Jaspers here, emergency c-section and in the NICU :( - Page 6 - Mothering Forums

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#151 of 167 Old 11-01-2011, 10:04 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Veronika01 View Post

Sweetie, don't get hung up on your boobs. Your boobs are fine. How do I know? Because I have the same boobs. They are large and floppy and they point south all the way. They need to be held with one hand or they suffocate my poor baby.

nak

 

Same here! And I'm on my third breastfed baby. You can do it too!


~Iris~ Catholic mama to DD1 11/15/05 * DD2 04/28/08 * brokenheart.gif06/23/2010 * and our little rainbow DS 10/07/11 love.gif
 

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#152 of 167 Old 11-01-2011, 05:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Im trying, and I appreciate all the encouragement so much.

 

Im just so terrified of how frustrated we both get, he gets mad that he is hungry and I get mad that my body is not doing what its supossed to and then I end up giving up.

 

What more is I lost my nipple shield (seriously, they are soooo hard to see!!) and no cash to get a new one for a few more days, breastfeeding without one is freaking impossible it would seem.

 

I tried today for 5 minutes and ended up in a sobbing fit and had to hand Jasper to my husband for a bottle.

 

I hate my body so much.

 

Jasper has been a grouchy baby last night and today, I thought it was gas but now Im not sure.

 

He is eating every hour to hour and a half and only about an ounce to two ounces at a time and he wont let me put him down :(

 

I was up with him last night from midnight until 7am when my husband got home from work and took him from me and let me nap for a few hours.

 

Im am praying that does not happen again tonight.

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#153 of 167 Old 11-03-2011, 09:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok, seriously...Im going FUCKING INSANE!!

 

This kid is inconsolable and I dont know what to do.

 

He went from eating 4 ounces every 4-5 hours in the NICU to wanting to eat every 45 mins-1 1/2 hours during the day and eating MAYBE an ounce at a time before falling asleep/refusing the bottle.

 

Night time is a little better, he will go 2 hours.

 

But the problem is because of this I do not have time to pump for a solid 15-20 minutes and my supply is taking a fucking nose dive...I finally cracked last night, I fed him, laid him down and as soon as I got the pump going he started screaming.

 

I didnt know what else to do so I closed the door and let him cry....while I cried on the pump for 20 minutes.

 

I felt so awful, he fell asleep after about a minute or two of solid wailing.

 

Im so fucking horrible.

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#154 of 167 Old 11-03-2011, 10:01 AM
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OK, Dragonfly, a little tough love here. You have to give yourself a break. This self-flagellation serves no purpose.

 

You are NOT horrible. Letting your baby cry for a few minutes while you get something else done (be that pumping, going to the bathroom, tending to another child, or getting yourself something to eat and drink) is totally OK. And in your case, for goodness' sake, he fell asleep after a minute or two! He was clearly tired and didn't know how to get to sleep.

 

FYI, after a very fussy morning, I let my baby cry in our hotel room when I absolutely had to get packed to leave, and the same thing happened. After trying unsuccessfully to get him to sleep for an hour and a half, when I finally let him cry for a minute or two, he fell asleep and slept soundly until we got to the airport.

 

You are doing a GREAT job. You are putting in tons of effort to care for Jasper. But you are not superwoman. You can't be in three places at once. You need sleep. Taking care of Jasper includes protecting your mental health. You need to be able to do your best, and then let the rest go. Accepting one's own imperfection is a fundamental part of parenting.


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#155 of 167 Old 11-03-2011, 05:19 PM
 
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hug2.gif

 

You're not horrible.  You have a lot on your plate right now.  Is there any way you can get more help? 

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#156 of 167 Old 11-04-2011, 06:21 AM
 
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nak

 

Ditto what ~pi said. Listen to her, honey, she's right.

I think the continual need to be latched on is Jasper's way to build up his trust in you and his bond with you. It's deathly tiring, I know... but it serves a purpose. He needs some time to get attached.

Walking away for a few minutes is perfectly okay, and sometimes it is vital in order to preserve your sanity.


~Iris~ Catholic mama to DD1 11/15/05 * DD2 04/28/08 * brokenheart.gif06/23/2010 * and our little rainbow DS 10/07/11 love.gif
 

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#157 of 167 Old 11-04-2011, 09:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Snugglebugmom View Post

nak

 

Ditto what ~pi said. Listen to her, honey, she's right.

I think the continual need to be latched on is Jasper's way to build up his trust in you and his bond with you. It's deathly tiring, I know... but it serves a purpose. He needs some time to get attached.

Walking away for a few minutes is perfectly okay, and sometimes it is vital in order to preserve your sanity.



We actually have not really breastfed since being home, I tried twice, two days in a row and then kind of...well...I gave up...its so stressful.

 

Then my husband lost my nipple shield in the disposal so Im waiting on a new one to come in the mail before we try again.

 

I have however found something that helps console him when he is fussy/gassy.

 

When I was pregnant I used to lay my cellphone on my tummy and play music, It just occured to me last night to try playing some of the songs for him and he totally reacted to it!!

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#158 of 167 Old 11-04-2011, 09:08 AM
 
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yes to what others are saying. sometimes babies are crying. you are alone with him and have to do other things. I've got 3 kids... when I'm alone with them, seriously sometimes it feels like at least one of the three kids is crying at any given moment. I mean, most of the time its not like that, but there have been some days... and the little one is only a week old, so I imagine there will be many more of these to come. With both my older kids, there were periods of their lives where they just screamed as I made dinner or took a shower or something else that really, I needed to do. I remember having my daughter in the moby while she screamed bloody murder, and I sobbed, making dinner for my 4yo son. Not my greatest moments as a mom, for sure, but it passed, and everyone survived.

 

As for the constant nursing- any chance its a growth spurt? They typically have them at 5 days, 2 weeks, etc. Day or two of really increased nursing. And true, he may also just really be needing to bond and connect with you right now.

 

And if there is any help on offer (friends? family?) just accept it. Whatever it is. Even just some sympathetic company.


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#159 of 167 Old 11-05-2011, 09:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you guys for everything, I feel so bad that I broke down like that but the lack of sleep was really starting to take its toll on me.

 

 

The past few nights have really improved, he has started going 3-4 hours at night and Im able to pump and then do a dream feed most times.

 

 

We have been starting to get on each others schedules again and its nice, Im thinking it was a growth spurt because he has changed so quick.

 

Still no luck with breastfeeding, I got another breast shield from WIC though and I need to get my butt in gear and start working on it...Im just so unsure as to how to go about it.

 

Do I try before or after pumping?

 

Here...have a "Im a horrible mom" picture :

 

 

Diabetus.jpg

Husband says he looks like the Pringles guy...but I think he is channeling Wildred Brimley...you know..the "Diabetus testing supply" guy :D

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#160 of 167 Old 11-06-2011, 08:22 AM
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Dragonfly, you sound so much better. I'm so, so glad things are starting to improve a little for you.

 

I love the 'stache shot, too. Just in time for Movember. :-)

 

As for breastfeeding, when we were weaning DS1 off supplements and the SNS, I had the best luck breastfeeding him when he was hungry but not yet upset about it. This seemed to happen most often when he was sleeping. It was exhausting and felt at the time like it was never going to end, but looking back, it really didn't take that long (a couple of weeks.) If you don't have easy access to an LC, try calling your local LLL leaders. They can be really great help, and they are volunteers so it won't cost anything.

 

ETA: The routine recommended for me was breastfeed, then pump.


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#161 of 167 Old 11-06-2011, 04:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We are doing better for the most part, still not feeling optimistic about breastfeeding and little man has decided that during the day, no matter what I do, he is going to be pissed everytime I set him down so I can pump.

 

It doesnt matter if I just fed him,changed him, if he is sleeping at the time...whatever...if I go to pump he is whining within 5 minutes and because I cant stand to hear him scream I end up stopping pumping early.

 

Im worried my supply is going to dwindle.

 

Im still pumping around 45-48 ounces a day but it seems like its in smaller increments now...

 

I also forgot to mention, Jasper had his first check up last Wednesday, he is up to 7pds 9 oz and looking good.

 

I was originally wary of the pediatrician because...and this will sound bad...it was a man, but he had seen Jasper at the NICU so my insurance picked him (I could change if I wanted to) but I was pleasantly surprised.

 

I went in all prepared to defend my choice not to circ but when he pulled down his diaper and I opened my mouth to tell him I would prefer it if he did not mess with it he looked at it and went "Not circumsized, thats wonderful!" and did not even touch it.

 

So I think we will stick with him after all, he was a really nice dude.

 

 

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#162 of 167 Old 11-20-2011, 08:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Some pictures :D

 

DSCN0594.JPG

Finally big enough for the "going home" hat I made him!!

 

He is not exactly what I would call "thrilled" about it...

 

naptime.jpg

Left Jasper with dad so I could shower (for the first time in 3 days) and came back to this :)

 

snuggle sling.jpg

 

Getting the hang of the sling....people STILL try to grab him...I HATE baby grabbers!

 

He is doing good, he is up to 9 pounds and is apparently VERY sensitive to caffiene..I absentmindedly had some tea the other day and Jasper was awake for a solid 32 hours....and unfortunatly so was I.

 

But last night he slept from 10pm to 6 am, I managed to catch him for feedings before he woke up every time and he just stayed asleep, woke up smiling at 6 am, ate and then napped with me until 8am.

 

We are still pumping...I just cannot figure out breastfeeding.

 

My nipples are blistered from round the clock pumping too :(

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#163 of 167 Old 11-30-2011, 04:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So Jasper is sick with RSV :(

 

His blood oxygen levels are not low enough right now to warrant a hospital stay (they are trying to avoid that because they know we cant afford to drive) but he is so miserable.

 

We have had a shitty month, our car got messed up by another car exploding a few spaced down from it and that ate what little savings we had recouped from the NICU stay, now Jasper is sick and so is my husband.

 

A friend of our went and bought us a vaporizer and I am so thankful, it has helped a lot with his breathing and he can now drink his bottles without pulling off every few seconds to breath.

 

But his cough is getting worse :(

 

Also, I had a plugged duct last week and now my supply has dropped by quite a bit...

 

 

In other, more humorous news, we are using cloth diapers during the day and disposables at night....for some reason I started putting the disposables in the laundry hamper too and managed to wash an entire load of them.

 

The husband was extremely confused lol.

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#164 of 167 Old 11-30-2011, 04:43 AM
 
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Sorry to hear this. Hope little Jasper gets better soon! And that you guys have some better luck with things. I know how much it sucks to keep having issues come up.

Chelsea, loving mama to Landon, born 11/3

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#165 of 167 Old 11-30-2011, 06:20 AM
 
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oh good lord - I hop your washer is okay!  Ah, the things sleep deprivation will do to your brain!

 

and an exploding car???  yikes!

 

I hope he recovers soon, poor little guy - stay strong, mama!!  hug2.gif


Beth knit.gif.  wife to DH and Mama to DD1 heartbeat.gif (May 1-09) and DD2 heartbeat.gif (Nov 2-11)   

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#166 of 167 Old 11-30-2011, 08:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Im trying to stay strong, it just feels like we can never make it up the hill before another landslide starts :(

 

And yup, our washer is fine...but the husband was like "Whhhhhhhyyyyyy is the washer full of fluffy stuff??" when he went to change over the loads..lol, whooopsieeee

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#167 of 167 Old 11-30-2011, 10:27 AM
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I'm sorry you are having more difficulties! Hang in there, and I hope Jasper is better soon. LOL about the laundry.


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