Perfect storm of horribleness (long, sorry) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 18 Old 10-08-2011, 08:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm afraid this isn't anything more than a really sad venting.  There's no one who can tell me what to do, or give advice, or anything.  I have to get through it on my own.  But I had to get it out. 

 

I have nearly 16 year old husky that I have had for 15 years.  She was a rescue, and she is fear aggressive due to her past abuse.  We had over ten amazing years, but now that she is old she is getting snappy again.  I had been planning to put her down a couple weeks before my due date, but she was still so full of life that I couldn't do it.  I couldn't have my daughter's birth and my dog's death be part of the same event.

 

For the last week or so, I have been noticing that her legs were a little weaker.  She still seemed ok otherwise, though.  I thought about putting her down, but the first complication is that someone is renting our house right now.  Sounds odd, but we don't own the house we live in.  Our house is 3 hours away in Acadia, where I lived until I lost my job (the school I worked at closed) and had to move.  We have kept the house by renting it out by the week in the summer, and we managed to actually rent a week in October, which with me on maternity leave and not getting paid sounded like a godsend.  I want to bury her up there, so I figured we'd wait until they left on the 15th and see how Janie (my dog) was doing then. 

 

I am currently 41 weeks pregnant.  I've been having some contractions, but as of yesterday cervix is high, closed, and posterior.  We have an ultrasound Tuesday morning.  My parents are on call to come watch the dog.

 

Last night Janie fell down the one step into our yard.  She must have hurt herself, because she continued to fall all night long.  Neither dh nor I got any sleep, because she kept having so much trouble.  You can't just pick her up though - she's not in pain, we don't think, because we've been managing that with meds pretty successfully.  But not being able to get up is really scary, and she's a fear aggressive dog, so she tries to bite us whenever we try to help her get up.

 

All of this happened on the Friday night of a holiday weekend.  The vet is closed until Tuesday, and I really don't want to take her to the emergency room.  We'd have to get her into the car somehow, and then she would die in fear at the hands of humans.  Given her first year of life, I had always planned on having her put down at home.  I even found a vet that does home visits, but of course, she's closed.  And even if I do manage to get her put down, I can't bury her, because there's people at our house.  I can deal with that, I can cremate her, but I am really struggling with the idea of the emergency room, and even if I could deal with that, I don't know how I would get here there.

 

I can deal with getting her through till Tuesday.  But will Izzy wait that long to make her appearance?  I am really afraid that I will be exhausted and overwrought and it will affect my labor.  My doula said that if I haven't slept the night before labor that I might have to have an epidural, which I really don't want (besides everything else about them, I just have a fear of anything in my spine).  I am worried that I will enter labor exhausted and end up with a C/S.  The doula also suggested that the reason my cervix is so closed is because I am so preoccupied with making sure the dog is ok that my body is too tense to give birth.  Which, unfortunately, makes sense to me.

 

I know a lot of people would say that Janie is "just a dog," and that I should just put her down right now, emergency room or not.  I wish it was that easy.  Janie was my lifeline through some pretty dark times in my life, and she might be "just a dog" but I owe her a peaceful death.


Cristina, mama to Isabel.  knit.gif Oh how I miss knitting.  And sleeping.  I miss sleeping.

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#2 of 18 Old 10-08-2011, 09:01 AM
 
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Not sure what to say but big hugs to you.  I hope you can find a way to keep her comfortable until the end.  hug2.gif

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#3 of 18 Old 10-08-2011, 09:13 AM
 
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I'm sorry.  I don't really know what to say or what I would do either. Is there anyway you could get some sort of medicine to relax her enough that a trip to the ER wouldn't be so stressful?  Maybe if you called them and told them your situation, they'd be able to give you something for her?

 

A friend of mine just went through something similar with her cat this summer and then her dog just a few days ago, and I know it's been really hard on her.

 

Whatever you decide to do, I'm wishing for peace for you, your DH, and doggie.


Amanda- mama to Lincoln 1/09 and expecting #2 10/11!
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#4 of 18 Old 10-08-2011, 09:21 AM
 
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my dog of almost 17 yrs just died in april. He was a min. poodle and had been a gift from my father after my mother died when I was 19. He had been through 2 marriages a divorce, 5 births, etc. He was my lifeline. Same thing happened, his legs just gave out. I had to take him out every couple hours to use the bathroom bcs he couldn't walk. People thought we were being cruel but we thought he should go on his own. He took his last breath while being cuddled after a bath. Sorry that you are having to deal with that decision on top of your upcoming birth. Hang in there mama.


nicole wild.gif,  mom to 3 boys here on earth jumpers.gif 9, 7 and 4.5 and 2 girl's fly-by-nursing2.gif2.5 and 10/16/11. Always remembering my babies in heaven:  Sam (9/7/05) at 12.5 wks  angel1.gif, Morgan (2/13/06) at 6 wks angel1.gif , Emeric angel2.gif (8/9/10 at 17 wks) and Pepper angel1.gif (11/26/10) at 8wks. 

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#5 of 18 Old 10-08-2011, 10:42 AM
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Oh, that's so tough. I hope you can find a way to help her have a peaceful death. She sounds like a really special dog. hug.gif


professor & maman de DS1 (6) & DS2 (1)

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#6 of 18 Old 10-08-2011, 10:45 AM
 
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hug2.gif

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#7 of 18 Old 10-08-2011, 11:15 AM
 
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So sorry. Hope you can find a peaceful resolution.


SAHM to Abraham (9) Gillian (5) Adrienne (3) and baby boy coming in October! 

Always missing our Gianna, lost during fullterm labor (8/23/04)
Sticking together through the good and the bad with dh of 10 yrs!

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#8 of 18 Old 10-08-2011, 11:44 AM
 
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I'm so sorry you're going through this.  Dogs can be such great friends.  It sounds like you're an amazing human to an amazing dog.  I'm really glad Janie has someone looking out for her with such tenderness, no matter what ends up happening.  hug2.gif


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#9 of 18 Old 10-08-2011, 11:50 AM
 
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I'm so sorry. This is a really difficult situation. Is there any chance that your vet's answering service can get a message to her this weekend? She may be able to come out or at least talk to you with some suggestions for helping Janie to relax and be more comfortable over the weekend.

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#10 of 18 Old 10-08-2011, 12:02 PM
 
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What a tough, sad, stressful situation greensad.gif.  It sounds like it's probably unlikely that you'll go into labor while you're so preoccupied and stressed about your dog....but the not knowing for sure is bound to add more stress.  I completely understand about wanting her to stay at home...that was my plan with my kitty (my "baby" for 11 years)...although she ended up passing on her own without the vet coming to administer the "put to sleep" medication.  She was a chronic renal failure kitty and we treated her for about 3.5 years...it's a very "high-maintenance" disease and as much as I got used to all the things we had to do for her each day, I think that it was enough of a stressor that it played a role in our struggling to get pregnant the first time.  I got pregnant with DS the very first cycle I had after she passed. 

 

I know it's hard to do, but try not to obsess over the idea of not getting enough sleep and ending up needing an epidural...worrying about it is bound to make sleeping harder.  Maybe try some homeopathic Calms Forte for you.

 

I hope that Janie is able to pass on peacefully at home and that you able to have the birth you want, too.


Teacher until birth of DS (7-27-08)blowkiss.gifand now DD (10-17-11)femalesling.GIF:, now SAHM, wife to my wonderful hard-working DH.   cd.gifnocirc.gifselectivevax.gif

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#11 of 18 Old 10-08-2011, 12:08 PM
 
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So sorry to hear this. I hope that you and Janie can find peace through this.

 

And as for feeling fear that this will affect your labor: try to let go of that. These are things not in your control, and babies certainly don't always wait for convenient life moments to appear. Women have birthed in all sorts of conditions and under all sorts of stresses, and it does not automatically lead to problems in labor or birth. Your doula might be right on both counts, or not.
 

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Originally Posted by Izzybelly View Post

 

I can deal with getting her through till Tuesday.  But will Izzy wait that long to make her appearance?  I am really afraid that I will be exhausted and overwrought and it will affect my labor.  My doula said that if I haven't slept the night before labor that I might have to have an epidural, which I really don't want (besides everything else about them, I just have a fear of anything in my spine).  I am worried that I will enter labor exhausted and end up with a C/S.  The doula also suggested that the reason my cervix is so closed is because I am so preoccupied with making sure the dog is ok that my body is too tense to give birth.  Which, unfortunately, makes sense to me.



 


dissertating mom to three

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#12 of 18 Old 10-08-2011, 02:19 PM
 
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I'm so sorry, Izzy.  Dogs can hold such a huge place in our lives and hearts.  I don't believe there is such thing as "just a dog", it must be incredibly trying to both grieve for your companion and prepare yourself for your little one.  Thinking of all of you.


Social working mommy to babygirl.gif 10/10/11, three cats, and a dog.

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#13 of 18 Old 10-08-2011, 06:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone.  She had a peaceful day today but fell again in the afternoon.  She is fighting death like crazy and unfortunately seems to be blaming it all on us.  We spent the day calling emergency clinics to see if anyone would come to the house to put her down... not so much.  So she is still with us, and probably will be till Tuesday.  I have my 42 week ultrasound on Tuesday morning, so I think it will help to hear that Isabel is doing well in there.  I am having contractions, but they're mild, and given my silly posterior cervix, I think I won't go into labor before then.

 

Emma, yes, thank you, I am holding onto that idea a lot - women have given birth under all sorts of extraordinary circumstances, and this is mild compared with what a lot of people go through.

 

 


Cristina, mama to Isabel.  knit.gif Oh how I miss knitting.  And sleeping.  I miss sleeping.

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#14 of 18 Old 10-08-2011, 06:48 PM
 
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I am so sorry to hear about your girl.  it is so hard to watch them go through this and decide what is the right thing to do.  I hope she goes peacfully at home.  It sounds like that is what will be best for her. 


Awesome vegan mom to wolverine babyf.gif11/11 and sabertooth 11/13 and partner to a drum.gifwe also have dog2.gif

 

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#15 of 18 Old 10-08-2011, 07:41 PM
 
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So sorry Izzybelly--- this is a terrible thing to have happen anytime, but especially right now.  You have my thoughts and prayers. 

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#16 of 18 Old 10-08-2011, 07:49 PM
 
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Aww, Izzybelly. I know what you're going through. We just said goodbye to our german shepherd two weeks ago. We'd had him since I was 10 and it was heartbreaking for the whole family. He got snappy too, and he was in a lot of pain. We were able to find a vet to come out to the house, but I can imagine what a terrible decision it must be to not have that option for a while. We, too, didn't want to take him to the clinic because we knew how much it would scare him.

 

I truly hope you find the best way to say goodbye to your dear pet. Your body will bring your baby to you when it's time--and I definitely think that the stress from this situation could keep it from happening. No matter what happens, I hope for the sweetest goodbye to your pup and the most joyful possible hello for your little girl.


Mom to Eli babyboy.gif 10/18/11 and loving wife to Derrin. heartbeat.gif 

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#17 of 18 Old 10-08-2011, 09:06 PM
 
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So sorry to hear.  hug2.gif  Losing a pet that has been with you so long- this isn't 'just a dog', this is part of your family.  I hope she passes peacefully at home.

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#18 of 18 Old 10-09-2011, 06:19 AM
 
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I'm so sorry. Losing a pet is such a hard thing, and having to work out all the details yourself must make it even harder. ((hugs))


Nicole treehugger.gif  Busy with my two boys.jog.gifdiaper.gif  The 'big boy' too. peace.gifOh, and a sweet baby girl, born at home in October. love.gif

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