"The female reproductive system is extremely complicated, because females contain a great many organs, with new ones being discovered every day." (pg. 11)
"Oh, I realize there are diaper services that come to your house and drop off clean cloth diapers and pick up the dirty ones, but even those diapers are now disposable. The instant the driver is out of sight of your house, he hurls the dirty diapers into the street and drives off briskly." (pg. 22)
"If your baby has diaper rash, the pediatrician may say 'Just leave the diaper off for a while.' This would be a wonderful idea if the baby would stop shooting wastes out of its various orifices..." (pg. 46)
"Here is the system that was used for having babies during the Eisenhower Administration: At the first sign of pregnancy, the husband would rush the wife to the hospital, where she would be given modern medical drugs that would keep her from feeling contractions, or anything else, including a volcanic eruption in the delivery room...One big problem with this system is that drugs can have adverse effects on the baby, as is evidenced by the fact that every single person born during the 40s, 50s or 60s is really screwed up.
"Today we have a much better childbirth system...the woman is not allowed to have any drugs unless she agrees, in writing, to feel guilty." (pp. 26-27)
"...You will be taken to the delivery room, where you will be placed in the Standard Childbirth Position...Medical researchers have tried for decades to come up with a childbirth position even more humiliating than this one, but they have had no success." (pg. 33)
"What to do immediately after birth: Close your eyes tightly. This is in case the doctor takes it into his head to show you the placenta, which is a highly unattractive object...In the old days, when people were decent, the placenta was disposed of quickly and quietly and was never talked about...now people bandy it about openly in public, as if it were a prize-winning bass." (pg. 35)