Please help me put it all in perspective! - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 6 Old 09-14-2011, 06:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
berry987's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 710
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Okay, I'm 33 weeks today. I have three small children, no family help (we moved here a year ago, 1000 miles from family), some friends, but of course they are new friends, a HUGE to-do list, and not enough time or energy to accomplish everything.

 

My DH is great help with the small stuff - he does laundry, helps with the kids, does dishes, etc. When I give him the tools and point him in a direction he will do bigger projects like move furniture, help me paint rooms, etc. When he's not at work, he looks to me for direction, instruction, etc. in terms of projects/things that need to be done.

 

And I am feeling VERY overwhelmed. We have nothing done on the baby's room (just a pile of clothes in a crib and dressers full of my other kids' clothes in the room). We've had projects around the house that needed to be done months and months ago that are now stacking up (like a massively clogged shower drain, doors that need planing because they don't open all the way, etc). On top of all that, there are things I wish I could do like update our family photo albums (I am SOOO behind - 2006!), send photos to the grandparents that have been sitting and just need frames (we had professional photos taken and now they are collecting dust), my older son has a birthday at the end of the month, etc. Add those kind of things to the day-to-day: I am the room parent for one of my kid's classes, I have 4 drop off and picks ups for school each day (we carpool most of the time, so some of that is lessened), and I am dragging a 2yo and 4yo around everywhere I go. 

 

And I'm tired. I hit a wall at about 12:30 every day and just so desperately want to put my feet up and rest. But I hardly ever get the chance because of daily life maintenance and the fact that my 4yo is home at that time and is in a phase where he is scared to be in any room of the house without me. eyesroll.gif I put a TV show on for him now and then and try to crash on the couch next to him, but he is active and talkative and will.not.leave.me.alone. 

 

I'm just so burned out and tired and frustrated by the lack of progress on all the things I want/need to do.

 

My DH thinks I need to just cross a lot off my list. But that suggestion in itself bothers me because that's why so much of it never gets done - he'd rather just delay or cancel the project. And I'm sick of staring at things that need to get done. And I'm tired of being the one who has to motivate, organize, and get the project going. But at the same time, I see I am being slightly over ambitious and the ability to enjoy the last few weeks of this pregnancy rests in me....I NEED to let some things go and just BE.

 

But, oh, how do I do that? And how do I do that without just letting everything drop?


berry987 is offline  
#2 of 6 Old 09-14-2011, 09:28 PM
 
Abraisme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Portland, Or
Posts: 4,059
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

hug2.gif

 

I don't have any fantastic, in depth advice, but maybe this will help.  When I have a lot of projects to do I try to get a friend to help (even if they're newer friends).  All of my friends have kids, which keeps my kids distracted while we concentrate on the task.  Then, I will go to my friends house later and help her with a chore. 

 

Recently my friend (who I've only known for a year) helped me all weekend to preserve some food, then I went to her house and helped her organize her kids bedrooms.  We both got a lot done while our kids were playing, plus it's nice to have the company to keep you motivated. 

 

I totally know what it's like to have a long list of things to do!  I always keep a running list up on my wall and cross things off one at a time.  Some things are still not done (like my photo albums), but that's just the way it is.  Ha ha.  Try to make a plan and do a few things a week.  It's also okay to scale back on things if stuff gets too stressful.  We have a small homestead and had to make the decision to get rid of our rabbits this year (after I found out that I was pregnant).  It was simply causing too much stress on us.  It's been the right choice. 

 

I hope that you're able to find a balance.  :)


Abra, Married to George, Mother to DS 12/03 & DD1 08/09 & DD2 12/11.  We are planning our next adventure to South America in April 2014!
Abraisme is offline  
#3 of 6 Old 09-15-2011, 05:15 AM
 
Breed210's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 37
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Pick the big things that you really want to get done and forget about the rest for a moment.. I too have a HUGE list but I have a plethora of pregnancy related issues like SPD, GD, hyperemesis still, etc.. I'm homeschooling our boys, have a 16 month  old, and a husband in Afghanistan.. I finally have had to try and realize it's not all going to get done.. I just can't. So I've got  my list down to 4 big things that need to happen in the next 8 weeks and a few little ones.. The rest simply have to wait or I'm going to be miserable..

 

It still drives me slightly batty but I'm trying..

Breed210 is offline  
#4 of 6 Old 09-15-2011, 05:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
berry987's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 710
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Thank you so much for the replies. Yesterday was one of *those* days and I'm feeling better today. I cried a lot yesterday at random times (in the car, after the lady at my kids peds office was rude to me on the phone innocent.gif, etc.) But I made a HUGE to-do list and separated it into three categories - highest, medium and lowest priority. And I set deadlines for each of those priorities (well, except lowest....those will only happen if we have time). I have a week to accomplish my highest priority things and it feels good to have a clear list I can turn to when I have a bit of time here and there. And I already crossed some things off!

 

I think I've felt like my head was going to explode with all the things running through it - so now that it's written down I can ease up on the constant dialogue in my brain. Ahhh.

 

 


berry987 is offline  
#5 of 6 Old 09-15-2011, 08:31 AM
 
Abraisme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Portland, Or
Posts: 4,059
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

Glad to hear it!  I know that having a list really helps both myself and my DH.  :)
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by berry987 View Post

Thank you so much for the replies. Yesterday was one of *those* days and I'm feeling better today. I cried a lot yesterday at random times (in the car, after the lady at my kids peds office was rude to me on the phone innocent.gif, etc.) But I made a HUGE to-do list and separated it into three categories - highest, medium and lowest priority. And I set deadlines for each of those priorities (well, except lowest....those will only happen if we have time). I have a week to accomplish my highest priority things and it feels good to have a clear list I can turn to when I have a bit of time here and there. And I already crossed some things off!

 

I think I've felt like my head was going to explode with all the things running through it - so now that it's written down I can ease up on the constant dialogue in my brain. Ahhh.

 

 



 


Abra, Married to George, Mother to DS 12/03 & DD1 08/09 & DD2 12/11.  We are planning our next adventure to South America in April 2014!
Abraisme is offline  
#6 of 6 Old 09-19-2011, 02:10 PM
 
Jaimee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Seattle, Tucson, Austin, Baltimore. Now: Urbana, IL
Posts: 7,473
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Yep, I do the same with my to do lists.  I've also given myself permission to park my 4.5 year old in front of a movie if I want/need to get something done while my 1.5 year old is napping.  I agree with Abra, too, that even if your friends are relatively new, you can still make arrangements for time exchanges.  You can do it the way Abra does or you could do kid swaps where you watch all her kids one day and she watches all yours another day.  Even two hours is immensely helpful whether you use the time to accomplish tasks or to watch a cheesy movie and eat lunch by yourself.

 

Great thread... I'm sure many of us are feeling this way right about now.  Remember to join the November DDC Social Group (if you haven't already) and make posts there!


Mama to Avalon 1/07 waterbirth.jpg, Austin 1/10 in between uc.jpgand Avery 12/11  h20homebirth.gif
fambedsingle1.gif   femalesling.GIF   winner.jpg   cd.gif     ecbaby2.gif  novaxnocirc.gif   goorganic.jpg  

Jaimee is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off