhausted/nauseous to cook. At the weekends he does everything for DS and does it gladly, as he likes being able to spend the time with him. I know DS loves having Daddy home because it is way less boring for him than being stuck home all week with me.

 

I know this shall pass, and DS won't even remember these few months of not doing much, but I still feel like I'm not being as good a Mamma as I should.


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#13 of 16 Old 02-08-2011, 11:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by illumini View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynann View Post

Can I join too.

I have an 8 month old, so fortunately he still has 2 naps a day and sleeps 12 hours at night. I couldn't survive if he didn't sleep so well. I'm in South Florida so we don't have winter to deal with, but I really don't have the energy for taking DS outside much. Once he is walking I'll take him out more so he can burn up energy. We don't have a TV, but DS does spend way too much time in his jumperoo or sitting on the floor playing by himself. I'm 11 weeks today, and I know that if I'm like DS's pregnancy I should start to feel less exhausted/nauseous in the next couple of weeks. I'm really praying that my energy comes back because I feel really bad for not stimulating DS as much as I should. (I've given up feeling guilty about unfinished housework, it'll get done when it gets done!)

grouphug.gif to all the other struggling Mammas.



This is me exactly (we even live in Florida). I know exactly the guilt you feel over not stimulating your LO enough.

One thing I'm also dealing with is jealousy from my husband. He is willing to help most of the time but I can tell he is upset sometimes. It's usually when ds wakes up early and I want to sleep a few more hours. Or sometimes when I nap I can tell he isn't thrilled. I know I am relying on him a ton but I really wish I could get some understanding from him.

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I am also getting this with DH after following another thread I tried to up the amount of sex or at least sex like stuff in our lives and that helped a ton.  The past few days I have just felt too defeated.  I just feel like I am trying to get through this hurting both my children as little as I can.  That is my priority right now.  I don't care about money, I don't care about his school or work.  I just need to make it to the end of each day.  Today I just couldn't do it.  I woke up at 7 after waking up every hour because of the wind and ate and still through up.  I am starting to feel like it will never end even though I know in all likelyhood it will be over very soon since I am 13.5 weeks.  So DH ended up making me 3 times before 10 am.  His attitude just kills me, I feel like he thinks I am letting myself feel this way.  I could just buck it up and I would feel fine.  I know he is feeling overwhelmed too but somehow he feels like he needs to involve me intimitely in that.  I said I can't get up this morning and he came back to me about how if he withdraws from this semester he is going to have to go back for fall because of xyz.  Wow way to up my stress level.  I am trying to feel less bad about TV because I think that really helps.

 

We are in california so have just started getting spring weather comming out and it has been easier to be able to go to the park but if i don't bring enough food my blood sugar drops at all I get weak and have a hard time getting home and of course DS will never come easily. 

 

Sorry about all the whining.


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#14 of 16 Old 02-08-2011, 04:32 PM
 
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 Today I almost felt normal, until just recently (now I am feeling a bit nauseous).  I felt like I could have gotten a lot done, but I just wanted to enjoy feeling good--YKWIM?  DD is two and is pretty good at playing by herself, but we definitely have been watching too much TV.  None today though thumb.gif.  Right now she is "sweeping" the floor because she knocked her chalk eraser onto the floor and chalk dust came out.  I told her we could sweep it up and she said, "Lily do it", so that is what she is doing.  She's a good girl, but busy.  I'm sure you guys understand this winky.gif    

 

I did feel the urge to go shopping for the babe today (partly due to having energy).  This is the first time I have felt like I wanted to get things specifically for the babe.  I don't really think we need much as we played team green with DD and have a lot of gender neutral clothing for the early months, but I still want to get some new things just for this one biggrinbounce.gif.   I think I should be feeling better soon.  Overall I am feeling better, but we had a couple of weeks where DD was sick and then I got a cold--that was exhausting.  I'll be 16 weeks on Thursday and I am hoping that things are on the upswing thumbsup.gif

 

 

I hear ya on DPs.  Most of the time my DP is really good, but sometimes I think he doesn't really understand how tired I am and just thinks I am being lazy.   He also seems to forget how much work DD is and seems to think that it is a piece of cake compared to working at a job all day.  (he knows this is not true because he always complains about not being able to get things done when he is the main caretaker, but he seems to forget)


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#15 of 16 Old 02-09-2011, 05:44 PM
 
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Don't feel bad!

 

DS has also watched WAY more TV than I care to admit to.  Solution that makes me feel slightly better: Netflix.  No commercials that way, and I can pick the shows.  As others have said, I think it will be easier to have more energy once the sun comes out and we can all get outside.  I'm planning on getting a kiddy pool come June, and I figure I can sit my giant pregnant butt in it while DS splashes away for most of the summer.

 

Other suggestions...  Are you getting enough vitamin D?  Make sure that you're getting at least 2000 IU of vitamin D3 per day...  It can help a lot with energy and mood.  If you haven't been taking D3 at all, bump it up to at least 4000 IU per day for at least 2 months.  Rescue remedy spray helps my mood, although it does nothing for energy (at least for me).  But at least you can feel happier and completely wiped out...  Having a protein rich snack when I'm really hitting the wall physically can also pick things up a bit for me (egg salad sandwich, or chicken salad, or something quick).

 

I think that the energy "fog" is supposed to pick up somewhere around 16 weeks, it's actually a little after the start of the second tri, so hold out hope mama!  You can do this!


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#16 of 16 Old 02-11-2011, 04:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, to all.


I will look into the vitamin D, I was taking some pre pregnancy but have been so sick I have not taken many supplements since the morning sickness hit.

 

I watched Little Bear 4 times today, ahhhh at least I was only semi-concious by the end.  I feel bad my once very possitive son I can now see going to negative behavior to get my attention.  All day long, as soon as i ask him not to do something he just smiles (you know that smile) and runs off to get a chair or what ever he needs so that he can figure it out himself.  We even put a lock on the fridge door the other day because he has problems with his teeth we try and limit his sugar but now he just goes and gets what ever he wants, takes it to the office locks the door and doesn't come out till he is done.  We have also gotten rid of the key to the office. I hope he doesn't realize the upstairs bedroom door locks b/c I don't know how to get that one off. 

 

I have decided not to feel bad about the TV because at least I am not yelling at him to not do something he is going to do anyways.


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