Has anyone else not officially "told" the family? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 15 Old 02-14-2011, 12:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
mommymcnair6's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 192
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Hi ladies.  I am 15 weeks with my 7th.  We haven't told our families yet, but suppose we will have to very soon since I am starting to show.  To be honest, I am not looking forward to their reactions.  Every single time I've told them I'm pregnant, they all have a fit.  Crazy since my husband supports our family very well and I stay at home with our children.  We own our own home and have enough room for everyone.  I just don't understand it!  They say we are irresponsible, etc. . . .  How can that be since we care for them, educate them, love them and provide them with everything they need and most of what they want? : )  I spend just about every waking moment with my children. 

 

Well, it just hurts me that they say that.  Our kids are all healthy and beautifully cared for and we don't ask our families for anything!  We believe children are a blessing from the good Lord himself and are just thrilled to be having another. 

 

Sorry to go on, just wanted to see if anyone else hasn't "told" yet.  Thanks for listening.

mommymcnair6 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 15 Old 02-14-2011, 12:28 PM
pjs
 
pjs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,583
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We haven't told family yet and this is baby #5 for us. Prior to announcing pregnancy #4 my family said pretty much all the same things. After #4 was born and I was really hormonal and my family was basically treating the new babe as nothing special whatsoever I laid it all on the table. My parents were able to see my perspective and were sorry to have been so callous. My bro on the other hand continued/continues to be an insensitive heel. We are hoping dh gets a new job that'll require a long distance move and I think it'd be better to announce both together, thinking they'll be sad about the move so maybe they won't be jerks about the baby ( a tiger never really changes it's stripes, kwim).

We believe babies are always a blessing too.

If anyone wants to pray for us that the job negotiations wrap up soon and we're able to move forward with moving we'd be thoroughly appreciative!
pjs is offline  
#3 of 15 Old 02-14-2011, 12:46 PM
 
Lynann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Sunny South Florida
Posts: 1,357
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We're only on #2 right now, but we hope and pray to have several more. I'm so sorry that your families are not more supportive. You both sound like wonderful Mammas, and DH says he thinks its great that you are having #s 5 & 7. Every child is a special and precious blessing and deserves to be treated as such.

 

pjs, we'll add you to our family prayer time, that the job negotiations will be concluded quickly and you'll be able to go ahead with this move is plenty of time before your new blessing arrives.

 

grouphug.gif to both of you.


Lynslingboy.gif, wife to Robtrekkie.gif & Mamma to angel.gif "Moredcai" 12wks July 09, Aiden(6/1/10)banana.gif and Seth(9/7/11)babyf.gif hbac.gif  New blessing Megan(5/9/13)hearts.gifuc.jpg

Lynann is offline  
#4 of 15 Old 02-14-2011, 12:57 PM
 
lovingmommyhood's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 6,399
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)

We told nearly right away but I was dreading it. When it's after number three I swear you just get so many rude comments. "Baby making machine" etc. I wasn't at all excited and we only told them to get it over with.


Mommy to THREE sweet boys & ONE sweet girl + a newb due in February!  I need a nap. 
lovingmommyhood is offline  
#5 of 15 Old 02-14-2011, 03:26 PM
 
Baby_Cakes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: NJ
Posts: 9,879
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I just emailed my mom about it last week or so.  I was pretty hurt by her response, so I feel your pain for not wanting to tell.  It wasn't anything outwardly insulting, just another example of how little she cares about me.

 

I thought about not telling, but it was really bugging me to think she might hear it through the grapevine, and I weighed my options. Either I don't tell and live with the guilt, or I tell her and live with her crappy response.  I chose the crappy response, lol, and at least now I know I did the right thing for myself.

 

Hugs and be gentle with yourself.  Don't take their reaction personally -- it's all on them.  

 

I just want to add in here that my oldest sister is pg with her 12th, with the same EDD as me (lol) and our family has all but laughed her off as a "crazy" person who is "brainwashed" and doesn't understand the consequences of her actions.  I think this is just an example of how small minded people can be.  Don't let small mindedness and ignorance influence how you live your life and raise your babies.  

 

hug.gif


Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
Baby_Cakes is offline  
#6 of 15 Old 02-14-2011, 04:23 PM
 
veggiemomto2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 663
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

We haven't told anyone yet. Now I'm scared that my mom is going to be ticked for not telling her.  My whole reason behind it is that we were SO shocked and we just felt like we couldn't be certain what was going to happen.  Still aren't.  I just keep avoiding everyone for now!

veggiemomto2 is offline  
#7 of 15 Old 02-14-2011, 04:50 PM
 
Italiamom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 2,414
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post

Don't let small mindedness and ignorance influence how you live your life and raise your babies. 


People will react how they will based on their own perceptions of what they can handle.  Then they project...  It doesn't make it hurt less though greensad.gif

 

I honestly regret telling DH's parents, but I just wanted to get it over with.  My family is Italian, so the more babies, the merrier...  But we haven't told the vast majority of our friends, or one of DH's siblings.  I don't understand, sometimes, why people aren't happy about babies if the parents seem happy?  Happy and excited parents, make for loving parents down the road.  Isn't that what kids need?


Wife to DH geek.gif, mom to DS (4/09), and DD (8/11)fly-by-nursing2.gif, and crafty and hardworking in my own right!  In my parenting journey I've  delayedvax.gif, signcirc1.gif, familybed2.gif, h20homebirth.gif, andcd.gif.  To each family their own!!

 

 

"There are words for people like me, but I don't think there are very many."

Italiamom is offline  
#8 of 15 Old 02-14-2011, 04:50 PM
 
Tamera's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 452
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I told my family right away, but my husband waited quite some time to tell his family. It was maybe two weeks ago and I'm 16 weeks today (I think haha). They're really intrusive and I would have been fine with him waiting to tell them until this baby turns 18. Now I get to deal with my FIL suggesting his name for either gender, my SIL criticizing my birth choices, my MIL telling me that breastfeeding will cause miscarriage, etc. Lovely...


Tamera winner.jpg - wife to Robb, mama to Aidan 1/2004, Evie 9/2009, and Augustus 8/2011

Tamera is offline  
#9 of 15 Old 02-14-2011, 05:15 PM
 
greencarnation's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: VA
Posts: 628
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We ended up telling my mum right away, because I needed to tell someone. After a few weeks, we told his family, because they help us out financially.


That sucks that they judge you. I am the oldest of six, and I know big families can be great! If you care for them well, who cares?

Wifey (23) and Hubby (23) since 07/08.  Enjoying DS baby.gif born 8/6/11!
 
  bfinfant.giffamilybed1.gif nocirc.gif femalesling.GIF fuzmalesling.gif cd.gif !!!
 

greencarnation is offline  
#10 of 15 Old 02-14-2011, 05:24 PM
 
Baby_Cakes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: NJ
Posts: 9,879
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Italiamom View Post


 


People will react how they will based on their own perceptions of what they can handle.  Then they project...  It doesn't make it hurt less though greensad.gif

 

No, you're right.  It sure does still sting.  I hope I didn't come off like it shouldn't -- I guess I just mean...do your thing and try not to let people bring you down.  

 


 


Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
Baby_Cakes is offline  
#11 of 15 Old 02-14-2011, 06:51 PM
 
jccretarolo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 29
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I have yet to tell my Dad. My SO did tell his parents and they are very happy to get another grand baby! I know my dad won't be happy that I'm having baby #4 and his soon to be wife will be even less happy that my EDD is the day they are getting married.


Julia mommy to Mikaela 9, Ethan 5, and Cayden 6/10/09, expecting #4 July/ Aug!
 
I'm a winner.jpgcd.giffemalesling.GIFfamilybed1.gif kinda mom!
jccretarolo is offline  
#12 of 15 Old 02-14-2011, 07:57 PM
 
lisastrickland's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Atlanta, Ga
Posts: 246
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

i told my family right away. they were not too thrilled (everyone thinks we should be done at 2, even though they all know we want 3-4) but they are happy now. DH told his family a few weeks later.

 

I already know when #4 happens (if?) they wont be happy again, but it is OUR choice. we can afford them, we take good care of them, so it is no one elses business how many children we have!

 

my husband jokes when people talk about how many kids we want/will have that we are going to "collect a 6 pack"... that shuts em up.


Lisa ~ Wife to Stephen caffix.gif (5/23/04) ~ Mama to Lincoln Barneswave.gif (10/10/07), Gabriel Normanbabyf.gif(12/8/09)  and Ella Louisette baby.gif(8/14/2011)~ CMP angel.gif (12/8/08 at 8.6 weeks).

lisastrickland is offline  
#13 of 15 Old 02-14-2011, 08:10 PM
 
~savah~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 700
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I am so sorry for everyone whose families are not supportive. I have only told a few close friends and DD. I haven't really had the desire to tell family and the rest of the world yet. I don't really like all of the attention. I almost want to see how far I can make it without spilling the beans. I think it would be neat to wait until my 20 week ultrasound so that I can announce the gender along with the news. I doubt I'll make it another 7 weeks without everyone finding out though.

~savah~ is offline  
#14 of 15 Old 02-15-2011, 12:39 AM
 
Italiamom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 2,414
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post



 

No, you're right.  It sure does still sting.  I hope I didn't come off like it shouldn't -- I guess I just mean...do your thing and try not to let people bring you down.  

 


 


No, no Baby_Cakes...  I Quoted you because I thought your post was very true and poignant!  When it comes down to it, it is small mindedness...  It's an inability to shut your trap and just.be.happy for others.  It can be so hard as a mama to remember to just live your truth and do your best, even on the good days.  And it is SUCH a bummer when you have news that makes you so happy, and then you have to worry about "phrasing it right."

 

Before telling DH's parents, DH and I had a huge argument about the logistics of telling.  Not an hour earlier we were both so happy to tell my parents.  I could practically feel my mom's squeal of delight all the way across the country.  And then, suddenly, we were faced with telling his family, and the mood totally changed.  That is SO, SO hard for any mama.  And in disappointing moments like those, it's hard to rise above and not let people bring ya down greensad.gif


Wife to DH geek.gif, mom to DS (4/09), and DD (8/11)fly-by-nursing2.gif, and crafty and hardworking in my own right!  In my parenting journey I've  delayedvax.gif, signcirc1.gif, familybed2.gif, h20homebirth.gif, andcd.gif.  To each family their own!!

 

 

"There are words for people like me, but I don't think there are very many."

Italiamom is offline  
#15 of 15 Old 02-15-2011, 02:08 AM
 
ursusarctos's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,468
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

grouphug.gif

 

We told my family when we went to visit them at Christmas. I knew they would be supportive and they were. I probably wouldn't have been able to hide it anyway.

We haven't told DH's family yet though and he's a little scared to. We're both still students, DH is the youngest in his family, and his stepmother doesn't see us as very responsible just due to our age and student status mainly. I don't think they'll react that badly, but I can understand DH's reluctance. We're probably going to visit them in a couple weeks and planning to tell then. We probably won't tell about our homebirth plans though.


Me treehugger.gif and DH caffix.gif and sweet baby DD heartbeat.gif born 08/2011.

ursusarctos is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off