Who else doesn't have a name yet? (gulp!) DH and I can't agree... - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-06-2011, 10:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So we HAD a name. We had TWO names. One we've loved (which was a miracle, because I tend to like older names, and dh likes new and ever-so-slightly outdated names. (think everyone who was born in the 80s.-all my peers, basically. Those are his favorites. Geez...)

Anyway, the first name we scrapped, because it sounds too much like my name and could be really confusing. (Corraline.)
The second one that we decided on is now popping up everywhere.

I swear, at the beginning of this year I didn't know any other babies with this name, and now I know 10, personally. And that name, dear friends, is Charlotte.
There were 5 birth announcements at the midwife's office this week, all born last week, all named Charlotte.

Gahh! I don't want a weird name, but I would like something that isn't the next number one baby name of the year. (Ok, might not be that close...but still.)

Also, if we DID have a Charlotte, I'd probably call her "Lottie" or something similar, as I've always loved that name. However, dh HATES "lotta", "lotte", "lottie". 
So we aren't sure what to do.

I've come up with another name that I personally LOVE, but he's just kind of "meh" about it.

 In my defense, he's been OVER THE TOP picky about names to the point that I want to smack him. (we went through a book of 5000 baby names and could only semi agree on maybe 4 or 5)
Some of the names that he's come up with are names that my child would only be named over my dead body. This is why I was ok with Charlotte, because it was still an older name that didn't sound like something that someone just made up, but a name that he liked.

We agreed though to find something else after we started hearing of Charlottes popping up all over the place, but now he's leaning back towards it.

I *really* like Eliza, and (completely not on purpose) have been thinking for the last few months in my head that Eliza is the name of this baby. It just grew on me to the point that now it would feel really weird to name her anything else.
 

I want to be fair...but at the same time, I don't know that this matters near as much to him as it does to me.
And-he's already got his mother's middle name as the baby's middle name. (Mae..) so I want to tell him that he's already gotten his say there.


Do I have selfish pregnant brain? 


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Old 09-06-2011, 11:50 PM
 
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Is he at least trying to come up with names that you might agree with. Dh would only suggest crazy names he knew I would hate & wouldn't go through lists of names with me. Finally I said "fine, I'll make a list & then you have to pick at least one from that list". This way I for sure got a name I liked & he felt like he got input (that sounds awful, but you get the idea).

 

I must say I like the name Mae - lots of names could sound nice with that.


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Old 09-07-2011, 12:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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He hasn't been very proactive about picking out names at all. He was being super picky and only suggested a few names...so I MADE him go through the baby name book again-he put down about 12 names total...out of 5000.

I had about 70 and he nixed every one of them-either because he didn't like it, or he knew someone with that name that was either an old lady, or someone he didn't like. I had to explain to him that a LOT of the old lady names are coming back in..they always do. They go through a cycle! I loved my Grandma's name, (Evelyn) but he nixed that one too.

 Then he made the mistake of asking a "friend"...(we had agreed not to tell any of our friends or families the names we liked, because I really don't want their opinion on the names we love...and his friend said that Eliza was awful and Charlotte was great.) Honestly, I don't care what his friends think-it's not their baby, and they're all GUYS. (Lets face it, most guys don't have a lot of taste..)

Can you tell i'm a little steamed up about the whole thing? argh.

 


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Old 09-07-2011, 12:41 AM
 
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Yeah, I can think of two young (one toddler, one 1-year old) Charlottes just off the top of my head. It's definitely an "in" name right now. That alone would turn me off as well, but I would also put my foot down on any nicknames I wanted (that said, Spouse hates names with obvious diminutives so we have that issue.) Asking a friend though is just not on. I'd be steamed too.

 

We too have no name picked out. We each have a list and veto power but the lists aren't getting any shorter.

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Old 09-07-2011, 01:42 AM
 
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For whatever it's worth, I love Charlotte (and am with you on the whole "old name" thing, that's where I come down as well! :)), and at the end of the day it can't be about the dang nickname. All of my kids have long names that could be shortened, but we just don't, and so other people don't. If they want to when they get older, then by all means they can. Just saying, I think the parents' guidance has a lot to do with whether other people shorten a baby's name. When someone tries to shorten one of my kids' names I just say, "Oh, we actually call him xy." You get the point.

 

I also like Eliza -- not that it matters even a whiff what I think -- and, hey, they both work well with Mae, so in that I think you can't lose.

 

I too want my dh to be involved and invested in the name choosing, AND to agree with my choices 100% -- lol. Am I also being unreasonable?

 

He too has pretty much refused to focus on names, and here we are cruising into the final month without an answer. We have one name we both really love but for some reason are unsettled about it. Can't quite choose the middle name in this case, and I think we both would like to have the middle name at least be significant family-wise, and since we can't find the right one there, we're sort of stumped on the whole thing. It's aggravating. With our last, we had two contenders going in and went back and forth at the hospital until it was time to introduce the baby to my MIL and then we decided in a hurry. We made the right call I think but still I would feel SO much better if we knew the name going in. Especially because this is the first time we've ever found out the gender in advance.

 

All of which is to say, I feel your pain and good luck!

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Old 09-07-2011, 02:05 AM
 
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I think Eliza Mae is lovely. 

Lots and lots of Charlottes around here, shortened to Charlie. 

We don't have a name yet either.

I'm not stressed about it though ... if baby needs to remain unnamed for a while, that's fine. 

We've got a list of names we're considering, but nothing that we're sure of yet. 

 


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Old 09-07-2011, 05:27 AM
 
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Oh, I totally feel your pain too!  


When trying to pick DD's name I gave it a huge amount of thought and he casually shot down every single suggestion, including the name we eventually used (and which he loves now)

This time?  I am firmly of the opinion that she who pushes should have the final say over he who refuses to be helpful in the naming process lol.gif

 

I am picking a top two and letting him have a say...and then if his pick agrees with mine we'll use it, haha!  And I'm not discussing middle names until we have a first name.

 

I'm still not really happy with my top choices though, so I'm feeling some anxiety about the whole thing 

 

DD's middle name is Mae and I love it - it goes so nicely with so many name.  Although, I have noticed it becoming more popular in the last couple of years!

 

 


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Old 09-07-2011, 06:15 AM
 
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What's "awful" about Eliza?! Such a cool name. (DH makes fun of me, because I like names that sound "cool" lol). We aren't in quite the same boat anymore, but the name we've tentatively chosen (one of DH's suggestions) has done the opposite of grow on me. Also--no way would I ask a "friend" about name choices. Out of line!


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Old 09-07-2011, 07:29 AM
 
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We totally don't have a name, or even a glimmer of a name.  We have a list of names we're both sort of eh on.   DH has a name he's selling, but I'm pretty sure: (a) he's kidding, (b) knows it's not workable, and (c) is sticking to it so he doesn't have to come up with actual suggestions.  I'm actually ok with that, because I don't have any actual suggestions either.  Wanna know what it is?  Willoughby.   We're having a girl.  No offense if that's your child's name, it's just very, very long and our last name is already 11 letters.  And it breaks all of our naming rules (e.g. no nicknames, 1-2 syllables, try to name after someone, good meaning).

 

Oh, and I love Eliza.  And Charlotte, but Eliza's better.  And Mae is on our list too (but first name only)-- so I like that one as well!

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Old 09-07-2011, 07:54 AM
 
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We had two names, still have them actually, that we are considering. I am now at the point where I really don't like either anymore, but can't think of anything better. The first one is William, which is a big deal to DH but I feel meh about it, and the second one is Théoden. It's not that I dislike the name Théoden, it's that I feel bad sticking the kid with a name that he will always have to spell out, and explain to people how to pronounce it, and probably won't be able to pronounce himself until he's six years old. Ugh, I hate the name game! All this to say: I feel your pain and wish I could offer you the magic old-yet-new name that both you and your DH will love. How about Evangeline?


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Old 09-07-2011, 08:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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PHEW! Ok. So i'm not the only one! And I don't feal so unreasonable now.
What really bugs me, is that out of all the names he did like, Eliza was one of his "ok, I could do that, it's not so bad" names. It was the only name that he liked almost as much as Charlotte. So I was getting set on it...until he started wanting to go back to charlotte.

A tiny portion of my feeling of guilt is that this is his first "baby". He's been my boys' Dad since they were itty bitty, but he wasn't there when they were named. (And yeah...I named them...)

He came home from work last week and told me that "the ladies at work say that since I didn't get to name the first two, I should get to name this one". Bah.
But, he does love my boys' names and even admitted that he would have agreed on those.
 

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Originally Posted by Katico View Post

This time?  I am firmly of the opinion that she who pushes should have the final say over he who refuses to be helpful in the naming process lol.gif

 

This is kinda sorta what I'm thinkin'! Seriously. And again, like I said earlier, I have a feeling that this isn't near as important to him as it is to me! I know that if  I do let him have his way, in 5 years when i'm still bitter about it, he'll be like "oh, it didn't really matter. If I'd known it was that important I would have just let you name her"...because honestly he doesn't seem to care THAT much about picking out a name. We've had 35 weeks and he hasn't been very helpful at all. And, we've known the gender since June. He was a bit more helpful when he thought that we might be having a boy-he seemed to care a lot more about the name then. (He wanted "max", and I was just going to let him have it, since I didn't mind it, and he seemed to really love it.) But now that it's a girl, he doesn't seem to be as helpful in the situation. Not that he isn't excited..but honestly, he's a man's man and has no clue what "taste" is. I'd list off the names he's picked that I hate...but I don't want to offend anyone, just in case;) 

As for nicknames, My kids nicknames really have nothing to do with their actual names!
We have a little tradition in our family-the grandma (used to be my Grandma that did it with us, now its my mom that does it with our kids) makes a nickname that she calls her grandchildren. They're just goofy, but sweet little pet names. (Like mine, Corrabelle!-Grandma came up with that one, and it stuck! Although it is really close to my actual name. I'm an exception to the rule I suppose.)

For my son, Reuben, mom was there when he was born, and said "whoah, you're a chubby bubby!"-so he got Bubby-and it suits him. Now we've sort of just shortened it to bubbs, since h'es 8, or bubba. Obviously we don't always call him that...but it's mom's little name for him, and people who have known him since infancy still call him that.

Zeke got "punky" (he was born with a sweet, perfect little mohawk) and eventually got "doodle" added to it, so "Punky doodle". So silly, but it suited him too, a silly little guy.
and she makes up silly little songs for each kid...my nieces and nephews etc. I love it.
But like I said, these have nothing to do with their actual names, it's kind of funny!

But, I like the nick names that could come from Eliza as well-like Ellie, Elle, Liza, Ellie mae?haha!


Here are a few of the names that he's vetoed that I loved  (tear!)

Emelia

Cecily/Cecillia

Abeline (a sweet town near where im from in Kansas, but also a hebrew name, means "the meadow")-he nixed it because he doesn't like "abby".geez.

Lorelei

Lily/Lillian

Lucy/Lucille

Laramie
Isla

Amalie
Etta
Evelyn
Wren

Aurora

Millicent

Matilda

Adeline

Cassidy

Calliope

Laela/Leila

Moriah

Senorah

Virginia

Emmalyne

Audrey

Anneliese

...and those are jsut a few:(

 


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Old 09-07-2011, 09:42 AM
 
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Our boy name was picked ages ago, but we were never able to settle on a girl name so I'm crossing my fingers that both ultrasounds were right!

Ok, actually, we picked a girl name, then realized it was near identical to my 11yo cousin's name (one extra consonant, same middle). However, I'll offer it for stealing - Kelsey. I like names that are common enough not to be mispronounced or difficult to spell, but uncommon enough that there aren't three of them in each grade. I think Kelsey was I'n the 200-300 rankings for popularity last year (I checked the Social Security website religiously while picking names).

We have about three other backup boy names, but just cannot agree on a girl name for anything. Too much of "Everyone with that name is ugly," or "only skanks are named that," or "No, there are hundreds of those." I feel for ya!

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Old 09-07-2011, 10:18 AM
 
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I'm so glad we're not the only ones without a name!  Unfortunatley, we don't even have names that we're fighting over... we just don't even really have names, period!  Actually, that is not totally true, there is one name (for a girl) that we've both put on our lists a few times.  We're looking at West African names, in honor of DH's roots (and his name as well).  I'm definitely not worried about there being hundreds of other _________s (whatever name we choose), but we definitely need a name that is pronouncable!

 

This past weekend while I was on a Bachlorette party hike, DH's job was to look at the book and make a list of names (again, we're looking at African names, and the meaning is important).  So what does DH do?  He goes to the appendix in the back of the book where they list the names by meaning, and he gives me a list of meanings.  No names, just meanings- he said I could look them up.  So, I get a list with Beloved, from God, Wise, Noble etc.  What am I supposed to do with that?  However, many of the African names do have really odd meanings... like "born after a wild boar killed the father," or "ugly child" or "second born after twins" etc.  So the meaning is definitely worth considering, but how am I supposed to pick a name without knowing what the name even is?!?!?


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Old 09-07-2011, 11:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Amy May View Post

I'm so glad we're not the only ones without a name!  Unfortunatley, we don't even have names that we're fighting over... we just don't even really have names, period!  Actually, that is not totally true, there is one name (for a girl) that we've both put on our lists a few times.  We're looking at West African names, in honor of DH's roots (and his name as well).  I'm definitely not worried about there being hundreds of other _________s (whatever name we choose), but we definitely need a name that is pronouncable!

 

This past weekend while I was on a Bachlorette party hike, DH's job was to look at the book and make a list of names (again, we're looking at African names, and the meaning is important).  So what does DH do?  He goes to the appendix in the back of the book where they list the names by meaning, and he gives me a list of meanings.  No names, just meanings- he said I could look them up.  So, I get a list with Beloved, from God, Wise, Noble etc.  What am I supposed to do with that?  However, many of the African names do have really odd meanings... like "born after a wild boar killed the father," or "ugly child" or "second born after twins" etc.  So the meaning is definitely worth considering, but how am I supposed to pick a name without knowing what the name even is?!?!?



haha, oh Amy, that sounds so confusing!
A lot of my family is native on my mother's side (cherokee) and oh my goodness, some of the names in our family geneology are way out there. They're like you describe-weird meanings etc.
And they got even weirder once they started marrying into english families. They would keep the meanings, but drop the cherokee language...so we seriously have family in our history with names like "Thankful", "Claimed by Sister" (abandoned cherokee child, found, and claimed by the oldest sister in the family..) things like that. They're a riot.

OR, the hillbilly side of the family, who had names that the pronounced so strangely that they even started to spell them the way that they were pronounced.
Like a cousin, named "violet". They didn't pronounce it that way though, heck no, that would be too easy. She was "viler" (v-eye-ler).
 

Even my son's middle name has a really weird story. I loved the name of my great uncle...only unfortunately, i could find this baby name no where. No meaning, nothing. I didn't even know if they had just made it up or not. (apparently it's danish.) They spelled it "eiler" which doesn't look near as pretty as it's pronounced..so I changed it to Aelor. (Long A, -ler). I later learned, just last year, that the reason I couldn't find it was because they weren't even pronouncing it the way it was supposed to be pronounced. I finally stumbled upon it and put it together. The name is SUPPOSED to be "Eijlert". (eye-lert) Oh well, too late now! And I like the pronunciation better the way we did it. hah.

 


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Old 09-07-2011, 12:10 PM
 
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We don't have a name, yet.  And I suspect we won't have one until baby is born.   Right now dh really likes Sarah and I'm not opposed to it.   Her second name will be Arlene.  

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Old 09-07-2011, 12:15 PM
 
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No name here either.  We've got kind of the same dynamic where DH shoots everything down but doesn't come up with any suggestions himself.  We're also in an interracial marriage and trying (if possible) to come up with a name that would fly in both cultures.  Sigh.


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Old 09-07-2011, 12:36 PM
 
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I haven't told anyone "the name" yet, but why not, since I know you won't tell anyone! I like it, it's Iona, a lovely name and a lovely island off the coast of Scotland that means a lot to my DH. Problem being...it also sounds like "I own a" and then fill in the blank...Iona Yacht, Iona Toyota, Iona Lotta Toys. When I first agreed to it tentatively DH was PSYCHED and then we started talking middle names which was when I started making all those cracks. We laughed, but now it just might bug me. I don't know yet.

 

Amy, sounds SO funny, yet definitely frustrating. :)


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Old 09-07-2011, 12:41 PM
 
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We have nothing and boy am I glad we're not alone.

 

I have one set that I like but am not sure if it's the one.  DH is stuck on the only name he hasn't completely hated and now I can't stand it.  I "know" that it is not right for baby, but I have no other alternatives in mind either.  DS's name was almost completely picked/dictated by DH's family's traditions and I put my foot down saying I was getting final anything on this one so DH has been falling over himself to help me find anything other than our one pick a piece. irked.gif

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Old 09-07-2011, 12:44 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RosemaryS-F View Post

I haven't told anyone "the name" yet, but why not, since I know you won't tell anyone! I like it, it's Iona, a lovely name and a lovely island off the coast of Scotland that means a lot to my DH. Problem being...it also sounds like "I own a" and then fill in the blank...Iona Yacht, Iona Toyota, Iona Lotta Toys. When I first agreed to it tentatively DH was PSYCHED and then we started talking middle names which was when I started making all those cracks. We laughed, but now it just might bug me. I don't know yet.

 

Amy, sounds SO funny, yet definitely frustrating. :)


This reminds me of a story my grandmother told me of one of the old ministers from home.  Back in the 30's, when she was a child, Reverand Hoare chose a wife and married her....and she became Ima Hoare.  No lie.  biglaugh.gif

 

 

 


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Old 09-07-2011, 01:02 PM
 
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we have no name yet, barely even talked about it.. the family names I like, Else, Vera and Matilda DH seems really uninterested in.

and, if its a boy, even worse b.c neither of us have names picked out at all!

I do know a baby Charolotte. Love the name but I think you might be right about its impending popularity.

 

FWIW we named DS when he was 4 days old, a name I think DH "knew" he wanted but I hadn't even heard, and we named DD when she was 2 weeks old, the name I "knew" was her name from when I was pregnant, but DH didn't like it. I wore him down though, and now, of course, he loves it- its his sweet girl's name, after all.

 

 


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Old 09-07-2011, 01:14 PM
 
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I really like the name Vera!  My big problem is that so many of the names I love sound rhyme-y with DD's name, Lila.  All those sweet one syllable, ending with an 'a' names just make it seem like we're trying to be all precious and match their names


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Old 09-07-2011, 02:54 PM
 
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No name yet here either. We have 4 names that we both like but can't decide on. Throw in the middle name conundrum and we really don't know! It's really bugging me but DH is totally unfazed by it.  One of the names I'm totally in love with but really don't like its obvious nickname. It's my grandmother's name and I'd like to use it but DH and I can't really shake the nickname. It may end up as a middle name but then I sort of feel like I'm "wasting" it. Ugh! I wish we had it down to at least 2.


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Old 09-07-2011, 02:59 PM
 
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No names, no list. LOL We got time.

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Old 09-07-2011, 03:27 PM
 
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Rosemary ... I love, love, love, love the name Iona.  I've been to the island, and fell in love with it, and always hoped to name my daughter Iona, but dp solidly shot it down.  I wanted to name this child Skye ... another island in Scotland, where my family is from, as it happens.  That got shot down too.  Bah.


 

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Originally Posted by RosemaryS-F View Post

I haven't told anyone "the name" yet, but why not, since I know you won't tell anyone! I like it, it's Iona, a lovely name and a lovely island off the coast of Scotland that means a lot to my DH. Problem being...it also sounds like "I own a" and then fill in the blank...Iona Yacht, Iona Toyota, Iona Lotta Toys. When I first agreed to it tentatively DH was PSYCHED and then we started talking middle names which was when I started making all those cracks. We laughed, but now it just might bug me. I don't know yet.

 

Amy, sounds SO funny, yet definitely frustrating. :)



 


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Old 09-07-2011, 03:34 PM
 
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We have a list of 6 first names that we like (middle name is already picked and won't be changed). One name on that list we both really like so will likely be used, unless it doesn't feel right when the baby is born. But the name isn't set in stone and could be changed for one of the others on the list at any time winky.gif We refer to the baby as "Sunburst" and will until he's born. We don't tell anyone else the name (or potential names) so we don't really have to worry about other peoples opinions.


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Old 09-07-2011, 03:39 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Amy May View Post

This past weekend while I was on a Bachlorette party hike, DH's job was to look at the book and make a list of names (again, we're looking at African names, and the meaning is important).  So what does DH do?  He goes to the appendix in the back of the book where they list the names by meaning, and he gives me a list of meanings.  No names, just meanings- he said I could look them up.  So, I get a list with Beloved, from God, Wise, Noble etc.  What am I supposed to do with that?  However, many of the African names do have really odd meanings... like "born after a wild boar killed the father," or "ugly child" or "second born after twins" etc.  So the meaning is definitely worth considering, but how am I supposed to pick a name without knowing what the name even is?!?!?


Try this link! You should be able to put in the meaning, gender and origin and it will pop out some names. Might help narrow down what your dh was thinking at the time winky.gif

 


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Old 09-07-2011, 04:09 PM
 
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Yup, no name here either!  It really bothers me.  I have this squirmy, alive BEING in my belly, and I can't even call it something aside from "baby"! 

We've got the same problem of me being pretty gung-ho on the working on names thing, but DH not really putting forward his own suggestions, and just shooting all mine down.  I've got a much-too-long list of names I'm sort of okay with, but not in love with.  There is one name I LOVE right now (Milo), but DH just will not get on board.  And since I settled on Milo, and realized the reason I like it is because it's essentially unique enough that I've never known another Milo to exist, but still easy to spell/recognize as boy, etc., I've been trying to gauge DH's feelings on other names that I *might* like with the same sort of criteria, but he's basically LAUGHING at all of them and sure that I'm giving him crazy suggestions so that he'll settle on Milo with me.  (Silas, Forest, Echo, Ender, Percy, Eldacar, Journey...)  I mean, they're not crazy names.  They're unusual, but not crazy!!  I've got all my relatives on Facebook trying to give me suggestions that fit the bill, too, but none of them feel good.  I'm going crazy!!!  I just want this baby to at least have a couple solid OPTIONS by the time he's born, you know?  I don't want to still be flipping through the name books after he's already here!


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Old 09-07-2011, 04:57 PM
 
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We are going back and forth between Calvin and Charles...or maybe Graham.  Can't seem to get excited about any of these names.  I like Charles best but it's one of my father's middle names, and I don't really want the baby named after my father.  Dh prefers Calvin but I can't quite love it.  I like Graham because our last name starts with a G and I like the alliteration, but dh doesn't love it.  Also on the table: Paul, Philip, Soren.  Argh!  Can't put this off forever, much as dh and I try!


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Old 09-07-2011, 05:02 PM
 
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I really like the name Graham, it is my top boy name!

 

What does everyone think of Myra?  Honestly,  is it too harsh?  I just added it to my top runners but I'm not sure.

 

The list as it stands:  Ada, Norah, Clare, Myra.  Middle name - either Ruth or Kate


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Old 09-07-2011, 05:11 PM
 
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that is a problem for us if we have a boy... DS's name is 2 syllables and ends in "er" but that makes it "rhymy" with Arthur, Caspar, oh, I can't think of them now but a lot of good 2-syllable boys names end with a similar sound. DD's name is less like that, none of the ones we've even mentioned sound anything like hers. I've thought of Walter (would make our sons named after DHs two grandfathers though... but both were very kind men who were really involved with DH whose dad is not so kind) and Tobias for a boy. Don't love either of them though. Actually, just typing this I realized that "Toby" would be pretty "matchy" with DD's name though. Hmm. Not so bad when its boy/girl siblings? 
 

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Originally Posted by Katico View Post

I really like the name Vera!  My big problem is that so many of the names I love sound rhyme-y with DD's name, Lila.  All those sweet one syllable, ending with an 'a' names just make it seem like we're trying to be all precious and match their names

 

But glad someone else likes Vera! I think its a really good name but not sure DH will go for it.

 

I am not really stressing. I don't need to name baby ahead of time. We are planning a HB so there isn't a big time crunch once baby is born- not like the hospital where they were breathing down our neck for not naming our son quickly enough.

 


 

 


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