anyone afraid TO buy anything for baby? - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-16-2011, 12:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I didn't realize I was so superstitious but I can't bring myself to buy a single scrap of anything for my baby, even though I know her gender!  I do have lots of girl clothes but all my newborn stuff is stained/ ripped beyond repair, and most of it isn't even donatable.  I'll also need a new crib mattress or a new crib altogether (current one has been through 5 babies!), new carseat.  I always BF but like to have emergency formula/ bottles on hand the first couple months in case I have serious problems and baby needs food.  Maybe it's because I got pregnant right after a loss, I just can't bring myself to tempt fate.  Anyone else?

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Old 06-16-2011, 01:48 PM
 
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Right there with you! Being PAL has a lot to do with it. I have forced myself to buy a few things (just as part of the healing/acceptance process). So far I purchased quite a few pairs of baby legs ( I purchased all boy ones and have to return them for girl ones) I figured those were something I could sell if I don't get to use them. On Tuesday I bought her baptismal gown (it was $20 on craigslist) I figured we could bury her in it if things don't work out. Soooo I have bought a few things but it is not a happy oh I know my baby will use this kind of thing.
Don't rush yourself. You might feel more comfortable later on or you can get what you need when she gets here.

nicole wild.gif,  mom to 3 boys here on earth jumpers.gif 9, 7 and 4.5 and 2 girl's fly-by-nursing2.gif2.5 and 10/16/11. Always remembering my babies in heaven:  Sam (9/7/05) at 12.5 wks  angel1.gif, Morgan (2/13/06) at 6 wks angel1.gif , Emeric angel2.gif (8/9/10 at 17 wks) and Pepper angel1.gif (11/26/10) at 8wks. 

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Old 06-16-2011, 02:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It's so hard isn't it?  I have no choice on the carseat, maybe just that and a couple packages of onesies.  I will wait till august though at least!

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Old 06-16-2011, 03:08 PM
 
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I have held off on buying things for other superstitious reasons (though not as emotional as a loss in any way).

I refuse to buy any newborn sized clothing or diapers, because big babies run in my family and I think that if I buy small stuff, he'll never fit into it. I'm hoping that I'm wrong and have to scramble to get essentials for a less-than-nine-pounder.

Also, I have not purchased anything boy-specific in the 3+ weeks that we've known his sex. Despite very obvious proof that he's a boy at both ultrasounds, I'm not convinced. I want to buy a bunch of "mommy's little man" and "handsome like daddy" stuff, but I keep thinking that will somehow "jinx" it.

I just realized that on some level, I think I am worried about this pregnancy, too. Everything I have purchased or that people have given me remains in its original packaging, tags attached, in shopping bags in my spare room. I haven't unpacked or set up anything, and have insisted on not setting up a nursery of any kind. Maybe I'm bracing myself more than I thought? I didn't know if I would ever be able to have kids, and this whole pregnancy happened really fast. I think I'm still in some stage of denial.


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Old 06-16-2011, 03:14 PM
 
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I came to some place that I am collecting for A baby, not necessarily This baby. I'd say half my baby stuff was purchased for other pregnancies, as I've had 4 losses.

There are services that let you make a big list, give a credit card number, and it doesn't ship until you give birth. They are typically aimed at Jewish women, but available for all. There's one that's specifically for boy-girl stuff when you don't know. You let them know after the baby's born and they ship the choices you put in for the sex you've not got.

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Old 06-16-2011, 04:45 PM
 
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Jane do u have any links? What a great. I could plan viciously without having to invest.

Damn auto correct!!!! The aboe was supposed to say "What a great idea! I could plan vicariously without having to invest."

nicole wild.gif,  mom to 3 boys here on earth jumpers.gif 9, 7 and 4.5 and 2 girl's fly-by-nursing2.gif2.5 and 10/16/11. Always remembering my babies in heaven:  Sam (9/7/05) at 12.5 wks  angel1.gif, Morgan (2/13/06) at 6 wks angel1.gif , Emeric angel2.gif (8/9/10 at 17 wks) and Pepper angel1.gif (11/26/10) at 8wks. 

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Old 06-16-2011, 07:26 PM
 
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Yes and no. We bought one pack of blue onesies, and I still feel awkward and unsettled about that. But I have been knitting up a storm. Not knowing whether Matty has Trisomy 18 makes it hard, I guess. I do feel like I am dealing well though. I am conscious of what might be wrong, but determined to hope for the best. And the stuff I knit, well... if worse comes to worst, there may be moms at homeless shelters or battered women shelters that could really use my hand-knits. So they will be of use to someone regardless. 


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Old 06-17-2011, 05:36 AM
 
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Yes, I 'm scared to buy anything. Not that we need much, all we need now is boy clothes, as my youngest boy is 11 years old. But, I won't buy anything til the very end. I'm also pregnant after a loss, so very, very cautious.

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Old 06-17-2011, 07:07 AM
 
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I haven't bought anything either...I was chalking it up to procrastination or laziness. Reading this thread makes me wonder how much of my "procrastination" is actually fear (I'm PAL too). I probably won't buy much as far as clothes go, and the carseat isn't in the budget for a while yet...but I have wanted to get started on baby knitting, and just...haven't. I can't commit to a pattern for baby's blanket, haven't bought any yarn...

The other thing I'm not doing is getting DS ready to have a sibling. My goals were to have him potty trained and in his own room by the end of the summer, and I'm not making progress with either (my fault, not his).


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Old 06-17-2011, 02:55 PM
 
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My second was PAL and I didn't buy anything really for her... but I also got so much in hand-me-downs that literally I didn't need anything at all. I bought matching nightshirts for my son and the baby, and that really was it.

 

I guess I am not "afraid" to buy stuff but just very reluctant. I am low income, I am uncomfortable with consumption-as-entertainment, and yes, to be honest I guess there is a superstitious part of me too...

 

Also this is #3 so while truthfully I do NOT have any stuff (this pregnancy was unexpected, and we moved across the country when DD was 15mo and got rid of absolutely everything we didn't "need") I do know lots of other moms and I am sure I will get plenty of stuff, maybe more than I really want...

 

 


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Old 06-17-2011, 04:33 PM
 
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ThreeCats I am totally with you - totally need DD to be potty trained & sleeping in her own bed by the end of the summer & making no progress. We also need to buy a big girl bed & a dresser.

 

I can't remember when I finally bought stuff during my 1st pregnancy -- maybe 7 or 8 months along?  I am totally paranoid about it. I think I'll probably wait until pretty late to buy stuff this time around. I need to sort DD's old clothes as well -- I got as far as buying big plastic storage bins. We obviously don't need as much stuff this time, but I will need some replacement gear for stuff that expired or wore out & winter clothes, & basics like sheets.

 

 

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Old 06-18-2011, 01:26 PM
 
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I bought a few cloth diapers and that is it so far. My first pregnancy was a loss and we conceived our son with IUI 2 years later. We have been trying for 4 years so this pregnancy is definitely a surprise. We haven't really discussed names for this baby either. By this point in the pregnancy with my son, we had furniture, clothes, a name. I want to go buy things for my little girl but I keep telling myself wait until you're further along. Luckily, I have been given some clothing, a car seat, stroller. But they are all at my parent's house. I told my mother to put them in her attic until it gets closer to my due date.

 

I wish I could be more relaxed instead of so reserved and reluctant to get excited this time around. I want to be excited, I want to shop, I want to decorate. I just can't bring myself to do it.


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Old 06-18-2011, 07:07 PM
 
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I only bought my first little something yesterday.  We have had some issues with this pregnancy, and I don't want to buy stuff and then need prem stuff, KWIM? 

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Old 06-19-2011, 08:17 PM
 
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I starting buying things shortly after we found but hesitated buying the "bigger" stuff until we knew gender. Other than that I have no hesitation. 


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R (4/1997), A (6/2002), B (07/2007), K (06/09) & N (10/17/2011)

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Old 06-19-2011, 10:02 PM
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Yes, I am somewhat afraid/reluctant to buy anything. Not for the same reasons (though similar themes around uncertainty) but I can definitely relate. I think that it has to do with the experience of being at risk for whatever reason. You are just more aware of the things that can go wrong.

 

I actually just got the first things recently -- a couple of shirts. (With DS, we were drowning in onesies that didn't fit over his enormous CD'd bum.) I was ordering silks from Dharma to use for DS' upcoming birthday party (superhero theme, everyone is getting a Koolaid dyed silk to decorate as a cape) and I knew that I wanted to get a few lap shoulder shirts to dye, but I actually found it quite hard to go ahead and purchase them. I was only able to do it because I knew it would save me trouble and shipping costs, but it was hard to follow through.


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