Hopefully this will be coherent...I'm tired and typing with a baby on my lap.
So most of you know about my false alarm last Thursday when I thought my water broke and started with some contractions, but then nothing...
Okay so Monday (8/1) I did not feel well. I slept bad the night before, was feeling crampy, I felt pukey, and I was just really tired. I had gotten maybe 4 hours of sleep so I e-mailed my boss to ask to work from home. I did after going to the office to pick up some work.. I felt super crampy all day and it was definitely different. More contractions too and stronger than my usual BH.
My mom was driving into town (moving here from MA) and arrived that night. She was supposed to come over for dinner with her friend that drove with her. I wanted to cancel, but I decided this was not labor. However, contractions started getting regular and they "took my attention" as my midwife says. I barely made it through dinner and then asked them to leave. The contractions were all 7-8 minutes apart. I took a shower to help and it didn't work. I got in the tub and it helped slightly, but by then I could tell this was definitely labor. It became pretty intense pretty quick. I lost track of time, but I know we called the midwife when they started really grabbing my attention (I even cried through one) and she arrived a little before 10pm. Baby was born at 2:20am if that tells you anything about how fast it went.
So I did some hypnobirthing stuff and it really helped in the beginning. I was able to control myself through contractions and even started head bobbing in btwn them for awhile. Then things got more intense and it was hard to concentrate on staying calm. In addition, I have adrenal disease (which is well controlled) and I started shaking really bad all over and we didn't know if it was from the labor or from my adrenals so that was worrisome. If it was adrenals, I would need to go to the hospital. That distracted me and worried me so that was not a distraction I needed. I tried different positions in the tub and none really made it better. DH just tried to get me to relax my muscles through contractions to help loosen me up. It did work, but it was really hard. For the most part I was able to breathe through the contractions and it helped to blow bubbles in the water to focus on my breathing instead of my contractions.
I'd say it was probably about 12 now and midwife said I could check myself. I felt a head, but not too low. Through all of this, I still felt the baby was really high which was discouraging. I couldn't tell what was what so I asked her to check me. She did, but she didn't say how far along I was...just that I had made progress and still had work to do. I was feeling like I couldn't do much more. It felt like it was going to be so much longer and I was so tired from not sleeping and I was upset that I wasn't all comatose like the women in the hypnobirthing videos. I complained to DH that I couldn't do it anymore and it hurt so much.
For the majority of the labor, it was just DH and I. Midwife and intern stayed downstairs and left us alone. She checked the heart rate every so often and it was always just perfect. After she had checked me, I leaned forward and was trying a new position in the tub when I felt a pop. My water clearly broke and it was an obvious feeling. Everything was clear. I then violently threw up my dinner. Oh and I should mention that I was a burping maniac throughout the labor. After every contraction I would burp like a man. Anyway, thankfully my body took a rest for a minute while I puked, but then it started back up. I felt a little better. I puked again later and this time it was followed by dry heaves and contractions at the same time. Not fun! At this point DH and I were getting worried my adrenals might be having issues since vomiting and shaking are precursors to an adrenal crisis. I took some extra meds to support my adrenals and that helped some.
At this point, I was not handling the contractions well. I had an internal dialogue with myself about the whole thing. I felt like I couldn't keep going, but I knew I didn't want interventions. I just kept telling myself that I just needed to get through the next one, but it was getting harder and harder. There were no breaks in btwn for me to recenter myself. I was practically screaming through contractions at this point and telling DH I couldn't do it anymore. Vocalizing through them helped, but I was clearly getting panicky and was upset with myself for not being more peaceful. DH shut windows and doors so I didn't make the neighbors call the cops.
I finally felt like the baby might be moving lower and had a "baby in the butt" feeling my midwife told us about. Although I didn't have an irresistible urge to push, I did a little just to see. I could feel something happening. So I didn't force it, but I let my body push and I could feel something moving down. Even in the moment I knew that it was probably too much too fast, but I couldn't stand the thought of going through a ton more contractions, so I pushed to get it done. It worked. We felt the head inside and then I felt a bulge on the outside. Then with some burning, I felt the head pop out. I reached down and felt the head. It was so surreal. Then with the next contraction, he was out!
I have never been so amazed by anything in my life. I can still see my baby under the water looking up at me. He was so amazing. DH caught him and I pulled him up to my chest. He announced the gender to me.
We figured out why baby had not moved down before. The cord was wrapped around his shoulder and then also entirely around his waste. He was totally wrapped up in it and couldn't move down until the last second.
So I tore...second degree. I knew it would happen even when I was pushing. Oh well. Placenta came out just fine. I held the baby on my chest and he just looked up at me over and over with his little wrinkled forehead. He had lots of vernix on his back. He was beautiful right away. I expected him to be kind ugly since most brand new babes I have seen were all purple-ish and puffy. Not him. Of course I am biased.
After the placenta came out and the cord was done pulsing, DH cut the cord. They trained the tub with me in it and then gave baby to dad to get me into bed. It was amazing to see DH hold him since I've never seen him hold a baby ever. She checked me and thought I tore and then thought I didn't but then saw I had. She stitched me up. She said she didn't have to and I would heal on my own, but I'd have to be on bed rest until it healed and she thought I'd be happier with stitches. That seemed like it took forever.
Then she did the baby exam. He weighed 7 lbs even and was 21 inches long. He pooped 5 times btwn being born and getting weighed though so he may have been a fw ounces more at birth. Apgars of 9 and 10.
So all in all, it was about a 4-5 hr labor with 13 minutes of pushing. His heart rate never was off and he was born head down in the right position with no problems. Fantastic outcome. I tore because I was impatient, but oh well.
I'm disappointed in myself though. I feel like I lost control and was embarrassed by my yelling and rants of saying I couldn't do it anymore. I wish I had tried other things like the birthing ball or other things besides the water. I think laying in the water just made me concentrate on the surges more. I didn't expect to be a perfect peaceful mama, but I did not handle it as well as I had expected and it's left me disappointed in myself.
Part of me realizes now that I did okay for awhile and then lost it after puking. I realize now that was transition when contractions were one right on top of another and I couldn't stop shaking and puking. I was also worried about transferring because of the adrenal issue. Midwife said when she checked me, I was 4 cm. Good thing she hadn't told me. Less than an hour and half later, baby boy was in my arms. So it was a very intense hour and half. I try to give myself a break about that. It felt like hours and hours, but really it was short for a first time mom.
I'm sore, but recovering just fine. I'm just disappointed in myself and wishing I had done better. I shouldn't wish to do it over again since I got such a perfect baby out of it...maybe it was the exact birth he needed. I just wanted to do better. In the end, I had an intervention free pregnancy, labor, and birth. I didn't have so much as a Tylenol during pregnancy. Baby entered the world when he was ready and went immediately to my chest where he has pretty much been since. He wasn't suctioned and was a beautiful color right away. He cried for a millisecond and then just stared at his mama. The cord was intact until it stopped pulsing. The outcome was everything I had hoped for...I just wish I had been more calm in getting there. Am I being dumb?
Baby boy is still nameless, but we're getting there. He's just so amazing that I need an amazing name to go with him. He is very easy. He never cries and sleeps great. I have to wake him up. He is nursing like a champ and is so healthy. I love him so much!!!
Thanks for reading the novel.
So most of you know about my false alarm last Thursday when I thought my water broke and started with some contractions, but then nothing...
Okay so Monday (8/1) I did not feel well. I slept bad the night before, was feeling crampy, I felt pukey, and I was just really tired. I had gotten maybe 4 hours of sleep so I e-mailed my boss to ask to work from home. I did after going to the office to pick up some work.. I felt super crampy all day and it was definitely different. More contractions too and stronger than my usual BH.
My mom was driving into town (moving here from MA) and arrived that night. She was supposed to come over for dinner with her friend that drove with her. I wanted to cancel, but I decided this was not labor. However, contractions started getting regular and they "took my attention" as my midwife says. I barely made it through dinner and then asked them to leave. The contractions were all 7-8 minutes apart. I took a shower to help and it didn't work. I got in the tub and it helped slightly, but by then I could tell this was definitely labor. It became pretty intense pretty quick. I lost track of time, but I know we called the midwife when they started really grabbing my attention (I even cried through one) and she arrived a little before 10pm. Baby was born at 2:20am if that tells you anything about how fast it went.
So I did some hypnobirthing stuff and it really helped in the beginning. I was able to control myself through contractions and even started head bobbing in btwn them for awhile. Then things got more intense and it was hard to concentrate on staying calm. In addition, I have adrenal disease (which is well controlled) and I started shaking really bad all over and we didn't know if it was from the labor or from my adrenals so that was worrisome. If it was adrenals, I would need to go to the hospital. That distracted me and worried me so that was not a distraction I needed. I tried different positions in the tub and none really made it better. DH just tried to get me to relax my muscles through contractions to help loosen me up. It did work, but it was really hard. For the most part I was able to breathe through the contractions and it helped to blow bubbles in the water to focus on my breathing instead of my contractions.
I'd say it was probably about 12 now and midwife said I could check myself. I felt a head, but not too low. Through all of this, I still felt the baby was really high which was discouraging. I couldn't tell what was what so I asked her to check me. She did, but she didn't say how far along I was...just that I had made progress and still had work to do. I was feeling like I couldn't do much more. It felt like it was going to be so much longer and I was so tired from not sleeping and I was upset that I wasn't all comatose like the women in the hypnobirthing videos. I complained to DH that I couldn't do it anymore and it hurt so much.
For the majority of the labor, it was just DH and I. Midwife and intern stayed downstairs and left us alone. She checked the heart rate every so often and it was always just perfect. After she had checked me, I leaned forward and was trying a new position in the tub when I felt a pop. My water clearly broke and it was an obvious feeling. Everything was clear. I then violently threw up my dinner. Oh and I should mention that I was a burping maniac throughout the labor. After every contraction I would burp like a man. Anyway, thankfully my body took a rest for a minute while I puked, but then it started back up. I felt a little better. I puked again later and this time it was followed by dry heaves and contractions at the same time. Not fun! At this point DH and I were getting worried my adrenals might be having issues since vomiting and shaking are precursors to an adrenal crisis. I took some extra meds to support my adrenals and that helped some.
At this point, I was not handling the contractions well. I had an internal dialogue with myself about the whole thing. I felt like I couldn't keep going, but I knew I didn't want interventions. I just kept telling myself that I just needed to get through the next one, but it was getting harder and harder. There were no breaks in btwn for me to recenter myself. I was practically screaming through contractions at this point and telling DH I couldn't do it anymore. Vocalizing through them helped, but I was clearly getting panicky and was upset with myself for not being more peaceful. DH shut windows and doors so I didn't make the neighbors call the cops.
I finally felt like the baby might be moving lower and had a "baby in the butt" feeling my midwife told us about. Although I didn't have an irresistible urge to push, I did a little just to see. I could feel something happening. So I didn't force it, but I let my body push and I could feel something moving down. Even in the moment I knew that it was probably too much too fast, but I couldn't stand the thought of going through a ton more contractions, so I pushed to get it done. It worked. We felt the head inside and then I felt a bulge on the outside. Then with some burning, I felt the head pop out. I reached down and felt the head. It was so surreal. Then with the next contraction, he was out!
I have never been so amazed by anything in my life. I can still see my baby under the water looking up at me. He was so amazing. DH caught him and I pulled him up to my chest. He announced the gender to me.
We figured out why baby had not moved down before. The cord was wrapped around his shoulder and then also entirely around his waste. He was totally wrapped up in it and couldn't move down until the last second.
So I tore...second degree. I knew it would happen even when I was pushing. Oh well. Placenta came out just fine. I held the baby on my chest and he just looked up at me over and over with his little wrinkled forehead. He had lots of vernix on his back. He was beautiful right away. I expected him to be kind ugly since most brand new babes I have seen were all purple-ish and puffy. Not him. Of course I am biased.
After the placenta came out and the cord was done pulsing, DH cut the cord. They trained the tub with me in it and then gave baby to dad to get me into bed. It was amazing to see DH hold him since I've never seen him hold a baby ever. She checked me and thought I tore and then thought I didn't but then saw I had. She stitched me up. She said she didn't have to and I would heal on my own, but I'd have to be on bed rest until it healed and she thought I'd be happier with stitches. That seemed like it took forever.
Then she did the baby exam. He weighed 7 lbs even and was 21 inches long. He pooped 5 times btwn being born and getting weighed though so he may have been a fw ounces more at birth. Apgars of 9 and 10.
So all in all, it was about a 4-5 hr labor with 13 minutes of pushing. His heart rate never was off and he was born head down in the right position with no problems. Fantastic outcome. I tore because I was impatient, but oh well.
I'm disappointed in myself though. I feel like I lost control and was embarrassed by my yelling and rants of saying I couldn't do it anymore. I wish I had tried other things like the birthing ball or other things besides the water. I think laying in the water just made me concentrate on the surges more. I didn't expect to be a perfect peaceful mama, but I did not handle it as well as I had expected and it's left me disappointed in myself.
Part of me realizes now that I did okay for awhile and then lost it after puking. I realize now that was transition when contractions were one right on top of another and I couldn't stop shaking and puking. I was also worried about transferring because of the adrenal issue. Midwife said when she checked me, I was 4 cm. Good thing she hadn't told me. Less than an hour and half later, baby boy was in my arms. So it was a very intense hour and half. I try to give myself a break about that. It felt like hours and hours, but really it was short for a first time mom.
I'm sore, but recovering just fine. I'm just disappointed in myself and wishing I had done better. I shouldn't wish to do it over again since I got such a perfect baby out of it...maybe it was the exact birth he needed. I just wanted to do better. In the end, I had an intervention free pregnancy, labor, and birth. I didn't have so much as a Tylenol during pregnancy. Baby entered the world when he was ready and went immediately to my chest where he has pretty much been since. He wasn't suctioned and was a beautiful color right away. He cried for a millisecond and then just stared at his mama. The cord was intact until it stopped pulsing. The outcome was everything I had hoped for...I just wish I had been more calm in getting there. Am I being dumb?
Baby boy is still nameless, but we're getting there. He's just so amazing that I need an amazing name to go with him. He is very easy. He never cries and sleeps great. I have to wake him up. He is nursing like a champ and is so healthy. I love him so much!!!
Thanks for reading the novel.