I am never gonna be able to go to sleep tonight if I don't vent this out somewhere. Plus I need some perspective!
A week or so ago DH and I are sitting on the couch and I say "Hey (band I loved from the 90's) is playing locally. I'd love to see them."
He replies "Yeah, Kristen (old friend of his and his BFF's girlfriend now) invited me to go on Saturday but I have work the next day and wasn't really in to them so I don't think I will."
Okay, well, I drop the conversation because he doesn't seem interested in going and he gets up for work at 5am so that seems like a really legit reason. I'd like to go but I don't know anyone else who would be into seeing them (Kristen and I are not very friendly) and it's an hour+ drive that I'd rather not do by myself.
Then, I come home last night to him saying "Hun, can you help me with the printer? I need to print out the ticket to go see (band who I love, but he apparently doesn't) with Kristen tomorrow night."
Excuse me?!? What?!? Did he actually just say that a) he made plans to go out all night without even asking me. b) he made plans to go with someone else to a band I TOLD HIM I'd love to see. and the fairly petty c) and then had the nerve to ask me to help print his ticket?
So umm, in one of my less fine moments when he asked what was wrong (I got very quiet very quickly), I just might have burst out yelling. I might have yelled for quite awhile actually. The yelling likely largely consisted of me saying how he never remembers that he should ASK before making big plans AND that not only didn't he ask, but he must have been actually ignoring me previously since I straight out told him I wanted to see the band.
Here's MY issue right now though. There is literally nothing he can do at this point to make it up to me. Since he blew off the idea of going when I first brought it up I agreed to work this weekend and we run way to tight a shift at work for me to be able to get off without notice and I could never in good conscience call out for something like this. They aren't playing any other shows in this area so there is no second chance to see them.
I'm so freaking ANGRY though and what good is it doing? It's not like he can say he'll do better next time because I will NOT believe him. He is generally a great guy, super responsible, very caring, etc... He is HORRIBLE at remembering that he needs to, at the very least, check with me before making big plans. I know this, and I'm trying to give up the expectation of him getting any better about it, but I'm just having no luck letting go of the anger. Plus, a large part of the anger is that, dammit, I want to spend time with him! Saturday night my kids stay with their dad so it's a great night for DH and I to hangout. He went out with friends last weekend and I wanted to actually get to see him this weekend. Nevermind that he's working weekends for the next month at least. That means we'll both be to exhausted to do anything on Saturday (I work 9-9 most Saturdays). But then it seems so dumb that I'm so angry at him when the anger is because I want him with me.
So it's now Saturday. I'm home alone with all our animals that he left for me to take care of, after I just spent 12 hours on my feet taking care of other animals, while he has a great time at a concert. I swear, if he brings me home a t-shirt I might strangle him with it, ARGH! I want to not be angry but it's so darn hard right now!
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i would be furious, i don't blame you at all. *hug*
Robyn - In with Tyson, Gothy Mama to Jasmyn (March 12 2003), Grayson (August 2 2005), my Aurora Hope (m/c Nov 10 2010), and Sydney Rayne (September 17 2011) x3
i'm sorry. i'd have reacted the same way! probably worse!!
wife to wonderful mama of three-DS1 born December 30, 2005 and DS2 born September 27, 2008 and one lovely little girl born September 7, 2011
I'd feel the same as you!
I'm sure you've cooled off a bit by now and am hoping that you found a way to discuss your disappointment and frustration with him.
When he apologizes, let him know how he can make it up to you-- maybe ensuring that the next time the opportunity arises, you get to see the band!
I would have also reacted the same way or much much worse. I probably would have made DH feel so bad that he wouldn't have gone.... But, all things heal with time... Im sure this will pass too.... Hopefully he is connecting to your dissapointment and finds some special way to make it up to you!
Fiancee to my sweetie Mattie , bonus mama to his little one Ayaa Rose (7!) , and mama to Cassidy Faye, born 9/5/11~
Thanks all :). I most definitely did blow up at him and I have cooled off (mostly) by this point but I still can't say I'm totally over it. Part of the problem though is that we have both been working crazy hours so have had absolutely no time to just settle down and talk. Hopefully we'll get a chance Saturday or Sunday to do that and then put it all behind us for good. Now, if I could just get him to think before repeating the same sort of mistake a couple months from now I'd really be doing well, lol.
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