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#1 of 66 Old 07-26-2011, 07:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay, so I thought it would be fun to start this thread. Just somewhere to rant about what people say that they shouldn't.

 

Today I posted 30 week belly shots, and some of the comments blew my mind.

 

A friend who has 3 kids said: Soon you will have caught up to me and (T) wife...um, I didn't know it was a race.

 

My mom said to me the other day that have 2 boys and 1 girl will make for the extra perfect family. OK, so let me understand this, if it were all boys, or 1 boy and 2 girls it would be less than perfect?

 

Another person wrote, wow, you will have an instant family. So 5 years of infertility, and IVF cycles, and all the medications that go along with it make it an "instant" family. Glad to know.

 

 

Hope all you ladies are enjoying this heat as much as I am. ROTFLMAO.gif


K 30 married to J 40 Love being a SAHM to our IVF miracles: Jackson 08/09, Emily and Miles 09/11 Missing our lost babies 04/08, 08/10. Currently planted on a soft surface bfinfant.gifall day long.

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#2 of 66 Old 07-26-2011, 08:12 PM
 
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Wow your huge! (umm thanks i'm growing a human being what do you expect)

Your safe now right? (ummm no, not ever but thanks for reminding me)

 


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#3 of 66 Old 07-27-2011, 07:59 AM
 
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"You going to pop soon" - Really? Because I think that would be bad for everyone involved. I mean what does that even mean?


Mama to DS (03/09) and DD (10/11) and married to the love of my life

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#4 of 66 Old 07-27-2011, 08:38 AM
 
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"Should you be doing that?"


(In response to modified ab work during a fitness class)


Amy, feathering our nest with sweet husband O and baby girl, P (October 2011). 
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#5 of 66 Old 07-27-2011, 08:49 AM
 
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We don't know the gender of our baby. Literally almost EVERY person who asks, upon being told that we don't know, takes one look at me and then confidently announces "Oh it's definitely a boy!"....erm, yeah...got a direct line to my uterus, do ya? The sad thing is it's making me hope it's NOT a boy just so all of those people will be proven wrongangry.gif.

 

And AmyMay, I hear ya...the next person who says "Should you really be doing that?" is going to be on the receiving end of a wicked right hook.

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#6 of 66 Old 07-27-2011, 09:00 AM
 
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At least people are ASKING the question instead of insisting that you shouldn't "be doing that!" Stop telling me what I can't do! I'm pregnant, not handicapped!

Alaskan Wife and Mama to my special little guy ribbluyel.gif (9/13/11) and expecting #2 (2/21/13)!

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#7 of 66 Old 07-27-2011, 10:45 AM
 
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We're not finding out the sex either.  People ask, "do you know what you're having?" and we'll tell them we're waiting to find out once the baby is born (or sometimes I'll say, "hopefully a human baby.")  Just about all of the time, people will tell us, "good, that's how its supposed to be," or "ooh, its better to have the surprise anyway."  Then why do they ask in the first place if they think a surprise is better?!?!?!

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Originally Posted by LaBruja View Post

We don't know the gender of our baby. Literally almost EVERY person who asks, upon being told that we don't know, takes one look at me and then confidently announces "Oh it's definitely a boy!"....erm, yeah...got a direct line to my uterus, do ya? The sad thing is it's making me hope it's NOT a boy just so all of those people will be proven wrongangry.gif.

 

And AmyMay, I hear ya...the next person who says "Should you really be doing that?" is going to be on the receiving end of a wicked right hook.



 


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#8 of 66 Old 07-27-2011, 11:09 AM
 
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We have a little boy already, and this one is a girl. Some of the odd things people say:

 

"so they are absolutely sure it's a girl?" (Answer: as sure as we can be. got a good look :))

 

"are you done then, since you have one of each?" (Answer: probably not. we'd like one more)

 

and then DH's aunt said something to the effect of we have our "replacements" or something evolutionary like that. Like we've done our bit to repopulate the earth. Can't remember exactly. - but this bugged me in that my desire to have children, and how many, has absolutely nothing to do with the global population.

 

Not from this pregnancy, but from my first pregnancy - the same aunt - when I told her I was seeing midwives and not an OB (everyone asks who your OB is, why?) - and she asked if I were having a homebirth, I said no, they are hospital based. she said "I"m so relieved!" I didn't know of any local homebirth midwives during that pregnancy, else I may have gone that route . . .but sheesh!


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#9 of 66 Old 07-27-2011, 01:12 PM
 
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The other day at work one of my co workers told me I was really starting to pop out, then proceeded to ask if I was sure it wasn't twins....Three times!!! I didn't think I was that big!

 

IMAG0425-1.jpg

 

I just took this on Saturday!


joy.gif:Mommy to Lennon Elizabeth 11/27/09 and somebody new, due 10/08joy.gif:

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#10 of 66 Old 07-27-2011, 01:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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30 weeks.jpg

 

30 Weeks with twins. Don't mind the dirty mirror :)


K 30 married to J 40 Love being a SAHM to our IVF miracles: Jackson 08/09, Emily and Miles 09/11 Missing our lost babies 04/08, 08/10. Currently planted on a soft surface bfinfant.gifall day long.

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#11 of 66 Old 07-27-2011, 01:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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39w5d.JPG

 

39w5d with my son. I am carrying lower, but about the same size as I am currently with twins.


K 30 married to J 40 Love being a SAHM to our IVF miracles: Jackson 08/09, Emily and Miles 09/11 Missing our lost babies 04/08, 08/10. Currently planted on a soft surface bfinfant.gifall day long.

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#12 of 66 Old 07-27-2011, 02:27 PM
 
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FWIW, KristinaMarie, to me you definitely don't look 39 weeks pregnant right now, even with twins.  Just my opinion, but I wouldn't have even guessed you were carrying twins, but I do think you look like a ~30 week pregnant mamma (and beautifully pregnant).


Amy, feathering our nest with sweet husband O and baby girl, P (October 2011). 
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#13 of 66 Old 07-27-2011, 03:21 PM
 
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Wow KristinaMarie You look amazing for 30 weeks with twins, I definitely wouldn't have guessed you were pregnant with twins either!


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#14 of 66 Old 07-27-2011, 03:38 PM
 
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I also get the "should you being doing that?" question, especially during yoga classes (I am a yoga instructor, so I sometimes tell them this so they know I know what I am doing - not that it justifies their question!).

My least favorite is people assuming I am close to my due date (I am 27 weeks). I LOOK 27 weeks but it still makes me feel terrible. And then I get mad at myself for caring what others think!
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#15 of 66 Old 07-27-2011, 07:09 PM
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I am also getting a few doubting comments here and there. When I showed up somewhere on my bicycle yesterday, I got a shocked, "Does your doctor allow you to ride your bike?" and responded a little snottily, "It isn't up to my doctor to make that decision."

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#16 of 66 Old 07-28-2011, 01:58 PM
 
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Two lately that have kind of confused me

 

"I think you need to go on a diet young lady"  Said by an older lady, jokingly.  It was kind of cute.  But then later that evening another lady said "that baby needs to go on a diet".  Is it a trend lately or something?  Honestly the first one didn't bug me until the second.

 

I have been getting the "when are you due" and then "OH so you still have a while to go"(said with shock) as kind of I guess a polite way of saying I'm huge.  Thanks.


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#17 of 66 Old 07-29-2011, 05:06 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LaBruja View Post

We don't know the gender of our baby. Literally almost EVERY person who asks, upon being told that we don't know, takes one look at me and then confidently announces "Oh it's definitely a boy!"....erm, yeah...got a direct line to my uterus, do ya? The sad thing is it's making me hope it's NOT a boy just so all of those people will be proven wrongangry.gif.

 

And AmyMay, I hear ya...the next person who says "Should you really be doing that?" is going to be on the receiving end of a wicked right hook.


 We didn't know the gender either, and EVERYONE was saying it was going to be a boy, mostly, cuz I was "Way out there" Or "Carrying all in front". Near the end of my pregnancy Someone said that it looks like a boy for that reason, to which I said: "Really? Does the Penis Really Make that big of a difference in how you carry? I mean, It's only this big [  ]" She kinda stepped back and thought for a second. "HUh I don't know why they say that. I never thought of it that way." I ended up having a Baby Girl BTW! lol.gif

 

More than once I would get surrounded and cornered by a group of ladies who would ask the 'normal' questions. "When are you due, Where are you having it, who's your doc..." When I would go into the fact that I am having a homebirth with a midwife, they would inevitablly pull out their own horror stories of 'Homebirths they heard about' or "If I hadn't had my baby in a hospital it would have died' or '47 Hour labor, Pain Pain Pain, Distress..." And I couldn't get away! And they wouldn't really be talking to me cuz by that time I was kinda like, "Zoning out!" So they would just talk among themselves while keeping me from escaping.

 

 One lady told me that her friend was having a home birth, but had to transfer and have a C-Section because the baby was sunny side up and WOULD HAVE DROWNED coming out vaginally!?! I was like, "Well, I'm having a waterbirth so my kid is SCREWED!"

 

 

 

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#18 of 66 Old 07-30-2011, 06:55 AM
 
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I'm wondering, is there a neutral way to deflect these questions? As I mentioned in the chat thread, I'm a cashier in a food co-op, and most of the time people are truly lovely and supportive. But once in a while, I get a customer who is a little screwy or just rude. I want to know a way to stop the flow of questions without losing my composure or my job.

 

For example, yesterday a woman and her family came through my line and when she found out when I was due, she began frowning and shaking her head and telling me I was too big with long, doleful looks of reproach. It really bothers me because I have a tendency to be overcontrolling about food when stressed. I was underweight when I started this pregnancy, so I've worked very hard to gain the amount recommended by my midwives. These comments usually trigger a bout of disordered eating until I shake it loose and get back on track.

 

Any ideas?

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#19 of 66 Old 07-30-2011, 08:03 AM
 
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Beautifulmoon, *hugs* and lots of empathy on getting spun into a bout of disordered eating by those sorts of comments.  I'm overweight but I do the same thing and a situation like this would totally get in my head.

 

I really I had something better to suggest, but all I have is the classic, "Oh you think so?  My medical provider is so pleased with me and says that I'm doing absolutely perfectly." in a chipper, upbeat sort of tone.  The tone is important as you could sound defensive, but if you are just responding to the comment she said conversationally, I think it would be fine and might stop her.  If she keeps going, just smile, say "We'll see, I guess!" and Change the Topic. 
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by beautifulmoon View Post

I'm wondering, is there a neutral way to deflect these questions? As I mentioned in the chat thread, I'm a cashier in a food co-op, and most of the time people are truly lovely and supportive. But once in a while, I get a customer who is a little screwy or just rude. I want to know a way to stop the flow of questions without losing my composure or my job.

 

For example, yesterday a woman and her family came through my line and when she found out when I was due, she began frowning and shaking her head and telling me I was too big with long, doleful looks of reproach. It really bothers me because I have a tendency to be overcontrolling about food when stressed. I was underweight when I started this pregnancy, so I've worked very hard to gain the amount recommended by my midwives. These comments usually trigger a bout of disordered eating until I shake it loose and get back on track.

 

Any ideas?



 

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#20 of 66 Old 07-30-2011, 08:18 AM
 
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Not pregnant anymore, but when I was I was pretty young (18) and have always looked very young, like 14 or 15, and got some obnoxious comments like:

"oh you poor thing, how old are you?" None of your frickin business, thank you! ugh

"Well I think you're doing a great thing by keeping it" WOW really? 

"Do you know who the father is?" This one was the worst! Just because I'm young doesn't mean I'm a slut! I didn't go get drunk at a party and get knocked up! BAH ><

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#21 of 66 Old 07-30-2011, 09:53 AM
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beautifulmoon, hugs.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by puente View Post

I really I had something better to suggest, but all I have is the classic, "Oh you think so?  My medical provider is so pleased with me and says that I'm doing absolutely perfectly." in a chipper, upbeat sort of tone.  The tone is important as you could sound defensive, but if you are just responding to the comment she said conversationally, I think it would be fine and might stop her.  If she keeps going, just smile, say "We'll see, I guess!" and Change the Topic. 
 


yeahthat.gif

 

"My doctor says I'm doing great," is a great deflective response. And I would use doctor in that situation rather than bringing up the midwives issue.

 

If you want to really shut it down, change the topic immediately. For example:

 

Customer: "When are you due?"

You: "In the fall. I'm really looking forward to getting through the summer, it's been so hot! How are you finding the heat?"

 

or

 

Customer: "When are you due?"

You: "In the fall. I see you have some lovely [insert product]! What are you planning to do with that?"

 


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#22 of 66 Old 07-30-2011, 04:37 PM
 
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Are there any privacy protections in place for people working retail? It seems like a perfect setup for exploitation, as you are judged heavily on your demeanor, pleasantness, customer service, etc. But is there a legal line?


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#23 of 66 Old 07-30-2011, 07:13 PM
 
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I really hate the "oh my you are huge!!'...um really? Thank you. That is just the kindest thing you could say to a women. And to boot, I am not huge! I have been told I look right on spot. I am a 5' and have a little torso. I feel like I don't look like I am going to topple over (at 35 weeks).

 

The one that really blew my mind was when I was 30 weeks...it was very obvious that I was pregnant. And I started showing at 18. I was told then by so many people that they saw the bump. So any way...this woman that I see EVERY week at church says to me "Oh my gosh I just have to tell you this is the first time you really look pregnant to me!" This again was at 30 weeks. Um really? Wow. I guess I just looked...well I am not sure what I looked because it was obvious I was pregnant before then....whatever!

 

Something else that has kind of gotten to me is sooo many people telling me that they are amazed at how good I look. I know this is such a compliment, but sometimes it feels like they didn't think I would keep my weight gain under control... I started out heavy and am only supposed to gain very little. Which I am doing well, but it has been a headache worrying about my weight so much.

 

One more thing. And I do not want to start a discussion, just something else I have encountered. My family has A LOT of boys in it. And they found out we are not going to circumcise our son as DH is not and that is something we truly stand for...and OH MAN the comments I have received from my family!! "That is dirty!", "he will be made fun of in the locker room", "He will get cancer for sure..." you know...UGH!!!

 

 

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#24 of 66 Old 07-30-2011, 07:20 PM
 
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The other day someone said "oh, you're pregnant?" in surprise when I said something about the baby. Really??! I most definitely look very pregnant right now (despite starting off heavy)!

 

The constantness of people telling me not to lift something or insisting on lifting something for me just makes me steam!!! And when I tell them I train for powerlifting (as a way of making light of the situation) in the gym they just seem to think I am crazy & still don't think I should pick up the 10lb grocery bag. Sigh.


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#25 of 66 Old 07-30-2011, 07:31 PM
 
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My husband informed me the other day that when I was pregnant with our DD I looked like Violet Beauregarde after she ate the gum irked.gif


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#26 of 66 Old 07-31-2011, 01:57 AM
 
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I'm not due in October but saw this thread and thought I'd contribute. :)

 

When my SIL was pregnant with her first, she, my MIL and I went to watch an ice skating competition. There was an old woman taking our tickets who looked right at my SIL's almost 9-months-along and obviously pregnant belly (she's an extremely petite girl) and drawled in a thick Southern accent "oh, honey, are you pregnant or are you just FAT?"

 

My SIL was so shocked, she just didn't know what to say. I found it incredibly funny, but maybe I just like rude humor. I did kind of feel bad for SIL who found no humor at all in the situation. :)

 

The worst things that have ever been said to me when I was pregnant were when people told me I shouldn't be having kids because we are too poor and "can't take care of them." REALLY? Because the last time I checked, we were doing fantastic. So my daughter wears second-hand clothes and we don't drive as much. Who cares?! Who says I'm not allowed to have kids just because I can't buy them an X-Box every year at Christmas and ship them off to private school?? Since when do only rich people get the privilege of reproducing? Does having money make you a better mom? The nerve of some people! Cuss.gif

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#27 of 66 Old 07-31-2011, 10:43 AM
 
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I'm in the November DDC, but I've decided to crash yours to contribute to this thread. :)

 

When I was pregnant with DS 6 years ago, I was quite thin and I carried all out in front.  I used to get alternating comments of "You look fantastic!  You look so healthy!" and "Are you sure you're eating enough? Should you be taking some kind of supplement?"  Can't please them all, I guess.

 

Also, when I was about 20 weeks in the same pregnancy and just getting into that ravenous stage, I was out to dinner with my mom, my DH, my brother, and both my DH's sets of parents.  We were celebrating my college graduation.  I was finishing one of the desserts we all shared after everyone else said they were done, and it was quite healthy (fruit and some sort of vegan marscapone-style cheese stuff made of hazelnuts or something, I think) and REALLY enjoying it.  You know, the way a pregnant woman enjoys good food.  Anyway, my mom, who is normally very supportive, said for all the table to hear, "Be careful.  Your aunt D. gained a bunch of weight during her first pregnancy and she never lost it afterward."  WTF!!!  I was 5'8 and about 125 lbs at the time.

 

I have a lot more padding this time around.  No one has expressed concern about nutrition. Lol.

 

This comment didn't happen when I was pregnant, but I ran to the store for diapers once when DS was about 2 and the lady at the checkout looked at the diapers, looked at me, and said incredulously, "YOU have a BABY?!?"  I kind of half smiled and said, "Yep."  Then she shook her head disapprovingly and said, "Babies having babies."  I was 27 at the time.

 

I haven't gotten many stupid comments during this pregnancy yet, although a good friend of mine (who is really sweet and whom I love) freaks out if I try to lift anything, including carrying the vacuum cleaner upstairs or lifting up my 5-year-old (which I've done just about every day since before I was pregnant).  She also informed me that a naturopath friend of hers said if I eat a lot of flax/fish oil, it reduces the chances of my baby having autism (DS has autism).  So every time she sees me she's like, "Are you eating lots of flax oil?"  Like it's some sort of magic cure-all and it would be a horrible tragedy if my second child had autism as well.  I know she means well, but it's hard not to get offended.

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#28 of 66 Old 07-31-2011, 11:50 AM
 
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LOL! I think I would have taken that one as a compliment. :)
 

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Originally Posted by Viriditas View Post

 

This comment didn't happen when I was pregnant, but I ran to the store for diapers once when DS was about 2 and the lady at the checkout looked at the diapers, looked at me, and said incredulously, "YOU have a BABY?!?"  I kind of half smiled and said, "Yep."  Then she shook her head disapprovingly and said, "Babies having babies."  I was 27 at the time.

 



 


Mama to a bright 5 y/o girl dust.gif and a beautiful boy born 03/10/12 fly-by-nursing1.gif Loving unschooling, 2xuc.jpgfamilybed2.gif ecbaby2.gifand natural living in Hawaii.rainbow1284.gif
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#29 of 66 Old 08-02-2011, 07:04 AM
 
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Funny- when people find out I have four children out and one in (Due Feb 2012)- nobody tries to give me advice anymore :) And I doubt anyone would dare ask me if I should be doing that... The folks over at Tractor Supply don't blink when I lift 50lb bags of chicken feed into my cart ;)

Maybe having had so many gives me a little bit of "She's entitled to do whatever she wants..."

Truth is? People love babies, and pregnant ladies... and maybe they even feel a bit responsible for them... They mostly mean well, so I say, "Smile and Nod" ;)

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#30 of 66 Old 08-02-2011, 07:04 AM
 
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Thanks, everybody, for the suggestions. I'll try them out today when I go in for my shift at work. I find that I get less comments when I wear dresses that don't outline the bump as much, so I'm going to do that, too. I told my co-worker that it was my camouflage.

 

Oh! Mommy212's post reminded me that when my boyfriend was first telling people that we were pregnant, he had a LOT of people ask him if it was his. haha. I get more circumspect questions that sniff around for the same thing, like "is he happy about the baby?" These comments don't really bother me.

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