Nervous for U/S next week! - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 13 Old 06-17-2011, 11:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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my u/s is scheduled for next friday.  This is our second and last baby- my first is a boy.  I have strong feelings that this baby is a girl, much stronger than I had with my first.  I hope it is really intuition and not just my own desires :)  

 

Since it's our last baby, I feel like I will be sort of disappointed if it's a boy.  I am pretty feminine, and have such a strong desire to parent a little girl.  My husband and I agree that we don't seem like a two-boy family, if that makes sense.  Of course, there is the idea that I will be the "queen" of the house with three men to take care of me if we have two boys :-)  

 

At the end of the day, I'll be happy if baby is healthy.  But there is that part of me that wants a girl SO bad.  Have any of you dealt with disappointment or sadness after finding out the sex of your baby?  

 

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#2 of 13 Old 06-17-2011, 01:33 PM
 
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It's normal to feel dissapointed if it turns out to be the opposite of what you want. I wouldn't feel too guilty about it. You're just being honest with yourself, and your desires. 

 

Personally, I have just rolled with it, but I'm 41 and this baby was such a surprise, that the sex doesn't really matter--I was shocked enough alreadylol.gif to begin with.

 

Good luck with everything! It''ll work out either way. 


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#3 of 13 Old 06-17-2011, 01:52 PM
 
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Mama, I didn't want my first to be a girl, I NEEDED her to be a girl. Lucky for me, that's what she turned out to be, but I can honeslty say had she been a boy, I would have been crushed. 

 

 

This time around, I am still hoping for another girl. I wasn't going to find out, but we changed our minds. I need to know so if baby is a boy, I have time to process, accept and get excited.


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#4 of 13 Old 06-17-2011, 03:12 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MsVyky View Post

Mama, I didn't want my first to be a girl, I NEEDED her to be a girl. Lucky for me, that's what she turned out to be, but I can honeslty say had she been a boy, I would have been crushed. 

 

 

This time around, I am still hoping for another girl. I wasn't going to find out, but we changed our minds. I need to know so if baby is a boy, I have time to process, accept and get excited.

This was me exactly!  I could not imagine having a boy at all.  I'm so grateful my first was a girl.  I wanted a second girl too and I admit I was disappointed when I found out it was a boy, but not disappointed like I would have been the first time around.  I had trouble telling people it was a boy, but everyone always reacts with "Oh! Little boys are the best!" or "Now you'll have one of each!"  I would just smile and nod.  My MIL kept telling me that I would love a boy just as much and of course I knew that was true, but it was hard to imagine.  She often made me feel guilty for how I was feeling about the baby- like what's wrong with you, not wanting a boy?!  Of course, her first was a boy so I think she took it personally.  As it turns out I had nothing to fear.  I love, love, love this little boy.  He is SO sweet and snuggly and way more laid back (my dd has a very different, spirited personality).  And it turns out, I really do love that I have one of each.  These things are just hard to imagine and feel when the baby is not in your arms.  So I'll add my voice to the chorus: you'll love that baby like crazy either way. 

 

BUT your current feelings are totally valid ones so be sure to let yourself feel them fully.  The good thing about finding out early is that you have months to get used to the idea, grieve a little, and work through your feelings before the birth.  And then when that baby is in your arms I think you'll see what everyone was talking about. joy.gif  Oh and the 20 week sono was hands down my favorite part of my first pregnancy.  It was so amazing.  Enjoy!!
 

 


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#5 of 13 Old 06-17-2011, 10:35 PM
 
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Everything you're feeling is totally normal and okay.

 

Before I got pregnant, I always KNEW my first baby would be a girl.  I mean, for the past, like, 15 years of my life, I just knew.  So for more than half my life, I've known without a doubt that I'd be having a girl first, and I've gotten very, VERY attached to that idea.

 

So when I got pregnant, naturally, I went along with that "knowledge."  But as time passed, I developed a very different feeling.  I'm 20 weeks today, and even though DH and I aren't finding out the sex, I now just know this baby is a boy.  I feel it in my bones.  I've been feeling it for the last 8 or 9 weeks at least, and I tried to ignore/deny the feeling at first, because I'm very uncomfortable with it.  I don't know if it's because I've assumed for so many years that I'd have a girl first, or if it's because I really was hoping for a girl.  But I have this worry that I couldn't love a boy as much, or be as nurturing or snuggly or something... I always had this image of singing lullabies to a baby girl.  And that image just doesn't vibe as well for me when I picture myself with a boy.

 

I don't want to come off as sexist or old-fashioned; not in the least.  I want to snuggle and sing to my baby no matter what.  But these are just the feelings I'm having.

 

You're not alone.  I think that most moms who say "I don't care about the sex, as long as it's healthy!" usually have some sort of a deep-down preference that they deny, or that makes them feel guilt or shame.  I know I wouldn't share the feelings I'm having with many people.

 

Ultimately, I trust that the sex won't matter when I'm holding this baby in my arms.  But I'm definitely having some conflicting and difficult feelings during this pregnancy.


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#6 of 13 Old 06-20-2011, 08:54 AM
 
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OP, I feel exactly the same way.  I have a 2yo boy, we are done after this baby, and we both really want a girl.  My husband and I both come from families with 1 boy and 1 girl, so we have just always imagined our family that way, too.  Even before I got pregnant, I joked that this baby would wear girl clothes no matter what gender it is. I want to buy cute girlie things! And I know that is so superficial, and we already have everything we would need for a boy, but I still find myself wandering through the baby girl section of every store I go to. 

 

We find out in a week, as long as the baby is cooperative, and I am so glad we are finding out early so I have time to mentally prepare for whatever is coming our way.  I know I will love the baby no matter what, and I think it would be really neat for our son to have a brother.  My husband and I both wish we had same-gender siblings so I am holding on to that if it's a boy.

 

I really feel like it's a girl, but maybe I'm just fooling myself.  So impatient to find out!  Just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

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#7 of 13 Old 06-22-2011, 07:21 AM
 
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I will be crushed if this baby is not a boy. Not only that, but my DP said if it's a girl, he's getting me knocked up again right away to try for a boy. lol

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#8 of 13 Old 06-22-2011, 10:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Whew, thanks everyone.  I honestly think I might cry at the u/s if it's a boy.  I'll cry tears of joy if it's a girl, too :)  But I feel like such a jerk.  I am so glad we are finding out now though- with my DS we didn't find out and though I had suspicions that it was a boy (the U/s tech sort of gave it away, kind of....) I still held on to hope that he was a girl.  When my DH announced that it was a boy, I was so overwhelmed with having just pushed that baby out of my body/worried about the carnage *down there* AND when I heard "boy" I remember distinctly feeling like I had to take a step back and process for a second.  Obviously, I immediately fell in love with him after that, but I know there was a second when I was like- Whoa, okay, it's a boy, I'm a little sad but it's going to be okay.  I'm so thankful for this time to process, if need be.  

 

 

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#9 of 13 Old 06-22-2011, 01:54 PM
 
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I had a girl last time and needed her to be a girl. I was just so convinced she would be a girl, I would have been crushed if she'd turned out to be a boy. This time, I really wanted a boy. I also had a strong gut feeling it would be a boy, I could not imagine a girl when I pictured our little family of four. Plus, it's possible this will be my last baby too, so I was really hoping for one of each. I just had it confirmed today that we're having another girl. I can't say I'm really heartbroken. I am excited for DD to have a sister. They will be 2.75 years apart, so I hope they will always be close to each other. I'm so happy they'll have each other forever. But I am grieving a little for the little boy I imagined. 

 

All I can say is I'm focusing on the positives of having another girl. Since we had a girl already, we have pretty much everything we need, so that makes things easier on us financially. There are lots of girls in my family, so I feel like she gets to be a part of a long line of strong women. DH's family has lots of boys already, so it's nice to be adding another girl to the mix on that side. And little things, like there are so many more cute clothes for little girls. Anything that can get me excited about having two girls. And, again, most importantly they will be sisters. I have two sisters so I know how special that relationship is and am glad for them to have that with each other, even if it means I may not get to experience a mother-son relationship. So, really I'm only grieving for me but it may be so much better for DD. 


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#10 of 13 Old 06-24-2011, 10:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Sigh. 

 

It's another boy.  

 

I'm totally still mourning the fact that we won't have a biological daughter (personal choice, we'll likely foster in the future).  I know that right now I feel like I'll be missing out on so much (tutus in dance class, styling her hair, teaching her to knit, etc) but in a few years I'll see that it's awesome having two boys.  Right?  Maybe I'm a better boy mom, so to speak.  We'll see!  

 

I'm trying to plan some changes to the boys' room and I'm getting really excited about it.  That's helping.

 

But I've sobbed so many times today.  Even my mom was a little disappointed, which didn't help my feelings.  People think I'm not thankful, too (only one has said it, but I'm sure that others are just keeping their mouths shut, thankfully).  Not thankful?! Please!  Baby boy is healthy (woot!)  and I will love him just as much as I love my first son- I won't be able to imagine my life without both of them and am so thankful for who they will be to each other as well.  Some people just don't understand, and that's fine.  Whatever. :)

 

I'm sure I'll feel better in the morning.  For today, I let myself mourn a bit.  Nothing wrong with that, right?

 

 

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#11 of 13 Old 06-25-2011, 08:57 AM
 
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Nothing wrong with that at all.  Take your time.  It may take more than just a day and that's okay.  It's very true some people don't get it at all.  FWIW, even if it was a girl she may not have been interested in tutus and hair styling.  Your little boy might love to dance and you can still teach them how to knit- what a great skill!  crochetsmilie.gif

 

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#12 of 13 Old 06-25-2011, 09:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Very true, Jaimee!  I could have had a tomboy and been at a complete loss at how to relate to her :)  It's certainly growing on me today.  Now if I could just get well-meaning people to stop with the silly comments.  Ugh!  Pregnancy really invites such crazy commentary.

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#13 of 13 Old 06-26-2011, 07:21 PM
 
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I'm glad that you're starting to feel better!   And I totally know what you mean about the silly comments!

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by jbk21 View Post

Very true, Jaimee!  I could have had a tomboy and been at a complete loss at how to relate to her :)  It's certainly growing on me today.  Now if I could just get well-meaning people to stop with the silly comments.  Ugh!  Pregnancy really invites such crazy commentary.



 


Abra, Married to George, Mother to DS 12/03 & DD1 08/09 & DD2 12/11.  We are planning our next adventure to South America in April 2014!
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