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#31 of 51 Old 03-16-2011, 01:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Maurine View Post

Oh hon.  Just know that you have our support on here.  The emotions of pregnancy are so overwhleming.  Do you think it might help to talk to a professional therapist of some kind?  I know it can almost seem like an additional burden to seek one out, but it might help just to be able to talk about things.



Thank you.  I most certainly need to - for sure.  I weaned of klonopin by around 8-9 weeks, but I wouldn't even say 'weaned' it was more abrupt and almost cold turkey.  I'm still suffering from the withdrawal and worse panic and anxiety.  I know I need to talk to someone.  I just don't know where, or who.  Everyone I've ever been to just want to medicate me.  Or tell me to make a list of all the positives in my life....and truths.  That's just it.  I don't know the truths!  I just always end up giving up.  My daughter needs therapy NOW.  The things she's doing and saying (in anger or hurt) are just not ok.  And I feel scared and alone, but that's what I do...I isolate.  I do not lean IRL.  I guess I go between feeling sad that I'm alone and just wanting to be alone.

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#32 of 51 Old 03-16-2011, 01:58 PM
 
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Others here have put their support into words so much more eloquently that I can, but I didn't want to read this thread without letting you know that you are in my thoughts.

 

I'm thankful that you are opening up here - I hope that offers some help during what I'm sure is a time of great worry for you.

 

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#33 of 51 Old 03-16-2011, 02:20 PM
 
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Can you call your insurance company? Sometimes they have a behavioral health hotline where a representative can help you find a therapist and book an appointment. I did this once and they followed up with me the next day to see if I needed more help. I don't know if they did that for everyone or if it was because I mentioned that I was embarrassed and shy about making appointments with therapists (anxiety!)

 

Also, my sister started seeing a therapist that works solely with mothers. You might be able to find someone similar that would be uniquely qualified to help with your situation.
 

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Thank you.  I most certainly need to - for sure.  I weaned of klonopin by around 8-9 weeks, but I wouldn't even say 'weaned' it was more abrupt and almost cold turkey.  I'm still suffering from the withdrawal and worse panic and anxiety.  I know I need to talk to someone.  I just don't know where, or who.  Everyone I've ever been to just want to medicate me.  Or tell me to make a list of all the positives in my life....and truths.  That's just it.  I don't know the truths!  I just always end up giving up.  My daughter needs therapy NOW.  The things she's doing and saying (in anger or hurt) are just not ok.  And I feel scared and alone, but that's what I do...I isolate.  I do not lean IRL.  I guess I go between feeling sad that I'm alone and just wanting to be alone.



 


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#34 of 51 Old 03-17-2011, 09:00 AM
 
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I am so so sorry you have to go through any of this.

I hope that all your worries are for nothing and that everything turns out just fine.  so often, soft markers mean nothing and go away all by themselves.


First Time Mom to Jonah Brian - born 7/21/11!  100% natural hospital birth.  EDD August 5th.  Married to James Lee on 2/29/08.  joy.gif

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#35 of 51 Old 03-17-2011, 09:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am so sick with a migraine and nausea but I had to update.  The peri just called and as soon as I heard his voice my heart rate was insane - but the first words out of his mouth were NORMAL FISH NORMAL FISH NORMAL FISH.  So, while it is just preliminary, it eliminates some big worries.  Will be waiting for final amnio results, but the normal fish results are good.  I was so worked up that I forgot to ask him about the pain I'm experiencing at the amnio site (feels really sore inside, especially when moving positions).

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#36 of 51 Old 03-17-2011, 09:27 AM
 
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I am so incredibly happy for you!  OMGoodness, mama, you needed to hear this badly!  This is fabulous news!!

Hugs about the amnio site soreness, headache, and nausea.  Take it easy.  You need a break. 

 

 


Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
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#37 of 51 Old 03-17-2011, 09:57 AM
 
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What a relief honey!  Big huge hugs...and call them back about the soreness!


Jill, mama to three fiery girlies and a sweet baby boy: Grace, 11.30.2005,  Ayla, 3.22.2008, Norah 9.5.09, Reed 8.19.11 & dfs Gage 2.29.12   angel1.gif x4
 

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#38 of 51 Old 03-17-2011, 11:59 AM
 
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biggrinbounce.gif  Yay! 

 

I hope you're feeling better soon!  Do call them back and ask about the pain so you don't start worrying about it, though. 


Jessica, wife of Marc and Momma to Nikolai (7) and Nathaniel (6).  Expecting Olivia in August! 

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#39 of 51 Old 03-17-2011, 01:24 PM
 
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So excited to hear that your FISH results are normal! hug2.gif


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#40 of 51 Old 03-17-2011, 01:32 PM
 
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Sweet relief! I'm glad you got some good news.

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#41 of 51 Old 03-17-2011, 01:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you guys so much for the support, good thoughts, and everything else!

 

Of course I never let my guard down, and my own children continue to deal with me worrying about them ( from the time they popped out) on a daily basis (it's what I do), but yes I just keep saying "thank you thank you thank you for these results" While it's not 100% and there's other chromosomal issues that can come back on the final amnio, Down Syndrome was something I was concerned about, so it's good to hear that news.  I want to continue to hear good news!  We will take the kidney issue as it comes and I will probably call Nephrology after I get the final amnio results.  I hate thinking about babe undergoing surgery as a newborn, but I'm probably getting a head of myself.  I think my biggest concern was that the kidney signified something more, you know?  Oh and it's now officially confirmed it's a boy, though there was never any doubt. :)

 

I did call and asked about the pain and they said normal up to a week, so I should be fine! 

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#42 of 51 Old 03-17-2011, 01:51 PM
 
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Good good good!


Ima to Mizz.Jonas- 14, Isman- 12,Javsar- 9, Nani Gweesa- 4 and Baby Micah born into the Universe sleeping at full term Oct. 19th 2008 and Partner to Abba ~ belly.gif8/2011  Grateful to be Dead  broc1.gif
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#43 of 51 Old 03-18-2011, 12:28 PM
 
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I'm delighted you got some good news back, after all the anxiety!  Like others, I'll be hoping to hear later how the complete results looked.  

 

As someone who is very good at blaming myself for things, and worrying, as well -  please be gentle to yourself.  You really sound like you are doing as much as you can, with love and concern for all your family.  It is not expected, not to BE expected, that any of us can be perfect or meet everyone's needs; but that we do our best, find what help we can, and love them.  

 

I hope you will find that your son's issues really are limited to minor kidney problems.  Forgive me if this is too long, or too personal, but in a way, I think it's important, if not for you (God willing! - though you may see some of this with your older son), for others whose children have may be born with obvious problems, or develop them, later.  Having had health problems that were very severe from early childhood till perhaps the last two years (when, after long treatment, and rehabilitation effort, they're miraculously reduced to 'manageable', if I do not wear myself out) - even at the worst times, times of real and prolonged suffering, I have been so glad to be alive....  My mother couldn't prevent my getting an infection, in utero, she did not, could not, know she had.  She could not make things go perfectly - or, often, even 'well'.  But she loved me and did what she could to take care of me, both as a child, and for years, when almost entirely incapacitated, in my twenties.  (A time when, among other things, I went from being a passionate reader, loving to cook, and attending college while I worked part-time, to being unable to walk, read, or remember what had happened earlier in a day.  At times, I could not feed myself.)  Perhaps many people, looking ahead, seeing the struggle of my childhood, and those later years, and not seeing the moment I am in now, would have thought my life was not worth living, or was all too sad, too hard, to be dealt with.  But, even in the terrible times, that was only one side of the story, not the best or most important one. - And that's how we felt, then, without denying the pain and loss we also faced.  Giving your children love and the privilege of the best life they can have, whatever it might be - that is enough of a gift.  People who think everything needs to be perfect to be worth having do not really understand the value of existence (or of much else, I believe).  A loved life is worth having.  Finding what good you can in the worst times is a saving grace.  And sometimes - sometimes - astonishing things do happen.  There are some residuals from all the years of ill health, but I am happily married, largely healthy, off all medication, fairly active, able to do things I love (read, cook, explore the great city I live in - on foot!, talk, go to cheap theater and concerts, and much more) as long as I balance it all with rest.  There were times it was not clear I would ever walk, again. Yet, last summer, I ran a 5k, and came in in the top half of the race (after only 8 weeks of running).  And now - I am expecting twins, who are doing beautifully.  (As I've been extensively treated, I am unlikely to pass this to them.)  None of this would I have believed could really happen.  I saw too much go wrong to be so hopeful.  I do understand the nature of intractable problems (things which no amount of effort can make 'alright'), but also the surprising quality of life, and the passionate desire you can have to live, the love of doing so, and possibility of doing so well, in limited circumstances.  Please, let me also agree with anyone who suggests that there can be unexpected plus-sides even to apparent tragedies.  (One doesn't have to deny the tragedy, or falsify reality, to feel that way.)  My family is warm and close, and deeply appreciate each other.  Many people with easier outward circumstances end up with much less than we have, and have had.  

 

Plus, you know, I may owe my mother the struggles in some sense she's not responsible for, but I also, in two different ways (at least), truly owe her my life.  I would never blame her for the part she would have spared me, if she could have done anything to change it.  I'm sorry to be so long, but I think not everyone who might want to say these things is fortunate enough to be able, as I am, now.  And I do hope that this might be reassuring, if only as against the worries and possibilities we may face.

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#44 of 51 Old 03-18-2011, 12:31 PM
 
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All of which is to say - please don't feel you've let your baby down, when you are doing all you can for him, and giving him those very precious things: life, and your love.


Julie, wife to my dearest friend reading.gif reading.gif since August 2009.  Mama to babyboy.gif Oliver & Lydia babygirl.gif, born August 2011.  Enjoying: slingtwin.gif and femalesling.GIFdh_malesling.GIFnursex2.gif 2twins.gifcd.gif, and looking forward to making baby food carrot.gif, and continuing to watch my wee ones grow  babyf.gifbabyf.gif.  

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#45 of 51 Old 03-18-2011, 05:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you so very much for sharing, and for your words of encouragement and kindness, imprint.  And fwiw, I'm so happy that whatever took much of your health seems to have taken a backseat.  I'm thrilled that you are living life to the fullest.  hug2.gif

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#46 of 51 Old 03-18-2011, 05:52 PM
 
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Imprint, your story was so beautiful and inspiring :)


Working mom and grad student with a weird husband, a few cats, and a nifty kid!   Anton, born 8/9/11 jog.gif

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#47 of 51 Old 03-20-2011, 01:00 PM
 
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Imprint, that was a beautiful story and inspiring.  Veggie, truly you are giving life and love to your babies.  I second or third kelle hampton's blog for everyone.  How she dealt with and now lives joyfully with a daughter who happens to have DS is something we all could be inspired by.  I absolutely love her blog.


mom to three sons and one new daughter born in August 2011
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#48 of 51 Old 03-24-2011, 05:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Call from the nurse, amnio was normal!  Whew.  I was hoping I'd get a call today!  Thank you all again for all of your support.  I know it's still a long road a head with possible complications from the kidney or med use (but biggest hurdle is MY OWN ANXIETY!), but this is huge and I'm grateful!!  orngbiggrin.gif

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#49 of 51 Old 03-24-2011, 05:32 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by veggiemomto2 View Post

Call from the nurse, amnio was normal!  Whew.  I was hoping I'd get a call today!  Thank you all again for all of your support.  I know it's still a long road a head with possible complications from the kidney or med use (but biggest hurdle is MY OWN ANXIETY!), but this is huge and I'm grateful!!  orngbiggrin.gif


joy.gif  WOOHOO!  Now it's time to give yourself a little break and do everything you can to keep calm and un-anxious. 
 

 


Jessica, wife of Marc and Momma to Nikolai (7) and Nathaniel (6).  Expecting Olivia in August! 

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#50 of 51 Old 03-24-2011, 05:59 AM
 
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Mama that is AWESOME news!!! I'm so so happy for u. Take a few deep cleansing breaths and enjoy this!!

Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
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#51 of 51 Old 03-24-2011, 07:07 AM
 
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Yay, great news!!


#1 stork-boy.gif born after IVF.

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