Waiting to Adopt NON DDC ~ October 2009 - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 92 Old 10-02-2009, 07:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This is a "Non Due Date Club" for all the Mamas waiting to adopt kiddos, whether newborn or older. We can share our stories, encourage each other while we wait and be patient (or not) for our little ones to arrive.

Feel free to join in if you are waiting for a foster kiddo, a relative or an adoption in any stage. We're not trying to be exclusive at all. Mamas who don't have any kids yet but who are waiting to adopt or foster a kiddo are also welcome. Also feel free to chime in if you have previously adopted and have stories or advice to share.

Please keep this thread supportive and gentle. We all have different journeys and different ways of "getting there".

Here is the link to September's NON DDC

**************************

Waiting to Adopt DDC Roll Call!!!


BeckC (Rebecca)
Domestic Transracial Newborn Adoption
Homestudy approved 8/09
Waiting to be matched

Whistler (Erin)
Domestic Transracial Newborn Adoption
Baby boy born on 9/29
Home on 10/9!

mamalemon
Domestic Newborn Adoption
Baby boy is home!

mamarhu
Foster/adoptive parent, hoping to adopt DFC
Maybe waiting for 5yo twins, sibs of DFC

tiffani
International African adoption
Working on paperwork

lamamax3
Domestic Newborn Adoption
Licensed and waiting to be matched

curliemama
Private adoption
Licensed and waiting to be matched
Now filling out agency paperwork

HeatherAtHome (Heather)
Hoping to foster/adopt
Need to buy a house, then begin licensing process

candm
International Haitian adoption
Finalized, waiting to bring our son and daughter home!

crl (Catherine)
Updating homestudies for China and Kyrgyzstan
Starting newborn domestic homestudy
Matched with an emom due in April

sesa70 (Theresa)
Domestic Transracial Infant Adoption
Working on homestudy and classes

airmide_m
Beginning adoption process
Working on getting lawyer and homestudy right away

chanibell
International Adoption
Thinking stage for #2

angie6191
Hoping to adopt current foster kiddos
Starting process for domestic transracial newborn adoption

azedazobollis (Christine)
DD came home on December
Waiting for finalization

Polliwog (Beth)
Hoping to adopt DFD who is free for adoption
Next court date in Nov

DTmama1
Matched with sibling group from foster care
Ages 6, 9, 10, 11, and 13
Kids are moved in!

raqmykids (Raquel)
Transracial domestic adoption
Waiting for placement

someonenamedleah (Leah)
Domestic Transracial Infant Adoption
Matched with an emom expecting twin boys in January

Alvenchrst
Foster/adopt
Working on paperwork

ftlmom2001
Domestic private adoption
Baby boy born 10/13

hdeering
Foster parents to 3 yo, 3 yo, and 5 month old.
Moving towards adoption with 2 out of 3, but maybe all 3.
TPR hearing for 1 or 2 of them in Jan.

excitedtobeamom
Adopting from Thailand
Waiting on referral (hopefully summer/fall 2010)

hi abbott
Working on agency paperwork

rebyell
Domestic adoption
Homestudy approved
Matched with emom due Nov 16

Luv-my-boys
Special needs Foster/Adopt thru state
Approved, Waiting for $$ to finish homestudy

Crpsmnwife
Foster to Adopt through state
Classes and paperwork completed
Have been waiting 2+ months for homestudy to begin

Ttoes
Domestic Newborn Adoption
Homestudy approved
Waiting to be matched

SimplyRochelle (Rochelle)
Hoping to adopt from foster care
Just starting the process

griffin2004
State Foster-to-Adopt Program
Waiting for a placement
Researching private adoption

christophersmom
Hoping to foster
Waiting for approval

leahcar
Homestudy approved 07/09
Hoping to adopt an older child (girl)

ladycop79 (Heather B)
Hoping to foster
Taking MAPP classes


**************************

Congratulations to Erin (Whistler) on bringing home her son!

Rebecca, CPST, Navy wife to Chris, furmama to Fenway
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#2 of 92 Old 10-02-2009, 07:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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October's NONDDC is up!

Not much to update here. Our agency did update their website though and our picture is on their "Adoptive Parents" section.

Rebecca, CPST, Navy wife to Chris, furmama to Fenway
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#3 of 92 Old 10-02-2009, 09:40 PM
 
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Our baby is due on less than 2 weeks. I am so excited. PBM is already 1-2cm dilated and is having a stress test done tuesday.
Does anyone know what a stress test is? What are they checking for and what does it mean?
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#4 of 92 Old 10-02-2009, 11:31 PM
 
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Hey ladies! I would love to go ahead and join in here. DH and I are attending a foster-adopt inquiry meeting on Tuesday and we're hoping that about a year and half from now, we'll be ready. We've been married almost 3 years, we're both students, and we both share a strong desire to adopt out of the foster care system. We won't be moving into a bigger house until January but we're hoping to have our classes completed by then. I'm looking forward to actually getting to begin and not just talk about it.


Also, ftlmom2001, during a stress test they'll check the mom's BP, baby's heartrate and size, determine if any contractions are occuring, check how dialated she is...basically, just make sure the baby is still thriving in the womb.

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#5 of 92 Old 10-03-2009, 12:12 AM
 
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Originally Posted by ftlmom2001 View Post
Our baby is due on less than 2 weeks. I am so excited. PBM is already 1-2cm dilated and is having a stress test done tuesday.
Does anyone know what a stress test is? What are they checking for and what does it mean?
A stress test is where they stimulate contractions. Probably with IV pitocin. The midwives I used to work with would do it with nipple stimulation (which produces oxytocin--the substance they are replicating with pitocin--which stimulates contractions.) They put mom on a monitor and check and see how well the baby does with the contractions. They do this if the baby is overdue, if they have concerns, or just because they are intervention-happy. What they want to know is how well the baby should tolerate the stress of labor.

In today's high intervention world I would not worry too much why they are doing this. Though the emom has the right to ask why they're doing it and I'd recommend she find out. It's not too invasive, except she will probably have an IV and be on a monitor.

Created an instant family (7/89 and 5/91) in 1997. Made a baby boy 12/05 adopted a baby girl 8/08. Ask me about tandem adoptive nursing. Now living as gluten, dairy, cane sugar, and tomato free vegetarians. Homeschooling and loving it.

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#6 of 92 Old 10-03-2009, 04:00 AM
 
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Welcome Rochelle!

Well, no call today so I still don't know when the court date is next week *bang head* SO we wait some more.

Little back story... we're matched with a birth mom who gave birth Monday and can't decide whether to place or parent. Either would be ok, just need to get it decided. If she places it will be for sure with us. So we either get a baby this week.... or we don't.

Erin caffix.gif , Happy wife of Honey Bearguitar.gif , mom of Curly Miss (11/04), Little Mister (10/06), Princess Abi (3/08), and The Bean (9/09) jumpers.gifadoptionheart-1.gif  <>< oh, and I blog.

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#7 of 92 Old 10-03-2009, 10:25 AM
 
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Rochelle welcome to the group.
Ladies thank you for the explaination of the stress test. I feel a loy calmer now. It's getting close and I'm having a hard time just waiting.
Whistler, I can't imagine going through such a wait. You sound so calm and sure. How do you stay so pleasent in all this.
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#8 of 92 Old 10-03-2009, 12:41 PM
 
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Rochelle, welcome! I am pretty new here as well, but I have found this to be a great group!

ftlmom, you must be getting so excited!

Erin, I second ftlmom's sentiment...I am amazed by your composure! I'd be freaking out! I'll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and hoping for the best for ALL involved.

AFM, can you change my status to Domestic Transracial Infant Adoption, MATCHED with an emom expecting twin boys in January!

Leah mom to Delilah 9/00, angel Stephen lost 5/25/09 at 40 weeks, and twins Gus and Cash 1/10

Expecting a miracle January 2012

 

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#9 of 92 Old 10-03-2009, 08:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ftlmom2001 View Post
Our baby is due on less than 2 weeks. I am so excited. PBM is already 1-2cm dilated and is having a stress test done tuesday.
Does anyone know what a stress test is? What are they checking for and what does it mean?
How exciting! I'm sure the stress test will be just fine. Let us know how it goes.



Quote:
Originally Posted by SimplyRochelle View Post
Hey ladies! I would love to go ahead and join in here. DH and I are attending a foster-adopt inquiry meeting on Tuesday and we're hoping that about a year and half from now, we'll be ready. We've been married almost 3 years, we're both students, and we both share a strong desire to adopt out of the foster care system. We won't be moving into a bigger house until January but we're hoping to have our classes completed by then. I'm looking forward to actually getting to begin and not just talk about it.
Welcome! I added you.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Whistler View Post
Well, no call today so I still don't know when the court date is next week *bang head* SO we wait some more.

Little back story... we're matched with a birth mom who gave birth Monday and can't decide whether to place or parent. Either would be ok, just need to get it decided. If she places it will be for sure with us. So we either get a baby this week.... or we don't.
Still praying for your family and emom and baby. I know this is a tough week.



Quote:
Originally Posted by someonenamedleah View Post
AFM, can you change my status to Domestic Transracial Infant Adoption, MATCHED with an emom expecting twin boys in January!
Congratulations on the match! I have no idea what AFM means, but you're updated!

Rebecca, CPST, Navy wife to Chris, furmama to Fenway
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#10 of 92 Old 10-03-2009, 08:22 PM
 
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We are remaining in the state foster-to-adopt program, although not terribly hopeful about a placement. I may switch to straight fostering after the 1st of the year. Haven't decided yet.

I'm investigating private adoption via an attorney. What I've learned so far has been encouraging re: both timelines and $$. I already have a home study, so I'm working on my family profile now. If anyone has guidance on that, I'd appreciate it very much.

We'll likely parallel track f-to-a and the private efforts for the next year or so. Should it have to be this hard?

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#11 of 92 Old 10-04-2009, 03:21 AM
 
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Whistler, I can't imagine going through such a wait. You sound so calm and sure. How do you stay so pleasent in all this.
Oh, I have certainly had my moments!!!

For the sake of the other kids I am trying really, really, really hard to distract myself from thinking too much about it. It will be so nice to have it done, though. Right now I think I am kind of resigned to not getting this baby so I don't fall hard. If we get him you will see some serious freaking out!

Erin caffix.gif , Happy wife of Honey Bearguitar.gif , mom of Curly Miss (11/04), Little Mister (10/06), Princess Abi (3/08), and The Bean (9/09) jumpers.gifadoptionheart-1.gif  <>< oh, and I blog.

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#12 of 92 Old 10-05-2009, 10:39 AM
 
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Erin,
I barely slept last night thinking about you. Have you heard anything yet?
Please drop us all a post whenever you here something.
I am praying that you find out soon.
Michaelle
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#13 of 92 Old 10-05-2009, 07:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well we got a phone call from our sw today. An emom likes our profile. Here's the thing(s) though. She's not due until mid April which means she's only like 13 weeks pregnant. And she has a lot of expenses that need covering, which is not really in our budget.

I'm not sure if our agency would let us put off the match until much later in the pregnancy. DH and I have a lot to talk about and a lot of questions for the sw.

Rebecca, CPST, Navy wife to Chris, furmama to Fenway
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#14 of 92 Old 10-05-2009, 07:42 PM
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Rebecca,

I'm somewhat familar with that position. It's tough. I hope you all are able to get all your questions answered.

Catherine
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#15 of 92 Old 10-05-2009, 08:06 PM
 
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Put in a call to our SW today to find out when our court date is. She wasn't there... was in court with another case, ironically. I will be so glad when this is over.....

Erin caffix.gif , Happy wife of Honey Bearguitar.gif , mom of Curly Miss (11/04), Little Mister (10/06), Princess Abi (3/08), and The Bean (9/09) jumpers.gifadoptionheart-1.gif  <>< oh, and I blog.

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#16 of 92 Old 10-05-2009, 09:21 PM
 
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We are *almost* finalized as foster parents. It has been a long wait, but our file is supposed to be approved by end of October and we will be ready.

Carly, mama to DS C (5th grade), DD Miss M (07/09, fostered 1/10, adopted 08/10), and Little Miss C (11/10, fostered 01/11, adopted 11/12). Foster Son, Mr. A, age 11 placed 10/13.
My angel babies , ~01/08~ (twins), ~09/08~, and ~01/09~.

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#17 of 92 Old 10-05-2009, 10:23 PM
 
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We are *almost* finalized as foster parents. It has been a long wait, but our file is supposed to be approved by end of October and we will be ready.
Terrific. I remember when you were beginning the proccess. I'm in Orange County and have been fostering for a little over three years. I adopted my son last year and will adopt my foster daughter in February or March.

Remind me, are you going with DSS or an agency?
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#18 of 92 Old 10-06-2009, 02:02 AM
 
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Christophersmom, *almost* congratulations It'll be exciting when you get that call that you are aproved.

We have a court date!!! It's Friday morning at 9:30. So we'll know by lunchtime whether we get the baby or whether bmom decides to parent. The SW said she is still wavering back and forth daily, but the fact that there even IS a court date says something. I can't feel too glad though, knowing how hard this is on her.

Erin caffix.gif , Happy wife of Honey Bearguitar.gif , mom of Curly Miss (11/04), Little Mister (10/06), Princess Abi (3/08), and The Bean (9/09) jumpers.gifadoptionheart-1.gif  <>< oh, and I blog.

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#19 of 92 Old 10-06-2009, 10:41 AM
 
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Polli - congrats on the adoptions, soooo exciting. We are doing DSS, we just got our ongoing licensing social worker assigned last week, so we are close. I guess we just wait for a call after that.

Carly, mama to DS C (5th grade), DD Miss M (07/09, fostered 1/10, adopted 08/10), and Little Miss C (11/10, fostered 01/11, adopted 11/12). Foster Son, Mr. A, age 11 placed 10/13.
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#20 of 92 Old 10-06-2009, 11:04 AM
 
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I'm glad there's some light at the end of the tunnel now, Erin. I can't even begin to imagine the anticipation in the air in your home this week.

We attend our first meeting tonight!!! I am super excited and I have no idea how I am supposed to get anything done today. Luckily, I'm sure the 15 month old little boy I'm a nanny for will keep me super distracted in all this yucky rain we're having. I wish he were old enough to appreciate building a tent in the dining room hah.

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#21 of 92 Old 10-06-2009, 12:17 PM
 
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I will be thinking about you this week Erin

Nothing is going on here as far as the adoption is concerned. Next month will be a year since our final home study meeting...our social worker told us then that she couldn't imagine us waiting longer than a year She has one month left to be right about that.

Good luck to all of the waiters here!

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#22 of 92 Old 10-06-2009, 02:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We had to say no.

The amount that she needs is technically within our budget but beyond the amount that we're comfortable risking (since if she changes her mind, we can't recover the money we spent). In addition we would have to pay it all now and hope for the next 7 months that she didn't change her mind. Our profile wouldn't be shown at all during the match.

I can't believe I just said no to a baby.

Rebecca, CPST, Navy wife to Chris, furmama to Fenway
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#23 of 92 Old 10-06-2009, 02:48 PM
 
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We had to say no.

The amount that she needs is technically within our budget but beyond the amount that we're comfortable risking (since if she changes her mind, we can't recover the money we spent). In addition we would have to pay it all now and hope for the next 7 months that she didn't change her mind. Our profile wouldn't be shown at all during the match.

I can't believe I just said no to a baby.
I would have made the same choice. How I would have "rationalized" it to myself is, if this is YOUR baby, she will think about you for a very long time and will contact you later in the pregnancy. If this isn't YOUR baby, this would have fallen through and you would have been out all that money on top of it.

We were working with an agency for awhile. We had a lot of problems. When we went our separate ways, I didn't really worry about it because I know things always work out if you honor your gut. Our daughter was born 7 months later. I started nursing her at 6 hours of age. She looks just like me and our bio son. Had we continued with the other agency, we wouldn't have been where we needed to be for our daughter.

I''m sure it's hard to say "no" to a baby, but your baby is out there waiting for you.

Created an instant family (7/89 and 5/91) in 1997. Made a baby boy 12/05 adopted a baby girl 8/08. Ask me about tandem adoptive nursing. Now living as gluten, dairy, cane sugar, and tomato free vegetarians. Homeschooling and loving it.

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#24 of 92 Old 10-06-2009, 03:19 PM
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We had to say no.

The amount that she needs is technically within our budget but beyond the amount that we're comfortable risking (since if she changes her mind, we can't recover the money we spent). In addition we would have to pay it all now and hope for the next 7 months that she didn't change her mind. Our profile wouldn't be shown at all during the match.

I can't believe I just said no to a baby.
It really sounds to me like you made the right choice. I know exactly what you mean about saying no to a baby. It's so hard. But I think it's very important to only proceed when you are comfortable with the situation, whether that's from a financial angle or health risk factors or degree of openess or whatever.

Catherine
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#25 of 92 Old 10-06-2009, 04:29 PM
 
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Beck, I agree with PP... go with your gut. This just wasn't right for your family. And it wasn't saying no to a baby, it was saying no to a situation you weren't comfortable with. There was a lot more involved than just the baby, but I know what you mean. Still, the right one will come. *hugs*

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#26 of 92 Old 10-06-2009, 05:04 PM
 
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I have a problem with an agency trying to match emoms with adoptive families so early in the pregnancy. I really like that our's doesn't show profiles until the emom is eight months along. There are too many variables and all of the financial risk is squarely on the adoptive parents. I think you made the right choice, but I understand how hard it is

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#27 of 92 Old 10-07-2009, 08:28 AM
 
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Hi there. I just found this community yesterday.

My husband and I have been talking about adoption for several years. We moved from a "someday" plan to a "now" in May. We spent 6 whole (9 am - 4 PM) Saturdays in the required classes this summer and our home study was approved in late July. We are hoping to adopt an older child (a girl). We have no other children. We currently have "expressed interest" in 3 girls across the state (we live in Floida) and are waiting to see how that goes. We actually got a call from one of the girl's guardian ad litem last night, which we're very excited about! We are going to a matching event in a couple weeks that this girl and the guardian ad litem will both be at.

The agency doing our classes and home study didn't do the best job of explaining how long the process takes and how much waiting is involved. We are adjusting, though (what else can you do, right?!).
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#28 of 92 Old 10-08-2009, 12:08 AM
 
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I am having a super bummed day. After we went to the inquiry meeting last night, got all our paperwork, sat through an hour and a half of explaining what foster parents do, etc... my husband told me he had changed his mind and really didn't feel ready for this. It's not like he even wants to do this soon. He said maybe 3 years from now. That seems like a lifetime away for me. I've been ready to be a mom since the day we got married and after my loss from last year, I'm just so tired of waiting. It sucks to be on such totally different pages. I understand where he's coming from, he has more schooling ahead of him after he graduates, I don't. I don't have a single doubt that we could do this, and I feel like he's just so afraid we'll fail. I've spent the whole day depressed, mourning like I've actually lost a baby again. I am just so disappointed. I wish he would have voiced his concerns before we'd gone to the meeting, before he let me get my hopes up. So I guess you can go ahead and take me off the list, at least for now, but I know I'll be back eventually.

And of course, just because I'm already so frazzeled, my CASA case has just blown up. Less than a week before court and trial home placement, the mom is sabatoging their return and I'm dealing with a gazillion people calling me and texting me all day long while I was in class.

Rochelle  chartnew.gifff: /home/simplyrochelle  Wife to Matt; angel1.gif 9/08; angel1.gif 11/12;angel1.gif 6/13;

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#29 of 92 Old 10-08-2009, 03:50 AM
 
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Originally Posted by SimplyRochelle View Post
I am having a super bummed day. After we went to the inquiry meeting last night, got all our paperwork, sat through an hour and a half of explaining what foster parents do, etc... my husband told me he had changed his mind and really didn't feel ready for this. It's not like he even wants to do this soon. He said maybe 3 years from now. That seems like a lifetime away for me. I've been ready to be a mom since the day we got married and after my loss from last year, I'm just so tired of waiting. It sucks to be on such totally different pages. I understand where he's coming from, he has more schooling ahead of him after he graduates, I don't. I don't have a single doubt that we could do this, and I feel like he's just so afraid we'll fail. I've spent the whole day depressed, mourning like I've actually lost a baby again. I am just so disappointed. I wish he would have voiced his concerns before we'd gone to the meeting, before he let me get my hopes up. So I guess you can go ahead and take me off the list, at least for now, but I know I'll be back eventually.

And of course, just because I'm already so frazzeled, my CASA case has just blown up. Less than a week before court and trial home placement, the mom is sabatoging their return and I'm dealing with a gazillion people calling me and texting me all day long while I was in class.
I'm so sorry.

Created an instant family (7/89 and 5/91) in 1997. Made a baby boy 12/05 adopted a baby girl 8/08. Ask me about tandem adoptive nursing. Now living as gluten, dairy, cane sugar, and tomato free vegetarians. Homeschooling and loving it.

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#30 of 92 Old 10-08-2009, 11:32 AM
 
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Thanks. We actually talked about it for a long time last night and wrote down all the reason he doesn't want to do this now. And yay, compromise! He said he could see us fostering in a year, as long as x, y, z happens. I can at least get on board with this one and he agreed to help me fill out paperwork so we can get into the PRIDE training, but I think if we do this now, we might end up having to get our background checks renewed. I'm not too sure yet. But I am just so thankful we talked about it. My hubby is pretty awesome!

Rochelle  chartnew.gifff: /home/simplyrochelle  Wife to Matt; angel1.gif 9/08; angel1.gif 11/12;angel1.gif 6/13;

Every day brings me closer to fulfilling my dreams of becoming a midwife and a mother  

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