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#1 of 6 Old 02-09-2011, 08:29 AM - Thread Starter
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My mother is upset and informed me she's trying not to be too excited. Here's the background...


I had #1 when I was 18. I was a very ignorant, typical teen mother, I stopped bf at 3 weeks and I worked almost full-time and was in fulltime college. My mother kept my daughter probably more than I did during that time. I had baby #2 when #1 was 18 months old, and my mom came and got #1 2-3 days a week for about a year. I bf #2 until she weaned herself and she did not go spend the night at grandma's for a long time.


5 years later, I had #3. My mom was working at this point and didn't have much to do with this child, also she was very high-needs and my mom seemed scared of her. As this daughter got older my mom didn't like her because of how she behaved. (adhd-like behavior, related to her being high-needs) It's pretty noticable she does not really like this child so much.


Ok now, I'm 34, I have for years regretted all the time I missed out on with #1. I regret lots of things and wish I'd had friends and family who were more supportive of AP as that's what I ended up doing with the next two babies. Here I'm pregnant, my mom is not working so was assuming I was going to let the baby stay with her alot like #1 did!! I tried to explain to her how I felt, how wrong it was for me to have done that way back then and I'd never do that again. That I was grown up and know better. She does not understand at all. Plus of course I will be breastfeeding this one also, there's no way I could even think of letting it be gone every week! My chests would suffer even if the baby did not!!


I do take it very personally that my mother did/does not like #3, but even if that was not an issue how could she expect I'd let a baby be away from me several times a month? We had talked about my past several times before and I'd always made it clear that I regretted my behavior.


I don't really expect any answers, as there aren't any, I just needed to get this off my chest.

drowning in hormones with 4 daughters and an understanding, loving hubby. also some dogs. my life is crazy and we are always learning.

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#2 of 6 Old 02-09-2011, 08:50 AM
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Regardeless of the circumstances I know very well how it feels to have people not be excited with you :/ I'm sure I will be facing alot of that again. So I just wanted to send {(hugs)} and let you know we are excited for you!!

Holly intactlact.giffambedsingle2.giffly-by-nursing1.gifsingle mom to 4.5...hoping for a homebirth.jpg this time.
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#3 of 6 Old 02-09-2011, 11:27 AM
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Your mom is going to have to deal with her disappointment in her own way, but it is not your fault and not your responsibility. Don't let her ruin your excitement! It would be beyond hurtful to me, if my mom didn't like one of my kids. My sister has a daughter with PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified) and my dad and brother have a hard time with her. It is so frustrating and it seems so mean, to treat a child differently because of something the child is absolutely not to blame for.

My mom died the day after my twentieth birthday, that has its own set of challenges and pain. I would like to believe that she would have loved all her grandchildren equally, and would never have exerted any kind of rights over them, regardless of circumstances. But of course I will never know that for sure.

I echo what hjdmom24 said, we are excited for you! Many hugs to you. hug2.gif

~Iris~ Catholic mama to DD1 11/15/05 * DD2 04/28/08 * brokenheart.gif06/23/2010 * and our little rainbow DS 10/07/11 love.gif

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#4 of 6 Old 02-09-2011, 12:22 PM
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Hugs to you...and much excitement!!!! I didn't do AP with my first either and have some regret, that I mostly have let go of. Each child and each day is another chance to parent consciously, I'm so grateful for my mostly supportive friends and family. I hope there are people around you who are simply jumping up and down with joy! Sending you a huge hooray!

Jenny-engaged to a wonderful man- mama to 3 rambunctious homeschooling boys, ages 12,10, and 8-doula, knitter, natural food enthusiast, farmer-and expecting number 4 around October 7, 2011 right before I turn 40.
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#5 of 6 Old 02-09-2011, 06:59 PM - Thread Starter
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Thanks, y'all, for the support. I do have some friends who are happy, one actually seems jump-up-and-down happy, and my daughters are happy. Mom was thrilled at first and even went out and bought baby clothes to keep at her house. Then she called to tell me what all she had bought for when the baby came to stay and that's when I had to break it to her.


We've just been through quite a few family transitions here lately(changing relationships), and also my teenagers are not exactly being angels and that REALLY has me moody. A few days ago one was being mouthy and I ended up in the bathroom crying LOL Ugh to 15 year olds thinking they are grown...

drowning in hormones with 4 daughters and an understanding, loving hubby. also some dogs. my life is crazy and we are always learning.

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#6 of 6 Old 02-10-2011, 07:14 PM
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(((HUGS)))  Your mom has time to get used to the idea.  I'm sure it is hard for her, because she had this expectation, but I believe she will come around!

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