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#31 of 46 Old 04-15-2011, 05:52 AM
 
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I just want to add a little something to this topic. We found out yesterday at our 20 week ultrasound that we are having another boy- ds1 is 2.5yo. I was kinda hoping this baby would be a girl- most of my friends have one of each sex and love it. Anyway, I'm keeping perspective: I know the sex of this baby is male, but I won't truly know this baby's gender for a long time, because gender is fluid, based on feelings and social constructions. (See this link from the World Health Organization.)

 

A friend of mine has 2 grown-up children. She gave birth to 2 boys, but one has always felt more like a girl and has now changed her name and has been identifying herself for a few years as a woman. While is has not always been easy for my friend's daughter to be different, it is a normal part of life now and my friend finds it cool to have the experience of having a daughter too.

 

 

I think it is fairly rare for a child to be transgendered (I have never looked up a statistic), but it is something I keep in the back of my mind and I will strive in my parenting to allow my children to express their gender however they want.

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#32 of 46 Old 04-15-2011, 11:11 AM
 
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I guess thats how a father would feel about having a daughter, kind of unsure what to do with them! We just found out we are having a boy as well. I was raised as my "fathers substitute son" so I played softball, hiking, running, worked on the cars in the garage, built things out of wood. I had 1 "barbie" and it was Teresa, Barbie's flat footed friend. Her job was to ride the horses. I love sports, especially horse back riding, and hope our little boy turns out to be a little cowboy (already bought several little pony/cowboy outfits... i coudnt help it!) and likes being outdoors and playing sports(we are not sports watchers) like we do. If not, thats fine too. So, I feel a little prepared for a son but having no brothers, Im a little unsure as well as to how to raise a son.

 

I think we understand how you are feeling. It can throw you off because from what I hear, raising a boy is much different than girls, if you have already had a girl. Don't worry, you will figure it out! When I told my mom her first grandchild was to be a boy, she said she was disappointed because she wanted to go shopping for cute little girl clothes and whenever I tell people we are having a boy, their first response is ALWAYS "Well, you (insert DH name here) must be very happy." My husband told me, "Don't worry, we were planning on 2 kids, so maybe the next one will be a girl." Even if you don't feel that way already, every one else's response will persuade you in that direction. I think it has a lot to do with societies idea of boys "belonging" to their father, and girls "belonging" to their mother.

 

Even though I didnt have any brothers, I can see my husband has a special relationship with him mom, even to this day in his mid-30s. Last trip down there she told me that when he was little he used to always come inside from playing and request a BIG hug from his mom. He still does the same thing from me, takes breaks from working at home for BIG hugs. So, mothers mean a lot to their sons!


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#33 of 46 Old 04-15-2011, 12:01 PM
 
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I've always been a bit of a feminist, if boys can do something so can girls.  I'm kind of a girly girl, though I'm not afraid to get dirty either, whenever there's something to build I'm out there with the boys, but I'm also the first to throw on pretty dresses and makeup.  So I always wanted a girl so I could dress her up in frills and do the girly things with her that I love.  The day we found out our first was a boy I was elated, first because they had previously said he had Down's and that day they told us he was fine.  When I heard the word "he" I had a split second of disappointment which was quickly overshadowed by the "fine".  From that moment he was my boy and it really didn't matter, and the moment I saw his face I loved him even more.  With this baby again I wanted a girl, the thought of being the only girl in the house seemed lonely, and it is a girl.  I was so worried though that if it was a boy I would be disappointed and I didn't want to feel that way because I know how much I love my son and I know I would love another boy just as much.  It's tough because girls do seem to get more attention, have the super cute clothes, etc.  If I had any talent I'd start my own line of super cute boys clothes.  Nevertheless I look at it this way, he'll always be my boy, and boys really do love their moms, and I get the chance to teach a boy my feminist perspective, girls can do anything boys can do, and boys can play with strollers and dolls if they want to.  Plus it's kind of fun having "my boys", he's a huge daddy's boy and I love watching them together, and I love those Saturdays when they go on a daddy-son trip to the store to let me sleep in and come back with coffee, there's nothing like being spoiled by your boys!

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#34 of 46 Old 04-15-2011, 04:07 PM
 
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DDCC...

 

I absolutely could have written your post. Word for word. That's exactly how I felt when I found out our #2 was a boy. I'm not expecting #3 and I'm scared to death it's going to be another boy, I know I'll be disappointed.

 

That being said, even though I still kind of wonder if I love them differently (I don't but that fear is still there) my son is the sweetest, cuddliest, most loving little guy ever. He was the easiest baby (compared to my daughter who was a demon baby) and he is just a joy to have around.

 

I really don't have any sort of advice or anything like that, just know you're not the only one who feels like that. :)


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#35 of 46 Old 04-17-2011, 11:17 AM
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I am feeling exactly opposite. I have two boys, one living, and one who died at birth. I love being a mother to a little boy. I love boy things, I love the way he smells when he's been outside in the sun and dirt all day, I love how much he loves ME! There is nothing sweeter than your little boy telling you he is in love with you and wants to marry you when he grows up - or bringing you a big bunch of wild flowers with a kiss from his dirty face. Because of the timing of conception with this pregnancy, and my wildly different pregnancy symptoms, I have felt very strongly that it was a girl. Turns out, I was right. I am thrilled to be carrying a healthy baby who looks like she will make it to term, but I will admit that I was a little bit disappointed to not be having another boy. And people act like I did such a great thing by this one being a girl, like it wouldn't be so great if it was another boy. That hurts, in a lot of ways. I wonder, if maybe we generally fear the gender we don't have. We know that wonderful things about the gender we DO have, and we feel safe with that. I see girls out in public and I think ICK - I don't want one of those. Prissy clothes, whiny, scared to get dirty or play rough... that's just not what I want to deal with on a daily basis. But, I keep reminding myself that this particular girl is MINE, and she won't annoy me as much as other people's kids do. Just like your little boy will be yours, and he will be his own unique person with a multitude of things to love.


 


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#36 of 46 Old 04-17-2011, 08:41 PM
 
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LJ I think other people's kids always annoy me more than my own, it's just human nature, though my own can drive me insane at times but I can do something about that!  LOL  Yesterday I went shopping and I was looking at the cute girly outfits and I suddenly realized why I'm so excited to be having a girl.  It's not that I had a gender preference but I just really wanted one of each, more than anything.  Now I can shop on both sides of the store!  More than that I'm looking forward to the different things I can teach them, like I said I get to teach my boy that he can do dishes, and cook and clean and I can teach my girl that she can learn to change a car alternator or work a mitre saw.  They can both play in the dirt and learn how to camp, and they can both dress up nicely.  I take comfort in knowing that if my first had been a girl I really would've wanted this one to be a boy, it may be greedy but I wanted the experience of both worlds.  Oh and I also love it when he gives me messy muddy hugs and kisses, and when he hands me a dandelion with the proudest look on his face because he picked it just for me!  Boys really do love their moms more than anything.

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#37 of 46 Old 04-18-2011, 05:53 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by L J View Post

I am feeling exactly opposite. I have two boys, one living, and one who died at birth. I love being a mother to a little boy. I love boy things, I love the way he smells when he's been outside in the sun and dirt all day, I love how much he loves ME! There is nothing sweeter than your little boy telling you he is in love with you and wants to marry you when he grows up - or bringing you a big bunch of wild flowers with a kiss from his dirty face. Because of the timing of conception with this pregnancy, and my wildly different pregnancy symptoms, I have felt very strongly that it was a girl. Turns out, I was right. I am thrilled to be carrying a healthy baby who looks like she will make it to term, but I will admit that I was a little bit disappointed to not be having another boy. And people act like I did such a great thing by this one being a girl, like it wouldn't be so great if it was another boy. That hurts, in a lot of ways. I wonder, if maybe we generally fear the gender we don't have. We know that wonderful things about the gender we DO have, and we feel safe with that. I see girls out in public and I think ICK - I don't want one of those. Prissy clothes, whiny, scared to get dirty or play rough... that's just not what I want to deal with on a daily basis. But, I keep reminding myself that this particular girl is MINE, and she won't annoy me as much as other people's kids do. Just like your little boy will be yours, and he will be his own unique person with a multitude of things to love.


 


Well, I didn't feel disappointed to find out I was carrying a girl after having my son.  But I definitely felt a sense of panic!  My husband and I, for no good reason, just thought we'd have a girl.  Maybe all girls.  And when we found out we were having a boy, I thought I wouldn't know what to do :)  But then having him for almost 3 years before having my daughter, I truly felt like I only knew how to be a boy's mommy.  Kind of funny in retrospect.  Maybe it's just because it was the way it went for me, but I am glad I had a boy first then a girl.  I have had the experience more than once of disapproval from parents who only had girls.  I think having a boy first saved me being one of those people :D  You'll love having your girl.  And just ignore it when people offer their unsolicited opinions.  I think people really don't mean to hurt your feelings - they just don't think about it. 

 

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#38 of 46 Old 04-18-2011, 06:18 AM
 
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Quick post..I have two boys and am expecting my 3rd child.  My magical thinking tells me that this will be a boy as well since we "make boys."  :)   Boys are amazing, loving creatures and I would be perfectly happy with another.  I am consistently telling people (who obviously want me to have a girl) that I am truly fine either way and that seems to silence some opinion :)  I agree with so many that the sex will not be that important at birth and beyond because it will be your little person whom you love and who loves you wholehearted.


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#39 of 46 Old 04-18-2011, 06:47 AM
 
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Had my DS first- loving, snuggling, hugable, amazing boy!  Light of my life!

 

DD is 2 and a fighter, wants NOTHING to do with anyone when upset, never able to be held and calmed.  She just is her own woman!  Man she is tough!  

 

My biggest worry when pregnant with #2 was she would be a boy.  I always think of the saying "A daughter is a daughter for life.  A sons a son till he takes a wife."  That scared the crap out of me.  I did not want all my babies to run off with some hussy ( ;) ) and leave me :(  I would cry just thinking about that.  I know it doesn't *have* to be that way but in my life experience is has.  I will say that my boy has given me a new appreciation for my MIL as well.  When she is driving me totally nuts and I want to hurt her, I think "That may be me someday.  Be kind to her."  

 

I love both my babies and I know will love this one as well.  I am a firm believer in that you may feel differently now but when you are holding your little blue bundle, all will be right with the world!

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#40 of 46 Old 04-18-2011, 10:44 AM
 
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well, i'm back here to report that i'm having a boy! just as i had feared! ;-) anyway, thanks for all the nice thoughts in this thread - they're helping me cope ;) 


Vegan mama to DD (9/08), DS (9/11), and many rescued furbabies. 

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#41 of 46 Old 04-18-2011, 08:05 PM
 
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One more thought on this, I know I've said a lot already but knowing I'm having a girl now is making me love my son even more for some reason.  It's really bothering me when people say "you're going to have the perfect family".  Yes, I wanted a girl, I wanted one of each, but if I'd had two girls or two boys, or if I'd only ever just had my son I'd still think of that as the "perfect family", before I even became pregnant with this one I felt I had the perfect family.  Why is it classified by having one of each gender? 

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#42 of 46 Old 04-19-2011, 06:05 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Smurfy View Post

It's really bothering me when people say "you're going to have the perfect family".  

 

Why is it classified by having one of each gender? 


It is so annoying.  What is also annoying is that IF you have "one of each" people ASSume you are done having kids.  The same goes if you have all of one sex.  If you have 2 boys they ASSume that you'll try again for the magical girl.  It works both ways and I am sure it is bothersome no matter what people ASSume!  I think people figured we were done as we do have a boy and girl. My perfect family always had 3 kids in it.  Sex of those kids never played into the math.

 

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#43 of 46 Old 08-07-2011, 04:43 AM
 
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I can SO relate to many of the posts here. I have two girls who are the light of my life. Of the 10 couples we know with 3 kids, 9 have 3 of the same sex. I was certain we'd have a 3rd girl and that would have been awesome/perfect. I have no desire/longing to "experience the opposite". I am not curious about it. In fact, I'm a little adverse to it. I just know & love what I have ..... BUT, I found out last week it's a boy. I wept bitterly - like a dream was shattered AND I ALREADY HAVE the sisters I wanted so much (I am one of two girls, my sister is my best friend; we are super close to my mom, etc.). I am trying to focus on the positives - it is a wanted baby, it is healthy, it is OUR baby, etc. I just CAN'T BELIEVE it's a boy!! I know I'll fall in love once the baby is born & I'll feel awful & embarrassed I ever had (and shared!) these feelings, but I just so wanted another girl! I could see it so easily & that is just what I thought our family would be..... My husband thinks I'm a bit crazy & have lost sight of what's truly important, so while he wants me to share how I'm feeling, he also gets frustrated. (he would have been thrilled with a girl too). So it's good to know there are some others who are also feeling some similar things.

Oh, one more thing- to make matters worse, we are not in agreement about circ'ing & that is RRALLY something I wish we didn't have to deal with....
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#44 of 46 Old 08-08-2011, 12:28 PM
 
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Because we want our babies to be reflections of ourselves and we are girls so we often want girls. The men often want boys. 

 

I had some tears when my first was boy. Then a lot of tears when the 2nd was a boy, accepting when the 3rd was a boy, a little miffed when the 4th was a boy, frustrated on the 5th, shocked on the 6th....are you getting the idea? LOL

 

In reality, I think my boys are more girly than my girl? Sometimes, I have had my moments. But at this point, it does not matter a ton anymore. My boys are so sweet and loving toward me compared to my daughter. My daughter is 15 and a door slammer when she has...once a month. She has some personality traits like me, but, she has completely different interests. 

 

(((hugs)))) it is ok to feel however you feel. Maybe the next will be a girl and then you will have both? I think everyone should experienced both. I never wanted to have boys, but now that I do, they are amazing! Not at all what I expected.

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#45 of 46 Old 08-09-2011, 11:51 AM
 
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I was so sad when I found out I was expecting a boy (our first child). I had just always known I would be a mother of girls. I was worried about having to deal with bugs and snakes and gross boy things, ER trips (cause all boys are rowdy and break bones right?), and I can't play a sport to save my life. I had NO IDEA what I was going to do. I wanted a little girl that would grow up to have a great relationship with me. My husband listened to all my concerns and then laughed and reminded me that HE was a boy who loved his mom, loved (and loves) to cook, and do crafts. He is sweet and empathetic and one of the most genuine people I know (and has never broken a bone in his life:)

 

I on the other hand, do not have a good relationship with my mother, and as a child I was a complete tomboy who fit the stereotype for most boys. My mom would send me to school with curls in a pink dress and tights and I'd come home with ripped and muddy clothing because I'd been playing football with the boys (sometime right around highschool I did get more "girly" :)

 

My husband is a manly guy, he works in construction, has never met a vehicle/tractor he can't drive, can work on cars... but also helps me knit Christmas gifts, cooks most of our food, and is better at sewing than I am. He came from a family of 2 boys and 2 girls and he is the one who would do crafts with his mom.

 

After having DS who was such a sweet, calm, easy baby (now a gentle and easy toddler), all I wanted was to have another boy... which I am! If we never end up having a daughter, I think I'll be okay with it... which I never would have thought if you'd have asked me 5 years ago.

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#46 of 46 Old 08-09-2011, 03:34 PM
 
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i've only read a few of the replies, but i have to chime in here...

i have a girl (6) and a boy (3).  they are both extremely lovey and snuggly and wonderful.  but there is just something about a boy.  ugh!!  he is just the cutest thing ever.  he still climbs into my bed every night and just wraps his arms around me.  there is nothing like it.  i agree with the posters who said he will be a mama's boy-i LOVE that (eventhough it's not so fun being married to one, sometimes!!).  we don't know what we're having this time around, but i would really like my daughter to have a sister, since i never did.  and though it would be nice for my som to have a brother to wrestle with instead of his sister, i like that he is my one and only little man.  we'll see what i'm saying next month :)


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