So my little Evie is 4 weeks old today! :) I have been blessed with such an amazing daughter but this past week has been ridiculously hard...I guess all the lack of sleep is catching up to me and I'm still adjusting to being a new mommy. I have a bad case of cabin fever with a side of guilt for wanting to get out for a bit, or even to catch up on some sleep. And my mind is completely gone half of the time. I went to the gas station this morning without a bra and wearing two different shoes and didnt even realize it until I got home!!
I'm so tired and even when Evie is asleep its hard for me too. I wake up everytime she makes any kind of noise, I have to check and make sure she's still breathing every five minutes..Even when I do get sleep, I dont dream and it feels like as soon as I lay down I wake up two seconds later, even if it is a couple hour nap and I'm just as tired as before.
I only remember eating once in the past three days but I have no appetite and its so hard for me to stomach anything. Snuggling with my little stinker makes it all worth it but I still feel like poo.
I dont even recognize myself..my hair has more friz and tangles now then ever, i have huge bags under my eyes, my face is breaking out and I dont even care like I normally would.
Should I check myself into an asylum or is this the norm for single/new mothers?
it is not abnormal, but you are going to have to do something soon. you NEED to eat and sleep, or you won't be able to take care of your sweet girl.
i'm sorry, i can't remember your situation, but if you have any support at all (your parents? friends?) i would encourage you to call on them now. even if they can take evie for a few hours so you can get a solid nap, that could make a big difference. or if they could bring some food.
if you don't have support, do you have a baby monitor? is evie sleeping near you? is there any way you can set up your sleeping arrangements so that either a) you don't wake to every little noise, or, b) if you do, you don't have to move to check on her?
hugs to you. this does get easier, but part of that is figuring out how to take care of yourself. you know how on a plane, you are told to put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others, because, if you pass out, you are of no use to the others? same deal here. sometimes you are going to have to put on your mask first in order to take care of both of you.
Totally normal in my opinion. My first kiddo is 5 weeks and I have felt very similar lately. I ended up seeing my therapist a couple times to deal with all the transitions in my life. I decided that in order to deal with the cooped up feelings I had to force myself to get out, with the baby and without. I am always afraid to take the risks of leaving the house with her, but I need to. If she screams oh well. I need some semblance of my old routine and to get some fresh air. We've been strolling through the mall and to some friends houses etc. So far she has done really well every time to my surprise because she is often fussy at home.Walks in the sling outside when the weather allows. I also have accepted more help so I can get out once in a while without her. I'm going to start a routine of having family watch her twice a week so I can get to the gym or outside for some exercise too, because that also affects my mental health like sleep deprivation.
We were co-sleeping, and I was not getting good sleep. I would feel every squirm and hear every grunt. The last week I have mostly been putting her in a bassinet outside our room in the hall with some white noise. The clock radio on static seems to really help her stay asleep when she normally would have startled herself awake. She still only goes 3 hours at a time, but this is an improvement. And I don't hear every little thing so I get better sleep. I missed the closeness so I still bring her to bed after the last feeding of the night, about 5 am so we get some good snuggles. And often for naps.
I've been surprised at how little I care about my appearance/hygiene etc. I figure this is a phase. They are only this tiny and helpless for a little while and it's bound to be an upheaval on my life for a time. All this said, it's really damn hard and I totally get what you are going through. They tell me it gets better....
Married mama to a busy girl (4 yrs) and baby girl (Jan '16.)
I am always afraid to take the risks of leaving the house with her, but I need to. If she screams oh well. I need some semblance of my old routine and to get some fresh air. We've been strolling through the mall and to some friends houses etc. So far she has done really well every time to my surprise because she is often fussy at home.Walks in the sling outside when the weather allows.
This is a really good point. Getting outside can really help calm the baby. With my first, I stayed cooped up for too long because I was so exhausted and not confident about taking him out, and then when I did, he was almost a different kid. I swear, he was bored inside, doing the kitchen tour over and over again. Getting him outside gave him new things to look at and made us both more at ease.
I think it'd normal. I remember with my first, I literally felt insane. I would say something to my Dh and then not even know if I said it out loud or just thought it. It was bad. Good news is that it does get better though. ((hugs)) I agree that you NEED to eat and sleep when you can.
Nicole Busy with my two boys. The 'big boy' too. Oh, and a sweet baby girl, born at home in October.
@ pi, you have brought up a very valid point. I havent even thought of or looked at the situation in that manner!
I do have support, I currently live at home. My parents offer to take evie for me so I can rest but I still end up hearing Evie fussing all the way upstairs and immediately wake up. I've noticed she doesnt sleep as well in her bassinet (which is next to my bed) as she does in her pack n play thats in the livingroom. The sound of the TV usually zonks her out. Maybe I should consider taking the monitor in my room and letting her sleep in that. I think dad finally realized that I dont eat or sleep when he found me still awake at 6 am with a fussy baby and a growling belly, he just brought me lunch and wants me to either leave Evie here with my parents and go sleep for a day at my sisters place or have my sister take evie and stay here and sleep.
@MN Babydust Im also making an appointment to see my therapist. I didn't realize how much transition came with a baby! I thought it was easy as 123. Get pregnant, give birth, live happily ever after!
I really get nervous taking Evie out but I did once and she slept the entire time!! We've got a family vacation coming up so hopefully with the travel and going from relative to relatives house I'll get more comfortable with taking her out into the big bad world.
I honestly used to be a nazi about how I looked when I went into public before but now as long as Im fully dressed I dont care how I look or smell. I love when my sister tried to make me feel good by telling me how nice i look, but I can see in her eyes shes really telling me to go hide under a rock before someone sees!! haha
@Nicolian I fe;t dejavu when I read that comment!! Theres been several time I've thought I did or said something and it never happened. I bought a soda the other day and I was convinced I had taken a few swigs of it. When I went to take another sip, I hadn't even opened it yet and it boggled my mind.
Emilyann, You absolutely need to take care of yourself, as Pi says. But, there are a couple of things that might be going on:
1) your priorities really shift once you have a baby! Messy hair doesn't seem like such a huge deal in the scheme of things...
2) babies are a ton of work. 4 weeks is REALLY REALLY young. You are still healing from pregnancy and birth, you are still getting to know your baby, and she is still in the infant stage. Things do get easier in another 2 months or so.
3) it is very unsettling to become a mom, for many people. Its not something people readily talk about, but its a huge transition for the mom. Really, if you think about it, you become a new person (a mother) when you have your first child.
Anyway, I've got to run and care for my kids. Hugs to you. Its really, really hard and you are doing this as a single mom (but I am glad you have family support, its so important). You need to have good nutrition, good sleep, you need to have social support around you-- friends, family, etc. And seeing your therapist is a good idea.
dissertating mom to three
I know it's hard to be separated from her, but take them up on this if you can. Some good hours of sleep makes a world of difference and taking care of yourself in this way makes you able to be the best mama to your daughter. You can't go on not sleeping/eating indefinitely - get some rest before it catches up with you.
There is nothing easy about the transitions of having an infant. I also thought it would be all smiles and happiness when we came home from the hospital. It's totally kicking my butt. It can be very overwhelming. Use the resources and family that you have so that you can get by, and enjoy as much of it as possible.
Married mama to a busy girl (4 yrs) and baby girl (Jan '16.)
It's absolutely life-altering in the early weeks, especially since this is your first! You're feelings are normal as is your experience so far. However, sleep deprivation can really turn your world upside down and mess with your head. I definitely think you should sleep whenever you can and EAT! You need calories to function and to produce milk! Take care of yourself mama and ask for or accept any help offered! We weren't meant to do this alone!
I found the transition after ds much harder than this time around. I just felt destroyed in so many ways although I really was as prepared as is possible. Physically it all sent me for a loop - I wasn't expecting the physical aspect to be soooo difficult. It does get easier but in the meantime take everyone up on the offers to help - they mean it, they WANT to help. And yeah, the lack of sleep can really make you forgetful/not caring about things. I once answered the door with one boob hanging out - I wish I was joking.
Doula mama to dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08) and expecting (Apr '17)
Since this post I feel tons better! I took my family up on their offers (i actually got 12 solid hours of sleep today!) Ive been cooking for the family, making things I know I will eat. We havent really had family dinners in a while so not only are we doing it again but Im actually taking in food! Last Thursday I went out for the first time. My sister and her roomamate and I had a girls night. My sister cooked me dinner, we watched Clockwork Orange for the first time (such a strange film) and I had a good time!
This weekend has been very rough though. Our family dog Wilbur was run over and killed Friday night :( He was more than a dog. He was definitely apart of this family but thanks to little Evie everyones doing fine. Anytime Dad gets sad he tells me to give him 'his baby' and just kisses on her like there is no tomorrow and a smile replaces his tears. Everyone has been taking turns snuggling her (which is one reason I was able to get so much sleep today!) Wilbur will be greatly missed. I wish he could be here to grow with Evie. He loved her more than anything.
When I was pregnant he would sit in my doorway monitoring everything while I slept and give my belly kisses and soft nudges. Once evie was here he would come and stick his head in her bassinet every hour just to check up. When we gave her baths and she'd cry, he would run in the room and try to get inbetween me and her. Whenever he would come inside the first thing he would do was run to her pack and play and if she wasnt in there he would go inspect the lap of everyone in the livingroom until he found her, then he would give her the sweetest and most gentle kisses Ive ever seen a dog give and sit there gaurding her. I just wanted to share. Wilbur was a great dog and I want the world to know him. He was Evies four-legged guardian angel <3
Wilbur sounds a lot like my big ole' mut. He is also very sweet and protective of the baby. I understand how much a part of the family a dog is, and I'm so sorry you lost him. I'm glad you had the opportunity to see him interact with your daughter, even if it was cut short. You will remember that forever.
Married mama to a busy girl (4 yrs) and baby girl (Jan '16.)
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