Mothering Forum banner

I'm out of the twins club UPDATE: lost 2nd twin today

3K views 82 replies 45 participants last post by  Mama~Love 
#1 ·
I found out today one of my twins died sometime between 14 and 17 weeks. Everything looked great at 14 weeks and today at 17 one had died. We're still trying to deal with the ramifications of all this. How do we grieve one and still be excited for the other one? I guess I'm still in shock.

We were so excited about having twins. I've had 2 other miscarriages, but they were both before any heartbeat. With the twins, we saw the hearts beating and saw them both moving around like crazy on several ultrasounds...this is quite a blow for us (or at least for me, I'm not sure how DH is taking it...he's kind of acting like nothing happened but that isn't unusual for him).
 
#27 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by StephandOwen View Post

I'm so sorry you had to hear that crap. Please remember that is it NOT YOUR FAULT. You did nothing to make this happen. And, of course, you have every right to grieve the loss of your precious baby. It doesn't matter if you were pregnant with 8 babies and 1 died. The loss is still real, no matter how many other babies you have. (((HUGS)))
My thoughts EXACTLY. I couldn't say it any better. Add my hugs to you, too!
 
#28 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by StephandOwen View Post

I'm so sorry you had to hear that crap. Please remember that is it NOT YOUR FAULT. You did nothing to make this happen. And, of course, you have every right to grieve the loss of your precious baby. It doesn't matter if you were pregnant with 8 babies and 1 died. The loss is still real, no matter how many other babies you have. (((HUGS)))
yeahthat.gif


Exactly. And whether it is common or not has nothing to do with it. For example, it's very common to deal with the death of one's parents; that doesn't mean it isn't a difficult loss.

I hope you are able to find peace and healing.
 
#33 ·
unfortunately that probably won't be the stupidist thing you hear.

I wanted to recommend you looking up a SHARE meeting in your area it is where you can connect with real life families who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss. I have found it a huge support and there are a few twin parents there (some of which have lost only 1 of the 2).

I will add your baby right now. Let me know if you decided on a name and I can change it.
 
#35 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by bstandlee View Post

I hope and pray everything is fine with you. Look at it this way, the fact that it happened to me makes it much less likely statistically that it would happen to you too!

I had the most horrible phone call this morning from an older lady who's been like a grandma to our family. When I told her what happened, she said she wasn't very surprised because it's so common. Then she added, "And you're so tiny!" Great. So it's my fault?!?! My body was incompetent to grow 2 babies at once so I killed one of my babies by not being big enough? Thanks a lot!!! Then, as if that wasn't already enough, she attempted to continue in her "comforting" of my by saying, "At least you still have one." Oh, yes. I still have one live baby so I have nothing to grieve about, right? So if you lost a leg I could say, "Well at least you still have one!" Ugh.

Sorry for the sarcastic vent! I've gotten more support from you guys than I have from anybody in real life! I'm so grateful for your outpouring of support. I know we'll get through this eventually.
Lots & lots of {{{HUGS}}}!! I am so sorry you had to listen to that garbage. She was very rude and way out of line! It's not your fault, you did nothing wrong
hug.gif
. I hope you can find support IRL to help you through this.

I'm doing fine, I had an appointment yesterday, everything is OK.

We're here for you if you have to cry, vent, or just need some virtual
hug.gif
's .
 
#40 ·
Thank you for the homeopathic suggestions. I may try them. The grief comes in waves. So far only our family and close friends know, but we live in a small community and DH is youth pastor at our church so somehow we have to get the word out to people...not sure the best way of doing that. I can't stand the thought of facing mass condolences at this point!

At my cardiologist appointment today the nurse was flabbergastingly (I know, not a real word!) insensitive when I told her I had just lost a twin. She immediately launched into a story of her niece who had 3 stillborn babies between 7 and 9 months, and then proceeded to tell me that the dr. thought her last pregnancy was twins. She said when he told her, she just looked at him and asked him which one he wanted because there was no way she wanted 2 babies! Wow. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!?! Did it even register with her that I just lost a twin, both of whom I loved and dearly wanted? I must have a magnet that attracts appallingly insensitive people lol!

Anyway, so far the remaining twin is fine. We see the perinatologist tomorrow for a more detailed scan and possible more definitive answers on what possibly happened and what to expect next.
 
#42 ·
We lost our baby girl today. The placenta of the deceased twin separated and caused my body to miscarry both babies.
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top