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PAL (Pregnancy After Loss) Mamas November 2011

9K views 182 replies 32 participants last post by  AprilGlynn 
#1 ·
Looking at the roster already it looks like we could use a PAL thread here, I know I sure could! Hoping it's good luck to be the one to start it.
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Here's a place for those of us pregnant after loss (miscarriage, stillbirth, infant loss) to share our journey and support each other. C'mon sticky rainbows!!
 
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#104 ·
Today would have been my due date. I lost my baby in September at 10 weeks. Luckily, I found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago (due 11/25). I guess I should say I was also lucky (although hyperventilating) to find out I am pregnant with TWINS this past Wednesday.

Since this is another PAL and twins, I am more concerned than ever about another loss. I am almost 36 years old so I am even more nervous. I'm trying to stay positive and not overthink things to much. Glad to have this forum to share my thoughts and feelings.
 
#105 ·
welcome baltimore!

My ultrasound went great. Only one baby in there measuring 7w3d and with a hr of 153. I think I can finally breathe a sigh of relief and I really think that this is going to happen. My 8 week loss last August was a blighted ovum so now that I've seen a baby with a beating heart, I'm just so relieved. We told parents today too.
 
#106 ·
Yay Nina!!!!
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What great news, so glad you can breathe easier.

Welcome baltimore and
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on your milestone, I know how hard those can be. Congrats on the twins, how exciting!! Hope you'll find the support you need here - the PAL forum has some wonderful helpful mamas too. I lived in B-more for a few years, we're down in Annapolis now. Small world. ;)
 
#107 ·
Congrats, Nina! You must be breathing a sigh of relief. Glad to hear things are looking good for you! Definitely keep us posted.

@Megan...thanks for the
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. Today is obviously a little easier to deal with since I am pregnant again, but still nervous about the potential outcome. Baby dust
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and positive vibes to everyone
 
#109 ·
Congrats, Baltimore!

Every day gets harder not to pull out the doppler and check, since I"m 9 weeks and still can't feel my uterus :(

In fact, I just broke down and checked. Something with a really fast heart swam away from me, I'm pretty sure!
 
#110 ·
I'm in both Oct DDC and this one because I am due on the 31st. It is realiving to see all of the oct PAL mamas make it over to the 2nd trimester. That means we can't be far behind.

I had sort of a fake scare the other day. I had been put on antibiotics for Group B Strep and it messed with my chemistry so I felt like I was starting to get a yeast infection. I also had been scratching a bit. I went to the bathroom and wiped and saw blood and freaked. After further investigation I was bleeding from the outside from so much irritation. But I freaked out and even after I had figured out where it was coming from I still questioned myself. I feel better though. Everything feels okay.

I just can't wait for my appointment in a little more than a week to try and hear the HB with a doppler. I am also really nervous. Things are different this time which makes me a little more confident. My belly has started to grow. Last time I gained some weight but my belly never got hard and popped out like it is doing now. That makes me feel a lot better.

I hope everyone is doing ok.
 
#111 ·
Hello everyone. I hope it's ok for me to post here since I'm not due until Dec., but we don't have a PAL thread yet, so here I am. Two years ago, I conceived naturally (I have PCOS and don't ovulate often). That ended in miscarriage. The u/s showed growth had stopped at 5weeks 3 days. Since then, I've had two confirmed chemical pregnancies and one suspected. Now I'm pregnant again. I've had three betas showing great numbers and my symptoms have been good. However, I'm at 5weeks 2 days today, and I'm a complete nervous wreck. I'm not as hungry as I was two days ago, but no other symptoms have changed--still tired, tender boobs, emotional, sensitive sense of smell, but I can't get over the decrease in appetite.

So, have any of you ever had good betas and good symptoms only to go on an have another loss? Do your symptoms fluctuate? How do I relax? I am having so much trouble feeling like this is going to be ok. I want to enjoy the fact that I am pregnant, but I just....can't.

Thanks for any responses.

ETA: My first two pregnancies were fine. It's been since my last child that we've had such trouble.
 
#112 ·
Hi Pickle,

I wish I knew how to ease your stress. I have only had losses so I don't know what a "normal" pregnancy feels like. With this pregnancy, I went from having only occasional lower abdominal cramps and minor fatigue to full-blown fatigue and nausea (which fluctuates with periods of immense hunger and thirst) right around 6 weeks. I'm only 6w2d right now so who knows what I'll feel like next week? With my last pregnancy we actually saw a heartbeat then boom two weeks later I found out I'd lost the baby (Baby was so sticky s/he didn't want to come out on her own...we induced with Cytotec and then ended up with a D&C since I had retained parts). During that pregnancy, my betas were good but progesterone had dropped (from 25 -> 16) so they'd put me on Prometrium. In retrospect that was probably a "sign" that things didn't bode well for that pregnancy.

I am a nurse (an OB nurse, btw) and I can read the literature over and over again, but it doesn't necessarily make me feel any less at ease. All of the docs/nurses say that symptoms are different with each pregnancy and that each pregnancy is different for each individual woman. Meaning, you might not have nausea and still be okay. You might have nausea and still end up with a loss. Im not a religious person, but I really like the saying, "let go and let God". Because really what can we do at this early stage of the game besides wait and pray that everything turns out okay?

Just know we are all here to support you (and each other) and we have all walked this difficult road of pregnancy after loss. I wish sticky babies for all of us (and in my case, TWO sticky babies, since I am pregnant with twins). Hugs
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#113 ·
@ Tank-

I'm just curious why they'd be treating you for GBS so early in the pregnancy? Do they think GBS might increase your r/o m/c? I've never heard of someone being treated in the first trimester. Also, the irritation is most likely causing all of that bleeding. Ugh...the itchiness is unbearable...I've had my fair share of yeast infections and definitely do not envy you right now. Get yourself some good yogurt and probiotics!
 
#114 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by baltimoremomtobe View Post

@ Tank-

I'm just curious why they'd be treating you for GBS so early in the pregnancy? Do they think GBS might increase your r/o m/c? I've never heard of someone being treated in the first trimester. Also, the irritation is most likely causing all of that bleeding. Ugh...the itchiness is unbearable...I've had my fair share of yeast infections and definitely do not envy you right now. Get yourself some good yogurt and probiotics!
I am taking probiotics now. They are treating the GBS so early because they found it in my urine when I went to the midwife for the first time. They weren't testing for it though, just found it. They said that since it is in my urine that it must be strong and it can cause complications in pregnancy.
 
#116 ·
Baltimore - Congrats on the twins! A very good friend of mine just had twins last November after a loss earlier that year. Extra sticky dust to you.

Nina - great news! So happy for you. I can't wait to reach our milestone.

Tank - I hope everything turns out alright. I will be praying for you.

Pickle - It is so hard to wait but the 12th will be here before you know it.

Sorry if I missed anyone. i have been so sick that I have not been up for computer time lately. Good sign I know but still it is taking a toll on me.

AFM - We do not have another appointment until May 12th. They said I could come in earlier if I wanted but that is the first time they can be sure they will be able to find a heartbeat on the Doppler. I would totally freak out if they could not find a heartbeat because that is how we discovered our missed m/c last time.
 
#117 ·
Hi guys, sorry I've been totally MIA....just not a whole lot of computer time going on around here with DD's constant tantrums and DH working a second job now...ugh.

Anyway, I'll try to get caught up at least somewhat....

Tank, my sis had the same thing with GBS early in first tri, took the abx and was fine. She's like 28 weeks now. :) The book "The Natural Pregnancy Book" by Aviva Jill Romm has some fantastic suggestions for both the infection and dealing with the abx aftermath....

xanana - yay for a heartbeat on the doppler!!

Pickle - welcome! I've had the same thing with symptoms fluctuating in both this pregnancy (still good at 9w2d) and both "missed" losses (babies died at 5.5 weeks and 7 weeks, symptoms just kept going down until by 8-9 weeks totally gone - in retrospect they weren't really fluctuating so much as going away, but in the midst of it they seemed to go up and down). I have a couple of friends who have had it with healthy successful pregnancies recently. I know it doesn't help, but you're still so early and it's totally normal for the symptoms to shift around some, especially around 6 weeks, it's just on a day-to-day basis you can't see the bigger pattern yet.

My really early symptoms this time were completely dissipating 5.5 to 6 weeks and I was panicking, then a whole other round of much more intense and clear ones started around 6.4 weeks. Go figure. Again they started really dropping off at 8w6d and I've been worried again, but here I am at 9w2d with a heartbeat on the doppler!!
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So in the end, sadly, all we can do is hope and pray and do whatever we need to do to stay as peaceful as we can, right? As hard as it is to ignore them, I don't think symptoms really tell us that much either way, since there are plenty of successful pregnancies with no or unreliable symptoms (both my sister and close friend currently), and plenty of losses with strong symptoms. You can make yourself crazy analyzing it.

Big hugs to everyone as we play the waiting game....
 
#118 ·
So, analyzing things as I always do, I've realized that since they moved my dates ahead three days, I will now be the exact number of weeks and days that I lost my last baby on the due date of the last baby, tomorrow. Today I am 8w0d and that was when I had my first midwife appt last time and had started bleeding that morning. Today will be interesting. At least I know baby is alive this time. I'm so glad I had an ultrasound last week.
 
#120 ·
Tomorrow I am trying a visit with a Dr. I may be 10 wks according to LMP or 9 wks according to the ultrasound w heartbeat. I really hope i hear the heartbeat on doppler, and don't know how to feel if I don't. I have nausea but my pain from sch has gone away. I hope that means the clot went away and baby is fine. hopefully will know something tomorrow. I am just nervous about babies well being. I wish there was a window with a meter saying how happy they are in there!
 
#121 ·
5xcharm--some women can't hear a heartbeat on doppler until 12 weeks, especially if baby's good at hiding or has an anterior placenta to hide behind--don't get discouraged if you don't hear anything at this next appointment, especially if you're only 9 weeks.
 
#122 ·
Ugh. I'm trying not to stress. I felt horrible on Tuesday (fatigue, nausea, etc) and woke up Wednesday feeling great. No nausea, but my breasts were still sore. I ate voraciously yesterday and then slept all day today (I work night shift). I woke up feeling refreshed from a really good sleep but my breast tenderness/pain was gone...they still feel full. Since I don't know what "normal" feels like, I can't help but to stress about a potential m/c. I'm glad we have this forum to share our thoughts/anxieties, but this is so stressful. I don't have another u/s until next Wednesday so I'm hoping my morning sickness comes back soon.
 
#123 ·
I've been so nervous to post because I feel like I'll put too much hope in this pregnancy if I do, but it's time! I've been trying for the past 12 months with one healthy DD (born 9/07) and one m/c in this past year (7/10 at 6 w). I was just beginning to seek fertility help and had found out that I had a blocked tube by an HSG test the month before I got my positive test . Anyhow, because I have that blocked tube I guess I am somewhat at risk for ectopic so my doctor had me come in for an early u/s at 5.4 wks to make sure the sac was in the right place and then at 6.4 wks to find a heartbeat, which seemed pretty okay for an early scan at 120.

I am 8w1d which I would expect to be the height of my m/s. I had been really sick until a couple days ago. Like you, baltimore, I am trying not to freak out but am pretty constantly worried about it. I am hoping maybe Im just having a little symptom fluctuation or maybe less symptoms this time. I still feel slightly queasy when I go without eating but nothing like I was feeling before. Breast are slightly sore but that is never a big symptom for me since I had very little breast pain with DD. I have gone up a bra size already though so they have majorly filled out even though they don't hurt much.

Anyhow, that's my story. I've been reading everyone's posts and I'm hoping for the best for all.
 
#124 ·
Thanks, artsmama.

Yes, I am still stressed and while I don't know how you are feeling, I can certainly empathize with it. I have never had a viable pregnancy so I don't have anything to gauge what is "normal", although I know each pregnancy can be different even for the same woman.

I do wish sticky babies for all of us too! This is such a nervewracking time - especially since I lost my last baby sometime after my 8 week u/s and when I found out at 10 weeks. In that situation, I had no cramping or pain, no bleeding and nothing to indicate that I'd had a m/c. Since I am carrying twins, I just wonder if the lack of nausea, etc. means that one of them passed and this is how I normally feel with one bean in there? I suppose if I get really desperate I could have someone at work scan me, but I'm trying not to be a crazy alarmist for the next 8 months. I wish serenity and peace for all of us as we trudge through the next couple of weeks into our second trimesters.
 
#125 ·
Moms losing nausea--it doesn't really mean ANYTHING. I had crippling nausea up to and slightly after my first miscarriage. I am so GLAD that mine is passing (though I spent the morning throwing up pure bile for 5 minutes straight because of a stuffed up nose draining onto my gag reflex and once it started, I couldn't stop). I had no morning sickness with my second DD and not until my second trimester with my first. Honestly, the nausea scared me because it was getting so similar to my Lost baby. I am sending sticky vibes to us all.Personally, my fear comes because I still don't feel my uterus :( I'm ten weeks, so it should be there and it's not... it's really upsetting!
 
#126 ·
Thanks Xakana.

You are totally right. Everyone says nausea comes and goes, but in the case of us PAL mommas, the nausea, feeling the fundus, the boob tenderness (whatever your preferred pregnancy symptom is) might be the only thing that comforts us into believing that the pregnancy will stick. I got so neurotic yesterday that I called my doctor's office to see if I could reschedule my u/s for sooner. They didn't have any openings so I told them to keep the Wed. appt. I ended up going to work for a coworker's baby shower and had one of the doctors quickly u/s me....we saw two heartbeats! Pure bliss! I'm feeling good today (and less neurotic) nausea or no nausea. I just wish there was an indication as towhat a "normal" pregnancy feels like so that I wouldn't get so neurotic when symptoms wax and wane.

On the other hand, I am also concerned about "too many" u/s. I know some women prefer not to get any, but it's comforting to me. Do any of you out there plan not to get them b/c you've read they are dangerous? Just curious what other PAL mommas are doing? Thanks.
 
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