I'm out of the twins club UPDATE: lost 2nd twin today - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 83 Old 05-23-2011, 03:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I found out today one of my twins died sometime between 14 and 17 weeks. Everything looked great at 14 weeks and today at 17 one had died. We're still trying to deal with the ramifications of all this. How do we grieve one and still be excited for the other one? I guess I'm still in shock.

 

We were so excited about having twins. I've had 2 other miscarriages, but they were both before any heartbeat. With the twins, we saw the hearts beating and saw them both moving around like crazy on several ultrasounds...this is quite a blow for us (or at least for me, I'm not sure how DH is taking it...he's kind of acting like nothing happened but that isn't unusual for him).


Married to my wonderful DH; Mama to DS born 6-07 and 4 in heaven brokenheart.gif1-06 (7 weeks) brokenheart.gif1-10 (6 weeks) and our twins 5-11, brokenheart.gifone sweet boy (17 weeks) and brokenheart.gifone precious baby girl (18 1/2 weeks).

In the middle of our adoption journey and are excitedly waiting to get matched with a birth mom

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#2 of 83 Old 05-23-2011, 04:18 PM
 
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Oh my god, I'm so sorry!

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After 4 m/c, our stillheart.gif is here!

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#3 of 83 Old 05-23-2011, 04:19 PM
 
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Oh- I am so, so, so sorry.

This made me cry! I can't imagine navigating those emotions... It just is so terribly sad to me thinking about losing one. I hope that things go well for the other nugget and that this means at least an easier remaining pregnancy and delivery.

For now though, I think you mostly grieve. You'll have lots of time to rejoice in the miracle of your other little one. Let yourself mourn for a while, and I hope that you and DH can talk about it and deal with it.

Also- you are still in the twins club!  You are a twin mom, you just suffered a loss in my book.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Lots and lots of hugs from afar.

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#4 of 83 Old 05-23-2011, 04:27 PM
 
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This is devastating.  I'm so so sorry.  :(


heartbeat.gif  Baby girl arrived 10/11/11 heartbeat.gif

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#5 of 83 Old 05-23-2011, 04:45 PM
 
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I am so so sorry mama brokenheart.gif  My 8 year old sister is a twin, whose twin died in utero (earlier than your loss though). For what little comfort it might provide right now, my mom went to full term with my little sister and the rest of her pregnancy and delivery were fine.

 

Take it easy, rest and mourn. And come cry to us whenever needed. That's why we're here.


Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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#6 of 83 Old 05-23-2011, 04:55 PM
 
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I'm so sorry!  


Social working mommy to babygirl.gif 10/10/11, three cats, and a dog.

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#7 of 83 Old 05-23-2011, 06:10 PM
 
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This made me cry, too...I am so sorry.

 

Making people is pretty heavy business, even at the best of times...I hope you take the time you need to deal with this :(


Beth knit.gif.  wife to DH and Mama to DD1 heartbeat.gif (May 1-09) and DD2 heartbeat.gif (Nov 2-11)   

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#8 of 83 Old 05-23-2011, 06:33 PM
 
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Oh, such sad, sad news!  I am so sorry for your loss.  Take care of yourself, hon.  Rest in peace, little one.  candle.gif


dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
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#9 of 83 Old 05-23-2011, 07:47 PM
 
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I am so very sorry for your loss. We found out at 17 wks that my son had died probably somewhere around 14. It is devistating!!! I wasn't pregnant with twins so I don't know about the conflicting emotions but the loss was terribly hard. I agree you will always be a mom of twins even though you don't get the opportunity to raise them as twins. I am so sorry mama.

Would you like me to honor you and your baby on the babies gone too soon thread? I would really like to if you are comfortable with that. Let me know, and if you do let me know your babies name so I can include that as well. Head over to the pregnancy loss forum and you will probably get some support. You are not alone.


nicole wild.gif,  mom to 3 boys here on earth jumpers.gif 9, 7 and 4.5 and 2 girl's fly-by-nursing2.gif2.5 and 10/16/11. Always remembering my babies in heaven:  Sam (9/7/05) at 12.5 wks  angel1.gif, Morgan (2/13/06) at 6 wks angel1.gif , Emeric angel2.gif (8/9/10 at 17 wks) and Pepper angel1.gif (11/26/10) at 8wks. 

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#10 of 83 Old 05-23-2011, 07:53 PM
 
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So sad. I'm so sorry, mama.


Nicole treehugger.gif  Busy with my two boys.jog.gifdiaper.gif  The 'big boy' too. peace.gifOh, and a sweet baby girl, born at home in October. love.gif

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#11 of 83 Old 05-23-2011, 08:18 PM
 
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I am so sorry mama. hug2.gif


Mama to DS (03/09) and DD (10/11) and married to the love of my life

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#12 of 83 Old 05-23-2011, 08:22 PM
 
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bawling.gif I am so sorry! I can't imagine what you're going through right now. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. {{{HUGS}}}


I'm terrified of the same thing happening to me. I can feel one baby for sure, but the other is so quiet. I have an appt. tomorrow, and I pray everything is OK.

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#13 of 83 Old 05-23-2011, 08:45 PM
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Oh my goodness. I am so very sorry for your loss. candle.gif


professor & maman de DS1 (6) & DS2 (1)

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#14 of 83 Old 05-23-2011, 09:06 PM
 
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I am so very sorry, mama.  What a terrible, devastating thing!  I hope you will be able to navigate your emotions with clarity and strength.  We will all be thinking of you and your lost little one!


SAHM to Melinda (Oct '03), Jacob (Aug '05),  Alex (Apr '08), and baby.gif Malcolm (Sept 29, '11)

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#15 of 83 Old 05-23-2011, 09:10 PM
 
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I'm so sorry Mama! My thoughts are with you and your little ones.


Sue, Mama to Fiona Aileen (2/1/09) and  Maeve Penelope (10/7/11) familybed2.gif cd.gif
 

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#16 of 83 Old 05-23-2011, 09:13 PM
 
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Hugs.  What a difficult and confusing time for you.  I'm hoping for peace for you.


On a farm with our kiddo (nearly 2), two dogs, two cats, ten goats, two donkeys, nine sheep, a bunch of chickens, and a husband (in the winters). We have another on the way!
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#17 of 83 Old 05-23-2011, 10:28 PM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss.


lady.gif mama to H. 4/05 and A. 9/08 and baby C. 10/11

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#18 of 83 Old 05-24-2011, 04:22 AM
 
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So sorry momma!!!! Lots of love to you and yours in this time. :_(

Momma to DS (2/08) and #2 due 10/11.
 
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#19 of 83 Old 05-24-2011, 04:47 AM
 
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I'm so very sorry for your loss. I wish I had words to make this easier. guilty.gif A friend of mine lost a twin too, while the other one was doing fine. She was also very conflicted, and had a hard time grieving one baby's loss while joyfully expecting the other. It is so hard... Please be gentle with yourself, and take it one day at a time. grouphug.gif


~Iris~ Catholic mama to DD1 11/15/05 * DD2 04/28/08 * brokenheart.gif06/23/2010 * and our little rainbow DS 10/07/11 love.gif
 

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#20 of 83 Old 05-24-2011, 05:23 AM
 
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candle.gif Thinking of you Mama


Wife to DHluxlove.gif DS 98thumb.gif DD 03flower.gif DS 09 babyf.gifwinner.jpgcd.gifnovaxnocirc.gif

She is here!!! Oct 5th!!!joy.gif

 

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#21 of 83 Old 05-24-2011, 05:32 AM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss! I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers. 


Jamie: Kinda crunchy, computer geeky, very blessed, attached mama to five
R (4/1997), A (6/2002), B (07/2007), K (06/09) & N (10/17/2011)

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#22 of 83 Old 05-24-2011, 05:45 AM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss!


Neeka - mom to DS-4 and wife to computer fanatic DH
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#23 of 83 Old 05-24-2011, 06:08 AM
 
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I'm so very sorry. greensad.gif Please take care of yourself.
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#24 of 83 Old 05-24-2011, 06:12 AM
 
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I'm sorry, mamma!  We are all thinking of you right now.


Amy, feathering our nest with sweet husband O and baby girl, P (October 2011). 
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#25 of 83 Old 05-24-2011, 10:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mainebirdgirl View Post

Oh- I am so, so, so sorry.

This made me cry! I can't imagine navigating those emotions... It just is so terribly sad to me thinking about losing one. I hope that things go well for the other nugget and that this means at least an easier remaining pregnancy and delivery.

For now though, I think you mostly grieve. You'll have lots of time to rejoice in the miracle of your other little one. Let yourself mourn for a while, and I hope that you and DH can talk about it and deal with it.

Also- you are still in the twins club!  You are a twin mom, you just suffered a loss in my book.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Lots and lots of hugs from afar.


Thanks for still including me in the twins club! That made me cry (again) :)

 



Quote:
Originally Posted by theboysmama View Post

I am so very sorry for your loss. We found out at 17 wks that my son had died probably somewhere around 14. It is devistating!!! I wasn't pregnant with twins so I don't know about the conflicting emotions but the loss was terribly hard. I agree you will always be a mom of twins even though you don't get the opportunity to raise them as twins. I am so sorry mama.

Would you like me to honor you and your baby on the babies gone too soon thread? I would really like to if you are comfortable with that. Let me know, and if you do let me know your babies name so I can include that as well. Head over to the pregnancy loss forum and you will probably get some support. You are not alone.


I would love our little one to be honored on the babies gone too soon thread. We were waiting to name him/her until we found out the sex, but now we never will I guess.

 



Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama~Love View Post

bawling.gif I am so sorry! I can't imagine what you're going through right now. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. {{{HUGS}}}


I'm terrified of the same thing happening to me. I can feel one baby for sure, but the other is so quiet. I have an appt. tomorrow, and I pray everything is OK.


I hope and pray everything is fine with you. Look at it this way, the fact that it happened to me makes it much less likely statistically that it would happen to you too!

 

I had the most horrible phone call this morning from an older lady who's been like a grandma to our family. When I told her what happened, she said she wasn't very surprised because it's so common. Then she added, "And you're so tiny!" Great. So it's my fault?!?! My body was incompetent to grow 2 babies at once so I killed one of my babies by not being big enough? Thanks a lot!!! Then, as if that wasn't already enough, she attempted to continue in her "comforting" of my by saying, "At least you still have one." Oh, yes. I still have one live baby so I have nothing to grieve about, right? So if you lost a leg I could say, "Well at least you still have one!" Ugh.

 

Sorry for the sarcastic vent! I've gotten more support from you guys than I have from anybody in real life! I'm so grateful for your outpouring of support. I know we'll get through this eventually.

 


Married to my wonderful DH; Mama to DS born 6-07 and 4 in heaven brokenheart.gif1-06 (7 weeks) brokenheart.gif1-10 (6 weeks) and our twins 5-11, brokenheart.gifone sweet boy (17 weeks) and brokenheart.gifone precious baby girl (18 1/2 weeks).

In the middle of our adoption journey and are excitedly waiting to get matched with a birth mom

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#26 of 83 Old 05-24-2011, 12:36 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bstandlee View Post

I had the most horrible phone call this morning from an older lady who's been like a grandma to our family. When I told her what happened, she said she wasn't very surprised because it's so common. Then she added, "And you're so tiny!" Great. So it's my fault?!?! My body was incompetent to grow 2 babies at once so I killed one of my babies by not being big enough? Thanks a lot!!! Then, as if that wasn't already enough, she attempted to continue in her "comforting" of my by saying, "At least you still have one." Oh, yes. I still have one live baby so I have nothing to grieve about, right? So if you lost a leg I could say, "Well at least you still have one!" Ugh.

 

Sorry for the sarcastic vent! I've gotten more support from you guys than I have from anybody in real life! I'm so grateful for your outpouring of support. I know we'll get through this eventually.

 


I'm so sorry you had to hear that crap. Please remember that is it NOT YOUR FAULT. You did nothing to make this happen. And, of course, you have every right to grieve the loss of your precious baby. It doesn't matter if you were pregnant with 8 babies and 1 died. The loss is still real, no matter how many other babies you have. (((HUGS)))

 


Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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#27 of 83 Old 05-24-2011, 12:59 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StephandOwen View Post

I'm so sorry you had to hear that crap. Please remember that is it NOT YOUR FAULT. You did nothing to make this happen. And, of course, you have every right to grieve the loss of your precious baby. It doesn't matter if you were pregnant with 8 babies and 1 died. The loss is still real, no matter how many other babies you have. (((HUGS)))

 



My thoughts EXACTLY.  I couldn't say it any better.  Add my hugs to you, too!


SAHM to Melinda (Oct '03), Jacob (Aug '05),  Alex (Apr '08), and baby.gif Malcolm (Sept 29, '11)

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#28 of 83 Old 05-24-2011, 01:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StephandOwen View Post


I'm so sorry you had to hear that crap. Please remember that is it NOT YOUR FAULT. You did nothing to make this happen. And, of course, you have every right to grieve the loss of your precious baby. It doesn't matter if you were pregnant with 8 babies and 1 died. The loss is still real, no matter how many other babies you have. (((HUGS)))

 


yeahthat.gif

 

Exactly. And whether it is common or not has nothing to do with it. For example, it's very common to deal with the death of one's parents; that doesn't mean it isn't a difficult loss.

 

I hope you are able to find peace and healing.


professor & maman de DS1 (6) & DS2 (1)

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#29 of 83 Old 05-24-2011, 01:52 PM
 
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That is just horrible. I'm so very sorry that you had to hear that, especially so soon after hearing greensad.gif


Making a March 9th sandwich with a Halloween filling.
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#30 of 83 Old 05-24-2011, 02:01 PM
 
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Oh my word, I"m so sorry!  Thinking of you!


Tricia
Canadian Mama to E 2yrs
Someone new coming October!
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