Let's talk about our 1st trimester after miscarriage - Mothering Forums
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October 2011 > Let's talk about our 1st trimester after miscarriage
Mainebirdgirl's Avatar Mainebirdgirl 07:13 AM 02-07-2011

I know that there are others here who are coming in off a miscarriage, and I wanted to hear how things are going for you ladies.

Overall- I feel pretty positive and excited (which is why I wanted to put this here- the threads I saw in the pregnancy post loss seemed a little glum and I wanted to hear more good news), though I'm definitely more cautious and not thinking about my pregnancy as much as last time.

 

I generally have a pretty laid-back approach to pregnancy- I am pretty active and work out most every day, had been drinking some coffee (still less than 2 cups regular a day), and had intended to maintain my (healthy) lifestyle to keep a healthy pregnancy.

 

All this started to come in to question when I called my midwives about doing a fairly kick-butt full-body exercise class I recently had started. It's pretty intense and I wanted to ask about not doing certain activities, taking things down a notch, etc. At first I got the "do what feels right" thing until she looked at my file. She said "oh. You had a miscarriage in Oct? I would not go and stick to more low-impact activities- given your history".

 

It really hit me hard. I am a biologist and think I had a pretty scientific approach to my miscarriage (something wasn't right with the little one, and it was almost definitely not my fault), and this made me start to question if it was something I did and if I should try to do things differently this time. I've now switched to decaf and am not going to the class, but I wanted to know what you all think. Are you having a different approach this time? How are you feeling? For those that work out, what kinds of exercise are you doing? Are you much more anxious and cautious this time?

 

Thanks!



CeceStar's Avatar CeceStar 07:38 AM 02-07-2011

I had an early miscarriage last July.  I do feel like this pregnancy is different, more "real", and I do feel positive about it.  BUT - I still have that nervous feeling that it could end at any moment.  I know there's nothing I can do so I just pray a lot!

 

I am continuing my workouts as usual, three times per week, but I am scaling them back a bit.  I'm not lifting as much weight, or pushing quite as hard.  I'm doing the elliptical at a lesser resistance.  I don't want to give up exercise all together but I'm trying to be mindful about how much I'm pushing my body.

 

I'm glad you started this thread, it will be nice to support each other through these first few months!


Snugglebugmom's Avatar Snugglebugmom 07:55 AM 02-07-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by CeceStar View Post

I had an early miscarriage last July.  I do feel like this pregnancy is different, more "real", and I do feel positive about it.  BUT - I still have that nervous feeling that it could end at any moment.  I know there's nothing I can do so I just pray a lot!



I echo this. My missed miscarriage was in June, and for a while I was absolutely baffled by the fact that my baby had died and I had no clue. It wasn't until weeks later that during a checkup my doc couldn't find the heartbeat, so she sent me for an ultrasound and it showed the baby had passed about three weeks earlier. It really threw me for a loop, I felt so betrayed by my body. It took another week for the miscarriage to start, that didn't help matters. 

I tell myself every day:"Today I am pregnant, so today I am happy. We are in God's hands, whatever He wills, it will be alright, He will get us through it."  (If God is not your thing, this may not work for you. orngtongue.gif )

I am determined to enjoy every day I get to have this little soul with me, no matter how long or how short that will turn out to be. 

And I would love an active PAL thread on this board! (PAL=pregnant after loss) Thanks for starting this!


AlexisT's Avatar AlexisT 07:58 AM 02-07-2011

I had a miscarriage last summer. It was early but the treatment ended up being fairly protracted (no response to misoprostol). I'm still really nervous about this pregnancy. I'm finding it hard to call an OB in case I have to call to cancel. (I'm with the RE till they see a heartbeat.)


Mainebirdgirl's Avatar Mainebirdgirl 08:18 AM 02-07-2011

thanks for the replies!

I'm so happy to talk with ladies in the same boat.

 

I love your prayer, Iris. God is my thing too:), so I am on board. Did you have strong symptoms with your missed miscarriage so you had not idea things were amiss? I had really strong symptoms and no cramping, but haevy spotting which led me to believe something was wrong. Still- it makes it stranger this time, since symptoms don't ease my mind like they did last time.

 

CeCeStar, I'm happy to hear you too are working out but just taking things down a little bit- I think that will be my approach as well.

 

This is exactly what I needed!


Jane's Avatar Jane 09:51 AM 02-07-2011
This is my 5th pregnancy. I have no children.
I've had the opportunity to do everything differently and it still not make a difference.
I'm pretty laid back, I really do nothing different except count caffeine and keep it under 100 or so a day.
With 70% or more of miscarriages caused by chromosome issues, I figure the die is cast already. I'm just the vessel. I hope this one sticks.
I have had an excellent ultrasound already, so, fingers crossed!
I'd exercise as much as you want. Personally I'm beat right now, so unless it's a nap class...

Optimistically yours,
Poodge's Avatar Poodge 10:18 AM 02-07-2011

I had a miscarriage before my son's birth. I thought I would be less stressed this time since I have his sucessful pregnancy under my belt, but I am worried! It doesn't help that I was sick for three or so days last week. I am trying to just tell myself that "Today I am pregnant and I love my baby." and enjoy each day I have with this little one.

 

As far as excercise I am trying to walk 4 days a week and I am going to add yoga in hopefully two days a week. I was running prior to pregnancy but ended up injuried and was working my way back from that (my total miles per week was very low) when I got my BFP so I switched to all walking.

 

I hoep you don't mind me joining you even though my miscarriage was before my DS birth, it is still effecting me and this pregnancy although again I am trying to be positive!


Mainebirdgirl's Avatar Mainebirdgirl 11:03 AM 02-08-2011

All are welcome Poodge! You definitely are in the same boat.

Jane- I don't know you, but I love you. That is exactly how I feel in my heart of hearts, but I feel like people keep freaking me out. Glad your ultrasound looks well and I'll make a toast (with my water) that we're all here for the long haul!


maxnmaizy's Avatar maxnmaizy 10:27 PM 02-08-2011

Tomorrow I will be 6w 2d, which is when my miscarriage occurred in November. I am feeling very positive, but of course I was feeling positive about the last pregnancy until I started bleeding. I find myself making comparisons to the previous pregnancy, this BFP was  much darker, symptoms are stronger, but beyond that I will just deal with whatever my body has in store. I do not feel explicitly "connected" to this little one, I really never have in my pregnancies. I am mostly connected with the idea of having a babe in arms come October.

 

My kids have both said that this pregnancy seems more "real" and "sticky". My SO, well I wish he would be more expressly excited, but the miscarriage (and TTC for such a long time) really threw him for a loop. He is being his usual reserved self.

 

Glad to have a conversation about it. I found all of my posts referring to the miscarriage and was starting to feel awkward.


Snugglebugmom's Avatar Snugglebugmom 12:21 PM 02-09-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by Mainebirdgirl View Post Did you have strong symptoms with your missed miscarriage so you had not idea things were amiss? I had really strong symptoms and no cramping, but haevy spotting which led me to believe something was wrong. Still- it makes it stranger this time, since symptoms don't ease my mind like they did last time.

 


I had no indication anything was wrong, I was nauseated, felt pregnant, no cramping, no spotting... The only thing I did have, was a nagging suspicion something was wrong. It started when I was almost 8 weeks, and it got stronger and stronger. The day before my appointment I told my husband that I didn't believe that the doc was going to be able to find a heartbeat, and that she would send me for an ultrasound, and that would show that the baby died at 9 weeks. That was pretty much exactly what happened, except they said "somewhere between 8 and 9 weeks". It still felt like the ground was swept out from under my feet, and I completely lost it. One of the things I remember thinking was odd, was the fact that I couldn't feel my uterus when I was 10 weeks along. With my other two I remember feeling it when I was lying on my stomach in bed, kind of like I was lying on a tennis ball, if that makes sense. 

 

It is so nice to have a place where we can talk about these kinds of things! Hugs to all you PAL mamas out there. grouphug.gif


corrabelle's Avatar corrabelle 05:54 PM 02-09-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by CeceStar View Post

I had an early miscarriage last July.  I do feel like this pregnancy is different, more "real", and I do feel positive about it.  BUT - I still have that nervous feeling that it could end at any moment.  I know there's nothing I can do so I just pray a lot!

 

 I feel the same-I had a miscarriage last June. It was very odd-we weren't "trying" yet, and I didn't even know I was pregnant. I swear-that i had JUST concieved like two days before it happened. I hadn't even missed my period-and the period before was really normal.

I still had to had a d &c because i had heavy bleeding, and it went on for weeks because the placenta tissue wasn't totally expelled. They never did find any tissue of a fetus though.

 

Ever since this happened, i've been paranoid. I feel like I can't get excited about this pregnancy until I either see it in an ultrasound, or get blood work.

And it's stupid really, because I have every symptom in the book.

My breasts are sore, i'm tired, i'm nausiated, the waist of my pants feel uncomfortably snug. I *think* i'm 5 weeks. but until two weeks from now, when I have my first appt, I won't know anything.

 

I wasn't this worried with my first two kids because I had never had a miscarriage before. Now that I have though, i'm so paranoid.


Poodge's Avatar Poodge 08:31 AM 02-10-2011

I had spotting yesterday. I was very little, light brown, it just was on my underwear - when I wiped nothing. Since then I have had no more, but I am worried. I stood in the bathroom and pleaded with the universe for 5 minutes. I am just trying to tell myself that there is nothing I can do good or bad right now that will change the outcome so I am trying to stay positive.


Snugglebugmom's Avatar Snugglebugmom 10:05 AM 02-10-2011


Quote:
Originally Posted by Poodge View Post

I had spotting yesterday. I was very little, light brown, it just was on my underwear - when I wiped nothing. Since then I have had no more, but I am worried. I stood in the bathroom and pleaded with the universe for 5 minutes. I am just trying to tell myself that there is nothing I can do good or bad right now that will change the outcome so I am trying to stay positive.



grouphug.gif Spotting is scary. You probably know just as well as I do that spotting is really very common in early pregnancy, and that brown blood means old blood that your system is getting rid of, but that knowledge doesn't really help when it happens to you, does it? I'm so sorry, it sucks to have a scare like that. Many hugs to you!!


Earthmamajen's Avatar Earthmamajen 03:30 PM 02-10-2011

 

That is scary..and she's right, probably not a big thing at all. Blessings. Jenny
Demeter_shima's Avatar Demeter_shima 05:41 PM 02-10-2011

Well, we started TTC This cycle...and BING! 

I am coming off of two confirmed miscarriages since August 2009 and was finally ready to try again after #2 was lost last spring. 

I am super scared but trying to stay positive...and the big thing this time is I'm taking vitamin D!  I learned about how

vital it can be to fertility and maintaining pregnancy, and I'm pretty sure that a D3 deficiency is what caused my previous issues...since nothing was

pinpointed as the cause. 

 

I'm due around October 10thish...and said to be about 5 weeks along now. 

I'm not even going to see the midwife yet...I'm deciding if we should just wait until the 12 week mark so we can just hear a heartbeat (also because I

never got that far the last few times) or if we should go for that early one to feel better...though I am SO sick of sonos at this point...and I'm not loving the overuse of them anyway...so...

I'm still deciding...but congrats to you all and I'm in shock, but so happy to be here!

pos.gifenergy.gif


Snugglebugmom's Avatar Snugglebugmom 07:11 AM 02-11-2011

Congratulations, and welcome aboard! You'll love this group, it's a great place to share the types of things that are on PAL mamas' minds. I am purposely waiting until about 10 weeks before I call my doc, I am hoping to hear a heartbeat at my first appointment since that didn't happen last time. I figure if something is wrong, or going to go wrong, in the next four weeks or so, there is really nothing anyone can do. An ultrasound won't change it, and I would rather enjoy every day I have with this little sprout without waiting for the ax to drop, if that makes sense?

Good luck deciding what to do, the only advice I can give you, is "go with your heart". If you listen to it, it will tell you what it needs most. 


Gabesgrrrl's Avatar Gabesgrrrl 07:36 AM 02-11-2011

I'm so glad someone started a PAL thread here.:) I am coming off of 3 recent, early losses. One of you ladies mentioned how betrayed you felt when you discovered your baby had stopped developing long before you realized it. I can sooo relate to that!

 

I am 7 weeks today, though at my first sono to find a heartbeat (at 6w1d) the baby was only measuring 5w2days. I keep telling myself it's going to be ok-I didn't get a positive test result until the day after AF was due, which was unusual for me and my cycles-so I think the baby implanted late-which means all could be just fine. It also of course, means things could not be fine and I will miscarry again.

 

This time around, I feel different though. Even though my symptoms are still fairly mild and seem to come and go, I just "feel" pregnant. I am really really hoping I'm not just tricking myself into thinking that!

 

I was never this tired with my 3 losses, and my breasts are a lovely larger size.;) I had such tender nipples the past 3 days/nights, but woke up with a much less tender feeling. I'm hoping it comes back, because even though it was uncomfortable...it was oddly reassuring.

 

My progesterone levels were 72, (in canada the range for 1st trimester is 30-100) so I'm feeling good about that.

 

Just waiting for my follow-up sono where I might be able to see a heartbeat!

 

Thanks for being here ladies-it means a lot.:) grouphug.gif


hjdmom24's Avatar hjdmom24 07:55 AM 02-11-2011

I would like to join here too since it is weighing heavy on my mind. I had a miscarriage 3 years ago before I had my youngest son. I feel so connected to this baby already but worried because of the odd way the tests are showing up then disappearing and my lack of symptoms. I kinda feel like this one is not gonna stick but then keep picturing her at 5 years old with long dark hair. The worst part will be if I lose this baby I will be devastated but I know no one will understand because of my circumstances. In fact I expressed my worry to the only friend who knows I'm pregnant and her response was " well if that  happens it just means it wasn't time for you to have another baby"...thank goodness she sent it in a text cause if we had been face to face I would have wanted to slap her..but I know the few people that know will just make the "its for the best comments" and that will be hard to handle.


Snugglebugmom's Avatar Snugglebugmom 08:11 AM 02-11-2011

 

 

 wave.gifHey Marcie, good to see you here!  


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by hjdmom24 View Post

I would like to join here too since it is weighing heavy on my mind. I had a miscarriage 3 years ago before I had my youngest son. I feel so connected to this baby already but worried because of the odd way the tests are showing up then disappearing and my lack of symptoms. I kinda feel like this one is not gonna stick but then keep picturing her at 5 years old with long dark hair. The worst part will be if I lose this baby I will be devastated but I know no one will understand because of my circumstances. In fact I expressed my worry to the only friend who knows I'm pregnant and her response was " well if that  happens it just means it wasn't time for you to have another baby"...thank goodness she sent it in a text cause if we had been face to face I would have wanted to slap her..but I know the few people that know will just make the "its for the best comments" and that will be hard to handle.


Hi, welcome! You found the perfect place to talk about fears and doubts and sadness, along with hope and happiness. 

Those comments are heartbreaking. I remember two friends and my sister all telling me after my miscarriage:"Well, it was probably because there was something wrong with the baby." As if that made it easier. Yeah, thanks for telling me that my baby never had a chance, that sure helps with the pain.

And my sister topped it off with:"Besides, it wasn't a real baby yet... It was just a little cloud of cells." Seriously? Go look at a picture of a nine week old fetus and tell me that is not a human being. Just thinking about it ticks me off again. irked.gif The things people say... You could fill a book with them. "What NOT to say to someone who lost a baby... and yes, it WAS a baby, not a little clump of cells, or a product of conception!"

I'm so sorry that all of you had to go through this terrible pain, but at the same time it is oddly comforting to know that I am not the only one who is both happy and guarded at the moment. Hugs to all of you! grouphug.gif


theboysmama's Avatar theboysmama 07:03 AM 02-13-2011

well, I think I am ready to jump in here (tentatively!) I received a very faint bfp about a wk ago. It has gotten a lot darker at about 4 wks 4 days today. My edd is 10/19. I have already scheduled an appt. and an u/s at 8 wks. (we typically don't do u/s but if this babe makes it we will probably have several done).

MY HISTORY: i had a missed m/c9/7/05 at 12.5 wks. My baby died around 7.5 wks. Then I had a m/c at 6 wks 2/13/06. I had 2 healthy children before my 2 losses and 2 healthy children after. Then after thinking our family was probably complete. We found out on mothers day we were expecting again. We heard a strong hb at almost 13 wks. We had a u/s at 16 wks 4 days to monitor blood flow as I had contracted fifths disease. At the us we found out that our baby was dead:(. I delivered a little boy (Emeric) at 17wks at home on 8/9/10. Then dh was very very done and I pushed him into trying one more time and we found out we were expecting and due in July 11. I miscarried at 8 wks on 11/26/10. So we decided to use condoms as we just couldn't take anymore losses and dh is feeling very done. Well on my second cycle af didn't show at 11 dpo like usual so I tested (I had a few hanging around) and I was completely shocked to see the faintest line.

Dh is completely freaking out. I am excited about the idea of a baby but terrified of a possible loss. I am really really sick (I always am so it is no comfort to me) and am just tired of being sick, giving up huge chunks of my life, doing everything right and still ending up with a dead baby.

I really don't know if I fit into this thread as it seems you ladies are trying to be upbeat and positive but I just can't do it. I find my mind wondering occasionally to the birth or a nb and I pull away so quick bcs the pain of losing another is just too much. I am having constant dead baby dreams. I am dealing with a dh that is horrified of another loss but also can't even imagine being able to care for another child.

I am glad this thread is here and hope that I am not too negative for it. I have been broken down..... my innocence is gone.... I just don't know how to get through this.

thanks ladies xoxoxoxo 


Snugglebugmom's Avatar Snugglebugmom 07:14 AM 02-13-2011

Nicole grouphug.gif Don't be silly, of course you are not too negative for this thread! This is a safe place to share your fears and your sadness, and to let others try and lift you up a little bit. All of us are scared, feel reserved, are nervous about getting too attached too soon, and worried. We can try to pick each other up when one of us feels particularly down, and we will each of us find ourselves in that spot at one time or another. And I have to say, with a history like yours I am not at all surprised at how you feel. I can only imagine the pain you have gone through over the years. You're welcome here, and never feel like you have to pretend to be upbeat when you don't feel it! Many many hugs to you!


theboysmama's Avatar theboysmama 07:29 AM 02-13-2011
Thank you sooooo much!
Snugglebugmom's Avatar Snugglebugmom 11:52 AM 02-13-2011

Any time! orngbiggrin.gif


Mama~Love 05:01 AM 02-14-2011
Thanks for starting this thread!

I'll admit I'm terrified, and scared about getting attached too soon. So far, this is nothing like my M/C pregnancy. I was charting for the last 15 months, since we started TTC.

I don't know when I'll feel "safe", when I can allow myself to not worry every moment. I am very jaded now, my M/C changed my outlook on everything.

Glad we can be here to support each other through this!
Snugglebugmom's Avatar Snugglebugmom 06:02 AM 02-14-2011

Welcome, Mollie! I think that is one of the hardest things about being a PAL mama... we have a hard time feeling "safe". So many of us found out that there really is no set point where you can rest assured that nothing will go wrong. My miscarriage started on the day I started my second trimester. The point where most pregnant women think:"I'm in the clear!" 

It stinks, but it's nice that we have each other to lean on!


Poodge's Avatar Poodge 10:37 AM 02-14-2011

grouphug.gif

 

I just want to send a hug to everyone in this thread.  


escher's Avatar escher 03:03 PM 02-16-2011
Hi Folks!

I seem to be pregnant, due in late October or early November (October 27 by ovulation date), and while I don't feel quite ready to fully jump into the DDC, I did want to say hi to all of you. I had a 7.5 week miscarriage in late June. I feel better about this pregnancy, like maybe it won't end in miscarriage, but then I worry that I am just setting myself up for an even bigger disappointment. It seems so improbable that this will actually end in a baby. That would certainly be amazing!

I hope you all are doing well!
Aprilmoon1's Avatar Aprilmoon1 06:34 AM 02-20-2011
I also had a missed miscarriage in September, 2010, and had a D&C. We had been TTC since December, and this pregnancy is such a blessing. I think I may be blindly optimistic, but I know the risks and have definitely grown stronger since the last miscarriage and going through that trauma. It was my first and only miscarriage, and the embryo deceased at 6 weeks, but I did not find out until 11 weeks. I felt something was wrong the whole pregnancy, and kept telling my midwife that. The cramping and dark brown spotting instigated an ultrasound.

I am happy this thread is here. This is both a joyous and difficult time!


April
Snugglebugmom's Avatar Snugglebugmom 06:38 AM 02-20-2011

Welcome, escher12 and April! Isn't it funny how quite often we know that something is off? I had the same feeling, starting around 8 weeks gestation, that something was wrong. I had no clues at all, no cramping, no spotting, no disappearing symptoms, just this feeling that something wasn't right. Mother's intuition is a force to be reckoned with. 

I wish both of you a happy, healthy, and most of all uneventful nine months. grouphug.gif


tank's Avatar tank 09:31 AM 02-20-2011

I had a miscarriage on Christmas 2010.  I was 12 weeks and I am pretty sure it was a blighted ovum.  I came to that conclusion for myself because I had an u/s at 6 weeks and 8 weeks and both showed an empty sac.  I was told there was a chance the baby couldn't be seen on the u/s so waited it out until I m/c naturally.  It was the most grueling few months of my life.  I was high stress and depressed and had a miserable time. 

 

This time I am doing things differently.  I am going to stay positive and happy and try not to worry about having another miscarriage.  I think the more I stress out the more I could actually cause one to happen.  I'm not saying that every mama who is high stress caused their m/c but I know that it is a worry for me. The things I am doing different this time all have to do with attitude.  I will wait longer to tell people but not because I am scared but because I know that everyone I tell who knows I had a m/c last time will worry for me and I don't want that.  I will probably tell when we get a heartbeat but I don't even know when that will be because my midwives office doesn't have a u/s machine.  I'm not too worried about it.  I know that if I take care of myself that is all I can do that is in my immediate control. 

 

 

ETA:  the boys mama, so glad to see you here (not here specifically but in my due date club again)  We were (briefly) in the July 2011 DDC together. 


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