Are you having a 2nd, 3rd, or even 10th baby shower this time???? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 25 Old 04-14-2011, 09:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok, I know it is kind of early, but I was talking with my mom this morning and one of her friends (that was at my 1st baby shower almost 5 years ago) said they wanted to come to the baby shower again. My mom told her "Oh, we aren't having one this is the 2nd baby". Well that was news to me. Because we are such a tight budget I have always sold my daughters things when she grew out of them to get her the next step thing. So I have nothing baby with the exception of a toddler stroller (that I got with the money I made from selling my nice big stroller). Everyone in my husbands family has had a baby shower for every child (even one cousin who has 8). Do you think it is selfish to have a baby registry and to have a shower? Did you have one? I would love input.


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#2 of 25 Old 04-14-2011, 09:53 AM
 
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I had a big ol' baby shower with my first baby. With my second, I begged my MIL and SIL's to please not throw me a shower, so they organized a small tea with a just a handful of my very closest friends. It was lovely. My third baby joined our family by adoption at 6 months old, so we threw sort of an open house so that anyone who wanted to come by and meet her could stop in. That went well, too. My SIL also asked if she could throw a luncheon for my family at her house. She kept it small, and I really appreciated that. It was close family and close friends. This time around (7 years later), I have zero baby gear, but I still do not want a shower. If my MIL insists on doing something, I hope it will be along the lines of a small family dinner at her house. 

 

 


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#3 of 25 Old 04-14-2011, 10:23 AM
 
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I have another pregnant family member and we were just discussing this- me and MIL are throwing a shower in a few months, and she made a comment about my next shower.  Now, this is my 3rd kid, and I didn't really plan on anyone throwing me a shower.  But she had a great point- I was sterile, I sold all my baby stuff at a garage sale.  I have NOTHING.  And her family loves parties, and buying gifts- but I have to have the shower.  When she put it like that...how could I resist. lol.gif


 
 
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#4 of 25 Old 04-14-2011, 10:58 AM
 
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There's sort of an unspoken thing in my family.. you keep your amazon.com wishlist updated. You don't have to go telling people around your birthday or christmas "i have an amazon wishlist! go look at it!" but people know its there, and if they feel like getting you something, they know to check. So I always add a baby registry to that :) It works well. I don't expect a shower, (wouldn't turn one down though, I think they're fun!) but if family or friends felt like getting me something, they know where to look, and I dont have to ask. 


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#5 of 25 Old 04-14-2011, 10:59 AM
 
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I had two baby showers for my first (one from family and old friends in a different state and one from new friends/colleagues in the state we were living in).  With my second, I created a registry in case anyone wanted to buy us stuff, but only 3 people did.  No one offered to throw a shower, but I did have one friend who put together a little luncheon.  People were asked to bring notes or small gifts for ME not the baby.  It was a nice idea, but really, we could have used a few more things for the baby that we had gotten rid of.  After baby #2 we thought we were done so we've sold off and donated even more stuff.  But I seriously doubt that anyone will do anything this time around.  It's too bad b/c every baby is special and every time you go through pregnancy is special.  I think baby showers should be standard EVERY time.  You can make it clear that gifts are certainly not necessary and/or ask for services instead of things like meals, babysitting, house cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. I just think that people assume you don't really need anything with subsequent kids.


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#6 of 25 Old 04-14-2011, 11:49 AM
 
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I'm having a reveal party when we find out if it's a boy or a girl and though it's a no gifts affair, some people are already telling me they're bringing something. I also want to have a blessingway later, but again, I don't think it's so much on the gift portion. That being said, I already have a registry set up on amazon. lol, though it's private for now.


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#7 of 25 Old 04-14-2011, 12:04 PM
 
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Ok, I love going to people's baby showers no matter what number child it is! They are always so much fun. I do think that every baby should be celebrated some way--whether it's a small tea party or dinner with the girls or a traditional baby shower (if the parents want to of course!). Parents of newborns can always use meals (meal showers are wonderful--everyone brings a labeled meal that can be frozen) and baby things do wear out after 2-3 kids. We had a diaper shower for our 3rd baby (we mostly use diposables for the first 6-8 weeks to give me a break) and for our 4th our friends contributed towards maid services for after the baby arrived (that was great--I had 2 months worth of housecleaning help!).  It's just fun to get everyone together because, at least in my circle, that doesn't happen often enough. I don't know if anyone will offer to do anything for me this time around (with baby #5 we just hope our friends will still be around, lol) but I probably wouldn't say no just because the showers are fun. Dang, I wish I had a pregnant friend to throw a shower for :)


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#8 of 25 Old 04-14-2011, 01:07 PM
 
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 With my 2nd i had a boy, we didn't have a baby shower. We will not be having one for this baby either.

 

 


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#9 of 25 Old 04-14-2011, 01:34 PM
 
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Nobody threw me one for my DD. I expect the same this time around


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#10 of 25 Old 04-14-2011, 02:15 PM
 
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I hope so! I had one for dd1 but not for dd2. I have no baby stuff at all from the first two. And I want to feel special..... innocent.gif


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#11 of 25 Old 04-14-2011, 05:13 PM
 
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I'm on baby #3 and I've never had a shower.  SOMEONE HAD BETTER THROW ME ONE THIS TIME!  ROTFLMAO.gif


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#12 of 25 Old 04-14-2011, 07:37 PM
 
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My shower with dd1 was so stressful that I went home at 32 weeks and contracted all night. I got a lot of negativity from certain people there about my parenting choices that DH and I were making. And, at the point, I was already on my way from being far from mainstream. The family throwing it also still insisted on very traditional baby girl decorations, which is not at all my taste, so it felt like it was about what they wanted for a shower rather than being about me and my baby.

 

I did not have a shower with dd2 or dd3. I loved the idea of a book shower, bringing books for the baby, or a mama shower, organizing meals/housecleaning help for the new parents, or a blessingway. But nobody offered to throw one and I was fine with that. This time I don't expect anything either, as I tend to alienate myself while pregnant because I definitely absorb people's energys, especially negativity. So to protect myself I tend to become a hermit. I'm fine with that, I just feel sad that my younger kids had no big celebrations of their lives.


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#13 of 25 Old 04-15-2011, 06:09 AM
 
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Originally Posted by TalkToMeNow View Post

I hope so! I had one for dd1 but not for dd2. I have no baby stuff at all from the first two. And I want to feel special..... innocent.gif

 

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I'm on baby #3 and I've never had a shower.  SOMEONE HAD BETTER THROW ME ONE THIS TIME!  ROTFLMAO.gif


So what do you all think is an acceptable way to encourage someone to throw one for you?  What if it's complicated by the fact that we live far away from family and in a new state where we don't know that many people yet?

 


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#14 of 25 Old 04-15-2011, 07:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So what do you all think is an acceptable way to encourage someone to throw one for you?  What if it's complicated by the fact that we live far away from family and in a new state where we don't know that many people yet?

 



Well after my mom told me that she thought you were not supposed to throw a party for baby #2, I almost immediately called my sister in law who had 2 boys within 3 years and she got two baby showers (even though she kept everything from the first one) and asked her if she had ever heard of that and she told me that is a very old tradition and she immediately volunteered to throw me a shower so I know I will atleast get one from that side of the family. I cannot believe the stories of ladies never having one or having a horrible first one. I worked with my first one so I had a shower at my work, then my moms work threw me one, my husbands side, and my side of family. We got soo much stuff all I really had to buy was the big stuff. And I almost always buy used, even clothing, so there was not very much expense for us the first year. Of course I am grateful for whatever I get, but I thought it was just normal to get a shower for every baby because that is how it is in area. Every body I know that has more than one kid usually has a shower every time unless the babies are really close together and the same sex, but even then my sister in law has one every time. And my cousing who has 8 kids they are all 18 months apart and she gets a shower everytime. Maybe it is just because my family always looks for excuses to buy people stuff. We are an extremely giving family. Luckily since everyone already has a ton of kids (except me) I have already recieved hand me down clothes, high chair, bath tub, ect. If any of you are in Oklahoma I will throw you a baby shower!!!

 


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#15 of 25 Old 04-15-2011, 07:10 AM
 
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One of the main reasons that I didn't have a shower with #1 is that I lived far away from everyone.. Then with #2 I didn't really have a good friend to host it.  Now my best friend lives in my area and I asked her (that works for our relationship).  Maybe do a gift registry online if everyone lives far away.  I wouldn't expect people to travel for a baby-shower.
 

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So what do you all think is an acceptable way to encourage someone to throw one for you?  What if it's complicated by the fact that we live far away from family and in a new state where we don't know that many people yet?

 



 


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#16 of 25 Old 04-15-2011, 07:18 AM
 
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This is my second and I had 3 different baby showers with my first, one thrown by my family, one by my friends and one by my husband's family. I really don't expect one this time, although if we have a boy I really could use some stuff. My family usually throws a big shower for you first with extended family and everything... then with subsequent babies, they usually take the mom to be out to lunch with close family members and give a few smaller gifts. So, if anything that's what I would expect. 


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#17 of 25 Old 04-15-2011, 07:54 AM
 
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I have no idea.  With #1, I had a work shower in VA, and a friend/family shower in NM.  With #2, nothing at all.  With #3, a work shower. 

 

If we are still in the area, my playgroup will throw me a blessingway, I am excited thinking about that already.  :-)


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#18 of 25 Old 04-16-2011, 06:55 AM
 
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I had a huge shower with my first and would be totally embarrassed if someone were to throw me ANOTHER one this time around!  I don't know, in my circle and family, you get one shower and that's it.  If I were you, I definitely wouldn't try to encourage people to throw you a shower if you've already had one.  They already said they don't plan on doing it.  I guess every family is different, but I know if someone in my family were having their second and had already had a shower and registered for gifts, everyone would be talking about her and how presumptuous it was.  But like I said, if your husband's family is in the habit of throwing multiple showers, maybe his side is already planning one.  

 

I say, if they are going to surprise you with one, let them.  But I wouldn't expect gifts or register.  Sorry, I don't mean to throw a damper on things....everyone else who responded seems to think it's ok so I'm in the minority I guess!

 

Have you checked out Craigslist for baby stuff?  My parents basically have a second nursery set up at their house for my son and they got everything off Craigslist.  My mom is a real bargain hunter, though and always finds the best deals.  You might  be surprised at how cheaply you can get stuff.  Also, put the word out in your family that you are open to hand me down baby items.  People are always looking to get rid of that bulky swing they have sitting in their basement, etc!  

 

Oh, and when the baby's born, people will still probably buy you clothes and stuff even if it's your 10th kid.  It's just the shower that tends to be a once in a lifetime event.  I always buy friends and family members a baby gift when the baby's born regardless of how many kids they have!  

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#19 of 25 Old 04-16-2011, 08:20 AM
 
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I say, if they are going to surprise you with one, let them.  But I wouldn't expect gifts or register.  Sorry, I don't mean to throw a damper on things....everyone else who responded seems to think it's ok so I'm in the minority I guess!

 

Have you checked out Craigslist for baby stuff? 

 

Oh, and when the baby's born, people will still probably buy you clothes and stuff even if it's your 10th kid.  It's just the shower that tends to be a once in a lifetime event.  I always buy friends and family members a baby gift when the baby's born regardless of how many kids they have!  


We always check CL's for stuff first and try to get hand me downs.  I try and get my friends baby gifts regardless of showers as well, but you don't always know what they actually need.  I ask, of course, but I don't always get an answer.  I have a thing where I really need to give gifts that people want/need.  And it equally bothers me when people get me things I don't need.  I feel badly they went to the trouble and spent the money for something I'll never use.  I know, I know... it's the thought that counts and of course, I'm grateful they care for me and wanted to get me something, but I hate waste.  A registry takes care of that problem.  I don't need a little suit or another hooded towel.  I need a new monitor, a swing, and more cloth wipes.  I gifted my Moby wrap to a friend who recently had a baby and now I wish I hadn't!  Maybe she'll gift it back, but she might not even think about it unless she gets some sort of reminder in the mail that I'm having another baby. 

 

 


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#20 of 25 Old 04-16-2011, 12:15 PM
 
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Ok...I don't want to get into a big debate over second showers. The truth is, some families are totally cool with them and would probably even expect you to register. In the op's situation, it sounds like her hubby's fam is into that kind of thing and her family is not. In that case I would have her husband dig around and ask his family what they are intending to do. And if her family would be miffed over the idea then be careful who they invite from that side. I understand it can be a bummer to get things you don't really need as gifts but I also understand why relativesand especially friends or colleagues would be a little put off if they bought you a lot of really nice big ticket items only to find that you sold them off and are now expecting them to buy you all new stuff.

But it really depends on your family. If you don't register, and people ask you what you want/ need tell them! If you do register that is up to you. Your husbands family will probably be glad you did. Your family might feel weird about seeing the stroller and car seat they just chipped in to buy you a few years ago back on your registry and waiting for them to buy it again. Especially if they were plnning on getting you a $12 outfit and a card.
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#21 of 25 Old 04-16-2011, 12:44 PM
 
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Your family might feel weird about seeing the stroller and car seat they just chipped in to buy you a few years ago back on your registry and waiting for them to buy it again. Especially if they were plnning on getting you a $12 outfit and a card.

Oh, sure, this makes total sense and I absolutely wouldn't expect large ticket items again.  Completely understandable.  But I also think that as pp's have said, some things wear out by the third kid (like our monitor that is dying) and other things you sell off as soon as you're done with them b/c you didn't expect to have any more kids (like the swing, which I intend to buy off CL's, which I've done twice now).  And I totally agree that it depends on your families.  I just personally think it's odd that we celebrate first children with parties and not subsequent ones, gifts or no gifts.  And I found it odd that my parents were so generous with our first (buying our cloth diaper stash and co-sleeper) but with our second, they didn't even ask if we needed anything.  I know for my own kids if/when they have kids, I would want to give them whatever we could (and they needed) each time.  But that's just my thinking.  I don't mean to debate.
 

 


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#22 of 25 Old 04-16-2011, 02:52 PM
 
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Ok...I don't want to get into a big debate over second showers.


I don't see debate...just friendly conversation.  Haven't seen a debate yet on this board.


 
 
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#23 of 25 Old 04-16-2011, 03:49 PM
 
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I had only gone to showers for first time mommies, but now I am in a community where they have "diaper and wipes" showers for subsequent babies because it is fun to get together as women and celebrate the new life that is coming/has come into the world.  I have attended a couple showers for second babies when the new baby was of a new gender to join the family.


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#24 of 25 Old 04-16-2011, 06:13 PM
 
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I don't see debate...just friendly conversation.  Haven't seen a debate yet on this board.


I guess what I meant was that I didn't want to come off as being argumentative. I think it's a great idea to have some sort of celebration for every child. I like the idea of a diaper and wipes party. I just wouldn't want people to think I expected them to help me out with a new exersaucer and changing table. I would be appreciative of any gift someone wanted to give me for the new baby, new or used. Even if it was yet another blanket.or outfit I wouldn't choose on my own. When I use the stuff, it makes me think of the person who got it for me. My great aunt mailed me one of the most hideous outfits I had ever seen for my son. I thought i'd never use it because it was so strange looking. But I ended up using it all the time...it just fit really well and looked so comfy on him that I had him sleep in it. We always laugh at how adorably ugly it is and it always makes me think of how she must have spent hours shopping around for the perfect gift for our baby.
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#25 of 25 Old 04-16-2011, 08:14 PM
 
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I certainly hope to have one! I had one for my first and second and I need clothes and diapers. Plus, whether #1 or #10, every baby deserves to have his/her life celebrated and every mom deserves to be 'showered' with love from their family. My second DD was actually AT her shower, lol.


 


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