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Foster Parenting Success Stories?

1K views 12 replies 11 participants last post by  Organique Gal 
#1 ·
I was a foster kid growing up. I've always wanted to give back in that way. I see a lot about adoption here but not much on fostering. Does anyone have any success stories or fun facts they would like to share? How about any California specific fostering info? I live in California and am not interested in adoption, just fostering!
 
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#2 ·
There's lots of us who either foster, or have adopted through the foster care system.

I've been a foster parent for about 3 1/2 years. I've fostered three children (one who is now adopted and another who will be adopted in the spring.) I didn't intend to adopt either. It just happened.

I've loved fostering. My first baby stayed with me for about six weeks (not long but she was only four months when she came.) My son moved in four weeks after she left and then my soon-to-be adopted daughter moved in one year later.

I've had a wonderful experience. I've worked with wonderful social workers and I've had some degree of openness with at least one member of each child's family. We are really treated with respect by DSS. They know that they wouldn't be able to do what is needed without the foster parents they license. And my kids are amazing people.

There's a huge message board at www.fosterparents.com if you are interested. It's not a crunchy place but it's filled with lots of real life stories of people who are doing the work of fostering.
 
#3 ·
We fostered for a year with back to back & overlapping placements (6 of them) and then took a summer off. When we opened up again, we got an adoptive placement (our state has a separate adoptive unit for children whose goal is TPR/adoption) and couldn't take placements for 6mo (the state wantsyour bonding to be uninterrupted). We had one other placement since.

The experiences have overall been good. That being said, we knew that we wanted to foster the foster children and that our adoptive placement would come through the adoptive unit. So I think we were less on the emotional roller coaster than many parents who want to adopt and are led to believe that every foster placement is a potential adoptive placement. As a result, we have a really good relationship with our county and they trust us--which is a huge help when there are issues. And there's usually something at some point in a case that needs attention from someone somewhere.

Like Polliwog, there have been good and bad. Our state is trying to move to "full disclosure" in foster care (meaning that we get ALL the information there is to get) and we've run into caseworkers that don't get it. We've run into medical practitioners that want to drug the kids because it's a medication management paycheck for them. And we've run into one GAL that was beyond horrifying (in NJ, the GAL is an attorney and is the child's representation in court. I know in other states, sometimes the lawyer is one person and the GAL another non-attorney representing the child in court. Here they're one in the same and always a lawyer). But for the most, we get the info we need and if the people that need to be concerned about something aren't--we know how to get it rectified. So we haven't yet really run into things that would make us want to quit. It's not a perfect system and it definitely has points where you say "Why the heck am I doing this" but I think you could say that about most things you could get involved with.

We have to stop fostering for now because our two are just not at ages or stages of their lives where it's working. We recently had a placement that threw our household into such chaos that she had to move. She wasn't adjusting and it showed in the monumental change in her eating and sleeping (or rather, the lack of both). I think it may have been due to the stress load and reactions of my kids. My nearly 6yo has never had a problem with fostering, but my 14mo ad really had a hard time with it--which then affected the 6yo... all of which affected the foster baby. But it's not for lack of wanting to be involved in foster care.
 
#4 ·
We used to foster. I still identify as a foster parent, as I intend to do so again in the future, but am just on an extended break right now. Actually, it hasn't been that long since dd was with us as a fosterling. We adopted her less than a year ago.

We have fostered and foster-adopted. These were seperate for us. When we just fostered, we just *fostered* and did not intend to adopt. When we foster-adopted (twice), we were fostering with hopes of adopting. The experiences were different.

We absolutely *loved* being therapeutic foster parents for older kids in our "just fostering" days. If it hadn't been for working with an agency that turned out to have a mentally ill director who as a result really screwed up some kids lives, we probably would have kept it up for longer. Some of our best memories come from those days, and we were really challenged and grew a lot too. I can't see ending my time as a foster parent without doing therapeutic care again...probably will return to when we hit our empty nest years. Meanwhile, in the next few years, I hope to start fostering again with a non-therapeutic program for kids younger than our own. It may or may not be as a part of a foster-adopt situation. We'll see what feels right at the time.
 
#5 ·
I was an accidental foster parent. We actually decided we weren't going to foster right now, about a month before we actually started. We were scared of the hurt and watching the wrong things happen in cases. However, one month later an old friend of mine had a repeat run-in with the state, and I happened to volunteer to drive her to the meeting with the state. Just so happened her newborn was removed that day, and I literally called my husband from the meeting going, "Um, honey, can you come home from work to meet with a social worker? We're bringing the baby home with us." That 45 minute drive home with a new baby I didn't expect to be getting was crazy. I had this dumb stare the whole time. I called a friend, going, "Omg, I have a baby in my car. Omg, I have a baby in my car." It was shock!

We were thrown in, but from the beginning, I took the opportunities to attend the court hearings and advocate as loudly as possible. In fact, I've had to be shushed a little because one of the attorneys refuses to allow my "updates on her progress" to the court, since it wasn't written by case worker. But I still bring an updated photo of the child and attend every hearing, taking meticulous notes at each one. In the end, whether she stays or goes, I want her to have a record of things from my perspective, exactly as I saw the facts happening.

It has been rewarding; knowing this baby has not had to bounce from home to home during her stay, knowing that although she's gone through foster care, it was as constant as one could expect. It has been challenging; I just got a harassing phone call on Christmas Day, not to wish baby a merry Christmas, but rather to harass and blame me for them missing/cancelling their visit and me not being willing to give up my Christmas to drive two hours away for a make-up. It's hard to watch some of the junk happen in the case. This isn't my religious plug, promise, but for me the only thing that's kept me going is believing in a divine plan and intervention bigger than myself. I have to believe that it all fits together. Though I'm still waiting for permanence for this child, whatever that may be, there are so many aspects of our case where I see divine intervention laced throughout.

It is rewarding and challenging. She has been our only, and as I've said, it wasn't really planned. Do I think we'll do it again? Maybe. But probably not right now. We very unexpectedly got pregnant this past summer, and I think I will more than have my hands full. Although our home legally could accommodate one more child, the kiddos we already have deserve my time and attention. If baby goes home eventually, I suppose I will re-evaluate. I want our license current and a bed open if she returns to the system. But I'm still holding out hope it never comes to that.

Fostering is a life changing event. But the way I've looked at it, whenever I've felt like it's so tough emotionally, is that as hard as it may be for me, it's that much harder for this child. And she doesn't have a choice. Someone should be there beside her.

Another option I'm very seriously considering for my next step, since we can't really open our home to fosterlings again, is training and work as a CASA. I think that's one avenue that I could enjoy and still help without taking the time and attention I need to devote to my already children.

Best of luck; this is an adventure, one that you will enjoy overall. ((hugs))
 
#6 ·
I grew up in a foster home. That is, my parents were foster parents from the time I was young (five or so) until I was well into high school. My sister J is the poster child for fostering success stories. Up until she came to live with us, her childhood was a checkerboard of abuse and neglect, with her being shifted around between parents and an aunt. She came to live with us when she was 13 (I was 12), and aged out with our family (well, she ran away at 17, a few months before aging out, then moved back in a couple of years later along with her then-boyfriend and their daughter, while they got on their feet). To this day, she still calls our mom "mom", and considers us her family as much as or more than her bio family. She works for Catholic Family Services, at the same children's shelter where she stayed before being placed with us.

Mom is still in touch with several other aged-out foster children who are doing well, also. Most of these are from the more recent period when she and my stepdad started fostering. Currently, they have two little ones who are on route to adoption, probably by mom and stepdad as they've had them since birth. The adoption possibility kind of crept up on them, they originally just intended to trade drama (teenage girls were who they'd fostered up until baby bro was placed with them) for diapers for a while.

Sometimes, the successes are counterintuitive. My mom considers it a success when a girl who's been eager-to-please, quiet, etc. grows a backbone and starts acting as a rebellious teen (aka normal). J went through this phase; for that matter, so did both my bio sisters.

There have been failed placements as well, of course. Sometimes kids are sent to foster care when it's not the best place for them, and a couple of times my mom has faced a situation where she felt the child was a danger either to other children in the home or to her (one, a boy who at 13 had been abused by his mother and pretty much hated women--that was when we were little and mom didn't feel safe with him with just her and 3 little girls at home all day; it was after that she started just taking on girls; the other was more recently, a girl with serious ODD among other issues who tended to act out against the mother-figure in her life; Stepdad got his limit of it with her though my mom would have stuck it out; she was 13, tall for her age, and would throw violently physical temper tantrums).

Overall, though, it's been a rewarding experience for our family and, hopefully, for the children/teens who have become a part of it, whether for a few months or for years.
 
#9 ·
I had a horrible, dreadful childhood and moved to foster care at about 11 yo. I knew the family already, I had known them since I was like 3-4 yo. and was good friends with their two boys. They are my family, ever since, they are my one, true family. We are still very close, they are wonderful grandparents and uncle (we lost our oldest brother (and my best friend) a few years back) to my kids and we spend time together all the time.

We have a grown foster daughter also, she was our niece, but she ran away in her early teens, came to us and told us the horrible story of her life and we kept her. She is 21 yo. now, living on her own, in med. school, and is still home several times a week. She loves her siblings, and they adore her. She really has nobody else, but she sees us as her true parents and family. It's so wonderful.

We've had many foster kids and babies (we even kept some of them), and in general the experience is great. It's very giving and rewarding, I'm so happy that I can help out these kids in need. I wouldn't have it any other way. (My SO feels the same way, and my kids are also happy about it, otherwise we wouldn't, obv.)
 
#10 ·
My mother was an orphan, and grew up in various orphanages and informal foster homes (in the days before there was a "system"). She had some of the worst experiences you have ever heard of (think Munchhausen's-by-Proxy, besides direst abuse), but also some of the best. I think this is why she came through with no serious attachment issues. She maintained lifelong relationships with foster family, including one sister who is still alive. Mom is 92, and has returned to her home towns in West Virginia, Pennsylvania, and Ohio, to photograph all the houses she ever lived in - there are 42 framed photos on her wall.

As a teen, we were a foster home. I have 4 sisters who would never been part of my life. I cannot measure how my life has been enriched by the diversity of the love.

I went into therapeutic fostering with no intention of adopting. I have 3 bios; the youngest are teens. I am over 50, and really thought retiring sounded like a good idea!
Instead, I am adopting a 9 and a 7 year old, and would adopt their 6 YO twin sisters in a heartbeat if that were possible. I have also fostered my grandchildren and there is some chance I could end up raising them - they are 1 & 3 now. With all this, I am already looking to when my teens are over 18, so I can add more therapeutic fosters to the home (state limits here are 4 kids, bios, adopted and foster) max to be placed with a single mom. I have even talked about moving to a neighboring state with more lenient regulations.

Although I don't mean to speak in past tense, fostering has been the culmination of my life's work. It is the thing I do best - loving and accepting some of the most damaged children in the system. I have no illusions that I have "fixed" or cured anyone, but kids in my home do well, even after multiple failed placements. Although a vacation sounds like a good idea sometimes, I cannot imagine life without these kids, and others in the future.

Note to all: feel free to remind me I said that next time I get overwhelmed or just plain whiny!
 
#12 ·
I live with a foster care success story every day - my adopted daughter! From birth to 6 months she had a wonderful foster mother who cared for her. Because of that love and care, my daughter is healthy and able to attach to us emotionally. She got a very good start in life, and I'm so grateful.
 
#13 ·
Thanks for this thread! What great stories.
My husband and I are just starting the process to become foster parents. We have our first info session on the 19th, and will be starting foster parent training classes the week after spring break. The process here in British Columbia, Canada can take anywhere from 6 months to a year before you get your first foster child.

I have a 6yo son from a prior marriage, and my dh has adopted him. We both have infertility issues... I have PCOS and dh has low sperm count and mobility... we've been talking about adding to our family in other ways for the last year. DH's family is from South Africa, and he has always wanted to go back and work in an orphanage. Ever since I was a kid I have wanted to have an orphanage, so it's cool that our dreams overlap.

The more we talked about it, the more we realized as romantic as an orphanage in South Africa might sound, the need right here in our hometown for loving homes is just as great. A friend of mine started fostering last year, and that little girl just immediately bonded to my heart and reminded me of the girls my parents took in when I was a teen.

I have three adopted sisters who started out as unofficial foster situations (my mom had a real love for kids, and was always helping people out) and were eventually adopted, so I know basically what to expect. We are absolutely dying to get started. My son is a very compassionate loving kid too, and he's been praying for a sister for years already. Our family is really ready.
Hopefully by this summer we will have a little girl or a coupld of siblings in our home.
 
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