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#1 of 19 Old 03-04-2011, 04:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My DP has always been the type of person who lets me make the decisions if I feel strongly about them.  That is why he threw me for a loop when I asked him to look at the list of the names I had came up with and let me know if there was any he hated.  He said "well every single one of the girls names because I already have one picked out."  He wants to name our daughter (if we have one) after his best friends mom.  He told me he isn't willing to budge on it.  I am really disappointed.  I really don't like the name and feel it is really outdated.  We didn't talk much more about it because I didn't want to get even more upset about it.  I thought about suggesting using it as a middle name as a compromise but I am not sure if he will go for it.

 

Has anyone gone through something like this?  What should I do?  Suck it up and deal with having a kid with a name I don't like?  Override him? 

 

Man, this is such a stupid arguement to have so early. 


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#2 of 19 Old 03-04-2011, 05:07 PM
 
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Let it lie for awhile! You...have time.

Personally though, I feel your pain! I'd be in knots. My DH likes lots of names that I don't like, and I don't think he's going to like Ynez as much as I do!!! (Imagine, a Y and a Z in your first name.)


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#3 of 19 Old 03-04-2011, 05:28 PM
 
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DDDclub crashing to say that we have rule ... "if one of hates the name.. it gets thrown out". Life is too short to be calling your kid a name you dislike.

 

 

Can you share? Some of the old names are coming back around. Having exhausted Emily, Emma and Isabella... folks are now reaching for some of the 1950's names. Stella, Lucille, Esther, Doris, Cora

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#4 of 19 Old 03-04-2011, 09:25 PM
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Are you planning to find out the sex? If yes, you could wait to see if it's a girl before stressing about this.

 

Also, not to say at all that you should just go along with it, but remember that even if you don't like a name now, if it's tied to someone you love intensely, that colors it. DS' name is a family name that's nice, but I wouldn't have chosen it if it didn't have that history. However, now that I've known him and loved him with that name for years, it has a whole different kind of association for me.


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#5 of 19 Old 03-05-2011, 07:02 AM
 
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I'd also just let it go for a while... a long while. I mean, you should keep thinking of names, and ask him if both of you could keep mulling over names until you meet the baby. DD2 ended up with a name I had never ever thought of for a baby before she was born (well, it got onto my list in maybe the 9th month, but it wasn't one of the names I "always" thought of). By the time she was a day old, that was her name (it's Tessa, and it's perfect for her).

 

P.S. I would say this half joking, but once he watched me struggle thru late pregnancy and natural birth again... let's just say I had a rather strong vote in the name process in that haze of adoration he had in those days, lol. [Also he loved the name, I agree with a pp that it can't be a name either of you *hate*!]


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#6 of 19 Old 03-05-2011, 07:20 AM
 
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I posted about name issues a little earlier. One of the suggestions I got, that we plan on doing, is that each of us will make a list of names we like (I think we agreed on maybe 6 names that we each like). Then we'll exchange lists and I'll get to veto 2 of his names and he'll get to veto 2 of mine. Then we'll let it sit for a little bit and then veto 2 more of the names. By this time we'll each have 2 names left on our lists. We'll play around with different combinations that can be made with those 4 names (first and middle) and hopefully one will stick out to us that we both love. If that doesn't happen, they all go into a hat and we'll pick one that way. LOL!


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#7 of 19 Old 03-05-2011, 07:22 AM
 
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Oh, and we do plan on finding out the gender so we'll start this process after we find out the gender so that we don't have to do boy and girl names. LOL!


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#8 of 19 Old 03-05-2011, 07:31 AM
 
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With DS's name, DH and I just kept brainstorming until we came up with a name we both agreed on.  There was a boy name that I really liked, but he wasn't into it.  I would bring it up fom time to time just to see if he was feeling differently about it, but he never changed his mind.  And that was fine.  I feel like it's a little....ummm...unhelpful (?)...for one parent to say "this is the way it's gonna be, no ifs, ands or buts."  If you are ok with it as a middle name, that feels like a nice compromise.


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#9 of 19 Old 03-05-2011, 11:45 AM
 
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I think my husband is much like yours, in that he's always willing to do things my way if I have a strong preference (because he seldom has a strong preference) and I would be really surprised if he just "told" me what we were going to name a prospective daughter.  Definitely do give it time, it might grow on you.  Some of the names on our list have been growing on me, and some have been growing on DH too, I think.  On the other hand, if you really hate it, you have the right to veto that name, just like he can veto particular names on your list.  Keep in mind, I say this as someone whose husband genuinely suggested the name Lucifer as being one he really, really liked.  I did try (after realizing he wasn't joking) to convince him that perhaps that would be unkind (ahem, cruel), and suggest alternatives with similar meanings (Lucian and Lucius, they all have to do with light).  He would not be convinced by my logic.  So I said, "I veto it".  And that was that.  He vetoed many of the names that I really liked, like Bridget, so I could veto one even if he really liked it.  Good thing, too!

 

It sounds like you maybe assumed that you would feel more strongly than he does about this, and that you might not have been right!  It sounds like it's really important to him that a daughter would have this name.  So don't just reject it unless you really can't STAND it, or you think it would be awful for her.  Even then, it might be worth considering as a middle name.  But do try to explain (after a bit of a cool-down period, if you need one) that you want him to have input on the name, but you also want to have input.

 

It's funny how hard assigning a name can be, isn't it?


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#10 of 19 Old 03-05-2011, 11:45 AM
 
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we have a similar issue but I have just dropped it. We will try and find out the sex this time (The first time ever) and he is dead set on the girl name so I figure if I wait until we find out the sex it might be a non-issue as we have had 4 boys. He wants to name a girl after his really awesome grandma whom I love but the name is outdated, I feel and doesn't really go well with our other kiddos names.


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#11 of 19 Old 03-05-2011, 02:36 PM
 
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I wasn't crazy about our son's name but DH felt very strongly about it, and he didn't even bring this particular name up until after he was born. And yes, now I love the name and its perfect for him.

 

For our daughter, I "knew" her name when I was pregnant (didn't even know the sex). nobody else agreed and I just waited them out, after 2 weeks DH said I could call her whatever I want.

 

Sometimes letting it sit is definitely the right course- at least I think so. No need to pick a name now!


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#12 of 19 Old 03-05-2011, 04:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emmaegbert View Post

 

For our daughter, I "knew" her name when I was pregnant (didn't even know the sex). nobody else agreed and I just waited them out, after 2 weeks DH said I could call her whatever I want.

 

Sometimes letting it sit is definitely the right course- at least I think so. No need to pick a name now!



This is how I picked my dogs name.  It took us like 3 weeks to name her because I wanted to get to know her and figure out what her name would be.  It ended up not even being one of my favorite names but it really called to me.  That is what I imaginged naming our child to be like.  I wrote out a list so I would have something to write down names I liked and wasn't completely dumbfounded when the kid was born, plus I'm an over planner.

 

The thing about the name is that he already has a preset name picked out and it isn't even a family name.  It's a friends family name.  I think that upsets me about it even more.  My DP has never had a strong bond with his family and in fact none of his family members are still alive but him and his awful uncle.  So maybe he sees his friends as more of family and that's what is motivating this.  I don't know.  I know we have time and it might not even be a girl.  The funny thing is that if it is a boy he will let me decide completely and only vetoed 2/20 names I had written down. 

 

The name in question is Catherine btw.  I have nothing against it or anyone with that name but I just don't see it as a name I could call my child. 


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#13 of 19 Old 03-05-2011, 05:11 PM
 
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Catherine is an excellent middle name.

 

Is there a chance that your dh considers this woman his "other mother"? I know I needed one to finish growing up.

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#14 of 19 Old 03-05-2011, 07:54 PM
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It sounds like this might be really important to him. Would you be willing to give it some thought? Perhaps try the name on for a few weeks (during pregnancy) and see how you feel about it after really giving it a go?

 

I've been in a situation with DH where it was really important to me that he show that he wasn't just dismissing my idea instantly. When he demonstrated that he had given it some serious thought (even though he still didn't like it) I felt much better about it.


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#15 of 19 Old 03-06-2011, 08:24 AM
 
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How do you feel about the nickname Cate?  If you like that better, you could name her Catherine, but call her Cate.  Alternatively, we have friends who picked out first and middle names for their daughter and knew before she was born that they would call their daughter by her middle name, not her first name (the dad goes by his middle name, too, but mainly cuz he and his dad had the same first name).

 

Just as an aside, in terms of "outdated" names...my grandmother's name was Mildred.  When my cousin and his (now ex) wife had a daughter, his wife wanted to name her Mildred, after our grandmother (who was no longer living).  The wife is from Argentina, and so while Mildred sounds outdated to our ears and tends to conjure images of old gray-haired women, she thought is was just a beautiful name.  So, I have an 8 year old cousin named Mildred.


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#16 of 19 Old 03-06-2011, 08:34 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tank View Post

The name in question is Catherine btw.  I have nothing against it or anyone with that name but I just don't see it as a name I could call my child. 


What about using Catherine as a middle name? One of my little sisters has the middle name Catherine.

 

DH has a name that he really wants to use for a middle name for a boy (it's dh's middle name and his dad's middle name, etc). He also has a middle name he wants to use for a girl (a female version of his middle name). I don't like the boy middle name, but I can live with it. It's important to dh that we use that name so I won't veto it. I do, however, have a big say in the first name since he's already picked the middle name.


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#17 of 19 Old 03-06-2011, 09:36 AM
 
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He he, my daughter is Katherine Elizabeth ;)  I love the name personally, but to each his own.

 

The way I see it you can do 1 of 3 things-

1) Say no.  Lay down your foot and say "I hate this name & will not name my child that."

2) Offer an alternative.  Suggest it as a middle name and find a first name that the both of your like. 

3) Go ahead and give the child that name, but use a nickname.  Katherine is very nickname-able- Kate, Katie, Kath, Kathy, Kat, etc.

 

Talk to him about it and ask why it's so important and why he's not willing to compromise.  Tell him your feelings on the name and let him know that you don't like it at all.  Maybe looking around you can find a name that the two of you love equally. 


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#18 of 19 Old 03-06-2011, 11:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the suggestions ladies.  I think I am going to let it lie until we know the sex and it it is indeed a girl then suggest again that it be a middle name.  If he doesn't like that idea I am just going to have to override it.  That was my original plan but it is nice to hear other peoples perspectives on the situation.  The name isn't THAT bad, just not one I would normally agree to for a 1st name. 


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#19 of 19 Old 03-06-2011, 05:08 PM
 
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Would you possibly like it better if you spelled it differently. A close friend of mine is from Jamaica and her name is Kathryn. Everyone calls her Kat. I love the nickname Kat. 

 

That said, I totally understand your position. I'd be SHOCKED if DP did that! I'd let it lie for now, especially if you are finding out the sex. No need fighting an unnecessary battle!

 

If the baby is a girl I'd just put my foot down if you hate it that much. I *might* compromise on it for a middle name if it was really important to him, though. :)


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