Can anyone give me some advice? I'm sort of- kind of- having a complete nervous breakdown. - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
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#61 of 81 Old 04-18-2011, 02:40 PM
 
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I became a mother two months shy of my 15th birthday and not in the best of home lives. I won't go into detail in this thread but if you'd like to talk privately I'm willing to do that. Yes, it was hard, sometimes very hard. However-as I've learned over the past 14 years (7 of those in a committed relationship with the same man, two of those married to a man that was arrogant, verbally abusive and borderline physically abusive, and totally unsupportive to me as his wife or a human being, and not helpful with the kids or our home life) parenting at any stage is hard and offers it's own challenges whether you're single and younger or older and in a committed relationship or something in between. My oldest will be 14 on Easter. There has never been a day that has gone but that I regretted birthing and keeping her even though in the beginning I was scared out of my mind and alone. Your baby is meant to be [yours]. You CAN do this and this board is full of many supportive women that will help you along the way.  

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Originally Posted by StephandOwen View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by ConcernedKate View Post

I'm keeping the baby.

Lord help me/it.




I wish you and Lima Bean the best of luck as you continue on this journey. We will continue to be here for support, so please continue to post!


 



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I'm keeping the baby.

Lord help me/it.



 


Jamie: Kinda crunchy, computer geeky, very blessed, attached mama to five
R (4/1997), A (6/2002), B (07/2007), K (06/09) & N (10/17/2011)

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#62 of 81 Old 04-18-2011, 02:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ConcernedKate View Post

I'm keeping the baby.

Lord help me/it.



Dear Kate,

 

You are a brave, beautiful woman.  Please know that I would have said that whatever choice you made.  Thank you for sharing with us and please continue to post here.  It's a great community and a great resource - not only the Due Date Club, but the other groups once baby is born.

 

Love,
Sarah Joy


Mama to Gabriel (1-10-2009) and newborn Helena (10-9-2011) h20homebirth.gif with DP Julio.  ...cloth diapering, attachment parenting, infant EC-ing, etc.

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#63 of 81 Old 04-18-2011, 03:06 PM
 
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Oh man.....I am so sad and angry AND hopeful for you!

 

I had an abortion years ago and I don't regret it, it was for many of the same reasons you named.  Then, my daughter was an unexpected pregnancy and now I simply cannot.imagine.life.without.her.  So, I see both sides.  I am not religious whatsoever but things like this make me feel like the universe is spinning and sending us blessings in disguise.  I hope, if this is indeed a viable pregnancy and you choose to keep this child, there will be a day in the not-so-distant future when you feel a deep gratitude for the way things turned out.   And if things go the other way, I hope the same for you.

 

 

You haven't done anything wrong here and your boyfriend has no grounds to blame you or be angry with you....Unfortunately, men just seem to have a much harder time with all these things.

I think if you can get him to talk honestly about this, and share your fears and worries, you can get through this together.  And if he won't deal....well....honestly, you don't need another person to take care of right now.  He needs to be a real partner here.  


 

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We do not currently know how much damage there could be both because of the abortion attempt and because of my actions being unaware that I was pregnant. I've been doing everything wrong, I had no idea I wasn't yet alone in my body! So- I had sushi nights. I drank cocktails. I stress chain smoked, and Oh dear lord the Caffiene!!!!  But maybe it could be worse though, right? I didn't do coke or crack or anything remotely illegal drugs. So, that's a plus? Maybe?

 
 
Oh honey....SO many of us have been there!  3/4 off the babies I know managed to survive at least a month of this sort of thing before their mothers realized they were pregnant.  And there are women who drink/smoke/eat sushi through their whole pregnancy even after they know!  Try not to worry about this too much!
 
From everything you have said, I think it's obvious that you are thoughtful and caring and want to provide your future children with the best love and care and circumstances....and I think that puts you ahead of ALOT of mothers out there. 

 

I hope you will let us know what happens.  In the meantime, I think everyone who has read this thread will be thinking of you.

 


Beth knit.gif.  wife to DH and Mama to DD1 heartbeat.gif (May 1-09) and DD2 heartbeat.gif (Nov 2-11)   

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#64 of 81 Old 04-18-2011, 03:12 PM
 
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Best wishes!


Social working mommy to babygirl.gif 10/10/11, three cats, and a dog.

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#65 of 81 Old 04-18-2011, 07:16 PM
 
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I'm glad you have made a decision, it must be at least some small amount of relief to know where you're heading.  You are obviously a thoughtful, strong, compassionate person (for ALL of the carefully thought out decisions you made regarding this pregnancy), and your baby will be lucky to have you as a mama.  And I'm certain that all of the things you did "wrong" when you thought you weren't pregnant will be fine.  Smoking and drinking only increase the risks of something being less-than-perfect, and I too know people who smoked throughout their pregnancies who now have healthy happy children (some of them nearly adults now).  I know less you drank throughout, but I know a LOT who drank before they realized they were pregnant, up to the second month, and none of their babies show any signs of FAS or any other problems.  Just fat, happy, babies.  So don't stress yourself about that stuff, it's almost certainly okay.


On a farm with our kiddo (nearly 2), two dogs, two cats, ten goats, two donkeys, nine sheep, a bunch of chickens, and a husband (in the winters). We have another on the way!
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#66 of 81 Old 04-18-2011, 09:53 PM
 
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You have frequently been in my thoughts and prayers.  Thank you for updating us!


Loving wife to a wonderful and Godly man, hug.gif  and SAHM to two beautiful boys, DS1, natural hospital birth (2/2010) and DS2, beautiful homebirth (10/2011) cd.gifnursex2.gif

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#67 of 81 Old 04-19-2011, 05:17 AM
 
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You have been in my thoughts a lot, and I'm glad to hear you've made a decision either way. It is incredibly difficult to be where you are, but it's also a place filled with possibility! I would strongly recommend, that you start to immediately make contact with "in real life" support people to assist you in your situation. There are likely support networks for caretakers such as yourself, food-banks, WIC, even church groups who would reach out to you. (But probably not without trying to convert you-so you'd have to be tolerant) If you slowly build your support network, it won't be so overwhelming when (if) baby arrives.

 

I wish you joy-peace with your decision, and a smoother journey for the rest of your pregnancy!

 

 


Mother of reading.gif, REPlaySkateboard04HL.gifjammin.gif and babyf.gifborn Oct. 5th after angel.gif  angel.gif angel.gif. Social Media Manager and writer by day, Bloomin' Belly Soap maker by night.

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#68 of 81 Old 04-19-2011, 08:12 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ConcernedKate View Post

I'm keeping the baby.

Lord help me/it.



He already is. grouphug.gif  You will be fine, you are going to be a great mom, you can do this! Please continue to post and know that we are here to support you always! Keeping you in my prayers. 


~Iris~ Catholic mama to DD1 11/15/05 * DD2 04/28/08 * brokenheart.gif06/23/2010 * and our little rainbow DS 10/07/11 love.gif
 

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#69 of 81 Old 04-19-2011, 12:53 PM
 
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Thank you for the update, Kate. You're both in my thoughts.


Making a March 9th sandwich with a Halloween filling.
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#70 of 81 Old 04-19-2011, 01:17 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ConcernedKate View Post

I'm keeping the baby.

Lord help me/it.


It must have been a real journey for you to arrive at that decision. I've thought of you often and wondered how you were doing - thanks for updating us.

All the best to you and to the baby - know you are well-covered by supportive thoughts and positive vibes. Remember, babies don't need perfect mothers or perfect circumstances to thrive. You're obviously a strong, independent woman...you'll have what you need.

 

Wishing you peace,

Abbey

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#71 of 81 Old 04-19-2011, 01:57 PM
 
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Cpngratulations on your baby, Kate. Honestly , I doubt that anything is wrong with the babe. They are sooo tiny at that stage that if anything physically harmed him or her, it probably would not survive. I also wouldn't worry about the smoking, drinking etc. I know tons of people whose mamas smoked and drank during pregnancy and they were fine.
You need to find support. Have you posted in the Finding Your Tribe thread? You may be able to connect with other mamas in your area.
You are so brave! I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

Wife to amazing dh, mama to dd 12/08
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#72 of 81 Old 04-19-2011, 06:16 PM
 
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Best of luck to you and lima bean. As others have said this must have been a difficult decision, finding in real life support will be very helpful. Having a baby is tough especially the first several months. Finding others to connect with in real life will make the challenges easier to deal with. I'll be thinking of you. All the best.


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#73 of 81 Old 06-03-2011, 03:27 PM
 
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Hey Kate, I'm wishing you the very best. Congratulations! 


Someone moved my effing cheese.
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#74 of 81 Old 06-06-2011, 01:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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it's a boy, and he's perfect. Baby Boy Rockwell.JPG

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#75 of 81 Old 06-06-2011, 03:25 PM
 
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Concerned Kate, I've been thinking such good thoughts for you and your little one.  Congratulations on the great scan!! I know how nervous I was beforehand and how relieved I felt afterward.  I hope you've found some fabulous support in your life for the next steps.  I'll continue to send you light.   Take good care. 

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#76 of 81 Old 06-06-2011, 05:40 PM
 
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Wow! What a gorgeous boy! You need a really powerful name for this little survivor, don't you?

Hannah, Wife to R , Mama to Alexander, born 2-15-08,
and Gabriel, born 10-17-11. Ask me about cleft lip and palate!
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#77 of 81 Old 06-06-2011, 06:53 PM
 
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What a courageous story, I've been thinking of you often. What a strong little life you have inside of you!


Crafty, play-at-home mama to spirited 4 yo DD and zany 1 yo DS, living in an ecovillage in beautiful British Columbia. 
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#78 of 81 Old 06-07-2011, 04:48 AM
 
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I've thought of you often, and didn't see this update! Congrats on the baby boy! I hope you are starting to find peace about the beginning of your journey-and I hope only the best and brightest for you and you and your little boy!  DO keep us posted! Have you told the father? Have you been able to gather some support? How are you feeling emotionally? Sorry to ask so many questions, but I am genuinely interested...:)

 

 

Hugs from Canada!

 

M


Mother of reading.gif, REPlaySkateboard04HL.gifjammin.gif and babyf.gifborn Oct. 5th after angel.gif  angel.gif angel.gif. Social Media Manager and writer by day, Bloomin' Belly Soap maker by night.

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#79 of 81 Old 06-07-2011, 06:42 AM
 
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Kate, he's gorgeous! I'm so happy that everything is alright, congratulations!! joy.gif


~Iris~ Catholic mama to DD1 11/15/05 * DD2 04/28/08 * brokenheart.gif06/23/2010 * and our little rainbow DS 10/07/11 love.gif
 

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#80 of 81 Old 06-07-2011, 10:49 AM
 
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Oh Kate, this made me tear up.  I am so happy to see all is well as I have been thinking of you and your story

 

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Beth knit.gif.  wife to DH and Mama to DD1 heartbeat.gif (May 1-09) and DD2 heartbeat.gif (Nov 2-11)   

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#81 of 81 Old 06-08-2011, 05:57 AM
 
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Pretty freakin' cool Kate!!!


mom to ds '07 first day of a new year, dd '09 in the caul, and  ds '11 at home Oct 24th

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