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#1 of 26 Old 05-24-2011, 01:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So, I had an immediate connection with the baby. Instantaneous--so it scared the heck out of me, because the only other time that happened, I miscarried. However, that connected faded and I'm back where I usually am at this point.

 

I'm looking forward to the ultrasound, because I know it will help me bond with the baby, particularly knowing the gender. But seeing the baby is much more real to me than just hearing or even just feeling.

 

Anyway, is anyone else having trouble connecting or staying connected to baby?


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#2 of 26 Old 05-24-2011, 01:41 PM
 
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DDCC but I am an early Dec due date. I am sorry for your losses. I was going to post a thread about this too.  I am totally completely unconnected and I know it is my fear of loss. I have some issues going on now that put me at high risk of miscarriage and I am just too scared to connect.  I am just kind of going with it and know that it doesn't mean that I love this baby any less and doesn't mean I won't love him/her as much as my son when he/she finally arrives safely and I can let myself relax and bond and connect.  Good luck...its tough. 

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#3 of 26 Old 05-24-2011, 05:43 PM
 
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I didn't connect with my first until the anatomy ultrasound, which coincided with more frequent movement. I haven't felt any connection with this one yet at all, but I'm hoping I will after my ultrasound in three weeks. With my first I had a great connection with her for the last 15 weeks, and I can't wait to feel that again.


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#4 of 26 Old 05-25-2011, 12:04 PM
 
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I feel the same way, but mine actually stems from the fact that I almost feel resentful of the pregnancy b/c my milk is gone (I just finished writing a blog post on this - what a tear jerker that was!). I know it's silly and not anyone's fault, and I know that I've given Kieran such a great nursing experience - 3.5 yrs isn't anything to complain about! - but I always wanted him to have the choice to wean naturally.

At any rate, I feel you, and I've been thinking about writing something about this very topic. (sigh)

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#5 of 26 Old 05-25-2011, 12:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, hon, I'm so sorry. I didn't know :( It's always a risk, getting pregnant, that the nursling will stop. Naomi is stopping, too, and she's only 27 months. Someone on KCAP actually warned me about it, when I was trying to get pregnant while Lilly was a baby, not to do it too soon for that very reason, but she was fine with dry nursing.

 

Did Kieran just stop entirely? Naomi's still trying a couple times a day, but only for a few seconds.


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#6 of 26 Old 05-25-2011, 01:12 PM
 
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He's cut down, but he still nurses for a little bit before he goes to sleep. I'm pretty depressed about it - damn pg hormones greensad.gif I'm sorry to hear about Naolmi too hug.gif

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#7 of 26 Old 05-25-2011, 02:04 PM
 
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I'm not at all connected with this baby.  I know that's in large part to two things: morning sickness and the fact that this pregnancy is a stressful surprise.  I went ahead and got an u/s around 9 weeks thinking it might help, but it didn't really.  I'll probably decline the 20 week.  I'm just hoping that if/when I start to feel better and I feel the baby really moving that things become more real.

 

As for nursing toddlers... I actually hope that ds decides to wean while I'm pregnant.  If I weren't pregnant I would be happy with him continuing to nurse, but I really don't think I could handle tandem nursing.  I hope this next statement is helpful to you (Code Name Mama especially)... for me, I feel like a child choosing to wean b/c mom is pregnant is still child-led.  Yes, pregnancy changes the composition and quantity of the milk, but it's still the child choosing to stop.  In a study quoted in Adventures in Tandem Nursing, only 18% of toddlers self-weaned during pregnancy.  Hence, the majority continue despite these changes.  So if your dc weans without you pushing, I feel like it's really them choosing to be done because s/he is ready. 


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#8 of 26 Old 05-25-2011, 03:45 PM
 
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Thanks for the quote Jaimee smile.gif I was actually looking forward to tandem nursing - simply because I know this will be our last baby, and Kieran has talked so much about "sharing mama milk with baby." I am glad, though, that he still dry nursing - that does make me feel better about the fact that it's *more* his choice, even though my milk is gone.

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#9 of 26 Old 05-25-2011, 04:23 PM
 
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I'm feeling the same lack of connection, to the point where I feel like I might not even be pregnant. I've heard the heartbeat, felt sick for 9 weeks, pee all the time, all the signs are there, but until I feel that baby moving all the time, I just don't have it this time.

 

And for what it's worth, I am also grieving my almost 3 yr old nursling weaning with this pregnancy. My other two nursed all the way through, dry nursing or not, and I simply didn't expect my youngest to be done nursing before she was three. It's weird when you aren't totally ready for that part of your relationship to end....very mixed emotions here. 

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#10 of 26 Old 05-25-2011, 04:25 PM
 
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This is the third pregnancy I'm nursing through and haven't had any of them wean while I was pregnant.  My oldest cut back a bit while I was pregnant (actually, that was more me, I was soooo sore) and picked up again once #2 was born.  Cutting back certainly doesn't mean that he's close to being done.  :)

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#11 of 26 Old 05-26-2011, 01:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah, when I can feel baby moving consistently, I know it will help! A little bump here and there is reassuring, but hard not to just dismiss as gas, even though I quite know the difference :(
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2Avi View Post

This is the third pregnancy I'm nursing through and haven't had any of them wean while I was pregnant.  My oldest cut back a bit while I was pregnant (actually, that was more me, I was soooo sore) and picked up again once #2 was born.  Cutting back certainly doesn't mean that he's close to being done.  :)

 

Exactly what I was going to say! Plenty of toddlers/preschoolers cut back during pregnancy and then resume when the milk comes back! I'm sure that's what Naomi's going to do. But she's 2 1/2, so if she weans, I still made my goal. I'm ambivalent to it. I don't mind that it's influenced weaning and not truly child-led, because it's still gentle and natural. I hope that Kieran hangs in there as long as he wants and that when the time does come, that it's easy and you can find peace with it. It's hard to see it coming, but just cutting back doesn't mean weaning. Many kids cut back to once or twice a day around this age anyway!


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#12 of 26 Old 05-26-2011, 01:57 PM
 
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I felt.. nothing until today/=. I've had two ultrasounds, one for dating and one for spotting at 8 weeks, and even then I still felt so ambivalent.  Maybe it's because this is an accidental pregnancy that happened while we were actively trying to avoid pregnancy. DD was very much planned and tried for, so even the moment I had a BFP, I felt such magnetism and love for her. 

 

I've felt movement with this baby for a couple weeks now, but I have just pushed it to the back of my mind, thinking that I'm not really pregnant, despite the crippling exhaustion, morning sickness that won't let up and the excruciating pain when DD nurses. Today I was kinda pulled out of denial when I heard baby's heart beat. It became so real. this is ahppening and in 6 months, baby will be born and I'm gonna have two kids. It freaks me out, but I'm starting to accept it. 

 

I hope that doesn't make me sound ungrateful or anything. i know how many mamas have a hard time conceiving and this just kinda fell into my lap. But I'm SO Type A, and when things happen to me without me planning them, it totally freaks me out.


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#13 of 26 Old 05-26-2011, 02:48 PM
 
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It could be that you are a visual person..right now baby is just like a giant gas bubble making us sick or gain weight, LOL.  Even an U/S is just an image, it is completely different when they are in your arms gazing at you for the first time...and even then there can be a feeling of, wait, this is MINE?!  Haha...just saying, go easy on yourself, and you are not alone in feeling a little ambivalent.

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#14 of 26 Old 05-27-2011, 08:47 AM
 
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I mentioned this on another thread, but this being my first pregnancy I didn't feel a connection in the beginning. I was so, so, so sick with morning sickness I almost felt like, "Wow, did we make a mistake?! This totally sucks!" But, at about 15 weeks the morning sickness disappeared overnight, and a few days later we had an ultrasound and found out it's a boy ( YAY!! ) and then I started feeling him kick and now I'm totally in love with him and I'm so completely over the moon excited to be pregnant and having a baby!

 

I also have been keeping a journal (both online and on paper) about my pregnancy, and that may have helped, too. 

 

Just wanted to share my experience :)

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#15 of 26 Old 05-27-2011, 12:16 PM
 
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I'm not totally connected. Really, not at all, except brief moments when I will sporadically feel a baby flutter. I can't wait for the regular movements to appear. I'm sure for me it has to do with baby being a surprise, being under a TON of stress (financial, hubby was injured right after I got pg, then has been in the hospital, dog has killed two of our chickens, can't take my anxiety meds, call to CPS, hyperemesis...things have been CRAZY since March!), and just really not having time to focus on being pregnant. Also the uncertainty about where I'm going to birth...I think we've decided on planning a hospital birth but having a birth kit on hand in case we don't feel we can make it on time.


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#16 of 26 Old 05-27-2011, 12:57 PM
 
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Dennie, what made you decide on the hospital this time instead of a UC?


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#17 of 26 Old 05-27-2011, 01:38 PM
 
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I have, since before this baby was even thought about being conceived (as in, when we were wanting to avoid pregnancy and DD3 was only 6m old!) had a feeling my next birth would be in a hospital. I also don't have a midwife this time, and that is the only reason we would be UCing. I don't think it's, for us, a good ENOUGH reason. Then again, I don't feel like we need a midwife, IF we could guarantee this birth would be like my others. Of course, we can't do that. :/ I don't know. My thoughts on it all are still very convuluted. At this time I have a doula who will meet us at home (if DH is at work, she'll come here and if we want to go to the hospital, drive myself and the kids there), and is good attending as our doula whether we decide to stay home and UC OR go to the hospital. The good thing is, as long as the 20 week ultrasound shows baby is healthy, our doctor is also supportive of either decision. And he's family practice, will be the attending at the birth, and allow us to leave whenever we are comfortable doing so. Really, at this time the plan is to go to the hospital, but it is likely a decision that will be made later on, or when I go into labor even....


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#18 of 26 Old 05-27-2011, 02:11 PM
 
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I am not connected to this baby yet.  My last pregnancy was a loss, so I spent the first trimester saying things like "if we have this baby..." but now I am more and more sure that he/she will join us in November.  Now I just feel like I'm too busy and tired to bond.  I have a two year-old and I cannot sleep at night so I am just dragging myself through life right now.  No sitting around while Husband talks to my belly this time. I expect that will change once I feel movement and see the kid on the ultrasound in about a month. 

 

I just started re-reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, which is helping me get my head in the game.

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#19 of 26 Old 05-30-2011, 09:09 PM
 
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I have moments where I don't feel connected either. It's a very strange feeling because I wanted this baby so bad. It's my first and we went through fertility treatment to conceive so it makes no sense to me that I sometimes don't feel connected and/or excited! I have not had prior losses either; it's my very first pregnancy. There are times I feel so excited and that makes me happy and likewise when I'm not excited I feel quite sad. I guess it doesn't help that I have not felt movement yet. I'll be 17 weeks on Wednesday and will go for my anatomy scan sometime between 18 and 20 weeks so I'm hoping that helps me feel connected. I've been scared to buy anything yet or make any preparations for the baby. I had a friend lose her baby last year at 17 weeks so I guess that isn't helping me. And another friend of my m/c her first and would be due this week so I think I'm always feeling guilty that I'm pregnant and she's not (although she's been nothing but nice to me about it). I'm guessing it's a combination of all these things plus who knows what else.


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#20 of 26 Old 05-31-2011, 12:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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2011mama--I couldn't bond with my first until I was 7 or 8 months pregnant. I think sometimes when we have trouble conceiving and it takes a long time that it takes a while for it to be 'real.' Like, for me, I had gotten into the mindset that I would never know what it was like to be pregnant or a mother, so when I was pregnant, I couldn't really believe it.

 

I also didn't buy anything until I was close to the end with either of my previous babies because... well, with my first, I didn't want the reminder if something DID happen and I didn't end up with a baby in the end. It seemed horrible to me, the thought of all that baby stuff waiting for a baby that wasn't coming. With my second, I just didn't trust that I would stay pregnant after two losses.

 

I actually have bought and acquired a few small things for this baby already. A couple pairs of newborn pants that were on sale and adorable and some baby toys... But I keep them put away and won't be taking them out until I'm holding my wiggly little bundle in my arms at home.


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#21 of 26 Old 05-31-2011, 12:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Updating for me, though... I've felt baby moving the past couple days, much more regularly. It's made the baby feel much more real and hopeful...


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#22 of 26 Old 06-01-2011, 09:32 AM
 
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I bought some booties for the baby yesterday! I'm making an effort to start acting like this is real. They are so cute. They are Phillies booties, one red pair with a white P and one white pair with a red P. I showed my hubby last night and he thought they were great.


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#23 of 26 Old 06-01-2011, 11:16 AM
 
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I thrifted the cutest little newborn sleeper (natural colored and covered with a tiny print of owls and mushrooms) several weeks ago. I wasn't going to buy *any* baby things until much further along, but it was so dear, I couldn't resist. So after laundering it I hung it on a hook in my bedroom. A little talisman of good luck, I suppose. I see it every day and hope, hope, hope this babe stays.


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#24 of 26 Old 06-01-2011, 01:01 PM
 
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#25 of 26 Old 06-01-2011, 01:20 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maverick061106 View Post

I am 15w 4d and aside from the initial excitement of being pregnant, I haven't really felt anything.  I always have wanted kids, and am very happy and excited, I just dont FEEL pregnant.  I have had no symptoms other than a week of MS and acne and being tired.  And the growing belly, although thats depressing me a tad right now - I'm pretty thin and now I just feel fat.    And the (much) bigger breasts.  I was very happy with my breast size before, and now I'm getting to where I feel like they are too big... and I still have growing to do!  Everyone keeps telling me "they'll never be the same again" which is not helping, either.This is my first pregnancy, no previous losses.  It was unplanned, but expected, as we weren't using contraceptive methods of any kind.  DP was almost in tears at our first ultrasound at 6 weeks.  I was just in awe at seeing the heart beating, I think, but not really connected to the fact that that little blob was inside me lol

 

I havent felt any movement yet, unless I am mistaking some movement for gassiness, but its still early, so I'm a bit skeptical.  In about 5 weeks I'm getting my final US and I'm hoping by then that I will have started feeling movement.  I think seeing the baby will help me connect better, and finding out the sex may help babe and I bond more, somehow.  DP says he doesnt want to know the sex, so it will just be a little secret bewtween baby and me :)


I do think finding out the sex helps you bond :) It helps you to think more specifically - with names, nursery theme, picking out baby stuff, and clothes... etc. It was such a defining factor for me finding out our baby is a boy :)

 

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#26 of 26 Old 06-02-2011, 05:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I agree that finding out the sex is something that helps me feel more connected to baby. Not necessarily bond, as I had real issues with finding out the gender last time and major disappointment, but I'm hoping not to go through that this time. I'm really okay with either gender now and that's a GOOD thing, but it will help to be able to start tossing around names!

 

I, too, thrifted a little thing--a onesie with little teddy bears in space. So freaking cute. This is the first baby I've ever bought anything for before like this the birth.


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