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Old 05-22-2011, 06:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Good morning, ladies! Hope everyone is having a fantastic weekend biggrinbounce.gif

 

Quick question for you all who have already had the ultrasound.... how long was the actual ultrasound? It's been so long since I had ds that I really don't even remember how long it was. We're having it done in the office, as part of my regular check-up. My MIL and FIL kinda invited themselves to the ultrasound, but I really don't want them there the whole time. I always pictured just the 3 of us (dh, ds and I) having that time together and I would be pretty sad and upset to lose that one chance. So I plan on talking to dh today to let him know that I want the 3 of us to do the ultrasound and then he can go grab his mom and dad from the waiting room for the last couple minutes, but I have no idea how long the ultrasound should last.


Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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Old 05-22-2011, 09:20 AM
 
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Oh wow - you're so lucky to have the option of having other people in the room!  U-S is done at the hospital here and they have a strict 'one extra person, absolutely no children' policy.  

 

I can't remember how long it took last time - just that it felt like forever with that full bladder! huh.gif


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Old 05-22-2011, 10:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I've heard of places like that! That's crazy! Where I go they do it right in the office during your regular checkup (so I think they do the ultrasound then u see the dr). At my last appoitment the dr said they didnt have a limit to how many people could come, as long as they fit in the room. He said "not more then 20, unless they like to squish real close". He also didnt have restrictions on kids, which is great because my ds is really looking forward to it.

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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Old 05-22-2011, 10:41 AM
 
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In my experience, they're generally no longer than 30 minutes.  This last one I had, they were very fast, and I think it took maybe 15 minutes, and then some extra time to talk to us about fluid in the kidneys.  We were fortunate that they allowed my kids to come to this one.  I've been to places where they don't, whether you have an extra adult there or not.  The kids were a little bored, but I thought it was nice that they could see what it was like, you know?  And all be there to find out the news with us.


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Old 05-22-2011, 11:55 AM
 
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I think mine from my last pregnancy was like 20-25 minutes. 

 

Another ultrasound question:  Do you all think it's crazy to take my 28 month old to the U/S?  I know he won't be too interested, but we don't have a sitter, so we don't have much choice. 


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Old 05-22-2011, 02:25 PM
 
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90 minutes. A student did an exam, then it was repeated by a licensed tech.
Then the doc reviewed it. Then we got to leave.

We sooooo did not have time for that. Wish they'd have asked. She said she was a student. That's okay with me. I just did not realize that meant an independent exam, then a full recheck.
I did have an extra intense exam scheduled bc I have a few risk factors for dwarfism and heart issues. I declined the offer of a fetal echocardiogram, though. This is our baby, we know he's okay enough for a vaginal birth, I don't need to scan every inch for tiny defects.

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Old 05-22-2011, 02:37 PM
 
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With DS it was 20-25 minutes.

Does anyone else find themselves farting terribly in the evening? I call them the 5 o'clock farts, because that's when it all begins; happened around 16 weeks last time, also, and lasted about 1 month.

More sun today meant more gardening for me. Woot. I transplanted a really tough plant with a huge taproot and now I am kind of beat. Time to make some lemonade and look at my lovely garden! garden.jpg


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Old 05-22-2011, 02:45 PM
 
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Amanda ... We're taking our 29 month old.  I think she'll do fine.  Worst case scenario, she and DP will have to step out.  She's part of our family, and it makes sense to us that she comes.  Also, we don't have sitters, so it's not an option to leave her home either.  I haven't told her that we'll 'see' the baby, because the u/s doesn't look like what she thinks a baby looks like.  I did tell her that we're checking on the baby and might hear the heartbeat (which she gets excited about at the mw office). 

 

Jane ... What a nuisance.  It would've been far more appropriate for them to check with you first to see if you'd be able to do such a lengthy appointment.  I'm all for students getting experience (our daughter was caught by a student midwife), but that's a bit ridiculous.

 

Steph ... It's so hard when family wants to be in on all the fun and you want some semblance of peace.  You don't want them to be disappointed, but you also want to protect yourselves as a family unit.  At dd's birth we had so many people:  my mom, my sister, my partner, my friend, her partner (who was taking pictures), plus our three midwives (2 midwives, 1 student), and 2 labour and delivery nurses because we ended up on the high risk ward.  Too many!  But it's shaping up to be about the same this time (hopefully minus the nurses!!!) plus our toddler.  I'm trying to figure out a way to ask my mom to be in charge of dd, so that if it becomes too intense for her, she can leave with her.  I know she won't want to miss the birth! 

 

AFM:  Just two more sleeps until our u/s!  We really have to decide whether or not we're going to find out the gender!


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Old 05-22-2011, 06:39 PM
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My u/s was 2 hours, but because of risk factors, they do a very detailed scan. Plus the babe was not oriented how they needed him to be (DS was the same -- my babies do not appear to enjoy u/s, I don't blame them), so it took forever to get every view they wanted to see. The tech had to go check with the radiologist several times, etc.

 

Rosemary, your garden is gorgeous. My brown thumb and I are envious.


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Old 05-22-2011, 06:45 PM
 
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Rosemary, your garden is beautifu


RN-BSN student mama to my wildchild, DS, 6 bouncy.gif....with twin boys on the way October 4, 2011!

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Old 05-22-2011, 06:46 PM
 
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Jane- Ugh, that is a long time. I had to go to the hospital once (before labor) with DD1 and they asked me if I'd be OK with a student checking my cervix. I said OK, not knowing 1) what that involves or 2) that they'd then have TWO OTHER PEOPLE check it.  I'm all for learning, but yeah, wouldn't agree to that again.

 

Starling - 2 more nights for us, too! I'm crossing my fingers that 1) everything looks OK & 2) that we get to see the goods!

 

I am having what I hope is just really bad ligament pain... I think I did too much walking & standing yesterday, and I started getting these stabbing pains in the middle of my lower abdomen. I stopped and went to bed, but then woke up in the middle of the night with cramping in my abdomen. I was freaking out a bit. I got up & drank some water & googled & tried to go back to sleep. After drinking the water it was only cramping when I laid on my side, but I was fine on my back.  I definitely never had anything like this with DD1. I'm worried it might happen again tonight, since I've had some of the stabbing pains again today.

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Old 05-22-2011, 08:24 PM
 
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Our ultrasound took about an hour total. We could bring the kids if I brought an adult to watch them.

 

So I have been out of the loop a bit since our internet has been off. I read the last chat thread to catch up a bit.

Everyone sounds pretty good!

 

Turns out I do not have GD which is good, and everything is good and normal so far.

 

On the school front, not so good. DH and I didn't do so good this semester and wound up suspended. He has to take the summer semester off and I can only go half time. We just found out this week and summer semester starts tomorrow. For us, whats most important is that we live off our pell grants and loans, and were counting on that money to pay rent and all, and now we'll be getting less then half of what we were expecting. So we are hunting for jobs and one of us will have to stay home with the kiddos all summer as well.. so we are quite anxious and stressed. We are going to look at a trailer this week to rent which will save us $300 or so a month from what we pay for our rental house now. It all pretty much sucks. I was really looking forward to spending this last summer with my kids without a newborn/toddler, but looks like I will be at school and working the whole time instead. But, we aren't the kind of folks who give up easily and totally freak out. We have faith and will do what we have to do to make it work. It's just quite stressful.

 

Rosemary- pretty garden!

Dollyanna- hope your ligament pain feels better soon, I've been having a bit of that here and there myself.

Hope everyone with upcoming ultrasounds decides if they want to see the goods and that all goes well!


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Old 05-22-2011, 09:06 PM
 
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Gosh Rosemary that looks great! Our new place has all sorts of gardens & I'm totally intimidated by them.

 

My u/s took just under an hour. For mine the technician actually didn't want anyone else in the room for the first bit & then I could go & get my Mom & ds. We brought ds. Officially no children are allowed but I had been told by several people that they had brought their children so I took the risk & brought him.

 

It is so hard to balance including family in the excitement & keeping a little privacy/sanity. My mil now lives with us & I am sincerely worried about how we will handle things come time for the birth & immediately post-partum. She will be in everything like a dirty shirt. On one hand I know she will be helpful but on the other hand she drives me batty at times & post-partum is not a time I am good at remaining level-headed. I REALLY do NOT want her at the birth under any circumstances & I thought we had that sorted out but the other day she made a comment that made me think she thinks she will be there. Sigh.


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Old 05-22-2011, 09:12 PM
 
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We brought our daughter to our ultra sound a couple of weeks ago. She's 27 months old and did great. The u/s lasted about 30 minutes for us and she and DH stepped out for the last 5 when she started to get restless. We didn't even ask if she could come... just assumed! It worked out well and she really loved it.

 

Your garden is beautiful Rosemary! The rain hasn't let up in a week and half around here. Ugh! I did play in the greenhouse the other day which felt good.

 

I went to a baby shower today. Every time our friend opened up a gift DD yelled out with enthusiasm. The ladies loved it! Ooh, that's my favorite book! Oh, cozy blanket! We skipped her nap to go to the sower so I"m hoping to get her down here in a few minutes for bed. I can use some time to myself.

 

Anyone ever notice that you can clean your house and then turn around and its trashed again. Ugh, its never ending. I wish I could hire a cleaning lady. She would be my favorite person in the world right about now.


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Old 05-23-2011, 12:29 AM
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Saamy, sorry to hear about school. That's hard.

 

lifeguard, that must a fine line to walk with MIL.

 

dollyanna, ouch! I hope it was just a one time thing.

 

starling, you two are really leaving it up to the last minute, eh? winky.gif When do you think you will decide?

 

Sue, that sounds adorable. And yes, I completely hear you on the cleaning person.

 

 


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Old 05-23-2011, 09:05 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AKislandgirl View Post

 

Anyone ever notice that you can clean your house and then turn around and its trashed again. Ugh, its never ending. I wish I could hire a cleaning lady. She would be my favorite person in the world right about now.


Me, too. I want her/him to kind of follow me around at a discreet distance all day long. I could be so much more creative in life if I had an elvin cleaning friend.

 

I'm on my way to deliver food and buy some Bum Genius off craigslist. What a steal--4 for $20, great condition. smile.gif


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Old 05-23-2011, 10:38 AM
 
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Mine took about 50 minutes and I have to go back--they decided baby was just not going to get into position for the remaining measurements.

 

In my first pregnancy it was about 20 minutes and I don't think they did all the measurements they did this time.


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Old 05-23-2011, 11:17 AM
 
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Steph - ours took about 45-50 minutes, but baby girl wasn't being overly cooperative.

 

Rosemary - beautiful! I can't wait for some sunshine so I can get out and get some veggies planted. We have had SO MUCH rain lately..

 

And, if anyone is sending around cleaning ladies, I'll take one. orngbiggrin.gif


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Old 05-23-2011, 11:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks ladies! I am thankful to have dh's family involved and stuff, but sometimes it gets to be too much when we NEVER have any special moments that are just for our little family. They are involved with everything and it drives me up the wall. DH and I had a long talk about this yesterday (the involvement of his family) and, while he doesn't necessarily agree with me, he understands where my frustration comes from. Our plan is to have them wait in the waiting room until dh comes to get them (part way through the ultrasound). We'll just have the tech let us know when there's 10 or so minutes left so he can go grab them.

 

But the issue goes far beyond the ultrasound, unfortunately. DH's parents are in our lives, every day, so we never have any alone time as a family. Every holiday is spent with them. Every special occasion. Every birthday. Every random day that has nothing special going on. Everything. There's not a single special moment that I can think of that was just for us (other than our wedding..... and only because I went through great lengths to hide where exactly we would be from MIL). We have tried really hard to include MIL in on the baby stuff (this baby will be her first, and likely only, biological grandchild). But she is so freaking stubborn it's insane! We took her out this weekend to a couple different baby places. DH and I have made it very clear to her that we don't want a white crib. Nothing against white cribs, we just don't want one this time. MIL is insisting that if it's a girl then it "has to" have a white crib. What?! Why? Is cps going to be called on me because I bought my baby girl an espresso colored crib?? LOL! So we wandered away from the cribs and into the stroller section. DH and I found a stroller that we like. MIL found one that she likes. She insisted that we couldn't get the one we liked and we had to get the one she liked. When we told her that we respect her opinion, but we liked this one she started huffing and puffing and saying that she didn't like it so she was going to buy her own stroller. Ummm.... why?! DH and I have no plans on leaving the baby with her for any amount of time. That's just not the way we parent. We already had to burst her bubble when she was insisting she was going to set up a nursery at her house for the baby. There's no need for that! Seriously! We live 5 minutes down the road from her.... it's not like we'll be staying overnight there winky.gif

 

Anyway, I'll spare any more details but we'll sum it up with MIL thinks that she's always right, about everything, and tries her hardest to make me feel like the worlds crappiest parent just because I don't buy what she says to (or parent the way she says to). We're gearing up to have a big conversation with her about expectations when the baby is born (about how we will not be leaving the baby with her unless some unexpected emergency happens... and then they can just take care of the baby at our house). It's likely to not go well, completely blow up and end up with her pouting about how nobody loves her eyesroll.gif

 

Wow, didn't realize I had that vent in me. Sorry!


Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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Old 05-23-2011, 07:49 PM
 
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Oh my, Steph. yup. That would really have me in knots. My mom had things set up in her house also and bought her own stroller, even though she doesn't take walks, and had a pack and play even though DS slept with us, just because it was, I believe, cathartic for her. But sounds like the boundary issues are so deep that you're going to really have a hard time on this one. It seems like having kids together brings that stuff to a head. My FIL makes a lot of bigotted comments, and also is pretty cruel to his granddaughters (not my kids, my SIL's kids.) So I've had to call it on the table and it has been hard. Like even saying, "please watch what you're saying--little ears here" has left me shaking. He's a "high class" doctor and feels superior in many ways to non-whites, which I don't even have to explain here as being absurd, and I just don't want P. exposed to that from family. However, the fact that DS is a BOY makes it a little easier; he'd never

demean him because he's...not a girl. More issues.

All that is not to take away from your problem, which is huge, but just to say, I think I have a slight idea of where you're coming from and you've got my sympathy.

 


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Old 05-23-2011, 09:29 PM
 
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Halfway point!!! I can hardly believe it it feels like it is just flying by! (I will shoot myself for saying that later!)

 

This weekend DH was on Skype with his parents and his mom asked me if I had gained any weight yet. I told her yes, and she said really, wow! Umm, I am halfway done and started underweight. Then DH and I had this conversation later:

 

Me: "Do you notice your mom always asks about my weight when I am pregnant?"

DH: "Well it is kind of a normal thing to ask a pregnant lady."

Me: Jaw drops "Umm, no. It is never a normal thing to ask a lady, pregnant or not, about her weight. If you are not my care provider, you don't need to know."

 

It is not just her, I have had so many people ask me this or how much I gained with my son (55 lbs!). Why do you care?!?! 

 

Rosemary - love the garden!

 

Steph - I am sorry, it can be hard to handle the inlaws/parents.

 

 


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Old 05-23-2011, 10:02 PM
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Poodge, I am with you! I think the appropriate question when you want to know how a pregnant woman is doing is, "How are you feeling?" Anything else is up to her to share. (When people ask intrusive questions, I like the deflection response, "My doctor/midwife says I'm doing great.")

 

Steph, ugh. That sounds very stressful. If it's at all helpful, I found that when dealing with someone with boundary issues (my mom) it was very useful to continually remind myself that I am not responsible for her happiness, and I don't need her to agree with or understand my boundaries, I just need her to respect them. And I need to respect her autonomy, too. I.e., there really isn't any point in me getting upset over her buying a bunch of her own baby gear. That's her choice. Letting go of my feelings about it was really helpful. Just because she buys it doesn't mean it's my responsibility to see that it gets used. Detach, detach, detach.


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Old 05-24-2011, 05:50 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~pi View Post(When people ask intrusive questions, I like the deflection response, "My doctor/midwife says I'm doing great.")

 



I am so adopting that one! I love how it is non-committal, it doesn't tell them anything in particular, but it's positive. It's a really polite way to say:"None of your %$#@ business!" 


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Old 05-24-2011, 06:40 AM
 
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If my MIL or pretty much anybody else asked me about my weight without my volunteering information, I would be uncomfortable. Why do some people have so little tact in that area?


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Old 05-24-2011, 07:42 AM
 
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Wow, I am so clearly the odd-woman-out here about weight!  It would never occur to me to be offended if someone asked about my weight gain during pregnancy.  Well, that's my MO in general - if someone asks a question, I'll just answer it.  I suppose it would be a little weird if I wasn't pregnant - in fact, my dad would ask every time I skyped him (for about a year) if I had gained weight, and that was getting a little annoying.  Because I HAD, but only at the start of that year, not every week . . . smile.gif  And he always said I looked good too (I was underweight until I was about 25).  I think my mom must have told him to stop it.  I guess being underweight made me not mind people thinking I gained weight or even hoping I gained weight, but it also must have made me one of those tactless people who might ask this question.  I DID ask my best friend this question on the phone last year when she was pregnant.  Fortunately she knows me well, and told me yes and that she was feeling pretty insecure about it . . . I still couldn't help her feel better, but it let me know not to use my favorite pregnant phrase, "as big as a house" . . . because our bodies kind of ARE houses right now, with babies living in them.  Anyway.


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Old 05-24-2011, 07:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm with the majority here- anything having to do with my weight or what I eat is totally off limits. Early on in the pregnancy my MIL was trying to tell me what to eat and how to exercise and blah blah blah. I nipped that one in the bud quickly. However, now she's switched gears and asks DH IN FRONT OF ME about my eating. Just this weekend she went on a long story with DH about how I should be eating a certain kind of lettuce. WTF? Or she'll tell dh "make sure you're feeding Stephanie _____". Right in front of me. As if I A) am a baby and can't feed myself, B) have absolutely no clue about nutrition (I eat a million times better than she does), or C) don't cook. I just rolled my eyes at dh and let it go.


Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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Old 05-24-2011, 08:13 AM
 
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Er, Steph? Lose the MIL! (ha, ha. I know you can't do that, but really, wtfffff)


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Old 05-24-2011, 08:20 AM
 
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ooh Steph too bad you live so close b/c that sounds annoying! I do agree with Pi though, if your MIL wants to buy her own stroller, don't worry about it.

 

okay I never have time to read through chat threads let alone post- I am really being a serious procrastinator here. MW appointment this evening (they come to our apartment) and leaving tomorrow afternoon for a week to do research/school stuff in cali (taking my 2yo daughter, leaving 6yo with DH)

 

As for weight gain, I guess it doesn't bother me too much, but people don't constantly ask me. So far I've gained about 3lbs (?) and several people have been commenting, "it looks like you haven't gained any weight yet" which I don't take as judgmental either way, just an observation. Maybe if they said,"it looks like you've gained 20lbs" I'd feel badly though.

 

Alright then, will hang up my laundry and get to work!


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Old 05-24-2011, 09:45 AM
 
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I don't get overly offended when someone asks me about weight gain, but it does strike me as rather bizarre that limits seem to vanish when a woman is pregnant. Normally people wouldn't even consider saying to an acquaintance:"So, how much weight have you put on these past two months?" or "Wow, you are going to be huge come October!", or "Are you happy with your son? Wouldn't you have rather had a girl instead of another boy?". Somehow that particular filter seems to go right out the window when you're pregnant. 


~Iris~ Catholic mama to DD1 11/15/05 * DD2 04/28/08 * brokenheart.gif06/23/2010 * and our little rainbow DS 10/07/11 love.gif
 

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Old 05-24-2011, 06:46 PM
 
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Wow, Steph, you have my sympathy!  It's hard enough to be brutally honest with my own parents when needed, but it's tough with in-laws.

 

Pi, totally stealing that line, too!

 

When I told my mom I was pregnant I was 12 or 13 weeks. This being my 2nd child, I was already showing a bit even though I hadn't yet gained a pound, and my mom says "Wow, you're already showing.  That's not normal! Sure it's not twins?" 1) wow, what an original comment and 2) yes, actually it's totally normal!

 

My mom and MiL both have told me repeatedly how little weight they gained during their pregnancies eyesroll.gif

 

 

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