Working through previous birth traumas/issues? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 9 Old 08-08-2011, 08:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
Shonahsmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 3,542
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Would anyone in this DDC like to participate in a discussion about overcoming/processing leftover issues from previous births?

 

I had a very, um, messed up home birth with my son a little over two years ago. We had a healthy outcome, but I was really, really let down and treated poorly by my midwife in many ways. I really love the midwives I have now, but I definitely have a lot of added anxiety about this coming birth as a result of my last one. Anyone else?

Shonahsmom is offline  
#2 of 9 Old 08-08-2011, 09:05 AM
 
StephandOwen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 8,809
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I would like to participate. The issues I had last time were a lot different than your issues. My issues stemmed from not having the knowledge I should have and not having the support I should have. Last time, I was induced (for pre-e, so it was a valid reason and I would do that again if I had to, I don't regret that part at all). But I wasn't prepared at all for labor/delivery (I had my head stuck in the sand for 9 months.... not sure how I thought the baby would come out but I hadn't given any thought at all to labor/delivery Sheepish.gif). My ex (ds's bio-dad) was a jerk and wasn't even at the hospital for most of it (I went to the hospital Wednesday evening, delivered ds Friday afternoon- ex was only in the hospital for about 30 minutes on the Thursday and about 2 hours on the Friday- watching tv during the whole delivery), so I was stuck in the l&d room, hooked up to all sorts of machines, alone. The nurses must have taken pity on me (not to mention, my mom was the nurse manager in the hospital and it was a super small hospital so everyone knew her and knew I was her daughter) so they had a doula come in with me (for free) for a couple hours. But, obviously, she couldn't stay the whole time so I eventually gave in and got the epidural (something I didn't want). I truly believe women were never meant to labor alone without an ounce of support. My ds was born just 4 hours after I got the epidural.

 

Anyway, things will be different this time. DH is thrilled and wants to be there for everything. We just took a 2 day class this weekend on natural childbirth. DH wants to hire a doula now (I had suggested it months ago but I think he felt like the doula would replace him, which isn't true at all). I feel like I am much more prepared to handle labor/delivery this time and I feel like I have a lot more support. I am hoping that everything we've done to prepare will pay off in the end.


Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

StephandOwen is offline  
#3 of 9 Old 08-08-2011, 09:52 AM
 
lifeguard's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Coyote Rock Farm
Posts: 6,574
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

I definitely do not classify my birth for ds as traumatizing but I do worry that some of the things that did not go the way I had hoped will pop up when I'm in labour this time.

 

I was induced last time which I had realllllly wanted to avoid & I know there will be a chance of it being a reality again as the ob has already made it clear that with the gd he would not be ok with me going past my due date - fortunately I think they have my edd off by a week (I KNOW when I conceived & so believe my edd is one week earlier) but as we get closer I will be getting antsy if things don't start on their own.

 

I NEVER had the desire to push - at all. This in particular really nagged at my mind in the weeks following ds' birth. I really feel that if I had waited for a bit after reaching 10cm I would have eventually felt like pushing - I think my body just needed a little break first. Unfortunately because I was pushing so hard without any help from my body I eventually reached a point of exhaustion. I was pushing & pushing without any progress & eventually ended up with a forceps delivery (& therefore a 3rd degree tear).

 

My worry is that when I get into labour I will feel panicky about pushing & that if my body needs that break again I will be pressured to push instead of being left to take a break until the desire to push presents itself.

 

Switch care providers at this point is not an option. Thanks to the gd I am risked out of the midwives (I knew this ahead & so decided not to try them at all) & I don't know that there is really an ob that would be better/different than the one I have. I feel pretty good about him but as we know sometimes things can change when you're actually in labour.


Surviving sleep deprivation one day at a time with dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08).

lifeguard is offline  
#4 of 9 Old 08-08-2011, 12:16 PM
 
Snugglebugmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Southern Ontario
Posts: 816
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Funny... I didn't really realize how traumatized I was by my last baby's birth until today when I went to that very same hospital to pre-register. I mentioned to DH how nice everyone was, and he said, very bitterly:"Well yeah, you have healthcare now."

We talked about it for a bit and a whole lot of memories came flooding back, all negative. We were new to this country, DH's native country to be sure, and Arya was born two and a half weeks before her due date. We had only been here for nine days, so hadn't had a chance to get much in order in the sense of healthcare, immigration, and things like that. We were fine with paying out-of-pocket and then being reimbursed later. But we were treated like a couple of leeches that were not planning to stay in Canada but just came over to take advantage of the "free" healthcare. We were referred to as "that American couple" even though we told them that DH was Canadian and I was Dutch, and were generally spoken to very rudely. After I was admitted, which was at midnight, there was no doctor to check me out, in fact I didn't see a doctor until I was already pushing, at 2.30 pm. I was not given the opportunity to labor in the shower, or on a birthing ball, even though they had those amenities as I found out today, I was not encouraged to walk while laboring, I was basically put in a room, they shut the door, and I was ignored. Until I made it clear I wanted an epidural, which my husband had to pay 650 dollars for, in cash, beforehand. And then I had to sign a waiver that I wouldn't sue the anesthesiologist if something went wrong. The whole thing was horrible. It was a dingy, old, unkempt hospital, but that wasn't the worst. The fact that we were treated like second-class citizens, spoken to rudely and in a very derogatory tone, that I was mostly ignored, never even saw a doctor until a nurse paged one because I was pushing, the doctor who started taking the cord blood (without our consent) as soon as the baby was out, and ignored the fact that she developed breathing issues, he never even looked at her, just kept harvesting cord blood... it was all such a miserable experience. I didn't realize until now how little I really remembered, and I have no doubt that I actually blocked it out because I didn't want to deal with it.

 

This time will be different. It will be the same hospital, that can't be helped. But you better believe that I know my rights, and that I will make sure I am treated properly. They may not like me very much by the time I leave, but by God, I will have the treatment I am entitled to! 


~Iris~ Catholic mama to DD1 11/15/05 * DD2 04/28/08 * brokenheart.gif06/23/2010 * and our little rainbow DS 10/07/11 love.gif
 

Snugglebugmom is offline  
#5 of 9 Old 08-10-2011, 09:17 AM
 
frugalmum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 501
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I had a traumatic homebirth so will having a hospital birth.  I've been lucky in that my past 2 hospital births were fine-- actually quite nice and amazing-- but I know that the moment you walk into a hospital as a patient you're spinning the roulette, and basically at the mercy of the mood and competency of whomever is responsible for your care.  So I have a lot of mixed up feelings... I just don't have much faith in the process anymore.  On top of that I got pregnant after a somewhat later term loss (17 wks) so have a tremendous amount of fear, even though I've made it 32 weeks.  I miss the days when I was carefree and had no looming worries about birth!

frugalmum is offline  
#6 of 9 Old 08-10-2011, 06:32 PM
 
starling&diesel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: West Coast, Canada
Posts: 3,821
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)

I was risked out of my planned homebirth last time due to pre-e, which necessitated an induction. 

The labour was great.  The people surrounding and supporting me were great.  My midwives were spectacular.

But, when I delivered my daughter's head, all heck broke loose.  It became apparent that something was compressing the cord. 

The midwives hollered at me to push!  Push!  Push! Get your baby out now! 

She wasn't breathing, and was a terrible, bloated blue limp little thing.

I managed to push her out in a couple of furious pushes, but then she needed aggressive resuscitating, and because the cord ripped (it was wrapped around her ankle), I started to hemorrhage.

It was not the birth I had dreamed of, but it is the birth I had, and I'm fine with that having been my daughter's birth ...

BUT ... as I get closer to having this child, I'm scared of complications during labour and delivery again.  It's rather haunting.  I wonder if it's worse to have a little experience than none at all?

More than traumatizing me, dd's birth forever terrified my partner.  She's so scared this time.  She's terrified that something will go wrong again.  I don't know how to set our hearts at ease, so that we can look forward to this little one's birth, rather than be consumed by fear and trepidation. 

I made the terrible mistake of watching the video of the delivery not long ago ... I shouldn't have. 

 


dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
starling&diesel is online now  
#7 of 9 Old 08-10-2011, 07:10 PM
 
alpenglow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,592
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 73 Post(s)


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Snugglebugmom View Post

Funny... I didn't really realize how traumatized I was by my last baby's birth until today when I went to that very same hospital to pre-register. I mentioned to DH how nice everyone was, and he said, very bitterly:"Well yeah, you have healthcare now."

We talked about it for a bit and a whole lot of memories came flooding back, all negative. We were new to this country, DH's native country to be sure, and Arya was born two and a half weeks before her due date. We had only been here for nine days, so hadn't had a chance to get much in order in the sense of healthcare, immigration, and things like that. We were fine with paying out-of-pocket and then being reimbursed later. But we were treated like a couple of leeches that were not planning to stay in Canada but just came over to take advantage of the "free" healthcare. We were referred to as "that American couple" even though we told them that DH was Canadian and I was Dutch, and were generally spoken to very rudely. After I was admitted, which was at midnight, there was no doctor to check me out, in fact I didn't see a doctor until I was already pushing, at 2.30 pm. I was not given the opportunity to labor in the shower, or on a birthing ball, even though they had those amenities as I found out today, I was not encouraged to walk while laboring, I was basically put in a room, they shut the door, and I was ignored. Until I made it clear I wanted an epidural, which my husband had to pay 650 dollars for, in cash, beforehand. And then I had to sign a waiver that I wouldn't sue the anesthesiologist if something went wrong. The whole thing was horrible. It was a dingy, old, unkempt hospital, but that wasn't the worst. The fact that we were treated like second-class citizens, spoken to rudely and in a very derogatory tone, that I was mostly ignored, never even saw a doctor until a nurse paged one because I was pushing, the doctor who started taking the cord blood (without our consent) as soon as the baby was out, and ignored the fact that she developed breathing issues, he never even looked at her, just kept harvesting cord blood... it was all such a miserable experience. I didn't realize until now how little I really remembered, and I have no doubt that I actually blocked it out because I didn't want to deal with it.

 

This time will be different. It will be the same hospital, that can't be helped. But you better believe that I know my rights, and that I will make sure I am treated properly. They may not like me very much by the time I leave, but by God, I will have the treatment I am entitled to! 


Gosh - as a fellow Canadian I am horrified to hear how you were treated.  So sorry that was your experience!  What an awful sounding hospital.  Please know they're not all like that.  I work in a hospital in BC (am from Ontario though) and we see Americans/tourists all the time and I couldn't imagine seeing anyone treated differently there just because they weren't insured yet.  I guess each province is a bit different (as healthcare is administered by the provinces, not feds).  Best wishes on a more positive experience this time.  Hope you have a different doctor.

 

alpenglow is offline  
#8 of 9 Old 08-13-2011, 09:44 PM
 
corrabelle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 420
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'm a lot more traumatized by my second son's birth than I thought.

I thought I had put it all behind me and moved on...until I attended my younger sister in labour last night, at the same hospital. I saw so many of the same things happening to her that happened to me, and my baby.

Not in the birth itself, but the aftercare. The lack of information, the interventions, the patronization, the inhumanity. (Also an ontario hospital.) I posted the whole story in another thread here in our ddc So I won't repeat the entire story.

But clearly I havn't moved past it. I feel like I need a tranquilizer.

I'm planning a home birth with this one, and i'm reluctant to ever set foot in that hospital again, for anything. I have our other city hospital on the back up plan, not this one. I can't stop shaking i'm so angry right now.

I wasn't dreading childbirth until now. What if for some reason though, I end up back at that horrible hospital again? The thought makes me just about lose my breath.

 

And I have to go back there tomorrow, to be with my sister, and I have to be strong for her. I don't know how to do it. I'm afraid i'll freak out on the nurses and in turn scare my sister more than she already is. Or that I'll be asking questions that she hasn't even thought to ask, or knew that she had permission to ask.


 Mama to Reuben (8) and Zeke (7)fencing.gif and baby girl, Lötte babyf.gif
Illustrator/designer of children's media and rubber stamps.  blogging.jpg

corrabelle is offline  
#9 of 9 Old 08-13-2011, 10:46 PM
 
theboysmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,380
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Snugglebugmom- I love your daughters name.... It is on our short list (dh's favorite) I hadn't seen you use it until now.

As far as birt trauma, my births have all been pretty good. My first was the most traumatic w an emergency transfer but I worked through that w the hypnobirthing fear release and time.
My ds3 was after a very traumatic m/c and my labor stalled at birth bcs of the fear. Then his cord ruptured at birth, he was resuscitated and all turned out well. My midwives handled everything wonderfully but then I ended up w bad ppd and trouble bonding.
My next birth was fine.
This time I am pg after 2 losses again,one of which was at 17 wks. That was mylast birt and I was induced bcs he had died, etc. I am afraid my labor will stall again from fear. I am afraid of losing my baby (and I don't think that fear is going to go away). I am going to do another fear release and I have successfully used my placenta for the ppd so that should help, but just can't help but worry about this baby.
I know this fear isn't the same as a lot of labor/birth fears but I think it goes here.

nicole wild.gif,  mom to 3 boys here on earth jumpers.gif 9, 7 and 4.5 and 2 girl's fly-by-nursing2.gif2.5 and 10/16/11. Always remembering my babies in heaven:  Sam (9/7/05) at 12.5 wks  angel1.gif, Morgan (2/13/06) at 6 wks angel1.gif , Emeric angel2.gif (8/9/10 at 17 wks) and Pepper angel1.gif (11/26/10) at 8wks. 

theboysmama is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off