Things We wish someone had told us....... - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 52 Old 03-03-2011, 04:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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in pregnancy, labor, and after...

 

I wish someone would have told me that there was not just one hole in the center of your nipple...like a bottle.

 

I was breastfeeding my son and I had no idea until I tried to squeeze milk out to get him to latch on and it came from holes all over my nipple....I freaked!!!!

I thought for a split second that I broke my boob.....faint.gif

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#2 of 52 Old 03-03-2011, 05:02 PM
 
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I wish someone would have mentioned the afterpains after a second child. WOW! I never had any with the first, it was a breeze, but that uterus trying to get back after a second one, yeowch!! I am already dreading the after pains after a third....


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#3 of 52 Old 03-03-2011, 05:26 PM
 
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I thought for a split second that I broke my boob.....faint.gif



I laughed so hard, I choked.  Then I sneezed.

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#4 of 52 Old 03-03-2011, 05:33 PM
 
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I wish someone would have mentioned the afterpains after a second child. WOW! I never had any with the first, it was a breeze, but that uterus trying to get back after a second one, yeowch!! I am already dreading the after pains after a third....



Ouch!  I had bad enough afterpains after my first!  I didn't know it would be worse this time.   I actually wish someone would have told me about the afterpains even for the first.  I had a natural birth with no epidural, but wound up taking Motrin for the afterpains.  I was so miserable.

 

Actually, I wish I had been warned about how uncomfortable I'd be in general after giving birth.  Besides the afterpains, there were the tired muscles, the hurting when peeing or sitting, the sore nipples from breastfeeding etc. I was expecting to feel great, like people say you do if you don't have an epidural, but it just didn't work that way for me.

 

Oh well, still worth it :)

 


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#5 of 52 Old 03-03-2011, 06:46 PM
 
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I wish someone had told me that it's okay to tell someone your plans for birth/feeding/diapering/ etc and not having to justify them because it's 'not normal'. Well guess what, feeding my human child human milk is normal to me!!!

 

And I wish someone would have told me it's okay to voice my feelings and not hide them just to spare someone's feelings, When I was pregnant with DD, my mother in law actually rubbed, talked to and KISSED my belly without ever asking me if I was okay with it. I didn't say anything, but would try to hint every time I saw her by staying in a car, standing behind a counter, anything! She would wedge herself right in there and I just wanted to avoid confrontation. Finally I asked my hubby to say something around my 7th month. He did, and she came up to me later and said "S told me that you don't like that, but it's my grandbaby and I'll do what I want." All while smiling and laughing. Seriously. So I walked out the door and refused to see her until the baby was born! This time around, I will probably end up smacking her hand if it comes near my mostly-belly-fat-pregnant-belly and speak my mind from the get go!


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#6 of 52 Old 03-03-2011, 06:50 PM
 
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"S told me that you don't like that, but it's my grandbaby and I'll do what I want." All while smiling and laughing.


Oh, my!

 


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#7 of 52 Old 03-03-2011, 07:30 PM
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I wish someone had told me that even though I thought I would be fine with a wonderful midwife in a supportive role (alongside a ridiculously large medical team) I still could have really used a doula. Totally hiring a doula this time.

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#8 of 52 Old 03-03-2011, 07:32 PM
 
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I laughed so hard, I choked.  Then I sneezed.



Then I peed. lol.gif

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Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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#9 of 52 Old 03-03-2011, 08:30 PM
 
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For some reason I believed that babies nursed every 3-4 hours. Ds NEVER went that long - not until well after he started solids (at 7 months). Once I accepted that very frequent feedings were normal for us I was much less stressed.

 

Also, I read so many times that if bfing hurt you were doing it wrong. I'm sure this is true for some (fix the latch & instantly it feels right) we never had a latch problem & the first few weeks were excruciating. Even at 28 months I still find bfing is stimulating enough that the idea of sleeping through it is ludicrous. Obviously nipple sensitivity is different for everyone.


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#10 of 52 Old 03-03-2011, 09:35 PM
 
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My little list of things I wish I had been told:

 

 It's normal for:

  • a newborn to nurse almost constantly for the first few days
  • for your milk to wait at least 4 days to come in

 

  • Just because you aren't pumping anything doesn't mean that the baby isn't getting anything
  • for your baby to be a bit jaundice (I was basically bullied into giving him some formula to get the jaundice out of his system-which reaked havoc on my milk supply!)

 

  • Nursing babies really should feed on demand-he's not using me for a pacifier-this is how your milk supply actually builds! (smacking forehead.)

 

Regarding Birth/hospital:

  • It's not near as bad as the movies/media make it out to be.
  • Pushing feels like pooping.-and it's dang sweet relief. For me it was the best part! (sorry if that's tmi!)
  • It's normal to not want to be massaged or touched during labour, no matter how much DH is trying to be supportive and loving, there are other ways.
  • Tearing a little bit isn't so bad. Stitching it on the other hand can make it worse. (depending on the tear.)
  • Your baby will poop black stuff after it's born. I hadn't a clue-and thought something was terribly wrong.
  • It's ok to drink while you nurse. (in moderation)
  • When the nurses walk in to your room non-stop (if you're in the hospital) and constantly ask to "check your bum", or check this or that, or ask you questions,  it's ok to say "no, i'm tired,  not now, please go away." (I had this routine down pat with my second son.)
  • It's ok not to swaddle your baby like a giant q-tip, and just hold him skin to skin the whole time you're in the hospital.
  • You don't *need* to have a hat on your baby at all times.
  • When people ask to hold your baby, if your uncomfortable, it's ok to say no.
  • You will pee when you cough, sneeze or laugh, either for the next 3 months or possibly the rest of your life.
  • Your stomach will look like half risen bread dough.
  • things WILL return to normal "down there".

 

 

 

I'm sure i'll think of more tomorrow. lol There was a lot that I was unprepared for!


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#11 of 52 Old 03-04-2011, 04:12 AM
 
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I wish someone had told me a couple of things practical things before #1 that the HB MWs mentioned for #2:

-that I should oil my baby's butt up (with whatever- almond oil, olive oil, etc) before he started pooping that black sticky stuff (meconium) b/c then it will slide right off. Rather than scrubbing at his poor little but until it was practically raw!

-I also wish I'd know you can make herbal wash to put in your peri bottle and use everytime you go to the bathroom- rather than just plain water. So much better!

 

And yeah, BFing was pretty painful the first week or so, and then got much, much better. And that was with a great latch, great milk supply, etc.


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#12 of 52 Old 03-04-2011, 05:54 AM
 
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I wish I had known I would feel like all my guts had fallen out after delivery. I felt so weird and empty.

 

And I SO second the afterpains... they were awful the second time. I'm not looking forward to them the third time..


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#13 of 52 Old 03-04-2011, 06:48 AM
 
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Great list ladies!

 

I also wish someone would have told me I might go through 'mourning' after I have delivered a beautiful healthy baby, because it's no longer inside me. I was so terribly sad when I was no longer pregnant, even though I had a great delivery and very easy baby. In the first postpartum month I would find myself instinctively putting my hand on my belly and would realize it's flat(well, not flat) and that I wouldn't feel by baby kicking my ribs/bladder/organs anymore. Of course then I would pick her up and hold her and snuggle and nurse her and I would feel better.

 

I remember telling this to my former boss, and she said "I know exactly what you mean!! It's hard to adjust to, it's not just you!"


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#14 of 52 Old 03-04-2011, 07:43 AM
 
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oh yeah! I wish I knew that jaundice is very common and generally NOT DANGEROUS, and that it almost always goes away on its own. Was pressured into all this aggressive treatment for jaundice for #1 (though thankfully no formula/water supps). with #2, we nursed a lot, and watched her for any "warning signs" (lethargy, yellowing of the body below the nipples, lack of pee or poo), and she did fine with no treatment at all. Oh, and that you can get a photo blanket and treat baby with light therapy at home.


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#15 of 52 Old 03-04-2011, 07:51 AM
 
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oh yeah! I wish I knew that jaundice is very common and generally NOT DANGEROUS, and that it almost always goes away on its own. Was pressured into all this aggressive treatment for jaundice for #1 (though thankfully no formula/water supps). with #2, we nursed a lot, and watched her for any "warning signs" (lethargy, yellowing of the body below the nipples, lack of pee or poo), and she did fine with no treatment at all. Oh, and that you can get a photo blanket and treat baby with light therapy at home.



This is what we did with ds. He did have lethargy (he literally would not wake up- in the hospital they tried all the "tricks" (getting naked, ice on the body, flicking the toes, etc) and nothing would wake him up), yellowing of almost his whole body, wasn't peeing or pooping (because he wouldn't wake up to nurse! We did even try bottles but he wouldn't wake up for those either), etc. They finally prescribed us a biliblanket for at home use and it was amazing that after a few hours he started waking up. Soon he was eating. He only needed the blanket for about 2 days and that was it!

 

But, yeah, nobody warned us to watch for jaundice! DS was born on a Friday, released on Saturday. On Monday I took him to my moms house (I was a nanny for her kids so I had to go back to work). My mom took one look at him and said he was way too yellow and needed to get it checked out at the hospital. How the heck was I supposed to know?! I felt like a failure and ds was only 3 days old eyesroll.gif He ended up going to the hospital every afternoon that week to get his levels checked and for the nurses (and my mom- she was a nurse manager at the hospital) to try and wake up ds to get him to eat, we saw a LC there too. Finally on Thursday they said it was too high and something needed to be done. We got the biliblanket that day, by Saturday night he was done using it.


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#16 of 52 Old 03-04-2011, 08:13 AM
 
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Some really good lists here.

 

I might add something I haven't seen yet:  Nobody warned me about the postpartum night sweats!  After you have a baby, you also have to shed all that water weight that is so normal to gain during pregnancy.  And the change of hormones combined with that shedding of water weight means some *serious* night sweating!  Not uncommon for me at all to wake up with wet sheets and pillows, for at least a week straight.  It's a little disconcerting if nobody warned you beforehand!


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#17 of 52 Old 03-04-2011, 09:30 AM
 
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Two things so far:

1) No one told me about exhaustion. No one. I thought pregnancy meant nausea, maybe vomiting, and weird cravings. I was not told I would be sleeping 10-14 hours a day and that climbing stairs would make me feel weak and winded.
2) Why didnt anyone in my family discuss their births with me until now? I have heard such amazing, powerful stories from the women in my family! My gramma did hypnobirthing with MY DAD in 1961!!! My mom labored for 17 hours without drugs until they decided I was a C-section baby. I would have never been scared of giving birth had I known all this!

Alaskan Wife and Mama to my special little guy ribbluyel.gif (9/13/11) and expecting #2 (2/21/13)!

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#18 of 52 Old 03-04-2011, 09:52 AM
 
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I have been surprised about all the emotions of being pregnant.... My husband and I have a great relationship, but at times I felt like we had to start from square one and get to know each other again.  Suddenly, I need all kinds of emotional support and validation, and it took us both a little bit to adjust to new dynamics.


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#19 of 52 Old 03-04-2011, 10:15 AM
 
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Nobody told me about pooping afterwords. I didn't have to go for days and then it hurt (I had stitches from tearing). I ended up taking a stool softener for a week.


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#20 of 52 Old 03-04-2011, 10:41 AM
 
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Nobody told me about pooping afterwords. I didn't have to go for days and then it hurt (I had stitches from tearing). I ended up taking a stool softener for a week.

yeahthat.gif  Nobody told me anything about what was to come after giving birth. The afterpains, how rough it was going to the bathroom, that I would feel like I'd been hit by a truck, that it would have a hard time catching my breath b/c my lungs needed to readjust to having all the space they needed after being squished for months. Plus, my DS fractured my tailbone on the way out, so I couldn't sit normally for a couple weeks. When I got up to use the bathroom for the first time after giving birth, it felt like I was in someone else's body. So this time I'm going to just plan to lay in bed as much as possible for at least a week. And for anyone planning to do a hypnobirth, those techniques come in really handy for the afterpains, too.
 

 


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#21 of 52 Old 03-04-2011, 11:20 AM
 
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I wish someone had told me I could ask for a mirror to watch ds being born. I'll be asking at a prenatal appt whether they have them at this hospital.

I wish someone told me to rest for at least a week after the birth. I was back to work 3 days after the birth (ds came with me). I went right back into work and housework immediately. My ex was a loser and refused to do anything other than smoke pot and play video games. This time I am "off duty" for a week, at least. Dh is wonderful and I have no doubts that he will pick up the slack for as long as needed.

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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#22 of 52 Old 03-04-2011, 11:22 AM
 
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I wish I had known more details about how "breastfeeding will be hard in those first few weeks".  So many people had told me it would be hard, but I assumed that meant exhaustion and sore nipples.  I was totally unprepared for having supply issues, which are far more common than I knew (1 in 20 women have sufficient enough supply issues that they *cannot*  I had read _The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding_ before birth and was left with the impression that "supply problems are vanishingly rare" and that nursing on demand is always enough to have an abundant supply.  This is just not true.  Other moms I know had latch problems, oversupply, thrush, tongue-tie / weak suck problems, vasospasms, excess lipase... there is a wide variety of potential problems - and nearly all of them are solvable, but you can feel like the only woman in the world who can't breastfeed and that you're failing your child when something goes wrong.  I felt like I had been bombarded with overly simplistic messages about what breastfeeding entails without details about what various challenges look like, when they typically become apparent, and how to get help.  Kellymom.com is an amazing resource and was a lifesaver for me.


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#23 of 52 Old 03-04-2011, 11:45 AM
 
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I wish I had known about high-needs children...my third was high-needs and it completely tore my nerves up and it took 6 years or so before I even thought about having another baby. She was about 5 or 6 months old before I even know what high-needs meant. I'd never met anyone who had dealt with it before.

 

Most things that were not so easy with #1 turned out to be so not an issue with the rest of the babies. The mastitis that I stopped breastfeeding #1 with was so easy to treat and deal with for the next two babies so I was not a failure at breastfeeding after that first one. I guess I'd say besides learning about high-needs, I wish I had known how to handle mastitis with my first baby and not been so embarassed to use cabbage leaves. Cabbage leaves saved me with the next two babies, didn't even use antibiotics. At least I could have nursed part of the time when I had to work after she was born.


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#24 of 52 Old 03-04-2011, 11:59 AM
 
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I wish someone had told me warning signs to watch for to make sure the kid is developing on schedule. Looking back I can see many of the first signs of ds's autism, even from infancy. But at the time I was oblivious and thought those things were "normal".

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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#25 of 52 Old 03-04-2011, 12:01 PM
 
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Uh, I wish someone would tell me how cabbage leaves are used and for what. headscratch.gif
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#26 of 52 Old 03-04-2011, 12:04 PM
 
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Steph- great point about taking time after birth to rest.  If our uterus were on the outside of our body, then nobody would allow a woman who had given birth to even lift a finger for at least a week.  There would be a bleeding and oozing open flesh wound (sorry so graphic) the size of a dinner plate on her abdomen where here placenta had been.  So even if it is inside our body, there is still a ton of healing and recovering that happens after birth. 

 

My wish is that all women have the support enough to spend a week in bed after birth, doing nothing but being pampered and falling in love with their new baby.  Steph- I hope you have this experience this time around!

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I wish someone told me to rest for at least a week after the birth. I was back to work 3 days after the birth (ds came with me). I went right back into work and housework immediately. My ex was a loser and refused to do anything other than smoke pot and play video games. This time I am "off duty" for a week, at least. Dh is wonderful and I have no doubts that he will pick up the slack for as long as needed.



 

 


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#27 of 52 Old 03-04-2011, 01:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I wish someone had told me that you do not have to wake up a healthy full term baby to feed it every 2-3 hours!!!!!!!!!

 

Jack Newman snipped my daughters toung-tie and when he was asking me about her nursing....I told him that she slept 5 hours after her very first feeding and 5-7 hours a night....and b'jesus if I was going to be waking her!

 

He said there was no reason to wake her...she was 8lbs 9oz at birth and growing :)

 

I threatened the nurse in the hospital who tried to wake her!!!!!

 

wish I had known that for my 1st!


mom to ds '07 first day of a new year, dd '09 in the caul, and  ds '11 at home Oct 24th

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#28 of 52 Old 03-04-2011, 01:34 PM
 
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Keep this going ladies! I am learning so much! I thought I had to wake up every two hours to feed the baby and I was trying to figure out how the he'll that was going to work! Lots of good advice in here for us first timers!

Alaskan Wife and Mama to my special little guy ribbluyel.gif (9/13/11) and expecting #2 (2/21/13)!

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#29 of 52 Old 03-04-2011, 01:42 PM
 
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I wish I had known that I didn't have to open the door every morning at 9 for a week so my visiting in-laws could be admitted to the house and seriously bum me out for the whole day until 9.30 at night, when I would go to bed and they would still be arguing politics with DH. What was I thinking? What were they thinking? Leave me alone with my shirt off so I can nurse in peace!!!!

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#30 of 52 Old 03-04-2011, 02:31 PM
 
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Originally Posted by RosemaryS-F View Post

I wish I had known that I didn't have to open the door every morning at 9 for a week so my visiting in-laws could be admitted to the house and seriously bum me out for the whole day until 9.30 at night, when I would go to bed and they would still be arguing politics with DH. What was I thinking? What were they thinking? Leave me alone with my shirt off so I can nurse in peace!!!!



For those who anticipate this being an issue, here's what I plan on doing. I will make a sign. On one side will say "Welcome! Please come in!". The other side will say "Mama and baby are resting. Please come back later". We shouldn't get too many visitors at our front door, but MIL and FIL know our garage code so they just enter through the garage. This sign will go on the door in the garage that enters into the kitchen. Yes, it is specifically for MIL who I anticipate will be beating on my door 10 times a day.


Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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