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#31 of 38 Old 07-30-2011, 11:05 AM
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This sounds more like a relationship issue between the adults, than anything.  There is no reason for a child of this age to be sleeping with their parents if it's causing resentment..  I think there's more to this than just a co-sleeping issue.

Originally Posted by Alenushka View Post

I have friend whose pre-teen  sleeps in their bed almost every night.  Dad is not happy. There is a lot of resentement.



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#32 of 38 Old 07-30-2011, 01:21 PM
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I'm definitely looking forward to co-sleeping! Our bedroom is on one end of the house, a separate addition. The nursery is several rooms away almost on the other end. When I'm sleeping in my bedroom with the door closed, I rarely hear anything going on in the rest of the house. It's not a big house, but I still don't like the distance between me and the nursery if I were to have the baby sleep in her room as an infant - even if we have baby monitors at our disposal. My mom gave us the cradle that my siblings and I (and my nephew!) used as babies, so we're going to move that into our bedroom next to the bed. I will also probably bedshare with the baby sometimes since I'll be nursing. I'm a ridiculously light sleeper... I hope I can even get ANY sleep while taking care of a baby! My husband works an opposite schedule as me - so it's actually ideal that I'll have the baby in bed all alone with space to spare. smile.gif I can't imagine sharing a queen bed with both parents and a baby, to be honest. I'd feel like we're sardines packed into bed! lol But then again, I'm not used to sharing a bed with even my husband since we're on different schedules, haha. I'm kind of spoiled! (We sleep better apart so it's not a negative thing for our relationship at all. We still nap together sometimes on days off!)


I do have concerns about my husband bedsharing, though. He sleeps really deeply. I hope that he will respect my wishes for him to at least keep the baby in the cradle if he's sleeping in the bed. He sleeps out on the couch and in a recliner a lot too, so maybe he'll just keep her out in the living room with him most of the time.

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#33 of 38 Old 08-02-2011, 11:27 AM
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Each newborn started in a protective shell on my bed and moved out of it before 3 weeks. Not sure why I keep trying...


DC1 was shifted to Dad's bed when DC2 was born, as DC1 was only 14 months and I didn't trust him not to roll on baby.  By six months we were all in one bed again. A month or so before DC3 was born, I moved 1+2 to their own room for the same reason -- and because I didn't want so many in my bed! They were 3 and 2 years old. I'd cuddle each of them, tell them a story, and sit with them (nursing baby more often than not). That arrangement stuck until we had guests one week who took over their room and they moved into my bed for the week. After that week, they refused to go to sleep in their own room again, and they went back to lying in bed with me (telling bedtime stories) and being moved to their own rooms after asleep. DC2 still comes back into my room sometime between 3 and 5:30 am; DC3 is still in my bed.


I don't feel quite safe with a 20 month old and a newborn in the same bed with me. My recollection from when DC2 was born was that the one on each side thing totally confused me and while I always knew exactly where my one child was in my bed, when I had two I would sleep very poorly and could wake up totally unaware where exactly the kids were. Once they're a bit older, I'm not as worried about them being on the same side because the baby can move out of the way, but a newborn not so much. We've been working on shifting DC3 (now 17 months old) to a crib, but it's not going very well. He does fine on Dad's bed (we sleep in separate beds most of  the time) but comes looking for me to nurse during the night. Much as I hate to do it, I might wean him also before DC is born. His attachment to nursing is quite attenuated right now, largely because there's no milk and he's not thrilled with the salty colostrum flavor and I'm not really looking forward to tandeming again -- it was not a fun experience last time around. Then again, last time around there were three nurslings.

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#34 of 38 Old 08-08-2011, 11:17 AM
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Originally Posted by Abraisme


This sounds more like a relationship issue between the adults, than anything.  There is no reason for a child of this age to be sleeping with their parents if it's causing resentment..  I think there's more to this than just a co-sleeping issue.

Originally Posted by Alenushka View Post

I have friend whose pre-teen  sleeps in their bed almost every night.  Dad is not happy. There is a lot of resentement.



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#35 of 38 Old 08-10-2011, 10:51 PM
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DD is 18 months and we still co sleep with no plans of quitting.  We have coslept since birth, and will do the same with this baby.  I want a king sized bed though!!  We have a queen and even with one kid in the bed a king would be nice, but the queen has been ok....  I would recommend an all natural matress though, with no petroleum products or flame retardants(If you are worried about fires, wool is a natural flame retardant).

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#36 of 38 Old 08-14-2011, 02:41 PM
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mom simply said "they will quiet when they ready". They are not ready. Dad is bitter.

Originally Posted by Jaimee View Post





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#37 of 38 Old 08-18-2011, 05:29 PM
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DS co-slept until he was 3.  Then we would lay with him in his bed until he fell asleep and when he woke up (at about 3-5AM) he would come across the hall into our bed.  He moved back into our bed shortly before we moved to a new apartment last month, and we weren't sure if we were going to try to discourage it.  He seems to really need to be in our bed right now (he is 5.5).


What we decided is that with the baby coming soon, we don't want him to feel like we're kicking him out ("You have to sleep alone, but Mommy and Daddy and little sis get to share a bed").  So we put the twin bed that we got to replace his toddler bed next to our queen and left the toddler bed in his room.  It hasn't been used since we moved.  We have wall-to-wall beds in our room, and everyone will have room to sleep comfortably, even after the baby comes (she will sleep between me and the firm bolster that's wedged in between the bed and the wall).


As a child, I always hated sleeping alone.  I had considerable fear and anxiety about sleep through my whole childhood, and I used to wake up in the middle of the night in a panic attack, trying to call for my mom but paralyzed and unable to call out.  My step-dad used to travel 2-3 nights per week, and I usually slept with my mom when he was out of town, up until I moved out.  I don't want DS (or soon-to-be DD, or any other children I have) to have the same fear and negativity associated with sleep.  It's such an important part of life and health, and I want it to be a comfortable, positive thing. 


DS is also autistic, which makes sleep more difficult for him and increases his anxiety.  DH and I are okay with the possibility that he may need to sleep close to us indefinitely.  I recently watched a documentary where a young adult who was autistic still slept on a mattress on his parents' floor.  I think in certain situations, we have to give up certain cultural constructs (like private sleep) when they don't serve our particular family's situation.  DH and I can always find ways to be creative about being intimate.  Being happy and connected and having our privacy does not depend on having our own private room/bed to sleep in all night.

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#38 of 38 Old 08-19-2011, 11:38 AM
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THe sidecar sleeper worked for us. I'd bring the babe into bed to nurse, and if I dozed off, whatever. I'd move the baby back the next time I woke/rolled over. I NEVER slept with my back to the baby unless the baby was in the sidecar, and always had my arm out so my hubby would run into that if he rolled over, instead of the baby. I wasn't comfortable sleeping 100% of the night with the baby in the bed, becuase my hubby had a second shift, coming home at midnight, and then with a newborn, his sleep patterns/habits varied from night to night, so we'd never know how deep he slept, if he was or wasn't sleep deprived, etc. The baby ALWAYS napped in his crib or pack n play. (definately nap a few times a week in the pack n play so they get used to it, especially if you will be traveling, visiting others, grandmas is babysitting, etc) so he was used to sleeping in his room alone for some of the day...around 6-7 months I began transitioning him to his crib and night. I needed more rest. So hed sleep in there until midnight, then he'd come back with us. In a couple weeks, he sleep there til 3-4 am, then come with us, etc. And by starting to sleep more on his own, and getting bigger and older, he eventually dropped 1-2 night feedings and we both slept more! And we still nursed until he was around 18months with no problems. I only started to conciously wean the super early am feeding around 12 months and I needed to go back to work.

Anyway, you will find what works for you after a few days, and go from there.

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