I was an accidental foster parent. We actually decided we weren't going to foster right now, about a month before we actually started. We were scared of the hurt and watching the wrong things happen in cases. However, one month later an old friend of mine had a repeat run-in with the state, and I happened to volunteer to drive her to the meeting with the state. Just so happened her newborn was removed that day, and I literally called my husband from the meeting going, "Um, honey, can you come home from work to meet with a social worker? We're bringing the baby home with us." That 45 minute drive home with a new baby I didn't expect to be getting was crazy. I had this dumb stare the whole time. I called a friend, going, "Omg, I have a baby in my car. Omg, I have a baby in my car." It was shock!
We were thrown in, but from the beginning, I took the opportunities to attend the court hearings and advocate as loudly as possible. In fact, I've had to be shushed a little because one of the attorneys refuses to allow my "updates on her progress" to the court, since it wasn't written by case worker. But I still bring an updated photo of the child and attend every hearing, taking meticulous notes at each one. In the end, whether she stays or goes, I want her to have a record of things from my perspective, exactly as I saw the facts happening.
It has been rewarding; knowing this baby has not had to bounce from home to home during her stay, knowing that although she's gone through foster care, it was as constant as one could expect. It has been challenging; I just got a harassing phone call on Christmas Day, not to wish baby a merry Christmas, but rather to harass and blame me for them missing/cancelling their visit and me not being willing to give up my Christmas to drive two hours away for a make-up. It's hard to watch some of the junk happen in the case. This isn't my religious plug, promise, but for me the only thing that's kept me going is believing in a divine plan and intervention bigger than myself. I have to believe that it all fits together. Though I'm still waiting for permanence for this child, whatever that may be, there are so many aspects of our case where I see divine intervention laced throughout.
It is rewarding and challenging. She has been our only, and as I've said, it wasn't really planned. Do I think we'll do it again? Maybe. But probably not right now. We very unexpectedly got pregnant this past summer, and I think I will more than have my hands full. Although our home legally could accommodate one more child, the kiddos we already have deserve my time and attention. If baby goes home eventually, I suppose I will re-evaluate. I want our license current and a bed open if she returns to the system. But I'm still holding out hope it never comes to that.
Fostering is a life changing event. But the way I've looked at it, whenever I've felt like it's so tough emotionally, is that as hard as it may be for me, it's that much harder for this child. And she doesn't have a choice. Someone should be there beside her.
Another option I'm very seriously considering for my next step, since we can't really open our home to fosterlings again, is training and work as a CASA. I think that's one avenue that I could enjoy and still help without taking the time and attention I need to devote to my already children.
Best of luck; this is an adventure, one that you will enjoy overall. ((hugs))