If you don't want to know how I'm feeling, don't ask! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 05-09-2011, 11:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Total vent.

 

I am really done with people making a concerned face at me and asking how I'm feeling, and then chiding me for not being super happy and positive.

 

My usual response is something like "well, I'm alright, feeling better this trimester. How are you?" in a neutral voice. Apparently that is offensive or bothersome to some people. I'm not going to share the rugged details with everyone, but I really don't have the energy or desire to be fake about it, either. I don't get why some people can't deal with that.

 

Ugh. Anyone else getting this reaction?

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#2 of 9 Old 05-09-2011, 12:12 PM
 
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So sorry, mama! What I've found is that most people, even close friends don't really want to know and if you give them even an inkling that you might not be all butterflies and unicorns, they get all bent out of shape about it. I usually give them a fake smile, but sometimes I just pretend I didn't hear them and redirect. Hang in there! hug2.gif
 

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Originally Posted by kathrineg View Post

Total vent.

 

I am really done with people making a concerned face at me and asking how I'm feeling, and then chiding me for not being super happy and positive.

 

My usual response is something like "well, I'm alright, feeling better this trimester. How are you?" in a neutral voice. Apparently that is offensive or bothersome to some people. I'm not going to share the rugged details with everyone, but I really don't have the energy or desire to be fake about it, either. I don't get why some people can't deal with that.

 

Ugh. Anyone else getting this reaction?



 


Moo.

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#3 of 9 Old 05-09-2011, 09:03 PM
 
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I think it is..well..it just seems creepy when someone asks "how are you feeling?" It is too personal. But I think if they ask that (I am referring to people who should not be that personal) then they need to be prepared to deal with any answer they get. I could never ask such a question.

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#4 of 9 Old 05-10-2011, 04:53 AM
 
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Working in health care, I get this question every day in multiples. Depending on who asks me Ill give a different answer. I know that sounds dumb but you know it's just a formality. "Hi, how are you?" , "Fine thanks" is just a cordial greeting and response. Unfortunately for pregnant women that's often opening a can of worms! LOL! If it's someone I don't know well and I don't want to get into it with them, they will get a fine thanks! Who has time? We don't, nor do we need to hear everyone's personal pregnancy story following our response. If it's someone who knows me well, they know how I'm feeling by just looking at me anyway. My advice would be to filter your response to spare YOURSELF. Not everyday is going to be a blissful walk in the park and it's no one's business to judge your for that. Take care!!!hug2.gif


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#5 of 9 Old 05-10-2011, 11:05 AM
 
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There's a woman in my office who is always in a big rush, but SUPER cheerful.  She doesn't talk, she chirps.  Everyone else gets a "Helloooo!" but since I've been pregnant, I get "How're you feeling!"  It's hard for me to do it justice in type - imagine the way you would say that sentence, and then speed it up by a factor of 10.  So, like "howareyoufeeling!"

 

I find it frustrating because the rest of my office does not ask that question every day, and when they do ask, it's because they want a real answer, whether good or bad.  But this one - I just have to smile and chirp back "GOOD!" 

 

But I know just what you mean - when you do not feel "GOOD!" or even tolerable, it's really annoying to have to smile and give a socially acceptable answer.

 

If you think someone "can't handle the truth" give them a BS answer and move on.  It's not worth your time and energy to indulge their critique!


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#6 of 9 Old 05-10-2011, 04:21 PM
 
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I get it all.the.time.  How are you feeling, but the sympathetic how are you feeling, not like a happy how are you feeling.  It's really weird, esp. at my Master Gardener classes where most everyone is a mom or grandmother.  It's really odd. headscratch.gif


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#7 of 9 Old 05-24-2011, 06:24 AM
 
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I certainly feel for you!  I've had too much "concern" coming in my direction because I'm not out painting a nursery and picking up baby clothes.  I lost a pregnancy right before this one, so it has been hard for me to really get into it.  Top that with the fact that I'm taking 18 credits at school, work 25 hours per week, and have a 5 year old and ...really?  I'm supposed to be chipper?!  Just don't let others make you feel bad for not being hyper enthusiastic all the time.  And if you need someone to vent to, I'll be glad to lend a listening ear.  I fired my therapist and now I'm without an ear as well!

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#8 of 9 Old 05-24-2011, 06:09 PM
 
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My answer is usually, "Pregnant." That usually stops any further questions. I like that answer because if I "don't look well" it tells them my __________ aches or my acid reflux is acting up and it's a normal pregnancy complaint. If people say, "You ok? You look tired." Most of the time, I'm feeling down about something unrelated or I really am tired. I usually say, "yeah, I could use a cup of coffee" and that usually ends it.


Two wonderful boys born Aug 2009 and Sept 2011, and #3 due April 2015! I'm also a CLC and postpartum doula.
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#9 of 9 Old 06-05-2011, 10:30 AM
 
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For those non-personal inquries, I usually answer with "pregnant" just as Time4Latte does - it's short, it's not TMI and there's usually no follow up question. And most people I've used it on are amused by it, chuckle and move on.

 

There have been a few instances where I've been honest about not feeling good or tired with people I'm closer with, and they get all shocked and offended - like they can't possibly understand how pregnancy isn't all peaches and roses. It's usually women who don't have kids and have never been pregnant... it's like they have this-story book image of pregnancy and I just ruined it for them by admitting I'm tired. Well, I'm human - wouldn't you be tired in the morning if your child was up flipping around and kicking you from the inside all night while you were trying to sleep? One response like that, and those people get moved to the non-personal "pregnant" response group.

 

I mean, just because I admit that I'm tired, or my feet are sore or that I hated feeling like I had the flu for three months at the beginning because the morning sickness was so bad does not mean that I do not love my child, am greatful to be pregnant and can't wait for him to be born - it just means that I'm tired or have sore feet or whatever. :-)


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