Baby's Gender - Will you find out?? - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-28-2011, 05:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi ladies!

For those that will be having a 2nd trimester U/S, it's getting close for some!  DH and I are struggling with if we should find out the gender, or let it be a surprise.  I'd love to hear your thoughts on the topic.

-Will you find out the gender?

-Did you find out the gender with previous pregnancies, or were they a surprise?

-What do you see as the benefits/negatives of finding out or not finding out? 


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Old 03-28-2011, 05:40 AM
 
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We have chosen not to with any of ours.  With the first, it was partially a $ thing. We figured we would get all gender neutral stuff.  The big things were more an issue for us because if you have more kids, who wants to rebuy if you have the other gender next time (should there be one) and also it's easier to resell I think if it's GN.


Also, I just like the surprise :) I love that my DH announced the gender to me both times.  

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Old 03-28-2011, 06:33 AM
 
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We found out with both boys and most likely will this time.  It was really exciting at the time.  This time I am tempted to wait to find out just to keep everyone from commenting on whether or not we will be a family of boys or their thoughts  on our first girl...however....I will probably have to know at the ultrasound :)  I can understand the excitement both of finding out at the ultrasound and of waiting until birth.


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Old 03-28-2011, 07:43 AM
 
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No finding out here! We found out with our first, but not our other two and we won't with this one either. Partly because we aren't going to have us, and partly because I loved finding out at the birth WAY more than finding out early with #1. It was so special for hubby and I to discover our new little family member together while holding them in our arms and to find who had just joined our lives. So much different than an ultrasound tech telling us while we looked at a black and screen.

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Old 03-28-2011, 09:32 AM
 
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We found out with our second but not with our first.  And aren't going to find out this time.  I found it to be more exciting to wait till the birth to find out, and maybe even a little more motivation while pushing ;)

 


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Old 03-28-2011, 10:41 AM
 
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We are on "team green" right now, but the past couple days I've kind of been wavering...I've just been in a bad mood and need some retail therapy lol!

 

I did find out with both of my other children, and this will definitely be our last, so I kind of just want the experience you know? I have already bought some really reeeally cheap girl and boy newborn clothes at the giant twice a year consignment sale we have in our town. And I found an FRB of gender neutral clothes on Spots for $20.

 

But I might have my u/s next week so it's kind of hard to stay strong and NOT find out :P

 

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Old 03-28-2011, 11:39 AM
 
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We have always sworn that we do not want to know... but I have to confess that the temptation is killing me!  I really wanted to see if I would be able to "tell."  Well, I'm 16 weeks and I have no idea.  I have no really good reason to find out, as it won't change nursery decor or what we buy for the baby - I'm big on neutrals anyway.  I just have this urge to know the baby better, you know?  To talk to and about him/her as as girl or a boy.  I never thought I would feel this way. 

 

It's unlikely we will decide to find out in the end, just because my DH hasn't waivered and I know that in that moment after delivery the surprise will be awesome. 

 

I'm going to have to grit my teeth and resist the peeking in the 10 week U/S!!!

 

I would say of my friends and cousins, it's about 50/50 with those who found out at 20 weeks and those who did not.  There clearly is no wrong answer here - it's a surprise when you find out - no matter when that is!


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Old 03-28-2011, 11:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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DH and I were leaning towards not finding out for a while.  But now I've had a hard time finding gender-neutral clothing (suggestions for shopping locations, ladies??).  That's really the only advantage I can think of for finding out... well, that, and picking names and being able to communicate with the baby by name.  But it would be so fun to be surprised the day of.  And I like what someone said about it being motivation during labor... interesting concept, and something I had not considered.


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Old 03-28-2011, 11:55 AM
 
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I have had a hard time finding cute gender neutral stuff too! It's either a rubber duckie theme or it still looks totally boyish to me :/

 

I am actually planning on going in July/beginning of August to buy a bunch of outfits in both genders and save the receipts, that way I can have DH or MIL take the other stuff back :D

 

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Old 03-28-2011, 11:56 AM
 
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This has been a struggle for me.  We have to get an 18 week u/s to make sure baby isn't growing too big due to my diabetes.  I wanted to wait, but now I'm too excited that we can find out the sex and call it by name before he or she is born since we are pretty positive on the names.  I guess I really want to see if its a girl this time.  I really want a girl.  I'd take either, but I wouldn't mind experiencing having a baby girl this time.


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Old 03-28-2011, 12:00 PM
 
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So, I was staying team green for a while, but we did not have an ultrasound in the first trimester, and then we thought maybe it was twins, so we scheduled one at 16 weeks, and when the doctor asked if we wanted to know ("because it's really clear!"), we caved and said yes... it's a boy! It took some adjusting. The whole ultrasound was really emotional and then to know it wasn't twins and it was a boy... I don't know. The whole day I was just an emotional roller coaster, but now I feel great. Pretty sure I won't be doing this whole pregnancy thing again, so I think it is good to know for me. Plus, my mother is thrilled to be able to shop for more specifically boy clothes. LOL


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Old 03-28-2011, 12:03 PM
 
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Also the motivation during labor was brought up to me by another NCB friend...I love the idea! It's like you'll be so excited to find out that it might give a little extra energy during transition/pushing lol!

 

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Old 03-28-2011, 04:17 PM
 
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i am still on the fence, but am really leaning towards finding out.  i didn't find out the last two times (and i guessed wrong both times, so it really was a surprise!)  i really didn't want to know last time, and i had no problems waiting until the birth, but this time i find myself REALLY wanting to know.  BF says he doesn't mind either way, so it's up to me I guess. 

 

i've felt differently this pregnancy, mostly because of my recent loss, and the scares i've had with this one.  i think it would really help me enjoy the pregnancy more if i know a bit more about who is actually in there, lol.  i think it would help me bond more with the baby, something i've almost been scared to do so far.  i have one girl and one boy already, so i would be happy with either.  i didn't have an issue the last times with buying gender neutral, but every time i look at baby clothes this time, i end up not getting anything because i don't know what to buy!  everything is just so different this pregnancy!  i loved the surprise at birth, but i think for something "different" it would be cool to know beforehand.  so that's probably what i'll do...but i just don't know.  lol


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Old 03-29-2011, 07:56 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phineasmama View Post

Also the motivation during labor was brought up to me by another NCB friend...I love the idea! It's like you'll be so excited to find out that it might give a little extra energy during transition/pushing lol!

 

 

My cousin also mentioned that the nurses (if you're in a hospital) really get a kick out of it being a surprise - they find out with you.  Excitement all around! 
 

 


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Old 03-29-2011, 10:09 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SuzyQ-ME View Post



 

My cousin also mentioned that the nurses (if you're in a hospital) really get a kick out of it being a surprise - they find out with you.  Excitement all around! 
 

 

 

My midwife says it's like Christmas LOL!
 

 

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Old 03-29-2011, 10:32 AM
 
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Our first was a surprise and I was really into not knowing but I think we'll be finding out this time for this reason. Our u/s is on Friday and I keep going back and forth about whether I want to know.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by rareimer View Post

i've felt differently this pregnancy, mostly because of my recent loss, and the scares i've had with this one.  i think it would really help me enjoy the pregnancy more if i know a bit more about who is actually in there, lol.  i think it would help me bond more with the baby, something i've almost been scared to do so far. 


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Old 03-29-2011, 02:51 PM
 
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Ooooh my goodess...my ultrasound is now scheduled for next Monday! I hope I don't cave in and find out lol!

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Old 03-30-2011, 03:05 PM
 
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OT - JessiFish, I love your picture!!!


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Old 03-30-2011, 03:24 PM
 
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I found out with my first and second (a boy and girl, respectively) but not with my third (another girl) and we will definitely not find out this time.  It was so much more fun anticipating the surprise at the birth.

 

 

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Old 03-31-2011, 09:33 AM
 
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We found out with our first three, but will not with this one. 


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Old 03-31-2011, 10:42 AM
 
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I am having a 20 wk u/s because I have had a great deal of 2nd tri bleeding and my midwife suspects partial/marginal previa so we have to take a good look at where the placenta is, also I am of "advanced maternal age" (ugh) and would like to have the anatomy scan for peace of mind.

 

Anyway, we have found out with all of ours and plan to this time as well. It really helps me develop a more personal relationship with the baby in utero, not to mention it helps with some of the practical matters, such as what colors of yarn to choose for the newborn garments I'm knitting. ;) I'm not a huge fan of yellow and green...since I already have a boy and girl I have all the clothes we need but I have never gotten to knit for a newborn before and am excited to make some garments just for him/her.

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Old 03-31-2011, 11:49 AM
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We will find out - my u/s is April 11. I can't wait to see the baby and start calling him or her by name - I'm really struggling with this pregnancy not quite feeling real and not feeling like I'm going to get a live baby at the end. I'm hoping knowing the sex will help me attach and bond a little bit. We did find out with both of the boys, but we went to an entertainment place for them. This time its a real full body scan. I'm too high risk this time to even consider not doing it - I am allowing a lot more this pregnancy for my own sanity.


 

 

 


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Old 04-03-2011, 10:49 PM
 
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It's interesting how many MDC Mamas in this group are finding out.  To answer your questions:

 

No, we won't be finding out the sex of this little one.  We'll be finding out at the delivery again, which was amazing last time. For me at least, it was a surprise while not a surprise - in that moment, I felt like I always knew (I had an inkling all along it was a boy) and knew him. In terms of planning, being a parent is all about surprises and we hoped to have a least one more, so for a variety of reasons, I would have never bought anything that I wouldn't want to use for either sex so supposedly gender neutral items and the like were what we were going with regardles :)

 

To each his or her own, but for our family I feel like if we were supposed to know that I would have some outside physical manifestation of the child's sex and I think it's kind of interesting in the span of 15 years or so, we've totally changed the way people have become parents.  I hope I don't offend, because like I said ultimately, it is a personal decision, but I do think that many Bioethicists have raised some very valid (or at least interesting points if you're not of the same mindset) about finding out.  

 

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Old 04-03-2011, 11:36 PM
 
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I didn't find out with my first two and I loved the surprise.  I will be finding out this time though.  I've basically been a single parent since ex-h and I split pretty much right after DD was born so I haven't had to consult anyone about parenting choices.  Now new DH and I are having our first together and her REALLY wants to find out.  I figure this is a good beginning topic to work on my ability to compromise again, lol.

 

I actually have recently concluded that I really don't care what the sex is anyway but I am curious to see if I bond more knowing it ahead of time.  I've never felt like one of those women who get a super deep bond with the baby while it is still in the womb.  I do bond the second the child is born but not particularly before that.  I'm kinda viewing it as a fun experiment :)


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Old 04-04-2011, 05:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I love reading everyone's view on finding out v. not finding out. 

 

As for this week, I'm still leaning towards NOT finding out.  Not sure where DH's head is at right now.  We still have three weeks to decide.  I just feel like there are so few true surprises in the world, why not let this be a surprise?  Neither of us care if it's a boy or a girl, and we would be thrilled either way.  And we've finally made headway on a list of names for either gender, so I don't feel like "picking names" is a good excuse anymore.  I already have a gender-neutral nursery picked out, so that doesn't matter either.  I've been wavering on this, though, so we'll see what the next three weeks hold.


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Old 04-04-2011, 07:20 AM
 
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Since this is my Husbands first child, and my second child, he said he DEFINITELY wants to know.  His whole side of the family does too, it's their first gandbaby!! So they are dying to know, they tell me all the time, "I can't wait to go shopping!!"  Haha.. I'm pretty impatient.  I didn't find out with my first till almost 30 weeks.  This time I'll be just under 20 weeks.  April 14th is my u/s :)  I am hoping for a girl too... but I'm so excited for either! Must know.


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Old 04-04-2011, 09:27 AM
 
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Well, I found out. I'm not sure how I feel about knowing... We're not telling anyone so there won't be any of that excitement. I just started really feeling definite movements and DH can feel it, too, so that's a lot more exciting.

Plus the tech just blurted it out, didn't even ask if we wanted to know, so it was a little anti-climactic.

I did go through all of DD's old clothes and that was fun.


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Old 04-07-2011, 06:51 AM
 
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I  won't find out for the 3rd time. Like another poster, I guessed wrong with my first two (girls), but when they were born, I had the sensation of "of course she's a girl!" and felt like I knew her all along. My sister is just dying to know what I'm having this time and I half-jokingly considered letting her attend the US with me and let the technician tell her privately, but I think that would drive me crazy.

 

My reasons for not finding out:

 

1. I don't want to develop any preconceived notions about this baby based solely on gender. Especially having 2 girls, I feel like I would make too many unfair guesses about personality if I knew the sex now. Basically, I think it's more natural to get to know your child through actual experience with them instead of a boilerplate "boy" or "girl" image.

 

2. My husband does NOT want to know - he loves the surprise, so if I found out, I'd have to keep it a secret for him and that's just too stressful.

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Old 04-07-2011, 09:23 AM
 
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We did not find out with our first, which was a pretty exciting surprise. We found out with my next three pregnancies, and also found out with this one last week. My second and third pregnancies were high risk, due to blood incompatibility, my fourth had the potential to be (although she ended up being negative) as does this one (we have an amnio in a week to determine if the baby has the one or both of the antigens I am making antibodies for).  With the blood incompatibility there is the potential that the baby will need an in utero transfusion (or several) or that we will need to deliver the baby early.  It has been good to know the sex so I can name the baby, form a bond with him and feel like I really "know" him if we need to take such a complicated journey before I ever get to meet him on the outside.


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Old 04-07-2011, 10:21 AM
 
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Well, I just had my 2nd trimester scan this morning and didn't find out. I asked the u/s tech not to tell me before we started and she said "You must always tell the technician before they begin if you don't want to know". Then she angled the screen more away from me so I would really have to strain to take a peak while she did the full anatomy scan. She told me to relax and nap lol. Yeah right. Then when she called my mom in (DH is out of town today and couldn't make it) she turned the screen back to us so I could see easily and made sure to avoid any areas that would give it away. It was great - to me, seeing the little profile of the face, the spine, the little hands and the heart beating is what's really important.

 

DH would like it to be a boy and he would like to know, but he knows that I really want this to be a surprise - it's our first and maybe for future ones we'll find out, but not this one.

 

I love the concept of using that surprise as motivation during labour - I hadn't thought of that either. I also really like the idea of having DH announce it to me instead of one of the midwives.

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