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Are you finding out the sex?

2K views 36 replies 21 participants last post by  justamama 
#1 ·
Hi everyone,

Sorry if I'm repeating a topic that's already been covered. I'm new to the Mothering threads and just wondering how people decided whether to wait till birth or find out the sex of your baby before birth?

We have been asked so many times what we are doing and I think we have finally decided.....

Cheers
 
#2 ·
I am going to find out. To me, it's just as much of a surprise to find out in the middle of pregnancy as in the end. The night before my ultrasounds are more exciting than Christmas! It also helps me to bond with the baby and purchase all the gender appropriate gear in advance. It's one bit of technology that I take advantage of. :)
 
#4 ·
We've always found out with the three girls. Well, this time I did the intelligender test and it said boy! And it was right for DD3, so now I'm not sure I can wait all the way until November to find out! LOL I think finding out would be good to help our kids prepare more. DD3 is really too young to know what is going on (she'll be 20m when baby is born), but DD1 (5) and DD2 (3) already love to hug and kiss my belly (although DD2 insists people say UTERUS instead of belly!) and say hi and good night to the baby.

So basically, I am completely conflicted. We either don't find out, just DH and I find out and tell nobody, or we announce to the world. And I don't know which way I want to go.
 
#5 ·
We found out with #1 b/c we really, really wanted to know. I knew I was also going to have to get used to the idea of a boy as I had always envisioned a girl. It was a girl and the u/s was the best part of that pregnancy!

With #2 we needed to know if it was a boy b/c dh and I were going to need time to work out the circumcision issue. It was a boy and I'm glad we had that time to discuss and let ideas sink in. We did not circ and dh is very happy with the decision.

Now that we have one of each, there are no more emotional gender issues to work through so we are excited to wait and have it be a surprise!
 
#7 ·
We have decided not to find out the sex until the birth.

We found out with both of our other kids but decided to take a different route this time. Just doing it differently to have a new experience. Also, we are planning my first homebirth, so partly - we aren't finding out because I might need that extra little push at the end.

We need literally so little for baby that it honestly doesn't feel like planning and buying things in advance mean that much to me.

We are conflicted about circumcision. Which totally sucks. DS1 is circumcised and DH wants to do it again. Before pregnancy, our conversations about it never have gone very well. Its something I really don't want to deal with at all right now. I just keep praying that our little one has a vagina. Anyway, we will have to deal with it after the birth if the baby is a boy. So either way it really sucks. Seriously, why is it even an option? (OK, another post another time so I'll stop here)
 
#8 ·
I'm going for a surprise for pretty much the same reasons as VOBetz. Have one of each, are prepared with gender specific "stuff" regardless, and a new experience because I knew in advance with the other two. It seems kinda special to have that moment where the baby is born, on my chest, covered with a blanket and I'm just snuggling and gazing into his/her face not knowing, or even thinking about the sex.. and then getting that thought, "oh! I should check!" and taking a peek. I hear that in birth stories a lot, and it sounds so sweet. Yesterday I put some nb/0-3/3-6 month clothes in the baby's dresser :D I designated a drawer each for boy/girl.
 
#9 ·
I literally CANT WAIT to find out the gender of this baby! Im feeling a little blah and detached and I remember feeling this way with #2 also. I know once I know the gender and can start calling it a name (instead of the thing inside me that makes me constantly vomit and wretch) I will start to feel like this is really happening.
 
#10 ·
We are so torn. We didn't find out with DD, but we kind of did (US tech said "Well, I don't SEE a penis... but I can't get a good look") and I was having girl vibes the whole time, so it wasn't really a surprise at the birth. I want the real surprise this time, but I also think that logistically it would be nice to find out, so that I can get rid of all the girl-specific things we have if it's a boy, and make some more space. I feel like I would need to do a little prep for a boy, since I have been surrounded by only females my whole life. If we found out, we wouldn't tell anyone, because I like to limit all the nauseating gender-specific baby stuff anyway.

It might be decided for us anyway, since I signed up for the "not-finding-out-the-gender" scan, which is before 20 weeks. They aren't allowed to tell before 20 weeks. I'd like to only have the one ultrasound.
 
#13 ·
I didn't find out with my first two boys so when I was pregnant with my third I decided I'd rather cry it out in a u/s office than in the delivery room. I'm glad I did. Of course I love having three boys! And I'd happily welcome another. But for me there is a grieving period and I don't want it to interfere with my bonding with my new little one so we will be finding out.

Wendy- You're better than me! Four girls and still not finding out... go you!
 
#14 ·
We've had two girls - both surprises at birth. We're going to do the same this time. I like the surprise, and the speculation at the end gets me through those last few days of pregnancy:) Plus, we only do an ultrasound if medically indicated, so we wouldn't have a chance anyhow.
 
#15 ·
Do Americans need to pay for each ultrasound...and how much?

In Canada there are ultrasounds provided at various weeks - so our next one is at 18 weeks where we can tell the sex.

If it was going to cost a hundred plus dollars that would deff weigh into the desision to find out or not....
 
#16 ·
I found out with my daughter, because I desperately wanted a little girl, and had she been a boy I needed that time to adjust and warm to the idea of having a son.

This time I won't be upset over having one or the other. I'd be lying if I didn't say I'd prefer to have another girl, but I don't feel nearly as strongly about it as I did with Lyra. So I'm waiting. :)
 
#17 ·
My health insurance will pay for any ultrasounds that my midwives refer. It's pretty standard to have a scan around 20 weeks.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SaharaSwims View Post

Do Americans need to pay for each ultrasound...and how much?

In Canada there are ultrasounds provided at various weeks - so our next one is at 18 weeks where we can tell the sex.

If it was going to cost a hundred plus dollars that would deff weigh into the desision to find out or not....
 
#18 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by SaharaSwims View Post

Do Americans need to pay for each ultrasound...and how much?

In Canada there are ultrasounds provided at various weeks - so our next one is at 18 weeks where we can tell the sex.

If it was going to cost a hundred plus dollars that would deff weigh into the desision to find out or not....
Americans have an inconvenient thing called health insurance and most working class Americans can't afford GOOD insurance. So if an unexpected child is conceived alot of people need to get STATE paid health insurance, which covers all medical visits at tax-payers cost.
 
#19 ·
Vanessa,

don't do it! I have 2 intact sons, and caring for them couldn't be easier. You just wipe the outside like a finger, and never retract the foreskin at all.

Do you visit the Case Against Circumcision forum at all? There is so much helpful information there. You can counter any arguments your husband might have. And not infrequently, there are threads about leaving a new baby intact after his older brother or brothers were circumcised. Lots of people decide to stop the cycle at the point that they become informed. A favorite saying is "When you know better, you do better."
smile.gif


I have never found out the sex before, and I've always said I never will. A couple of days ago, I suddenly decided that I DO want to know! It feels weird to be contemplating it. It's not that easy for me to get it done, because we UC/UP, so I can't just ask a midwife/OB to take a look. We'll see if I can even find a place to do it, now that I want to know.
 
#20 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lula's Mom View Post

I have never found out the sex before, and I've always said I never will. A couple of days ago, I suddenly decided that I DO want to know! It feels weird to be contemplating it. It's not that easy for me to get it done, because we UC/UP, so I can't just ask a midwife/OB to take a look. We'll see if I can even find a place to do it, now that I want to know.
I went here http://www.babyvision4d.com/Index.aspx (is that okay to post...???). It's about 10 mins from me in Dunwoody, so it has to be close to you. It was $60 and they gave us about 10 pics, many in 3D, and took as long as they needed to in order to get good shots of the gender, etc. My kids loved it.
 
#21 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by VOBetz View Post
We are conflicted about circumcision. Which totally sucks. DS1 is circumcised and DH wants to do it again. Before pregnancy, our conversations about it never have gone very well. Its something I really don't want to deal with at all right now. I just keep praying that our little one has a vagina. Anyway, we will have to deal with it after the birth if the baby is a boy. So either way it really sucks. Seriously, why is it even an option? (OK, another post another time so I'll stop here)
I know, I was so frustrated by my dh when we first started talking about it. The main reason we needed to know the gender of our second was b/c he refused to listen to anything I had to say until he knew that it even mattered. Once we knew he would listen, but not really respond. It took months of me bringing it up every now and then with a tidbit of information for him to finally feel okay with the decision. It really had to sit and sink in. The argument of one circed son and wanting to have the siblings be the same is a very common one. There is a lot of helpful info over in the circ forum and on sites like www.circumcision.org. Good luck with your decision!
 
#22 ·
Thank you! That would be close to me. So what did they ask you for, as far as your care provider's name/contact info? I already called one place, but they want to know all of that in advance (I guess so they can verify that you are a patient), so that one was out. A friend of mine went somewhere in Cumming that only had her fill out a form before her appointment, and didn't balk when she put down her homebirth midwife's name.
 
#23 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaimee View Post

I know, I was so frustrated by my dh when we first started talking about it. The main reason we needed to know the gender of our second was b/c he refused to listen to anything I had to say until he knew that it even mattered. Once we knew he would listen, but not really respond. It took months of me bringing it up every now and then with a tidbit of information for him to finally feel okay with the decision. It really had to sit and sink in. The argument of one circed son and wanting to have the siblings be the same is a very common one. There is a lot of helpful info over in the circ forum and on sites like www.circumcision.org. Good luck with your decision!
Thanks for the feedback, mamas! I've been to the CAC forum and lurked a lot. I'm not worried about one son being circ'ed and the other not, or anything like that. I could care less about that. Its more a bottom line issue of DH not wanting to admit that there is something ethically wrong with circumcision because he is. He doesn't want to have the conversation because then he has to admit that a.) His parents did this to him and b.) that we did this to our first son. DH was in the room comforting DS when he was circed, so its not like he doesn't full understand that procedure, etc.

Its really just such a hugely awful conversation. We've had it before I was pregnant and really? Thank God we were able to bow out because it was (supposedly) a moot point. (Because we weren't going to have more kids)

So, if we don't have to have it - I'm not going to. Relationship wise - we are struggling right now, so I can also say without a doubt that we will not be talking about it anytime in the near future. We are looking at permanent birth control for after this baby is born - it is without a doubt our last.
 
#24 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lula's Mom View Post

Thank you! That would be close to me. So what did they ask you for, as far as your care provider's name/contact info? I already called one place, but they want to know all of that in advance (I guess so they can verify that you are a patient), so that one was out. A friend of mine went somewhere in Cumming that only had her fill out a form before her appointment, and didn't balk when she put down her homebirth midwife's name.
They didn't ask for anything when I made the appointment. Either when I checked in or when I paid at the end, they asked for the name of the practice. I told them and asked if they wanted the phone number or anything and they said no! I guess it's just a formality. I'm at Intown Midwifery, so it's not like I'm seeing an OB or anything... they probably hadn't even heard of it. If I were you, I'd say, "My doctor is (pcp name)." That's not a lie... it's who you go to if you are sick! :)
 
#25 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by VOBetz View Post

Thanks for the feedback, mamas! I've been to the CAC forum and lurked a lot. I'm not worried about one son being circ'ed and the other not, or anything like that. I could care less about that. Its more a bottom line issue of DH not wanting to admit that there is something ethically wrong with circumcision because he is. He doesn't want to have the conversation because then he has to admit that a.) His parents did this to him and b.) that we did this to our first son. DH was in the room comforting DS when he was circed, so its not like he doesn't full understand that procedure, etc.

Its really just such a hugely awful conversation. We've had it before I was pregnant and really? Thank God we were able to bow out because it was (supposedly) a moot point. (Because we weren't going to have more kids)

So, if we don't have to have it - I'm not going to. Relationship wise - we are struggling right now, so I can also say without a doubt that we will not be talking about it anytime in the near future. We are looking at permanent birth control for after this baby is born - it is without a doubt our last.
You (and he!) have my sympathies.
hug2.gif
It is an awful conversation and I get how it would be so hard to face. Luckily my husband knows I research everything and wasn't attached to the idea that if it was good enough for his parents to do to him, then it was good enough for our son, so I didn't have to fight him. But I did have to watch him go through the realization of what happened to him as an infant, and damn that was hard too. My big strong husband shed a few tears alongside me when we talked about how it's done. He's not angry at his mom, but he's angry that this happens to baby boys and that people still cling to it for ridiculous reasons.

I guess if you have a boy, it may just come down to you being the mama bear and refusing to do it.
 
#26 ·
We have an ultrasound Appt for next week. I normally wouldn't do one because I don't feel 100% safe with them but after losing our son last year I will need to emotionally prepare if we have another son on the way.
 
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