What are you doing with your older children when you go into labor? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 28 Old 05-05-2011, 09:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So, the plan right now is that when I go into labor, I'll give my MIL a jingle and she'll come get Nora and take her back to her house.  Sounds simple, right?

 

But part of me is just toying with / entertaining the idea of having MIL come over and hang out with Nora while I labor.  That way she too can be there for the birth.  I haven't even asked her if she WANTS to be there for it, but I think if I ask her then I obviously have to be ok with her saying yes.  Ha!  

 

Cons : 

- My house is small.  I'm worried there will be too many people hovering, plus Nora, and this might interfere with my labor.

- Nora might be freaked out and worried about me.

- My MIL will get too wrapped up in the birth and stop paying attn to Nora.

 

Pros :

- Nora and my MIL would get to see the birth.

- I'll have plenty of people here to support me.

 

The EASY answer is to just have my MIL come and take Nora back to her house, no problems, no issues.  But of course I have to go complicate things!

 

Any advice?

 

What are you doing with your older kids when you go into labor -- homebirthing or not?  I imagine for a hospital birth, having them there isn't an issue, but who are you getting to take care of them while you're away?

 

 

 


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#2 of 28 Old 05-05-2011, 09:40 AM
 
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The plan: call my mom when I go into labor, she comes to the house to watch the boys and I go to the hospital.

 

that was the plan last time, but I ended up birthing at home, then going to the hospital ... so who knows. if my labor is going really fast, then we will just take the boys with us to the hospital and have my mom or someone meet us there to pick them up.


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#3 of 28 Old 05-05-2011, 09:46 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post

So, the plan right now is that when I go into labor, I'll give my MIL a jingle and she'll come get Nora and take her back to her house.  Sounds simple, right?

 

But part of me is just toying with / entertaining the idea of having MIL come over and hang out with Nora while I labor.  That way she too can be there for the birth.  I haven't even asked her if she WANTS to be there for it, but I think if I ask her then I obviously have to be ok with her saying yes.  Ha!  

 

Cons : 

- My house is small.  I'm worried there will be too many people hovering, plus Nora, and this might interfere with my labor.

- Nora might be freaked out and worried about me.

- My MIL will get too wrapped up in the birth and stop paying attn to Nora.

 

Pros :

- Nora and my MIL would get to see the birth.

- I'll have plenty of people here to support me.

 

The EASY answer is to just have my MIL come and take Nora back to her house, no problems, no issues.  But of course I have to go complicate things!

 

Any advice?

 

What are you doing with your older kids when you go into labor -- homebirthing or not?  I imagine for a hospital birth, having them there isn't an issue, but who are you getting to take care of them while you're away?

 

 

 


I wouldn't usually say this but! 1- I think it's really cool to let older siblings be there for the birth. 2- Nora seems very sensitive. I am, too, so I like that about her ;) Really think about that when making your choice because she will see all the awesome things of birth and they can scare some kids. My niece had nightmares for awhile after watching part of her cousin's birth.

 


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#4 of 28 Old 05-05-2011, 09:48 AM
 
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(HUG) If you educate Nora, and there are a lot of wonnnnnderful videos and books and even classes to do so with, she will LOVE being at your birth. She will need someone to be there for her if she needs something. But oh boy...my boys ADORED being at our births. They saw that new baby as as much theirs as mine. They loved it. Every moment. I remember nursing my 2 year old while pushing out his little brother...we were ALL laughing, it was so comic. I remember continuing to nurse him after I got his little brother latched on...and the laughing continued. They have the strongest bond....

In any case, I know that's an extreme example...but little ones really do lend themselves to the magic of birth. They love it. You just have to show her what sounds you might make, you want to tell her you might cry, but that your just crying because your working SO hard. You might want to role play it for her, help her to have a small job, like taking pictures or something....

Anyway...it can and does work beautifully to have children with you in labor and during birth. It helps them to really GET it all...and they really appreciate those memories as they grow.

So, your worries are all valid, but...so are your pros! Talk in detail about the worries, and make sure everyone understands their role. It will be fine...and I'll bet your going to be so glad to have opted to keep your little girl by your side. blowkiss.gif No matter what you choose...you'll make the right choice for YOU!


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#5 of 28 Old 05-05-2011, 10:14 AM
 
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When my DD was born, we had no one to watch my oldest so we really didn't have a choice but to bring him to the hospital with us. I had my husband take him out of the room if anything too intense was happening (getting an IV, etc). I was admitted around like 4pm and he ended up falling asleep around the normal time and sleeping through almost everything. Even though he was only a few feet away, he didn't wake up while I was pushing or anything. I guess I wasn't as loud as I thought! He woke up on his own around 6am and by that time she was about 1 hour old so all the commotion was over. It worked out as well as it could have. I don't think there's anything wrong with having her in the house especially if you have a designated person to make sure her needs are being met.


 


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#6 of 28 Old 05-05-2011, 10:37 AM
 
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We plan on having DD (will be 2.5 when this baby is born) at the birth.  My mom will come over and take care of DD/take her to her house if needed.  My mom really wanted to be a DD's birth, but I wanted it to just be myself and DP, so she is thrilled with being there for this baby's birth.  We have been reading "Hello Baby" also called "Welcome with Love" to DD and she loves it.  I think that by having her at the birth the baby's arrival will make a lot more sense to her rather than suddenly there is a baby in the house.  Also, I take DD to all of my MW appointments so she is familiar with our MW too.


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#7 of 28 Old 05-05-2011, 11:03 AM
 
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My kids have always been here when their siblings were born. DD1 was 3.5 when DD2 was born, she still remembers it. My mom hung out with her at our house for the morning until DD2 was born. DS came quicker, my mom was over here for an hour before he was born. The girls missed his birth, they were downstairs but I couldn't speak to tell DH to go get them so they came up right afterwards. They will be here this time. My mom probably will be out of town so it will just be dh caring for them.


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#8 of 28 Old 05-05-2011, 11:07 AM
 
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when DD2 , Piper, was born at home, I went into labor at night. Piper was born early morning, plan WAS to take her across the street to the neighbors house so we did, BUT they were asleep. it was 3 am  , Ooopos! so my hubs brought her back and she watched finding Nemo:) right after Piper was born she came running down the hallway to see her sister and went back to watching tv. she was almost 3.

 

Now we have 2 to figure what we want to "do" with:P , I vote keeping them here. maybe notifying our new neighbors if one gets freaked out. Im sure Fallon will be okay with it, since its the second baby to be born at home.  And Piper, well as long as she is okay she can hang out. Im secretly hoping to go into labor again at night or early evening so I can have the baby while they are asleep.

 

I think its awesome for kids to experience natural, home birth. so they can get the "Real" perspective of birth. not the crap they show on tv. especially for boys to see their moms give birth naturally. it shows them what "really" goes on. the trust of a mamas body, the work that goes into it, the pain, sweat , tears, etc.  But its nice to have someone on standby to take care of them if they get freaked. For the most part tho I think they see it as "magical" they dont know the real workings so they make up the scene some times...

 

Talking about what might go on I agree is a good thing.


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#9 of 28 Old 05-05-2011, 11:09 AM
 
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DD (7) is staying home with us. She witnessed her brother's birth and loved the experience. DS (2), on the other hand, definitely will be visiting with somebody during my labor! My next door neighbor has offered to watch him. I really hope she is available when I go into labor because having him so close would make me feel better. Plus, she could just scoot him right over to meet his baby sibling lickety split after the fact! If she is unavailable, I am fairly certain that another neighbor would watch him. I need to double check with her though. I am so happy to have such nice people living nearby!

 

I agree with the idea of having her watch some birth videos. I watched A LOT with DD before I had DS. I think it helped her not be afraid of the process. In fact, she took some fantastic photos of the birth with her little pink Vtech camera. LOL I was looking through her pictures the next day, and was like, "WOW! I wasn't expecting to see all of that!" It really cool to have them though.


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#10 of 28 Old 05-05-2011, 11:47 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Beckily View Post




I wouldn't usually say this but! 1- I think it's really cool to let older siblings be there for the birth. 2- Nora seems very sensitive. I am, too, so I like that about her ;) Really think about that when making your choice because she will see all the awesome things of birth and they can scare some kids. My niece had nightmares for awhile after watching part of her cousin's birth.

 

I agree with this! I also think it's GREAT if a sibling wants to be there for the birth and I'm not against it in the least bit...my older two watch it on tv frequently but my daughter (Who I think from the previous post is the same age as yours) is very sensitive to what I'm feeling. If I start crying she gets very upset "Mommy, why you crying?" "Are you okay?" "Mommy don't be sad!" and she won't calm down until I hug her and tell her mommy is fine and is only crying because of _______. So if it were me with her I'd be slightly concerned that she'd be upset if I got upset as can sometimes happen to me in labor. My DS1 cannot stand the sight of blood, it's the strangest thing but there it is...DS2 who's 4 would be just fine to be there. 

 

Maybe the best option would be to have your MIL be ready to come pick her up and in the moment if you decide you want her there then she stays. You know, leave it sort of open ended to see how everybody is feeling about it at the time? 

 

As for us as soon as I go into labor my mom will have our kids or she will bring them to my MIL's house, depending on how it goes. We'll have an hour and a half drive though so it will be up to them, sadly, to organize our kids. (This sucks for me as I'm a control freak especially with my kids!) 


 

 


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#11 of 28 Old 05-05-2011, 12:08 PM
 
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We're just finalizing plans now with our son's 3 favourite babysitters ... one of them will come & stay with him (and our very high-needs dog!) when DH & I go to the hospital with the midwives. The hospital is 5 min away, and the midwives will discharge us 4 hours after birth if there are no complications. My parents live too far away to get here quickly (over 90 min away), MIL is closer, but not comfortable with our dog. I can't just lock the dog in her crate for such an indefinite period of time, so making sure we have someone that DS is comfortable with, even if they show up over night & he wakes with them here, as well as someone who can handle our dog, is important! Just waiting to hear back from our sitters as to their other summer employment, so I can sort out the schedule for who to call on which days! They are all sisters, so they can coordinate things with eachother if one has to leave for a bit or something.


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#12 of 28 Old 05-05-2011, 12:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This is all wonderful advice!!  Thank you so, so much, mamas!

 

Though -- after reading all of it, I just went and asked Nora if she wanted to be here when the new baby comes.  It went something like this.

 

"So, Nora, do you want to be here when the new baby comes, or do you want to go to grandmas?"

"Grandma's."

"Are you sure?  You'll be ok if you're not home when the baby comes?"

She looks at me kinda gives me this look like, "Are you crazy!?"

"Um, Grandma's."

 

I'm not going to push it too much, but if she changes her mind maybe we'll rethink the plan!  LOL!


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#13 of 28 Old 05-05-2011, 12:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post

This is all wonderful advice!!  Thank you so, so much, mamas!

 

Though -- after reading all of it, I just went and asked Nora if she wanted to be here when the new baby comes.  It went something like this.

 

"So, Nora, do you want to be here when the new baby comes, or do you want to go to grandmas?"

"Grandma's."

"Are you sure?  You'll be ok if you're not home when the baby comes?"

She looks at me kinda gives me this look like, "Are you crazy!?"

"Um, Grandma's."

 

I'm not going to push it too much, but if she changes her mind maybe we'll rethink the plan!  LOL!


I like her ;) She knows what she wants and she seems to be a great communicator!

 


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#14 of 28 Old 05-05-2011, 01:00 PM
 
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Not sure what we are going to do. We had the plan to leave them with their godmother, who is THE BEST. She lives 2 miles away and her son is DD2's best friend. But, he was just diagnosed with Leukemia last week and will be going through treatments for the next three years. They will be in and out of the hospital in August.

 

We are having a homebirth and WISH we had family that was even remotely safe. So, not sure what to do. I definitely do not feel comfortable with them present, simply because I cannot have get to the state of relaxation I need when they are around. So any suggestions would be great.

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#15 of 28 Old 05-05-2011, 01:52 PM
 
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This is all wonderful advice!!  Thank you so, so much, mamas!

 

Though -- after reading all of it, I just went and asked Nora if she wanted to be here when the new baby comes.  It went something like this.

 

"So, Nora, do you want to be here when the new baby comes, or do you want to go to grandmas?"

"Grandma's."

"Are you sure?  You'll be ok if you're not home when the baby comes?"

She looks at me kinda gives me this look like, "Are you crazy!?"

"Um, Grandma's."

 

I'm not going to push it too much, but if she changes her mind maybe we'll rethink the plan!  LOL!


LOL. So cute.

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#16 of 28 Old 05-05-2011, 02:16 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post

This is all wonderful advice!!  Thank you so, so much, mamas!

 

Though -- after reading all of it, I just went and asked Nora if she wanted to be here when the new baby comes.  It went something like this.

 

"So, Nora, do you want to be here when the new baby comes, or do you want to go to grandmas?"

"Grandma's."

"Are you sure?  You'll be ok if you're not home when the baby comes?"

She looks at me kinda gives me this look like, "Are you crazy!?"

"Um, Grandma's."

 

I'm not going to push it too much, but if she changes her mind maybe we'll rethink the plan!  LOL!


BWAH HA HA! Hey, the girl knows what she wants! What else can you do but listen to her!? Love it...joy.gif

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#17 of 28 Old 05-05-2011, 02:32 PM
 
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Last time, our two-year-old just slept in our bed while I labored and woke up at about the same time baby was born.  This time, I think the boys are going to my dear friend's house to play if I'm laboring during the day.  I know that I won't labor well with them awake and in our house, and they have both said they'd rather play with their friends anyway.  (They've both seen enough birth videos to know what staying would mean!)  My friend will drop them back at our house whenever we call her, so they can come and meet the new brother/sister.  


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#19 of 28 Old 05-05-2011, 07:20 PM
 
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We got lucky when dd2 was born...she slept through the whole thing and woke up about 30min after the birth!

dd3 was an emergency, so we had dh's aunt rush over.

This time...I don't know. I guess it depends on what is happening with the pregnancy. If he's early, it'll have to be another call-anyone-who's-available situation. If he's term, then hopefully MIL will be around. The hard thing is that we have no one that can really watch them...no family close by (all at least 3 hours away) and dh's aunt has never had kids so is kind of clueless lol.

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#20 of 28 Old 05-05-2011, 10:35 PM
 
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They're coming with me to the hospital but they're going to have a stack of books and Mommy's laptop to play with in the waiting room when it comes to pushing. I know my oldest would love to watch but youngest is way too sensitive. I know Mommy being in pain would freak her out. She becomes clingy and if she decided to start hanging around my neck and I was worried about her and how she was doing instead of focusing on my job, that could make for a bad labor.
I took the kids to my acupuncture appointment today. Youngest didn't say anything for like a half hour. Yeah... no watching labor. orngbiggrin.gif


LOL That sounds exactly like my DD! 


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#21 of 28 Old 05-06-2011, 12:13 AM
 
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We are having a homebirth and WISH we had family that was even remotely safe. So, not sure what to do. I definitely do not feel comfortable with them present, simply because I cannot have get to the state of relaxation I need when they are around. So any suggestions would be great.


We're kind of in the same boat.  Family is SO out of the question.  No.  Freaking.  Way.

 

I have a good friend (who's had a homebirth herself) that I'm hoping will be able to come and watch DS, and she's willing, but she also has two kids, and her partner has a kind of unpredictable work schedule.  So it's not an "absolutely, yes."  I have another friend who has offered to come watch DS, but she's completely not comfortable with natural/home birth.  I know she'd be very respectful, but I also know she's super fearful, and I just don't want that juju!

 

Mostly, I'm a private birthing woman.  I really just want to be alone with DH, with the occasional midwife check, ya know?  I really don't want ANYONE else at the house at all, but DS is such a handfull, and I know in my heart that if someone comes and picks him up that I'll worry about him (he's a sensitive kid).  So the option seems to be trying to find someone who won't intrude, but can actually show up.

 

Gah.

 

Carrie, I'm glad that you were able to find a resolution!!  Checking little details off the mental mind list is so damn gratifying...

 


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#22 of 28 Old 05-06-2011, 08:02 AM
 
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I'm hoping and praying that I have this baby overnight and its all over with by the time DS wakes up in the morning. (I can dream!)

 

If I labor while DS is awake then our plan is to ask a trusted friend to come over to look after DS, but we haven't asked her yet. My family are all 5000 miles away and DH's closest family is 4 hours away. I know my BIL would come over in a heartbeat if we asked him to, and he is really good with DS, but he lives 4 hours away, so that option seems pointless.

 

I am really hoping our friend says yes, as I'm a very, very private person in labor and she is the only person I feel comfortable having around in our tiny 2 bed apartment. I've already got the midwife to agree to just sit around, and also to expect to not be called to come until I'm in transition, as I don't even want her to be around much.

 

If only we could choose when to go into labor, and how long it lasts! praying.gif


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#23 of 28 Old 05-06-2011, 08:03 PM
 
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my kids are gonna be 4,3 15-16 months when this one is born... noway are they gonna be in the labor room with me... i do a scheduled induction.. so as long as he doesnt come early then my mom will keep my kids at the hospital.. they will stay in the room with me until i know its time and then they leave.. i am a screamer.. it helps me out a lot.. and noway do i want my kids hearing mommy scream or seeing all the blood.. no thanks.. plus my girls are very very sensitive to me and my son is very attached.. i cant have the added stress of them.. im also one of those women where noone except the man who put me into the hospital and the tons of docs and nurses are gonna see that area of my body sorry not happening lol..and then after im cleaned up and the baby is cleaned up my kids will see their baby brother and mommy again.. then theyll go home with my mom and rich will stay with me and the baby (and yes my baby has no name yet oi) then the next day mom will bring the kids back up to see me for part of the day and so on until we go home. lol

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#24 of 28 Old 05-06-2011, 09:20 PM
 
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lol, that is so cute what Nora said! :D 

 

AFM, the plan is for the kids (4, 2, 19 months) to come to the birth center with us as long as it's not in the middle of the night. When DD2 was born at home DD1 slept right through the whole thing(she was born overnight)! If it's in the middle of the night my mom will stay at the house with the kids while DH and I go.


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#25 of 28 Old 05-07-2011, 05:19 PM
 
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The only kids I have so far are the fur kids. The vet we use is just 2 miles down the road- and they do boarding, but I don't want to board the unnecessarily. I'm going to talk with the office before hand and let them know we *may* need to bring the dogs by on short notice and make sure that's ok. However, I would really prefer for them to be at home if they can. I really have NO idea how they'll react to the labor. I think either of them really could go either way. Our big girl is deeply in tune with me and cowers and hides if I'm ever angry - but I'm hoping that if I'm loud she'll be able to sense that I'm okay and not angry- but if I'm scaring her then we'll take her to the vets (if I give labor during open hours). Our little guy is super hyper and barky though he usually doesn't bark at me- plus he has been really mellow around me since I've been pregnant. So who knows.

I'm glad they are real kids yet though. We have no family in town so i have no idea what I'd do with them if they were children.

Mama to a adoreable August '11 baby and two great dogs
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#26 of 28 Old 05-07-2011, 07:16 PM
 
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I think it totally depends on the kid, and the mama.  Personally, it's not for us.  DS is 3.5 years old, and is a complete and total mama's boy, which is terrific in every sense, except when it comes to me birthing, lol!  He has a really hard time when I stub my toe, let alone watching me give birth.  I think it would be his own personal hell to watch me be in that pain.  I was pretty loud, and panicky at the end last time. Also, I would not be able to focus on my labor AT ALL if he was around.  Hell, I had a hard time not worrying about how DH was handling it last time!  I know I would be distracted beyond belief if DS was with me, even if someone was "in charge" of him.  So, I am sending him to MIL's.  I'm having DH take him to her house, because I know myself, and I know I won't want to have anyone coming over, or have a long drawn out "good-bye".  When I think it's time, I'll send them on their way.  (My biggest fear is when will I know to send them?  I've never started labor spontaneously, and I'm nervous I won't know when to send them... but that's for another post ;))  Another reason I don't really want him here is that the few hours following DS's birth were some of the most sacred, awesome hours I've experienced.  I really really want to give this baby that time, too, with just him/her, DH and me.  I'm sure I'll miss DS like crazy and want him back asap, but I want to have a little time to nap/snuggle/drink in that time with this one. Ok, I'm getting choked up here thinking about it.... is it August yet??!!?!?!?

 

So, that's my take on it, but I can totally see how having a sib there makes it equally as peaceful/manageable/wonderful/sacred for another family :)

 

Carrie, your story about Norah made me lol, and reminded me of one I had with DS:
 

(I have no IDEA where or how he thought to ask me this, but he did:)

Jeb: where is the baby going to be born?

Me: actually, right here!  at our home!

Jeb, with a look of disgust and shock:  HERE?!  IN OUR HOUSE???

 

HAHAHAHA!  I wish I could have caught it on video!  It was like all the nay-sayers wrapped into one, lol!


Copper- wife to B, mama to DS1 Jeb 12.4.07, and DS2 William 8.11.11.  So thrilled to be expecting a surprise baby 10.26.14!!!
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#27 of 28 Old 05-08-2011, 10:24 PM
 
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southernstormy-    my sweet dog was on the bed when my eldest was born, and in the room when number two came. now that my belly is getting so big she gives me a big sniff (taking in my pregnant smell...?) and gives me a look like, you're really going to do this again?? hahaha

 

as for my kid kids, when dd2 was born, my 3 year old at the time totally did sleep through it. (there is hope that it can play out that way!!) she woke up with a new baby sister and "the house was crawling with midwives" as she tells it. there really weren't that many of them. ;) she did get to see her baby sister all covered in vernix and whatnot, and witnessed the placenta being born, while mama was enraptured by endorphins and sweet little baby to focus on. i had a surrogate baby (two years ago in august) and the eldest was there for that birth, 5 at the time, and in no way in the way. she is a special kid, though. she gets a stink on her face when i tell her that no, she isn't going to catch this baby. she has removed her on stitches and says she wants to be a midwife.

 

my littlest- freshly 2- was not there when the surrogate baby was born, though if it were our baby and our house, i likely would have had a different take on that. as of now, i don't have a perfect plan for my kids while i am birthing. as my midwives are partnered plus an apprentice, i might just let part of the midwive's role be to be with the kids. i feel pretty confident with the birthing, so long as i can be in my place of meditation/concentration. we'll see how it plays out. i did labor with the surrogate baby alone in the house with the two kids for several hours. they were in and out of the tub with me, made themselves some breakfast, etc. they truly are solid kids that can fend for themselves and hold their own, if need be.

 


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#28 of 28 Old 05-09-2011, 06:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by copper.kettle View Post
your story about Norah made me lol, and reminded me of one I had with DS:

 

(I have no IDEA where or how he thought to ask me this, but he did:)

Jeb: where is the baby going to be born?

Me: actually, right here!  at our home!

Jeb, with a look of disgust and shock:  HERE?!  IN OUR HOUSE???

 

HAHAHAHA!  I wish I could have caught it on video!  It was like all the nay-sayers wrapped into one, lol!


That is SO FUNNY!!!  LOL!!! You really can't make this stuff up!

 

You know, all this talk about personality...I really don't think Nora could handle it.  She is way too sensitive.  I think that's really important and I don't know why I didn't put the focus on that first!

 


Carrie SAHM to Nora Caitlyn (5) and Finnley Dax (2) homebirthing, breastfeeding, babywearing, intactivist, doula mama!         
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