Calling all mamas of boys!! Boys vs. Girls? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 09:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
Baby_Cakes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: NJ
Posts: 9,884
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I have a friend who has a DS around 2.5 years old.  She has been a nightmare to me since we found out we *might* be expecting a boy.  She keeps feeding me horror stories about her son and telling me I have no idea how to raise a boy b/c I'm spoiled with this with DD being "a girl".  She's very hung up on gender versus personality, and as much as I try to talk to her about how it's not necessarily b/c he's "a boy" that he does certain things, she won't give it up.

 

Now, I don't know if it's hormones or what, but it's really pissing me off.  And bothering me.  And making me doubt that I can "handle" a boy.  I mean, DD is a tough kid as far as I know.  She climbs on me and throws monster tantrums like most 2 year olds.  But I love her nurturing side, the way she plays quietly, the way we can laugh and dance and sing together.  Tell me boys do these things too?  Please, just tell me it's this woman's boy who is misbehaving b/c he's 2 and not solely b/c he's a boy.

 

She just now texted me that he's walking around with the vaccuum attachment in his mouth and I better "pray for another nice, calm, little girl," and I'm like, livid!!  UGH!  I wish she woud just freaking back off and stop with it, but no matter how much I try to tell her she just rolls her eyes and treats me like I have "no idea" what it's like to raise a boy.

 

Our parenting styles are different.  She doesn't AP, didn't BF, we definitely disagree with how to discipline. I want to say her parenting is a major part of why this kid misbehaves, but part of me just has doubts.  I'm curious what I'm in for and if she's just feeding me her own issues.  What do you think, guys?

 

Ok, verbatim, here is her latest text, "boys are different than girls you will never get a boy to sit quietly like nora does and color while you're in the shower. boys just aren't wired that way."

 

WTF!!??


Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
Baby_Cakes is offline  
#2 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 10:00 AM
 
Beckily's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Olympia, WA
Posts: 2,598
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I don't have a son yet! But, she's wrong. And very negative about her child. I don't care what gender, repeatedly "warning" someone of their impending doom of having a child like yours? Very harsh.

Every child is different. There are differences in how people tend to raise boys that often have them acting differently and there are differences in the genders, but parenting matters.

Continue disbelieving her.

anjelika likes this.

Becky

Married to Dusty
Mama to Charlie - born August 15th.

Waiting on number two, due March 17!

Beckily is offline  
#3 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 10:09 AM
 
mae14's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 177
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

ddcc

 

She is totally wrong.  I have a boy in between my 2 girls and he is as nurturing and caring and focused as they are.  I think it does have alot to do with parenting.  Yes, he is a boy so he is more adventurous and daring and sometimes crazy, but he doesn't get away with the world because he can.  He knows the limits and what is expected in our family unit.


Love tocrochetsmilie.gifand have way to much yarn!   teapot2.GIF is always on at my place.  
Wife familybed1.gif, momma femalesling.GIF, teacher homeschool.gif and all that is inbetween to A b. 31/12/04,  W b. 27/10/06vbac.gif,  V b 17/01/09hbac.gif, and     G b. 09/09/11hbac.gif

 
 

mae14 is offline  
#4 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 10:09 AM
 
Tamera's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 452
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I know that personality and parenting can play a major part, but for me having a boy was MUCH easier. My first was a very mellow little guy. He started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old (we were EBFing and cosleeping). From the time he was about 2 1/2 - 3 years old he started asking to do chores around the house. He would help me with the dishes and folding laundry. He never had problems sharing with other kids and he never had aggressive behavior. He was SO easy to parent.

 

My second, a girl, is definitely high needs but that has nothing to do with her gender. She isn't "bad" or "naughty" or "difficult" she just NEEDS more. I couldn't lay her down for naps, she had to sleep in my arms until she was over a year old. I had to devote a lot more of my time to keeping her content, but again not every baby is going to be the same.

 

I'm sorry she's being so discouraging. It sounds like she could be doing a lot of things differently to make her son happier and make her own life easier.

anjelika likes this.

Tamera winner.jpg - wife to Robb, mama to Aidan 1/2004, Evie 9/2009, and Augustus 8/2011

Tamera is offline  
#5 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 10:40 AM
 
egmaranian's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Central California
Posts: 1,023
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I only have a boy...and he is quickly approaching 2 years old (20 mo right now).  I  can say this, he is adventurous, silly, and playful with a very strong-willed personality.  He is also a loving and wonderful little boy.  Yes, there will be differences between boys and girls.  My son took an instant liking to trucks, cars, and trains without ever being prompted to play with those items by us or any of the adults in his life.  But those differences are not akin to boys=difficult, girls=easy.  My son loves to play outside and dig in the dirt and get all muddy.  And there are times that he may run through the house screaming just because he wants to...he is very high spirited.  There are also times when he comes up to DH or myself to give unprompted hugs and kisses and gently pats us to show that he loves us.  We have lot's of fun coloring, singing and dancing together, and listening to fun or relaxing music too.  Plus, there is the best perk of all...little boys LOVE their mommies!  That is the best, best, best part of having a boy.  The absolute adoration they have for their mommies is unmatched.  My mom ( who has a son and a daughter) describes it as almost romantic love and I have to agree.  The way he looks at me when he's nursing or when he is in a lovey-dovey mood more than makes up for all the rambunctious horse-play that goes on at other times. 

 

My advice is to tell your friend to back off with the horror stories.  Just because she can't handle her son, doesn't mean you will have the same experience!


~Erica~ Married to the love of my life ~ Mama to Nickolas jog.gif6/14/09 and Alexander 8/4/11 and Aiden brokenheart.gifgone too soon at 14 weeks~    
 
  fly-by-nursing1.gifselectivevax.gifnocirc.giffamilybed1.gif
egmaranian is offline  
#6 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 10:46 AM
 
Lynann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Sunny South Florida
Posts: 1,357
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I love being the Mamma of a boy. He might only be 9 months but he has a fairly laid back personality and is reasonably easy going. He does have a lot of physical energy that needs to be burned up before he will sit on the floor and play, but as long as I don't expect too much from him he is really good. My DS was also sleeping through the night at about 6 weeks by his own choice ( I even tried to wake him the first few nights so I could nurse him), he will happily play quietly on the floor with a few toys as long as he can see me (he is only 9mths.) He loves to give cuddles and kisses, and I don't think I could ask for a better child than DS.

 

It sounds to me like your friend is projecting her own issues, both onto her son and blaming his gender, and to you. I personally would ignore what she says as it has nothing to do with how any of your children may or may not turn out.


Lynslingboy.gif, wife to Robtrekkie.gif & Mamma to angel.gif "Moredcai" 12wks July 09, Aiden(6/1/10)banana.gif and Seth(9/7/11)babyf.gif hbac.gif  New blessing Megan(5/9/13)hearts.gifuc.jpg

Lynann is offline  
#7 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 10:52 AM
 
lisastrickland's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Atlanta, Ga
Posts: 246
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

um... i have two boys. the 3.5 year old is sitting quitely, coloring right now as i type. the 15 month old is sleeping.

 

i think it has a lot more to do with the way the child is parented. i have seen some girls that are worse than boys too, and thay are not parented like my boys are. i would just tell her that you really dont want to hear horror stories right now and that you are confident that if you have a boy, you will raise him to be like your daughter, well behaved!


Lisa ~ Wife to Stephen caffix.gif (5/23/04) ~ Mama to Lincoln Barneswave.gif (10/10/07), Gabriel Normanbabyf.gif(12/8/09)  and Ella Louisette baby.gif(8/14/2011)~ CMP angel.gif (12/8/08 at 8.6 weeks).

lisastrickland is offline  
#8 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 10:56 AM
 
Peony's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 25,334
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)

My boy is easier then my girls, well one girl. One girl child of mine would try the patience of a saint, the other one is a typical child. My boy however, is this  sweet snuggly little thing who loves to give kisses and really is quite adorable if I do say so myself. He is destructive, I've never had to hide the knives from the other kids, or had a child climb on top of the dryer before, or buy oven locks! After having girls for 6 years and then a boy, the whole penis thing threw me for a bit, I still get caught off guard when he gets an erection while I am wiping him. Truck noises were ingrained into Julian, he isn't verbal due to speech delays but he knows how to pretend a truck is moving despite us never showing him. 


There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
Peony is offline  
#9 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 11:17 AM
 
veggiemomto2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 663
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Uh.  I have an 11 year old girl.  I have a 6 year old boy.  Boy?  Besides being quite shy and introverted has been fairly easy. The hardest thing for me is getting him to interact with other kids and actually GO to kindergarten! He stole my heart.  My girl?  VERY strong willed, very mouthy, very hormonal!  I adore the child, she is something special and highly talented, but I would say that she has been much more difficult on me.  She is SO much like me!  Also age has a lot to do with it, but we could tell from very early on how strong willed she was.  I have had trouble parenting her because I can't even figure myself out. HA! I also find that your friends attitude sucks.  It appears she feels this way about HER child, but I honestly doubt it has anything to do with said child's gender!

veggiemomto2 is offline  
#10 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 12:21 PM
 
jennyfah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: On the edge
Posts: 920
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

 I also call BS on her.  Children are children, and each is unique and will have her/his own personality and quirks.  I don't think you can peg behavior or expectations on sex, but in our society we like to try to genderize from birth (and even before) by making assumptions and predictions.  Sex is biological, gender is cultural.  You get what you get.  winky.gif


  signcirc1.gif  winner.jpg    Jen  read.gif mom to three boys    jumpers.gif   and partner to malesling.GIF.   

jennyfah is offline  
#11 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 12:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
Baby_Cakes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: NJ
Posts: 9,884
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Beckily View Post
Every child is different. There are differences in how people tend to raise boys that often have them acting differently and there are differences in the genders, but parenting matters.

Continue disbelieving her.


I'm going to!  I think she's full of it, I think I just needed some sort of reassurance b/c this is really the only "friend" I have who has a son.  And he happens to be the same age as my daughter so she's always telling me horror stories!  She really emphasizes the boy aspect of who he is, and some of the things she tells him and teaches him make me cringe. 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tamera View Post
I'm sorry she's being so discouraging. It sounds like she could be doing a lot of things differently to make her son happier and make her own life easier.


It IS discouraging.  I feel like she's saying I only know how to parent a girl.  And she's NEVER parented a girl so I feel like a lot of what she says is unfounded.  She tells me things like, "boys are spacial not emotional so they like puzzles".  Oh, so I should take away DD's puzzles b/c she's a girl??  OMG.  It's insane.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by egmaranian View Post
My son loves to play outside and dig in the dirt and get all muddy.  And there are times that he may run through the house screaming just because he wants to...he is very high spirited.  There are also times when he comes up to DH or myself to give unprompted hugs and kisses and gently pats us to show that he loves us.  We have lot's of fun coloring, singing and dancing together, and listening to fun or relaxing music too.  


See, DD is a lot like this.  I think that's just kids in general, not necessarily boys vs girls.  I think high spirited children have tendencies to be like this - almost manic with highs and lows.  They go nuts and then they show their affection in such personal ways.  That's DD to a tee!

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by lisastrickland View Post

um... i have two boys. the 3.5 year old is sitting quitely, coloring right now as i type. the 15 month old is sleeping.

 

i think it has a lot more to do with the way the child is parented. i have seen some girls that are worse than boys too, and thay are not parented like my boys are. i would just tell her that you really dont want to hear horror stories right now and that you are confident that if you have a boy, you will raise him to be like your daughter, well behaved!


Haha - yeah true that!!

 



Quote:
Originally Posted by Peony View PostAfter having girls for 6 years and then a boy, the whole penis thing threw me for a bit, I still get caught off guard when he gets an erection while I am wiping him. 

Haha ok now there's a difference I will definitely accept!  Ha!

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by jennyfah View Post

 I also call BS on her.  Children are children, and each is unique and will have her/his own personality and quirks.  I don't think you can peg behavior or expectations on sex, but in our society we like to try to genderize from birth (and even before) by making assumptions and predictions.  Sex is biological, gender is cultural.  You get what you get.  winky.gif


Thank you for this!!  This is exactly my point.  Children in general throw you for a loop, and give you a run for your money.  I've come out to find DD head to toe covered in marker, or having dug through my deodorant and wiped it on my clean sheets.  Or having found lip balm and painted the couch!  None of these things scream to me OMG it's b/c she's A GIRL!  It's b/c she's a 2 year old!! LOL!  But when her son licks the floor for an hour and she has to keep repeating to him, "Stop licking the floor," it's b/c he's a boy.  She won't hear it that it's b/c he's a kid.  (Not that my DD has ever licked the floor, but you get where I'm going with this.)

 

I think my plan of action is just going to choose my battles with her.  Change the subject if I have to.  I really feel like she's projecting her own issues on to me.  I think she just wants to seem like she's a know-it-all who has it all figured out, and I'm damned if I try to do better than she has.  IDK.  

 

But a HUGE THANK YOU to all you mamas.  I really am looking forward to having a son (if that's what this baby is)  I feel like she's trying to plant negative seeds in my brain.  I'm going to just have to blow her off and ignore her!

 


Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
Baby_Cakes is offline  
#12 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 01:05 PM
 
ChemistryClass's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 362
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Yup, definitely ignore all of that! My ds is just a love dove! He is snugglier and sweeter than dd was at this age (22 mo). He is rambunctious and curious sure, but that is just typical for the age. My dd got into just as much when she was a toddler. I really hate when people disguise their negativity and stereotype rants as "advice". I hope she knocks it off soon.


Jen, music nerd mama to two kiddos with one more on the way in August 2011!
ChemistryClass is offline  
#13 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 01:22 PM
 
Agatha_Ann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,128
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I only have one girl, but I have three boys. I also have 8 daycare kids, 3 boys and 5 girls. Girls are insanely harder than boys. Boys seem to be more physical so they are into more stuff, but the stress level of a physical boy vs an emotional girl is night and day.

 

My MIL has 7 boys in a row and then 1 girl. That is the whole reason they stopped having kids because she couldn't be sure she wouldn't have another girl!

 

Don't get me wrong, I ADORE my DD and my daycare girls (and MIL loves SIL) but girls are harder hands down in the day to day keeping them happy and balanced. Or as my DH lovingly says, "Women are crazy"  lol.gif

Agatha_Ann is offline  
#14 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 02:17 PM
 
Italiamom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 2,439
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by egmaranian View Post

Yes, there will be differences between boys and girls.  My son took an instant liking to trucks, cars, and trains without ever being prompted to play with those items by us or any of the adults in his life.  But those differences are not akin to boys=difficult, girls=easy.  My son loves to play outside and dig in the dirt and get all muddy.  And there are times that he may run through the house screaming just because he wants to...he is very high spirited.  There are also times when he comes up to DH or myself to give unprompted hugs and kisses and gently pats us to show that he loves us

 

This has been my experience with the scads of little boys I know (and the one I am a mother to).  They do tend to be higher energy.  They do tend to want to play with trucks, and be dirty, and wrestle, even despite the attempts of their very dismayed liberal mothers to not adhere them to gender norms so early.

 

BUT, that doesn't make the little boys "bad."  It might mean that having a boy, as a GENERALIZATION, means that you'll have to exert more physical energy in your parenting in the early years (and in some cases, this is a lot of fun).  But I think every child is going to pose some major challenges for their parents at some point in their lives.  Your DD might be the sweetest little girl on the planet, a perfect angel, until she hits her teen years...  There's always going to be something with kids.  And I'm sure you'll be able to roll with it!

 

There are always, always exceptions to "rules."  If your friend gets smart again about the boys v. girls thing, just say this:  At least with boys, you just have to worry about one penis.  With girls, you have to worry about them all!

 

If you end up having a boy, sure, you might very well end up running around a lot more early on.  But at least your little boy will (most likely) never be a teenage girl winky.gif

 

 

Wife to DH geek.gif, mom to DS (4/09), and DD (8/11)fly-by-nursing2.gif, and crafty and hardworking in my own right!  In my parenting journey I've  delayedvax.gif, signcirc1.gif, familybed2.gif, h20homebirth.gif, andcd.gif.  To each family their own!!

 

 

"There are words for people like me, but I don't think there are very many."

Italiamom is offline  
#15 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 02:33 PM
 
*Jessica*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Western NY
Posts: 3,942
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

You really need to tell her to stop with the comments.  If she feels a need to vent about her child, let her do it to someone else! 


Jessica, wife of Marc and Momma to Nikolai (10) and Nathaniel (9) and Olivia (3).
*Jessica* is offline  
#16 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 03:05 PM
 
Emerging butterfly's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Big Sky country-golden sunsets
Posts: 1,000
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have FIVE living sons. She is completely wrong. Her boy may be all piss and vinegar, but it sounds like he gets it from HER....it's not an innate quality of maleness to be hyper active.

Now listen...(see my mommy tone??) Boys are extremely tender. Our culture screws them from the very beginning with expectations of maleness and typical male behavior. If you have a little boy, do not treat him differently than you would a little girl. Let him cry, console him, model tenderness and emotive modeling. Give him quiet and active things to do. Do not discriminate against pink, unicorns, and baby dolls. My boys are great...super great. Everyone loves them for their inquisitive gentleness and trustworthiness. They are aged 21-7 So, I've done it all so far...except be a grandparent!!! I am pregnant now, and I fully expect a boy, though people tease me about having a girl. I honestly don't care one way or the other. Boys are the sweetest little people on earth and you will NOT have to worry if you don't shove that "he's a BOY" down his throat as if you expect him to behave differently. I am highly suspicious that most of the negative male behavior we see on earth is because of how boys are TREATED not because of how they ARE. And mom's are the ones at home...so I am lookin' at them first and wondering why it is that we place such labels on our kids. "sugar and spice" and all that jazz...what a crock of cow dung.

All in all...this isn't to sound bossy...but your "friend" is just dealing with a kiddo who isn't easy for her, and she is inflaming it by saying it's because he is a boy and then expecting him to act like a nutter. Yeah...KIDS do silly things. KIDS have the capacity to sit quietly and play. KIDS like gentle and active play. KIDS cry and then need to be consoled. KIDS are KIDS. I've seen boys misbehave, and girls misbehave. Their brains ARE different, but they don't have to be brainwashed into thinking that "BIG MAN LIKE TONKA AND PRETTY LITTLE GIRL". oh brother....Good luck with your friend.

Blog in profile*Sea turtle mother to 5 boysfencing.gifguitar.gifnotes.gifblueman.gif, and a beautiful rainbow girl dust.gif!!!! married to my best friendsuperhero.gif& enjoying my pup dog2.gif.Lost our little twins *Simon&Alexander* in 2009brokenheart.gif

Emerging butterfly is offline  
#17 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 03:06 PM
 
egmaranian's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Central California
Posts: 1,023
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


This is AWESOME!!!  biglaugh.gif

 

You just made my day with that comment winky.gif

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Italiamom View Post

There are always, always exceptions to "rules."  If your friend gets smart again about the boys v. girls thing, just say this:  At least with boys, you just have to worry about one penis.  With girls, you have to worry about them all!

 

If you end up having a boy, sure, you might very well end up running around a lot more early on.  But at least your little boy will (most likely) never be a teenage girl winky.gif

 


 

 


~Erica~ Married to the love of my life ~ Mama to Nickolas jog.gif6/14/09 and Alexander 8/4/11 and Aiden brokenheart.gifgone too soon at 14 weeks~    
 
  fly-by-nursing1.gifselectivevax.gifnocirc.giffamilybed1.gif
egmaranian is offline  
#18 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 03:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
Baby_Cakes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: NJ
Posts: 9,884
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Emerging butterfly View Post
If you have a little boy, do not treat him differently than you would a little girl. Let him cry, console him, model tenderness and emotive modeling. Give him quiet and active things to do. Do not discriminate against pink, unicorns, and baby dolls.


If I have a boy, I wouldn't even dream of treating him differently than I do with Nora.  I encourage her to play in the dirt, to run around, to be messy as much as I encourage her more nurturing side.  I would do the same with any child!!  My friend, though,  DOES discriminate.  Basically, everything you said, she does.  No dolls, no crying, NOTHING.  He's supposed to be rough and tumble OR ELSE.  He's not allowed to see her naked (as in changing clothes or getting out of the shower) b/c she's a girl and he's a boy (srsly).  It bothers me to NO END because she makes so many comments that really irk me.  I'm always calling her out on it, but she ALWAYS shoots me down, rolls eyes, or starts flapping her trap about how boys are wired differently and how I have no idea, yadda yadda.

 

Thanks for the luck.  Ha!  I'm going to need it!!

 

And seriously!  I'm going to have my work cut out for me with a teenage girl!  Maybe in 12-13 years the tables will turn and I'll be able to spout wisdom over to her!  LOL!!

 


Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
Baby_Cakes is offline  
#19 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 03:56 PM
 
mama2soren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: slowly making a way home
Posts: 690
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post

  No dolls, no crying, NOTHING.  He's supposed to be rough and tumble OR ELSE.  

 

A little boy can't CRY??  Can't be sweet and gentle??  No wonder this little boy of hers might be a little more challenging than average.  He has no healthy way of expressing difficult emotions and isn't even expected to be calm and gentle.  Yikes.  And no dolls?  Does she not ever expect that he might be a father someday who would need to have an innate sense of tenderness and care for little people?  But she won't show him how that's done?

 

My little boy is almost 3 now.  Yes, I have been well-versed in the 2 year old pushing/hitting stage, but all in all, he's just the sweetest little one I know.  He has a doll, but is not so interested in it.  But, you should see him "father" his stuffed doggie.  He's so tender!  Putting doggie down for naps, "reading" him stories, talking to him animatedly.  All children have different built-in personalities, and yes, sometimes they gravitate towards stereotypical activities despite their parents best intentions to raise them gender-neutrally (ask me how I know!).  But, children model the behavior they are shown.  If a child, boy or girl, is treated with gentleness and kindness from birth (to me, that means lots of baby wearing, cuddles, immediate soothing when crying, nursing, etc), that is how they will treat the world.  I am quick to comfort my DS when he falls, checking to make sure he's ok and giving him a kiss.  It certainly hasn't made him a "sissy,"  he is actually pretty tough!  And, he's the first to come give me a little pat or kiss and ask "ok, mama?" if I so much as stumble walking up the stairs!   

 

So, to sum up.... boys are the best!


OB RN, partner tobikenew.gif and mama to jog.gif (2008, 31 weeker) and babygirl.gif (2011) vbac.gif femalesling.GIF   novaxnocirc.gif  cd.gif

 
 

mama2soren is offline  
#20 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 05:52 PM
 
Italiamom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 2,439
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by mama2soren View Post

A little boy can't CRY??  Can't be sweet and gentle??  No wonder this little boy of hers might be a little more challenging than average.  He has no healthy way of expressing difficult emotions and isn't even expected to be calm and gentle.

 

yeahthat.gif


Wife to DH geek.gif, mom to DS (4/09), and DD (8/11)fly-by-nursing2.gif, and crafty and hardworking in my own right!  In my parenting journey I've  delayedvax.gif, signcirc1.gif, familybed2.gif, h20homebirth.gif, andcd.gif.  To each family their own!!

 

 

"There are words for people like me, but I don't think there are very many."

Italiamom is offline  
#21 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 06:01 PM
 
mamamerle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: texas
Posts: 902
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Quote:

Originally Posted by egmaranian View Post
My advice is to tell your friend to back off with the horror stories.  Just because she can't handle her son, doesn't mean you will have the same experience!

 

I totally agree!

 

I have two girls. One was quiet, easy as a baby, entertained herself. The other... *sigh* gives me grey hair everyday. Gender doesn't matter.


janie
mama to grace 12.11.01, cady 8.11.08, and ada 8.3.11
mamamerle is offline  
#22 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 06:06 PM
 
Nicole730's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,676
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

DDC crashing - she's wrong!  My boy was not a typical "boy" bundle of boundless energy until the last two weeks (he's almost 3).  Even so, he plays quietly by himself all the time and has since he could play.


Mama to three

Nicole730 is offline  
#23 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 06:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
Baby_Cakes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: NJ
Posts: 9,884
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by mama2soren View Post

A little boy can't CRY??  Can't be sweet and gentle??  No wonder this little boy of hers might be a little more challenging than average.  

 

Yes, exactly!  More challenging than average is right! B/c seriously, this mama is the only one I know who has SO MUCH trouble with her child. I think I needed to hear everyone's responses to really have it sink in that she definitely has other issues going on that make her child act out. I just wish she would STOP BLAMING HIS GENDER for his misbehaviour!!

 

I met with her once for a playdate with our kids at a local park.  Poor DD was terrified of this mama.  Her son wanted to pick up rocks and she reamed at him DON'T TOUCH!  He wanted to swing or run or slide and everything was No!! NO!!  He couldn't do anything without getting yelled at.  DD was more than willing to share her ball and every time he stole it away and she got upset it was b/c "He's a boy and is pushy," not b/c she never taught him to share.  

 

I know there are a ton of issues at play.  But I just really don't know how to get her to stop blaming his gender for it.  I think the only way will be when my theoretical son grows up to be a normal, well behaved (but obviously with some boundary pushing) toddler and child.  I almost want the challenge just to prove her wrong.


I told her today that my MIL had three boys.  Only one was mischievous, constantly pushing buttons and doing crazy things, and my DH and his youngest brother were quiet and inquisitive.  She came back with, "quiet isn't what I'm talking about.  it's not how their brains are wired. boys need activity."

 

I wrote back, "do you think for some reason girls don't????"

 

What's also funny is that my MIL often compares DD to her mischievous son, saying she has an awful lot of Uncle Ryan in her!


Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
Baby_Cakes is offline  
#24 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 06:35 PM
 
jennyfah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: On the edge
Posts: 920
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

 Actually, reading that last post, I'm sad for her son and any future children she might have.  It sounds like she's got some pretty specific ideas about how boys and girls *need* to be, and that never bodes well for self-esteem or emotional intelligence.  greensad.gif


  signcirc1.gif  winner.jpg    Jen  read.gif mom to three boys    jumpers.gif   and partner to malesling.GIF.   

jennyfah is offline  
#25 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 06:40 PM
 
Tamera's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 452
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Well I certainly feel secure in my decision to AP after reading about this woman!


Tamera winner.jpg - wife to Robb, mama to Aidan 1/2004, Evie 9/2009, and Augustus 8/2011

Tamera is offline  
#26 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 07:13 PM
 
prothyraia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: The Borean Tundra
Posts: 2,317
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I haven't read the replies, and I'm sure you've gotten lots of reassurance by now, but here's mine!

 

I have two boys, ages 4 and 2.  One was a very intense, challenging baby; his brother was very mellow and easygoing.  Both like to play physically, "fight", run around, etc.  Both also like to snuggle (each other, me, the cat...).  Both kiss my belly and talk to baby inside.  The 4 year old has never really been able to play quietly by himself.  The 2 year old will play quietly by himself for HOURS. shrug.gif

 

They're KIDS.  Whatever innate gender differences there may be, the whole possible range of behavior and personality is the same for boys and girls. 

prothyraia is offline  
#27 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 07:23 PM
 
StrawberryFields's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 4,455
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

DDC crashing :) I agree with everyone else on the thread.  I have a 5 year old ds, a 3 year old dd, and a 1 year old dd.  My son was a high energy baby and toddler, but my youngest daughter is EXACTLY the same.  At 1 year old they refused to sit in the stroller, darted out of the stores, pulling merchandise off the shelves, climbing up on the kitchen table.  Both times (with ds and now with little dd) I had to chain the kitchen chairs to the table legs...

 

My middle dd was not like that at all.

 

Once my ds was around 2, 2.5 he calmed down a lot and he has always been a pretty calm, quiet boy who loves to play fire trucks, Playmobil and Lego.  He will sit for hours building creations and setting up elaborate scenes.  And he loves to read, read, read. 

 

My dds have been much harder on me.  The tantrums, the emotion, the drama... they bring it to the next level.  I feel like I am in way over my head with them!

 

I know how you feel having a friend like that.  I have one who has a boy and a girl and constantly makes negative comments about boys!!  She has even said, "Boys are so much stupider than girls" in front of our sons!!!  WTH?  Who does that? 


mommy to ds 11/05, dd1 01/08, and dd2 01/10!
StrawberryFields is offline  
#28 of 32 Old 03-02-2011, 07:43 PM
 
Jbouck5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Denver
Posts: 402
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Yeah, that would completely piss me off too. I hate when people tell you all their horror stories about some life event you happen to be going through. I would straight up tell her that her negativity is upsetting you and ask her to talk about something else for a change.

 

I have two nephews who are definitely energetic little dudes and do crazy stuff (like accidentally flush undies down the toilet b/c he thought they were his tp lol), but they are also the sweetest children ever! They are 5 and 3 and I adore them both, they are so loving to each other, and everyone else too. I also have 2 friends with boys who are both wonderful kids, and so much fun. 

 

Boys are just as wonderful as girls. Just like all people, each child has a different personality already when they are born, and parenting makes a huge difference too, so gender is only part of the equation yk? Hugs to you Carrie, I'm sorry she's being so crappy.

 

 

Jbouck5 is offline  
#29 of 32 Old 03-04-2011, 08:38 AM
 
camer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 19
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

i didn't read all the posts just yours baby cakes. i just wanted to say that i'm 24 with 3 boys 5, 2.5, 1.5. and they are awesome! honestly boys are different than girls by nature but they still like to colour and dance ect. having an older sister will help set the tone too i think, aswell as the way you parent. just be intune with their natural rythms. give him opertunity to run and play when he needs to and don't expect him to play quietly all day, obviously, lol. i think that lady is out to lunch and it's more her parenting/child than all boys are monsters! 

camer is offline  
#30 of 32 Old 03-04-2011, 08:54 AM
 
Chaika's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 483
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

I just wanted to say that reading this thread has been very helpful to me!  I come from a family of 3 girls, and my mom always said she was so happy she never had a boy.  I think I internalized all of that and got pretty terrified at first when I found out I'm having a boy!  It didn't help that my dad's response when I told him the gender was "well, your mother won't be able to help you, she doesn't know anything about boys."  (They're divorced, by the way eyesroll.gif)

 

I go for walks in the park near my house a lot, and I've been observing the little boys, they don't all look like destructive little hedonists winky.gif

 

Anyway, it was great to hear about everyone's experiences!


Working mom and grad student with a weird husband, a few cats, and a nifty kid!   Anton, born 8/9/11 jog.gif

Chaika is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off