I am really struggling right now. I am 27 wks pregnant with my 4th child (our others are 6, 4 and 2). I cry easily and I feel angry a lot. Most of the anger is vented at my husband, although I do feel like a have a shorter fuse with my kids, too. There are a lot of things going on in my life and I don't know if this is a real, chemical depression or if it's just a combination of factors (and whether that matters or not).
This was a surprise pregnancy. I had just accepted a part-time job offer after being a SAHM for 6 years. I was really looking forward to working again, but I turned the job down once I found out I was pregnant (many reasons - cost of childcare, not wanting to leave a newborn in care, worried about being overwhelmed with four kids and a job). I feel like I'm "over" the job thing - I don't think about it anymore or mourn not working. I'm mostly excited about being pregnant - we are having a baby girl after three boys and there's a lot of newness in that. But I also feel exhausted and fairly overwhelmed as it is, so I worry about how I will handle all this when the baby comes. We live 1000 miles away from family and just moved here a year ago, so while we have some friends, we don't have a huge support network. I don't sleep well at night (a combination of our kids waking periodically and a sleep disorder I've had for years) so I am just tired all the time. I'm eating well (we follow a high fat/protein/low carb diet) and taking vitamins and all that. I walk for exercise, but don't get time to do it on my own so it's not relaxing or mind-clearing (more like pushing a stroller and breaking up a fight between my two oldest while we walk to the grocery store). An added stress is that my parents are not well (emotionally and physically) and I feel a lot of guilt over moving away from them a year ago and am searching for a way to move a bit closer.
Overall, I just feel....sad, bored, tired, angry. I want my DH to take the kids somewhere and leave me alone. But I don't know what to do with myself when he does. He is very helpful around the house and with the kids - he does bedtime for all three, does almost all our laundry, takes the kids out when I need a break. But there is still so much to do, to clean, to remember. I have a billion things I want/need to get done and no energy to do them. I cried to my DH last night...I couldn't really express why....just that I feel like I don't ever have fun anymore and don't even know how to relax. We get out alone every 2 wks (we have a sitter) and even then, I feel tense, kind of bored, edgy. Our 10 year anniversary is this week and....all I can think about is whether my DH will want to DTD and it just sounds like too much work.
Ugh - I hate how all this sounds. I'm normally a pretty happy, upbeat person. How do I beat this?
I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like there is a lot going on in your life and being pregnant is just making it difficult to cope with the stress. I'm pregnant with my first and don't have experience with parenting yet, but I came from a family of four kids and I can only imagine how much is on your plate every day - especially when they're all under 6 years of age! Nurturing a marriage is a big deal in itself. Having a surprise pregnancy when you had just prepared to go back to work must've been a big shocker and life-changer too! I'm sure even though you're excited about being pregnant again, it is still tough to mentally change gears unexpectedly. You are probably so used to your day-to-day life that you maybe underestimate how much you are handling every day since it's the norm?
I am not the same person mentally at all during my pregnancy. I've come to terms with that. I'm starting to hear from more and more women who feel the same way. I'm just chalking it up to hormones exacerbating everything in my life right now. It feels like a switch was turned off in my brain ever since the hormones rose early in my 1st trimester and my threshold for coping with stress is non-existent. Hopefully that's all you're experiencing too! I hope this passes for you. I know you have another 3-ish months to go until your baby is born and it feels horrible right now, but hang in there! You're doing the best you can!
Thanks birdhappy for your response. Since posting I notice that the feelings of exhaustion/depression come and go from day to day, depending on a lot of things (whether the kids are fighting, whether it's really hot outside or not, whether DH gets home from work at a decent hour, etc.) I think I might just be at my saturation point and little things throw me over. I'm working on just letting some things go. My sister and her family are coming into town tonight to visit and I want the house to look great, but yesterday I sat down on the couch and just laid there for like 45 minutes because I was tired even though there was still much to clean and get ready. I'm trying anyway.
First off, .
Secondly, I have been crazy these last 3 weeks too. This is a surprise pregnancy for us as well and honestly, there was a point where I wasn't even sure if I would have been pregnant right now. But here we are.
Between work and just plain life with my family, it seems like my pregnancy hormones exacerbate any stress I have. I think had I not being doing yoga and hypnobabies already, it would have been worse. This isn't too say I haven't been really short with my family or suddenly just burst out into tears due to just overwhelming emotions. I do wonder if it wouldn't have been worse without it.
The only thing I can suggest is trying to be gentle with yourself. There will be hard days and not so hard days. At least this portion is temporary.